I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

Not pretty.
Truly not pretty.

Yang Hye-in thought that while taking out the trash.

Honestly, there was no reason to throw a fit like this. If she had just quietly listened to Sara, she wouldn’t be stuck in this situation or feeling uncomfortable.

This current situation was entirely her own fault for being stubborn until the end.

Yeah, she knows that.

Yang Hye-in isn’t a necessary presence for Sara.
She couldn’t save Sara’s life like those friends, nor could she be a particularly useful maid.

In the past, she was one of the parasites that drained Sara’s life.
By the time she started helping, it was already too late.

Even if Yang Hye-in quit right now, Sara wouldn’t need to starve, wouldn’t have anyone to take care of her, and wouldn’t be in trouble.

Yeah, she knows that.

She knew it all too well.

But she just couldn’t give up.

It’s all because of the selfishness within Yang Hye-in.
The selfish desire to somehow lighten her burdens.

That’s why, even knowing the other person doesn’t think she needs her, she’s hanging on pathetically like this.

“……”

Pathetic.
She felt disgustingly pathetic about herself.

While trying to console herself with the thought that it wouldn’t matter if she had a rough childhood, she had inadvertently driven a child to death, yet here she was, unpunished and still doing just fine. That felt truly ugly.

……She placed the trash where it was supposed to be, but didn’t know where she herself belonged.
In the end, she was just someone unnecessary, no different from that trash over there.

Having graduated from a good university and landed a good job, the place she chose was one where she didn’t even need to use her skills. She just picked it because it paid well.

At that job, although she thought her coworkers were unpleasant and the entity that hired her gave her the creeps, she participated in the work they did.
During all that time, she never thought of revealing that fact to the outside world.
She just found comfort in the fact that this easy, well-paying job wouldn’t disappear and continued like that.

And the result was—
“……”

Yang Hye-in bent down.
With her hands on her knees, she took a moment to catch her breath.

Her chest felt tight.
Sorry. Really sorry.
She thought she had committed a grave sin. She thought she had to repay it somehow.

But how?
What could she possibly repay to an existence that had everything? How could she get forgiveness from someone who didn’t even need her?

……In the end, even this kind of thinking was merely Yang Hye-in’s personal selfishness.
Yeah, in the first place, ‘Sara’ didn’t care whether Yang Hye-in apologized or not.

Yang Hye-in knew all too well that no matter what she said, it wouldn’t be accepted.
Even if she tried to become a tool that she could use, ‘Sara’ didn’t even need such a tool.

“……”
How long had it been since she stepped outside?
She looked at her wristwatch. It had only been 15 minutes.

……
She didn’t want to go back in.
But if she disappeared without a word, Sara would worry, because she’s such a kind and good child.

The reaction Sara showed after hearing about Yang Hye-in’s story last night weighed heavily on her heart.
Sara’s feelings were pity.

After hearing about Yang Hye-in’s past and the reasons she didn’t want to be here, Sara empathized and felt a sense of sorrow. The fact that she couldn’t find the words after hearing the story was probably because of that reason.

She shouldn’t feel that way.
In fact, saying those kinds of things was something that shouldn’t happen.
If Sara started to pity Yang Hye-in…
Then who would judge her?

*
The village didn’t appear to have changed at first glance. But in reality, there were definitely some changes.
Being a village in the Gangwon-do mountains, it seemed some people occasionally came to see the mountains. Some guesthouses had sprung up, and they had created spaces for the tourists to rest. There was a small park that seemed to have been built with the local government’s budget, and Yang Hye-in spent her time sitting on a bench there uselessly.

How much time had passed?
Certainly, it had been much longer than just 15 minutes. But just thinking that maybe only 5 minutes had gone by made her feel incredibly overwhelmed.

Now it was truly time to go.
But she didn’t want to.
Inside Yang Hye-in, those two conflicting feelings clashed violently.

It was easy to erase her expression. That was something she always did. But calming her heart was far too difficult.
As she pondered again for a moment,

“Hye-in unnie.”
She heard that voice from afar.
Recognizing the voice, Yang Hye-in stood up. She inhaled slowly so as not to be noticed by the other person, then exhaled.

