I Accidentally Got Isekai'd To Teyvat!

You ever get that feeling when you wake up from a dream, and you're like... "Yeah, life makes sense again!" — only for your brain to come outta nowhere and slap you across the face like, "NO IT DOESN'T! YOU FORGOT SOMETHING, STUPID!" Yeah. That was me.

The whole Samsara thing? Broken. Festival? Big success. Sickly girl? Totally not sickly anymore. Even Greg was glowing like a happy little lizard-shaped light bulb. So yeah, one would think we've earned ourselves a well-deserved break. Some tea. Some peace. Some... nothingness.

But nah. Not even ten seconds into our glorious freedom, my brain decides to scream: "HEY, BUFFOON! THERE'S STILL SOMETHING LEFT!"

I was just standing there, basking in my own awesomeness like some majestic cabbage in a garden of fools when it hit me. Literally.

"OH RIGHT!" I yell and clap my hands together so hard I nearly smacked Greg off my shoulder.

Lumine blinked at me. "...What was that for?"

Paimon hovered closer, rubbing her ears. "Dinner? Is it time for dinner? Because Paimon is totally down for that."

"These idiots," I deadpanned. "Truly. I walk among fools."

Lumine crossed her arms, tilting her head. "Coming from an idiot himself, the audacity."

I pointed a finger at her. "Hey! That's uncalled for—"

Flick!

Greg. My sweet little betrayal lizard. His tail whacked me right across the face like he was trying to reset my brain.

I blinked.

Then he flicked me again.

"TRAITOR!" I screamed. "I give you corn and this is how you repay me?! Fine! Wheat it is tonight!"

Flick!

Another tail slap. Bruh. He was ready to throw hands.

"Okay, okay, I'll explain! Sheesh!" I threw my hands in the air.

So I took a deep breath, summoned my most heroic, serious tone… and proceeded to explain everything in the most Shigeru way possible.

"Listen. Nahida. The cute little radish goddess? She's not just some random sweetie who sends dream invites like a clingy pen pal. She's the Dendro Archon, I've been saying that since chapter 85 or so! The Queen of the Leaves! The Green Bean of Justice!"

"The Green Bean of—" Lumine started, before giving up.

"Yeah, yeah, anyway—she's in danger! Trapped! Stuck like a pickle in a sandwich!" I paced dramatically.

Paimon blinked. "Pickles go in sandwiches though."

"Exactly! She's in there! And the sandwich is the Akademiya! And she's the pickle! It's a very bad metaphor!" I threw my arms.

Greg blinked slowly. Judging me.

I continued. "In the dreams, we've been talking to her, right? But plot twist—THAT WAS JUST A VISION! Like a Nahida hologram or dream-Nahida or... like, Nahida.exe. The real one? She's stuck in a box somewhere in the fancy library tower."

"So… she's not free yet?" Lumine crossed her arms.

"Exactly! Which means—drumroll please—we gotta SAVE HER!"

Paimon gasped. "Wait! Is she going to start puppeting Katheryne soon!?"

I snapped my fingers. "Totally. Like—bam! Hello, this is Nahida speaking, now blinking way less than legally acceptable. Seriously—have you seen Katheryne? She doesn't blink. Ever. It's terrifying."

Greg nodded solemnly, agreeing.

"Anyway," I went on, still pacing like a conspiracy theorist with no sleep, "she's gonna take over Katheryne so she can give us a message or something. I don't know, Archon stuff. But not yet. That part hasn't happened yet. For now—we gotta get ready to break into nerd central and do a rescue mission."

You ever get that feeling when you wake up from a dream, and you're like... "Yeah, life makes sense again!" — only for your brain to come outta nowhere and slap you across the face like, "NO IT DOESN'T! YOU FORGOT SOMETHING, STUPID!" Yeah. That was me.

The whole Samsara thing? Broken. Festival? Big success. Sickly girl? Totally not sickly anymore. Even Greg was glowing like a happy little lizard-shaped light bulb. So yeah, one would think we've earned ourselves a well-deserved break. Some tea. Some peace. Some... nothingness.

But nah. Not even ten seconds into our glorious freedom, my brain decides to scream: "HEY, BUFFOON! THERE'S STILL SOMETHING LEFT!"

I was just standing there, basking in my own awesomeness like some majestic cabbage in a garden of fools when it hit me. Literally.

"OH RIGHT!" I yell and clap my hands together so hard I nearly smacked Greg off my shoulder.

