I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 2

Suicide is the only way to survive.

It sounds absurd at first, doesn’t it?

But it’s the truth.

The reason I’ve reached this conclusion is because of the girl I’m now possessing—Yoo Hana.

She’s such a pitiful character when you think about it.

At the beginning, she’s nothing more than the protagonist’s childhood friend, without any defining traits—a mere side character.

Midway through the story, she endures a miserable series of events.

In the end, she meets a tragic fate, used as a trigger for the protagonist’s awakening, and exits the story.

“And now, that’s who I am.”

Yoo Hana goes through hell in the story.

First of all, she’s the only one in the academy without any abilities.

To be precise, she’s classified as “unawakened.” She’s judged to have potential, but hasn’t actually awakened her powers.

The conditions for awakening vary from person to person.

Most people awaken naturally, but some require certain conditions to be met.

Yoo Hana’s condition for awakening is death.

In other words, she has to die to unlock her abilities.

As a result, Yoo Hana only gains her powers in the middle to latter parts of the story.

And that’s because she gives up on life and commits suicide.

So why did Yoo Hana end up killing herself?

Was it because she lacked abilities?

That wasn’t the only reason this poor character took her own life.

Though, to be fair, most of her hardships did stem from that.

Even a brief summary of her situation is enough to make anyone tear up.

First, the inferiority and defeat she felt due to her lack of abilities.

Second, the bullying and isolation she faced at the academy.

Third, her congenital weakness and chronic illness.

Fourth, the brainwashing, hypnosis, and other atrocities committed by the villainous group.

Fifth, the protagonist’s indifference.

Yoo Hana’s mind couldn’t take it anymore, so she ended her own life.

Her spirit died before her body did.

Ah, I think I’m going to cry.

Not out of sadness, but out of fear.

Because now I’m the one who has to go through all of this.

The third reason is already tormenting me.

The exact cause of her chronic illness is unknown, and so is the cure.

It’s later revealed that the illness is related to her abilities, but I’ll have to wait for that.

The symptoms are simple.

Pain.

Pain in my head, stomach, legs—everywhere.

At first, it feels like a sharp, stabbing pain from inside my body, as if a needle were piercing me.

Then it feels like someone is hitting me repeatedly with a bat.

Lastly, it feels as if I’m being crushed by a vice.

Which sensation I experience seems to be random, like pulling from a gacha machine.

They’re all excruciating, but if I had to pick, the last one might be the worst.

I can’t even remember how to breathe as I lie on the floor, curled up, waiting for the pain to pass.

After going through this three times, I made up my mind.

It would be better to just end it all.

How did Yoo Hana endure this pain?

Will I eventually build up a tolerance if I experience it long enough?

If I ever get used to this suffering, it would be better to just end my life.

That’s how my thoughts on suicide changed.

Suicide became a valid option.

If I die, I’ll awaken my powers and be freed from this agony.

So, of course, I have to kill myself.

The sooner, the better.

But how should I do it?

It’s the first time I’ve ever seriously considered this, so the answer doesn’t come easily.

There are a few obvious methods that come to mind when you think about suicide.

Hanging.

Jumping from a building.

Poisoning myself, like with pesticide.

Slitting my wrists with a knife.

Throwing myself in front of a truck.

There are probably more.

I thought about which one would be best.

“Ugh…!”

Suddenly, my vision blurred.

It’s another seizure.

It feels like a knife is being stabbed from inside my gut.

This stabbing pain is something I’ll never get used to.

At least I can still stand through this one.

At least my legs don’t give out.

I see Yoo Hana in the mirror, her face contorted in pain.

Why did I have to possess such a miserable character…?

There’s no time to waste feeling sorry for myself.

I stagger, grabbing the furniture and walls for support, and finally reach the shelf where the syringe is.

There’s no cure for this illness.

All I can do is reduce the pain with painkillers.

I’ve only ever had vaccines administered by nurses, but after just two days of being possessed, I’ve become an expert at finding veins in my arm.

That’s how often I’ve had to use them because of the constant pain.

Once the injection kicks in, the pain subsides.

My frustration and despair fade away, replaced by relief and a strange sense of happiness.

The stronger the pain, the stronger the medication I need.

There’s only one side effect—these are narcotic painkillers.

They make you happy, and they’re addictive.

I wonder, am I going to become addicted to these drugs?

Maybe I should just overdose and end it all.

“Oh…”

It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, actually.

In my narcotic-fueled haze, I seriously considered it.

But I’ll hold off for now.

It’s only been two days since I got possessed, and I already feel like I’m getting addicted.

If I die this way, I’ll come back as a real addict.

Even though my body will be clean after I die and revive, it still worries me. I’ll avoid that for now.

I should be okay for the next few hours.

