I Don’t Want to Be a Heroic Spirit

"If you wanted pineapple bread, isn't there a shop nearby?"

Itsuka Shidou asked, puzzled.

"Why did you have to send Kaguya all the way nine streets over?"

"Shidou, are you stupid? Meow."

Melusine gave him a sideways glance — emotionless as always, yet somehow Shidou could feel her disdain.

"If it's that close, how would it count as punishment? Meow."

"Uh..."

Shidou couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Kaguya, having to run so far just for a piece of bread.

"Then... why are you holding Yoshino like that?"

That was another thing bothering him.

"Ah, Shidou, are you jealous seeing Yoshino sitting in someone else's lap?"

The rabbit puppet Yoshinon chimed in again, full of playful mischief.

"Yoshino's adorable, right? Like a little doll — makes you want to scoop her up and cuddle her!

But really, Shidou — getting jealous over something like this? You're hopeless~~."

"I–I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous over something like that? I'm just... curious!"

As Shidou's face flushed under the teasing, Melusine turned her calm gaze toward Yoshinon.

Yoshinon, after all, was essentially Yoshino's second personality — a shield created to protect herself.

Meaning, whatever Yoshinon said... was actually Yoshino's true inner feelings.

Wow... Yoshino, with your innocent face, you're secretly a little black-hearted?

"Yoshino joined us in the games too, because some of the challenges needed more than two players. Meow."

Melusine spoke casually, reaching out to pat Yoshino gently on the head.

"Yoshino lost to me three times."

"Naturally, she also deserved some punishments... but sending her nine streets away to buy bread obviously wasn't an option. Meow."

What kind of joke would that be? Yoshino's way too cute to send off alone!

What if she got kidnapped?

With her Spirit powers sealed, Yoshino was just a frail little girl.

Even if she did have her powers, Melusine still wouldn't have let her wander around unsupervised — Yoshino's gentle nature made her an easy target.

"So... you made her punishment sitting in your lap?"

"To be precise, it's me holding her... meow."

What Melusine hadn't expected, though, was the height problem.

Yoshino was only 144 centimeters tall — classic loli stature.

Melusine, while taller, wasn't that much taller — she stood at 147 centimeters.

A whole three centimeters taller.

Once Yoshino sat in her lap, Melusine couldn't even see the TV anymore.

Still...

Yoshino was incredibly comfy to hug — soft and plush like a cuddly pillow, her cool skin refreshing to the touch.

"Then what about the other two punishments? Didn't Yoshino lose three times?"

Shidou asked curiously.

"Hmm... I haven't thought of them yet. Meow."

Melusine tilted her head, thoughtful.

"I need to sort out Kaguya's punishments first — she'll be back soon... meow."

Damn it, this "meow" is seriously annoying!

The Twelve Labors idea wasn't going to work right now... maybe someday, but not today.

She had to think of another way to properly get back at Kaguya —

Daring to mess with me like this? Just wait until you get back!

Though her face remained calm, Melusine was already sharpening her metaphorical knives in her heart.

"Enough about me.

Let's talk about you, Shidou. Meow."

Melusine glanced at him.

"How did your date with Tohka go?"

"...Sigh."

The mention of it made Shidou visibly wilt.

All the youthful energy a boy his age should've had was nowhere to be seen.

That single sigh carried way too much meaning.

"At first, when it was just me and Tohka, things were going fine. But then Origami found us somehow and..."

"So... you two coupled? Meow?"

"We did NOT! What the heck?! Also, I've been meaning to ask — how do you manage to say words like that so calmly?!"

"Which words? Cou—"

"STOP! That's exactly what I mean, so please don't say it again!"

At that moment, Shidou looked so soul-crushed he practically manifested the very concept of emotional exhaustion.

Maybe it'd be better if the world just ended already...

he thought gloomily, slumping onto the sofa.