Lumine blinked at me. "...What was that for?"

Paimon hovered closer, rubbing her ears. "Dinner? Is it time for dinner? Because Paimon is totally down for that."

"These idiots," I deadpanned. "Truly. I walk among fools."

Lumine crossed her arms, tilting her head. "Coming from an idiot himself, the audacity."

I pointed a finger at her. "Hey! That's uncalled for—"

Flick!

Greg. My sweet little betrayal lizard. His tail whacked me right across the face like he was trying to reset my brain.

I blinked.

Then he flicked me again.

"TRAITOR!" I screamed. "I give you corn and this is how you repay me?! Fine! Wheat it is tonight!"

Flick!

Another tail slap. Bruh. He was ready to throw hands.

I raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll explain! Sheesh!"

So I took a deep breath, summoned my most heroic, serious tone… and proceeded to explain everything in the most Shigeru way possible.

"Listen. Nahida. The cute little radish goddess? She's not just some random sweetie who sends dream invites like a clingy pen pal. She's the Dendro Archon! The Queen of the Leaves! The Green Bean of Justice!"

"The Green Bean of—" Lumine started, before giving up.

"Yeah, yeah, anyway—she's in danger! Trapped! Stuck like a pickle in a sandwich!" I paced dramatically.

Paimon blinked. "Pickles go in sandwiches though."

"Exactly! She's in there! And the sandwich is the Akademiya! And she's the pickle! It's a very bad metaphor!" I threw my arms.

Greg blinked slowly. Judging me.

I continued. "In the dreams, we've been talking to her, right? But plot twist—THAT WAS JUST A VISION! Like a Nahida hologram or dream-Nahida or... like, Nahida.exe. The real one? She's stuck in a box somewhere in the fancy library tower."

"So… she's not free yet?" Lumine crossed her arms.

"Exactly! Which means—drumroll please—we gotta SAVE HER!"

Paimon gasped. "Wait, she is?! Paimon thought she was just chilling somewhere inside a tree or something!"

I stared at her. "A TREE?! WHY WOULD—actually... that tracks."

Lumine's brows furrowed. "Wait. If she's not free yet... then how was she talking to us in the dream world?"

"EXACTLY!" I spun again, nearly losing my balance. "It wasn't her! It was just a vision of her—like a super fancy Nahida-shaped voicemail! She wasn't even puppeting Katheryne yet at that time, so that makes it even creepier!"

Paimon gasped. "Wait! Is she going to start puppeting Katheryne soon!?"

I gave her a dramatic nod. "Totally. Like—bam! Hello, this is Nahida speaking, now blinking way less than legally acceptable. Seriously—have you seen Katheryne? And you think she's gonna control Katheryne? Heck yeah! I mean, she doesn't even blink—ever. Like, how is that not suspicious? If I stare too long, I start blinking for her out of secondhand awkwardness. It's terrifying Straight up puppet master radish mode."

Lumine blinked too. "Katheryne doesn't blink?"

"Nope," I said proudly, adjusting my nonexistent tie. "She's an actual android. You know, beep boop and all that."

Lumine stared. "You're just making things up again, aren't you?"

"NO. THIS TIME IT'S REAL. I THINK. PROBABLY."

Greg gave a sigh. A literal sigh. I think he was reconsidering life choices. Buddy, same.

"Anyway," I continued, back in Dramatic Monologue Mode, "We have to bust Nahida out! She's probably trapped in some creepy academia tower with evil researchers and... brain wires! Or something."

"Brain wires...?" Lumine muttered.

"YEAH! Brain wires! Mind control! Propaganda! The usual evil-scientist-dungeon stuff!" I flailed my arms around like I was drawing conspiracy charts midair. "We can't just sit around like couch potatoes with plot armor—we got a radish to rescue!"

Paimon tilted her head. "So what do we do?"

I smirked. "We go... to the Adventurer's Guild."

Lumine looked at me like I just said we were gonna build a rocket out of mushrooms. "...Why?"

"Because Nahida's been using Katheryne as her temporary Uber ride, remember? She might be able to give us a clue!"

Lumine rubbed her temples. "So… what you're saying is, we're going to invade the Akademiya to save an Archon who talks to us in dreams but is actually still imprisoned, and we're the only ones who know this because you saw it in a dream?"

"Exactly!"

Paimon raised a finger. "Isn't that kinda reckless?"

"No! It's brave. Heroic. Legendary. Shigeru-style!"