And she turned her body toward the direction of that familiar voice.
“Miss.”

“I told you not to call me that here.”
Sara glared at Yang Hye-in with wide eyes for calling her ‘Miss.’
“No matter how much we’re outside, we’re still in the same neighborhood, right? If the neighborhood elders hear us, it might reach my grandma!”

“……I’m sorry.”

“Sigh.”
Hearing Yang Hye-in’s apology, Sara let out a deep sigh and wiped her face.
Feeling a twinge of guilt at that sight, Yang Hye-in just stood still.

“Well… okay.
After a moment of quiet, Sara said that while pointing to the bench Yang Hye-in had been sitting on just a moment ago.
“Please sit down again. I have something to say.”

“……Yes.”

“No, you don’t need to use honorifics… Oh, it’s fine, just sit down for now.”
Yang Hye-in decided to follow that.
As she sat back on the bench, Sara sat down next to her as well. However, unlike usual when she sat with her friends, there was a little distance between them. That was only natural, of course.

“I just talked to Grandma.”
Yang Hye-in had expected that. It was obvious she had come in alone on purpose.

What did they talk about? Maybe they discussed the nearly 1.5 billion won from back then.
The money she had supported Grandma with before taking it back with the thought that she had to help Sara.

“Do you know what Grandma said?”
At Sara’s question, Yang Hye-in shook her head after a moment of thought.
She could have said anything. At least, from her memories of childhood, Grandma wasn’t one to be particularly tight-lipped.

But what she heard from Sara was different.
“Our granddaughter is such a good girl, always kind and diligent, and treats herself really well.”

“……”

“There wouldn’t be another filial daughter like her.”

“……”
Yang Hye-in couldn’t say anything.

“What do you think I thought when I heard that?”

“……”
Yang Hye-in shook her head again.

“Oh, if I’d had a grandma like that, I wouldn’t have thought about going to Seoul at all. That’s what I thought.”

“……”
Yang Hye-in lowered her head.

“So, I felt so stifled that I came to ask you directly. Honestly, tell me, how long has it been since you came down here?”

“……I came down once in high school and haven’t been back since.”

“See?”
Sara let out a deep sigh as if the ground were going to swallow her up.

“And what did you do with the salary you received? You couldn’t have kept it all to yourself.”

“……Most of it went to Grandma.”

“And you got that money back not long ago because of me?”

“……Correct.”

“……”
Sara pinched the bridge of her nose again with her index finger and thumb.

“So you wanted to help me that much? Overlooking your own life and family?”

“……”
“No, I can’t say it’s because of me either, so what should I even say? It’s ridiculous.”
Yang Hye-in truly had nothing to say.
She just felt sorry, and nothing but sorry.

“……Don’t apologize to me.”
Sara said to such a Yang Hye-in.
“I feel apologetic toward Grandma.”

“……Understood.”
It seems it’s over.
It feels like this is the end.
Sara was likely trying to end her relationship with Yang Hye-in.

Indeed, she should have quietly followed when she was told to take a break.
“……And.”
But Sara seemed to have more to say.
Once she opened her mouth, Sara was silent for quite a while before finally saying,
“Thank you for saving me last time.”

“……What?”
“I was helped. And I’m still being helped now.”

“……”
Yang Hye-in opened her mouth in surprise, staring at Sara.

“This is something ‘I’ am saying, so make sure to listen.”
Sara emphasized ‘I.’
“So, it’s ‘me.’ Not the ‘that person’ who was talking with Yang Hye-in just moments ago. It’s the ‘me’ that you’ve troubled.”

“……”
“Why, surprised at how easily I can change my position? Ah, I’ll explain that later because it’s a hassle.”
Clearing her throat, Sara said,
“If you want to help, help. I’ll give you opportunities until you can relieve that guilt. Come and help until I can acknowledge that. But,”
with a strong voice,
“But take care of yourself too. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. If you really want to help properly, make sure the person being helped doesn’t feel guilty. Take care of your family too.”

She said that.
“……”
And those words made her immensely grateful,
“……Thank you.”
Yang Hye-in merely turned toward Sara and deeply, deeply bowed her head,
So that Sara wouldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.

……So that she wouldn’t have to carry any more guilt.

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