So I need to figure out how to kill myself quickly.

The first method that comes to mind is poison.

It’s quiet, which is important right now.

And unlike drugs, it’s not addictive.

How do I get my hands on poison?

Maybe I could search the science lab. I’m sure I could find something like hydrochloric acid.

Today is Sunday, so if I’m careful, I might be able to sneak in.

I want to die today, before Monday comes.

Because once Monday arrives, I’ll have to go back to school.

I can’t draw any attention to myself before I commit suicide.

I have to die quietly, without anyone knowing.

If that weren’t the case, I could just open the window in my dorm room and jump out right now.

But that would attract too much attention, which is the problem.

In other words, I need to find a way to die without anyone noticing.

Jumping off a building is out of the question, and the only option I can think of is poison.

What else could work…?

Hmm…

My head is spinning.

Is this the side effect of the painkillers?

The more I use them, the simpler my thoughts become.

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

Do I really need to live a complicated life?

I’ll just die once, drop out of school, and live quietly.

That’s my plan. How simple is that?

So, let’s start with the first step—suicide.

Poison sounds like the easiest option.

I get ready to leave the dormitory and head for the main building.

Hopefully, I won’t run into the protagonist.

The only potential variable in my plan is the protagonist.

At this point in the story, the protagonist is still friendly with Yoo Hana.

She’s the only friend Yoo Hana has at the academy.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

I opened the dormitory door.

Time to head to the main building.

This is my second time leaving the dorm since I got possessed.

The first time, I went to the convenience store.

While following the map, I accidentally bumped into someone.

“Ouch.”

“Oh, are you okay?”

It’s a female voice, so it’s not the protagonist.

Thank goodness. I bowed my head in apology.

“I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s fine. It happens between friends.”

Friends?

Yoo Hana doesn’t have any friends.

I felt something was off and looked up at the person I bumped into.

Short black hair, neatly cut bangs, red eyes, and a beauty mark near her eye.

I instantly recognized the character.

“…Hong Yeonhwa.”

“Wow, you’re even calling me by name now, mutt?”

“Mutt.”

That was Yoo Hana’s nickname.

People said her messy, cream-colored hair made her look like a golden retriever.

Honestly, I can see the resemblance.

Although she’s a bit too small to be a retriever.

For similar reasons, people also called her “stray dog” or “yellow mutt.”

Hong Yeonhwa ruffled my hair.

“Our little mutt. Where are you rushing off to? Coming to hang out with me?”

“…”

“Oh, I see. No answer? Or are you just wagging your tail for Siwoo again?”

“…That’s not it.”

“Not it, huh? You’re always clinging to him, saying ‘Siwoo~’ and sticking by his side.”

This is what school bullying looks like. Please stop!

Her gentle ruffling of my hair quickly turned into a firm grip as Hong Yeonhwa began to shake my head.

At least there are other students in the dorm hallway, so she won’t go too far with her bullying.

“Hey, Hana. Forget it. Could you lend me a little money?”

“…I don’t have any.”

Really, she doesn’t.

Yoo Hana came from an orphanage, so her family isn’t well-off. She doesn’t have good enough grades to receive a scholarship either.

At least as an academy student, she gets full tuition support, so she just barely manages to attend. The small amount of living expenses she receives all goes to painkillers. Because of that, Yoo Hana can barely snack, except for the school meals.

“Oh, right. You’re broke, aren’t you? I almost forgot.”

“…Um, I have to go now.”

If she delays any longer, the effects of the medication might wear off. Then she’d have to worry anxiously, not knowing when the next seizure might strike.

She hates that. She wants to end it all as soon as possible.

“Hey, don’t look like that. People might think I’m bullying you, huh?”

“…No, it’s nothing.”

“No, that’s it. Just come with me for a second.”

Hong Yeonhwa wrapped her arm around my shoulder, forcing me along.

I can’t resist. I’m physically weak, and I have no powers—how could I fight back? If I struggle, her grip on my neck only tightens.

“Stop it…”

“What am I even doing? You’re the one making a fuss, aren’t you? It’s really annoying.”

“……”

I shouldn’t have left the dorm room.

Why did I have to make a big deal about using poison to end it?

I should have just quietly slit my wrists at home.

She dragged me out of the dormitory and to a secluded back area.

Or… maybe I could provoke Hong Yeonhwa into killing me.

No, that would hurt too much. I don’t want that.

“Hana! …Hong Yeonhwa? What are you two doing over there?”

Just then, I heard someone’s voice from behind us.

It was a guy.

Oh, no. Wait, no way—is it?

“Kim Si woo. Mind your own business and move along. Can’t you see us girls are just hanging out?”

“Doesn’t really look like ‘hanging out’ to me.”

This is bad.

I can’t run into the protagonist here.