Greg rolled his eyes. Lizard eyes. The judgment intensifies.

We started walking toward the Adventurer's Guild. Well—more like I dragged the others because they were still processing my ten-minute Ted Talk.

"So, what's the plan when we get there?" Lumine asked.

"We talk to Katheryne! Or... try to. Maybe we'll see if Nahida's sent us a message yet. Or if Katheryne has started blinking suspiciously. Either way—we're going to the info hub."

Paimon mumbled, "Still thinking about that pickle metaphor..."

"Same," Lumine whispered.

I kicked a rock and sighed dramatically. "No one appreciates the genius of my food-based metaphors. One day they'll write books about me. The Pickle Hero."

Greg gave me a tail slap again.

"Okay, okay! Focus time. Time to become the saviors of a tiny radish Archon who totally deserves better than being trapped by evil nerds."

Lumine looked up at the sky. "Do you think Nahida can still hear us in dreams?"

Paimon shrugged. "Maybe she's watching us right now..."

I looked around and dramatically posed. "Then let her know: Hang in there, Nahida! The dumbest rescuer in Teyvat is on his way!"

Greg coughed.

"Fine. We're on our way!"

Greg chirped. Possibly in agreement. Or possibly just because he was hungry. Who knows.

And so, with great swagger, minimal brain cells, and an overinflated sense of main character syndrome, I led the charge toward the Adventurer's Guild.

Because when the world is a mess... who do you call?

Not me. Definitely not me.

But I'll show up anyway, mess things up a little more, and somehow still look cool doing it.

Probably.

Hopefully.

...Greg please stop biting my collar.

***

Look, I know I say this every time we end up in another overly dramatic, world-altering, chaos-summoning mess, but hear me out—this one isn't my fault.

Okay. Maybe like 40% my fault. Fine. 60%. But that's still better than last time when I accidentally made an Aranara cry by calling it a broccoli with feet.

Anyway, moving on.

We're back. Again. And this time, we're visiting Katheryne… except not really. Because surprise! It's actually Nahida controlling Katheryne from a distance like some magical puppeteer with a leafy webcam setup. Honestly, don't ask me how that works. I tried understanding it and my brain started buffering.

So anyway, as soon as I laid my beautifully chaotic eyes on her, my brain did what it always does: short-circuited and made me say things that probably shouldn't be said out loud.

"Waddup, little radish—" I stopped, blinking. Wait.

Hold the phone.

"Wait...You're not a little radish right now..."

Katheryne stared at me like a blank screen, which was fair. She literally is a blank screen 90% of the time. Girl doesn't even blink. I swear on Greg's shiny scales.

I tilted my head. Then I snapped my fingers like the absolute genius that I am.

"Anyways, waddup Katheryne with a little Radish inside her!"

Silence.

Utter.

Silence.

I blinked once, then squinted suspiciously.

"Okay, that one sounded so wrong," I muttered under my breath.

Paimon sighed loudly, arms crossed. "At least you realized."

Lumine looked like she just stepped on a mental landmine. Deadpan as ever. "Does the little radish title matter that much?"

I turned to her with the seriousness of a man who has made many stupid decisions, and would make all of them again.

"Yes."

She sighed. I think that's her default setting whenever I speak.

Paimon floated down next to me, squinting. "Can't you just call her Nahida like a normal person?"

Normal.

I blinked.

"Normal?" I tilted my head like a confused golden retriever. "You lost me at the first syllable."

Paimon stared. Then sighed like she aged five years. "...Right. Paimon forgot you're not a normal person. Paimon apologizes for even asking."

That's right. Behold, the most abnormal person in Teyvat. That's me. I should get a commemorative pin for this. Maybe one that sparkles.

Nahida chuckled through Katheryne's mouth. Somehow. It was weird, but not the weirdest thing I've seen today, considering I once saw Greg try to eat his own tail.

"Hello, Shigeru, Lumine, Paimon. How are you all doing today?"

"Oh, you know," I said. "Still dumb, still handsome, still got a lizard on my head. The usual."

Paimon muttered something about therapy.

"We're fine," Lumine added, because she actually knows how to behave. "We came to ask about Irminsul."

"Oh, right!" I stepped forward, puffing my chest like an idiot superhero. "We're here to help you, Nahida! Totally and completely! Like, 1000% assistance mode activated! Team Save the Radish is on the job!"

Nahida giggled softly. "You haven't changed, Shigeru."

"Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Unless we're talking about my brain. Then yes, please send help."