Shidou had realized something today —

Melusine and Origami shared a terrifying similarity:

Both could say utterly outrageous things with the coldest, most expressionless faces imaginable.

Melusine, glancing at the slumped Shidou, suddenly remembered she had forgotten to add "meow" earlier.

"Meow," she added belatedly.

Looking at the boy who now seemed to have turned gray like an abandoned NPC, Melusine thought for a moment and said,

"Shidou, are you... shy? Meow?"

"Wouldn't not being shy be even weirder?!"

Shidou shot back immediately, clearly done with everything.

"I see... so this is what humans call 'shyness'..."

Melusine rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"But, I don't really understand why. Coupling is simply a biological instinct — a process where living creatures exchange and combine genetic material to produce offspring and maintain social stability. What's there to be embarrassed about? Meow."

"..."

When she put it like that, it almost made sense—

No it doesn't!

Yoshino's brain had clearly overheated.

Her face was burning bright red — who knew what kinds of embarrassing scenarios she was imagining?

As Shidou stared at Melusine, his initial shock gradually shifted into something more... strange.

He seriously suspected that the girl before him simply didn't understand the concept of shame.

"But wait — if that's true, why did you blush last time when you were talking about your Master?"

Shidou remembered clearly:

When Melusine talked about her Master, she had looked exactly like a girl falling in love.

"What are you tal—

Oh, that... meow."

Melusine's face lit up with realization.

"You humans often say, 'There aren't many words of love in the world. A girl's blush is more meaningful than a thousand declarations,' right?"

"And apparently, humans really like it when the person they like blushes because of them."

"I don't care much about what other people think..."

"But if it makes Master like me even a little more, then I'm willing to try anything! Meow!"

"I may not fully understand all of human emotions yet..."

"But I've practiced in front of the mirror countless times, just to earn Master's praise for being cute."

From Shidou's stunned reaction, Melusine could tell her efforts hadn't been wasted.

Good.

She smiled — a smile like a butterfly resting lightly on a field of flowers at sunrise.

A pure, genuine happiness radiated from her.

Shame? That's ridiculous.

She, Melusine, hadn't even blushed when sneaking into Master's bed before.

Her courage was second to none.

If it weren't for the fact that she couldn't overpower Morgan-sama and the demonic monsters of Chaldea, she would've long since crossed the final step with Master by now.

"LAN-CE-LOT! You rotten little—making me run all the way out there!"

Before the door even opened, Yamai Kaguya's furious yelling was already leaking through.

"No need to rush,"

Melusine said, voice full of "concern" as she watched Kaguya stagger at the door, bent over and gasping for breath.

"You're the proud Spirit of Wind — it'd be embarrassing if you passed out from running out of air. Meow."

"You think this... isn't your fault?!"

Nine streets! Nine whole streets!!

If her Spirit powers weren't sealed, flying across the Pacific would've been no trouble at all.

But now, she was just an ordinary girl.

Isn't this a little too insane...?

"I was merely conducting an experiment, meow," Melusine said coolly.

"Experiment?"

Shidou blinked, confused. "What kind of experiment?"

"An experiment related to Spirit energy... Before her powers were sealed, Kaguya was the Spirit of Wind, able to summon raging storms with ease. Her physical abilities far surpassed those of a normal human. I wanted to see how much that changed after her powers were sealed."

Melusine absently stroked the head of Yoshino, who was still flushed pink, as she pondered aloud.

"From what I can tell now... Kaguya really isn't much different from an ordinary girl anymore, meow."

Well... maybe a very healthy girl at best.

At least she's way better off than a certain exercise-averse Misaki Shokuhō.

So, that incredible physical resilience Spirits had —

it seemed it really did come from the reinforcement of their Spirit energy.

Once sealed, they were no stronger than ordinary girls.

"So you made me run eighteen blocks... just for your experiment?!"

"Of course not. That was merely a secondary objective," Melusine replied with utmost seriousness.

