NOVEL WEB Chapter 157
“One week left.”
I was still able to maintain a neutral expression at the Academy, but that was the extent of my ability. Just enough to smile around the kids.
But that was only when I was inside the Academy. Outside, I couldn’t manage even that. Thankfully, no one pointed out my expression.
No one close enough to me would look at my face and try to console me, which certainly helped a lot.
This was something I couldn’t share with anyone. I didn’t want anyone to find out that I was hesitating about which side to stand on.
If I showed that I had lingering attachments despite knowing where I had to stand, there was no way I would be viewed favorably.
“Haaaaa…”
I lay weakly inside a cardboard box, letting out a long sigh. Even watching funny cat videos, which used to amuse me, felt dull.
No matter what I did, energy just wouldn’t come to me.
I thought seeing the kids might help, but when I actually met them, I feared I’d end up saying something weird after looking at their faces.
More than that, they had their own family events and other friends, so it would’ve been difficult anyway.
I might be able to see Minho, but I didn’t want to. If we met, I’d surely say something weird and ruin everything.
Everyone had waited for years just for this moment, and I couldn’t ruin it all by myself.
But still, what in the world was I fighting for?
Whether people knew me or not, whether true justice was achieved or not, in the end… it had nothing to do with me, did it?
Can’t I just endure this time too, living behind a facade of my true self?
As long as I suffer in silence, can’t everyone else be happy?
While I was thinking like that, suddenly, I heard someone pressing the door lock. No one told me the code, so who could it be? Is someone here to visit?
The kids would’ve contacted me in advance. But the phone I was holding just moments ago had been silent. So, it can’t be them.
Could it be an entirely unknown person? That would be nice. I was feeling a bit glum, so why not take out my mood on someone?
No need to go looking for someone to hurt. That saved me some effort. In that short moment, I prepared my thorny tentacles filled with anesthetic and got ready to pounce towards the front door.
However, the one who walked in was not a stranger, but someone I knew all too well.
“…Um, could you clear this up first?”
“Ah, I’m sorry. I thought you were an enemy.”
“I should’ve sent a text to let you know I was coming. You scared me.”
Justitia wiped the beads of sweat off her forehead and, as she was about to drop her coat on the floor, changed her mind and hung it on the coat rack instead after seeing the state of the floor.
“Didn’t you know it’s rude to come without saying anything? You should know better.”
Having nothing I could give, I made some sugar water with a few drops of vanilla and poured it into a paper cup.
“It’s not anything weird, so just drink it. Why are you here? You wouldn’t just drop by for no reason.”
Why do people always act suspicious when I make something for them, despite knowing my abilities?
Even if I mixed something strange, they wouldn’t notice at all.
Since I didn’t feel like asking, I kept that question to myself and asked her why she came.
Was it for a mission? If they had to send a letter because they didn’t trust the security network, how secretive could it be? While I was thinking that, she said it wasn’t like that at all.
“I just came to check on you, Blanca. Your mental state seems a bit off.”
…Ha, she came to check on my mental state?
She had once been the one needing care from me. Now she was here to care for my mental state… How amusing. It wasn’t even funny. This was just ridiculous.
Yet, I couldn’t deny it. Objectively and subjectively, my mental state right now was worse than a beggar’s rags.
“I thought I was managing my expression perfectly.”
“I know, but you can’t rely on just facial expressions to gauge someone’s feelings. It’s the aura, the gestures, the way you speak…”
Hold on a second.
“Aura? You can see that? I never said anything like that?!”
Surprised by hearing something I had never heard of, I quickly asked her. She seemed to realize she shouldn’t have said it, let out a nervous laugh, and smiled awkwardly.
“Uh, well… I have pretty good eyesight, you know? I don’t know if it’s a side effect of my abilities or something else weird, but I can see stuff like that.”
But it wasn’t mind-reading levels; it was just vaguely recognizing someone’s feelings.
Justitia added that she wanted me to keep it secret from others, as it could cause unnecessary trouble if it got out.
“Oh, sure… Not that I have any reason to talk about it, but it’s interesting…”
It was interesting knowing something nobody else did, but that was about it. So there really is such a thing as an aura.
“Anyway, getting back to the main point. I thought about it. You might make a mistake on execution day or be in a bad mood.”
I quietly listened to Justitia’s words.
“Then I remembered how you used to get along well with the kids. That’s why you’re feeling down now. It’s about the fact that you’re going to end up drifting apart from them, right?”
I had promised not to let anyone find out, but here I was, already exposed. Haha, what to do.
“Did you tell the Boss about this?”
“No, not at all. From the way you’re denying it, it looks like I hit the nail on the head.”
Haaaaaa.
“I understand; I’m struggling too. Seeing their faces… honestly hurts a bit. But, Blanca, for their sake, this is unavoidable.”
Justitia sat on my bed and began her long-winded speech.
If we don’t fix it now, the signs will only worsen, the foundation of society is wrong from the start, think about the descendants who will have to live in a world without justice, and so on.
Those were all plausible statements, but they didn’t resonate with me much. They had nothing to do with what I valued most.
What I valued most was me. And my surroundings. No matter what happened to society or the foundations of it, it was all irrelevant to me.
After all, there was no way things would change in my lifetime, no matter how much I might care.
Even if that person fights peacefully, they won’t see any results until their grandchildren’s grandchildren, so that’s how it usually goes—things don’t change while you’re still alive.
My true nature won’t ever be acknowledged, and everything will be decided by talent, and my birthright will determine my whole life.
So, what truly mattered to me was what I could grab with my own hands.
Because those were the things I could at least change during my lifetime.
“I don’t care about that stuff. I just want those kids to be happy.”
Hearing that, Justitia stopped her nonsense and quietly looked down at me.
“Me too. But as long as the Heros Company exists, that won’t be possible. The society the kids live in is flawed, so how can they truly be happy?”
So, all the joy I obtained while being with the kids was just a false happiness, huh?
There was no way I could ever agree emotionally.
But logically, I had no choice but to agree. For them to live according to their lifespans and fulfill their dreams, the Heros Company had to drastically change or collapse.
“I know. I get it. It’s just… I haven’t quite wrapped my head around my feelings yet. And I’m not an adult yet, dang it. Give me some time…”
Adding in the time, I would have lived longer than Justitia, but not in this body.
I activated my privilege as a kid and asked the older person for more time.
“Looks like you’ve set your intentions straight. That’s a relief.”
By saying that, I figured she might be thinking of giving me a little push. Just goes to show, a villain organization is still a villain organization.
No matter how noble the ideals they cling to, in the end, it all leads to this.
That’s exactly why I got involved in this mess.
“Well then… I’ll take my leave now. If I don’t wrap up soon, I might get in trouble for abandoning my post and the Heros Company might take an unnecessary interest.”
“Yes, yes. I won’t go out.”
As I awkwardly saw Justitia off, I threw myself back on the bed.
…Right, it’s unavoidable. It’s the difference between whether the protagonist does it or I do.
The Heros Company had to collapse. And I wanted to do it with my own hands. I won’t come up with nice excuses like “for their sake.”
It’s just that I want to see blood and want to be stained with it.
This is to fill my lowly, twisted, and starving nature.
For myself, I plan to strike at the Heros Company.
…Then, once everything is all said and done. Once the Heros Company crumbles and I’ve stained my hands with blood.
I’ll have to hand over the right to judge me to the kids.
That would be the best apology I could offer to them.