Lumine just deadpans at me with her arms crossed, clearly fighting the urge to either strangle me or file a restraining order on behalf of the entire Dendro Archon community.

Nahida—or Katherynahida? Kathenahida? Nahideryne?—nodded. "I appreciate it. There are things you need to understand before you proceed. The Irminsul contains the very roots of Teyvat's memories…"

We moved to a quieter spot, and Nahida—through Katheryne like some weird long-distance call—started explaining about the Irminsul. Y'know, the world tree thingy that holds the memories of Teyvat and possibly my high school grades (which is why it's all messed up).

Lumine raised her hand like a student in class. "Can I ask... about Rukkhadevata? What really happened?"

"Oh! Oh! I know this one!" I raised my hand like I was in school. "So she went poof, and now Nahida is like the reboot version! Like a radish 2.0!" I was about to blurt out more of my version (it involved time travel, a giant squirrel, and a spicy mango), but Nahida beat me to it.

She explained it all calmly. Something about Rukkhadevata's erasure, how the previous Dendro Archon had been wiped from Irminsul's memory like someone rage-quitted and smashed the delete key on a cosmic keyboard. It apparently left a lore-hole in Teyvat's history the size of Celestia's ego. You know, the kind that would make even the Abyss go, "Whoa, that's messed up."

"Whoa," Paimon said, eyes wide. "That's... heavy."

I nodded solemnly. "Like Greg after five apples."

Greg flicked his tongue again. Possibly in agreement.

Nahida then looked at Lumine. "Aren't you going to ask about your brother?"

Lumine just smiled and shook her head. Genuinely.

"I believe in Shigeru."

Oh?

"Even if he's an idiot. He still knows what he's doing."

Double oh.

"Hey!" I shouted, pointing dramatically. "That's character development slander and I'll sue!"

Paimon floated next to her. "But you really are an idiot."

Greg flicked his tongue from my shoulder.

I stared at him. "Greg, don't betray me."

He flicked his tongue again. Lighter this time.

"Damn it. Even Greg's on their side."

So, after emotionally recovering from this betrayal, I straightened up and declared our master plan.

"Alright! Before we go charging in like dramatic anime heroes, we need to plan! Like super-duper-secret save-the-radish level planning! Tactical discussions! Battle cries! Flowcharts!"

Paimon blinked. "You don't even know what a flowchart is."

"I can draw a stickman with arrows. Same thing."

Nahida chuckled. "I appreciate all of you. Especially you, Shigeru."

"Aw, stop it," I said, blushing. "You're gonna make me cry and short-circuit your robot."

"She's not a robot," Lumine muttered.

"Shhh. Let me have this."

Nahida gave a soft laugh. "I'll be awaiting your return then."

We said our goodbyes, and as we turned to leave, Nahida (inside Katheryne—again, weird phrasing) called out to me.

"Shigeru."

I turned. "Yeah?"

She smiled softly. Then mouthed: "Thank you."

…For a second, I didn't see Katheryne. I saw her. The real her. That tiny, brave, adorable radish who's been fighting quietly this whole time.

Cute. Very adoptable. 100/10. Would protect with my life.

"She can be our daughter," I whispered.

"What?" Lumine asked.

"Nothing," I coughed. "I said uh—She can be our daughter. Nilou's Mommy Two. You're Mommy One."

Paimon stared. "...How does that even work?"

Greg tilted his head.

I saluted the Nahidabot with deep respect and continued walking.

Let the super-duper-ultra-secret planning begin.

___________________

End of Chapter 105

Quests Completed:

*Manage to gain deeper understanding of Irminsul and the fall of Rukkhadevata. (Properly this time)

*Unlocked secret dialogue with Nahida-in-Katheryne.

*Decided to come up with a Super Duper Secret Plan

*Talk to the totally-not-suspicious Katheryne and discover Nahida's secret comms method.

*Uncover a wild theory about Katheryne not blinking, present it like Sherlock minus the logic.

*Cause Lumine to facepalm at least 3 times in one conversation.

*Give Nahida a salute worthy of a proud, slightly dumb adventurer.

Rewards:

*Lore Entry: "Rukkhadevata's Final Moments"

*New Item: Fragment of the First Dream (Quest Item)

* +10 Intelligence (not for Shigeru)

*Nahida's Trust (Level Up!)

*Greg's Flick of Approval

*Radish of Friendship (Quest Trophy Item)

*+100 Primogems

*+10,000 Adventure EXP