"The main purpose was punishment, obviously. After all, you lost to me thirteen times in the games — and dared to give me this kind of punishment... meow."

"Come on! All I made you do was add 'meow' to the end of every sentence! If anything, you're the one who's going too far!"

"Heh. That's only because you lost so much. Don't think I can't see through you — if the one who won thirteen times had been you instead of me, my situation would've been way worse, meow."

We're both sly old foxes — who are you trying to fool with ghost stories?

"Grgh..."

Kaguya let out a frustrated sound, as if her schemes had been laid bare.

"Don't just glare at me."

"Now, hand over the pineapple bread."

"Until that bread is safely in my hands, your task isn't complete, meow."

Melusine "kindly" reminded her, and Kaguya ground her teeth even harder.

Of course — out of pure rage.

"Dammit... I'll remember this grudge!"

Lancelot!

You better pray you never fall into my hands...!

— that was undoubtedly what Kaguya was thinking at this moment.

But Melusine showed no reaction at all.

She simply ate the pineapple bread Kaguya had gone nine blocks out of her way to buy, in quiet satisfaction.

As if I'd be worried.

After all—

"Kaguya, I feel it's necessary to remind you."

Melusine lifted her gaze lazily toward her.

"Whether I'll fall into your hands one day, I can't say for certain."

"But until that day comes... don't forget—"

"you still owe me twelve more punishments, meow."

"...???"

Kaguya froze, a shiver running down her spine.

"What... what do you want?!"

"Nothing much."

"I was just thinking..."

"Isn't there a bubble tea shop near that bakery?"

"Maybe you should go fetch me a coconut milk tea right now, meow."

The moment those words left Melusine's mouth, not only did Kaguya look at her like she was the devil incarnate —

even Shidou gave her a stunned, horror-filled stare.

Kaguya had just returned from running nine streets —

and now she had to go back again?!

Is this what human suffering looks like?

"Wait, no! Why didn't you tell me earlier while I was already at the bakery?!"

Kaguya screamed in despair, even forgetting her usual noble self-referential style of speech.

"I just thought of it now... Besides, having you run twice makes it a proper punishment, meow."

Melusine, utterly pleased, felt as refreshed as if she'd just downed a glass of ice-cold cola on a sweltering summer day.

Honestly—

until she found a solution for Takamiya Mio, she couldn't let Kaguya tackle the Twelve Labors challenge anyway.

Might as well enjoy a little schadenfreude while she had the chance.

...

Walking along the futuristic corridors, Melusine occasionally glanced around, observing her surroundings.

This was Fraxinus — the airborne battleship belonging to Ratatoskr.

She was casually comparing it to Chaldea's Storm Border.

Both were ships combining advanced technology and magic.

"Lancelot, what are you thinking about?"

Shidou, walking ahead, suddenly turned to ask.

Without turning her head, Melusine replied,

"I'm thinking... whether I could shoot down Fraxinus with a rocket launcher."

"...Huh?"

Melusine recalled a meme she'd seen once —

Kotomine Kirei carrying a rocket launcher and firing it at the Storm Border, scaring the living daylights out of Chaldea's Kiritsugu.

Passing through an automatic door, the view suddenly opened up before them.

The Fraxinus command center.

Melusine had a fairly deep impression of this place —

it had appeared repeatedly in the anime,

where Kotori and the others supported Shidou during his Spirit dates.

Never mind whether their "support" was actually useful —

they at least put in the effort, right?

As Melusine and Shidou stepped into the command center,

Kotori, who had clearly been waiting for them, stood proudly by the command chair.

Facing away from her subordinates, arms thrown wide in a theatrical pose, she beamed at Melusine with pride.

"Well? Behold — my Fraxinus!"

Melusine, watching Kotori pose like a kid showing off her favorite toy, responded with cold bluntness:

"Average."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY—?!"

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T/N: its nmot avergae! it has personalityu too