HP : THE TRAUMA AND CHOICE

Being locked in the boot cupboard for two weeks to make up for the money he had stolen mattered more than it should have. Technically Harry was seventeen. And as a seventeen year old, Harry knew that he should not care what his family thought of him or how they treated him. But their hatred and fear hurt just as much the second time around as the first time. Apparently there were side effects to going back in time. His adult's mind was at the mercy of his child's heart. The logic and perspective that he had earned over seven long years were now trapped in the emotional maelstrom of his childhood.

It was… frightening.

On the bright side it certainly gave Harry a lot of time to think and plan. And practice his wandless magic. He didn't have a child's accidental magic to make sandwiches appear anymore.

It took him about two days to get the door open for the first time. And he ended up having to envision his finger as a wand. There had to be an easier way to do wandless magic. In the future he was going to have to be more respectful of the Weasley twins' abilities to get into and out of anywhere. And ask them about their lock picks.

But he had a sort of game plan for saving the world. It was all very well to tell the Ghost of Dumbledore Past that he would be following his own plans from then on. It was something else all together to actually have a plan, particularly for Harry who very rarely bothered to plot things out before doing something brave and stupid. Sitting in the dark with the spiders definitely gave one time to sort out one's future, if nothing else.

Dudley's birthday proved that Harry was still a parselmouth which was somehow worrying and a huge relief at the same time. Sadly, he did not accidentally vanish the glass in the snake enclosure this time around. Dumbledore had seemed to think that Harry's more Slytherin tendencies had come from that piece of Tom Riddle's soul. Apparently he was wrong. Which was strangely reassuring. It meant that Dumbledore was imperfect. It meant that maybe Harry could do a better job with this whole Voldemort thing after all.

It also meant that Harry needed to do some research.

It seemed forever and a day until his Hogwarts letter arrived. This time he quietly seethed when he read the address before handing the letter to his uncle along with all of the other mail. Post raining through the mail slot was as brilliant the second time around as it was the first time around though. This time, Harry remembered to steal several letters throughout the post phase.

In the end Hagrid came for Harry just as Harry hoped that he would. Harry spitefully allowed the giant to pin a pig's tail on his cousin again. He had forgotten how vengeful unrelenting drudgery made him. His summers had never been easy or pleasant but they had certainly been better than his pre-Hogwarts life. Life without magical threats or protectors, however, sucked. Aside from anything else, he had room to stretch his legs in Dudley's second bedroom. The boot cupboard provided no such luxuries. And it was odd to be accountable to adults again after nearly a year of being out on his own with Ron and Hermione.

Everything happened in the pub the way it happened the first time and Diagon Alley was as magical with Hagrid as it was the first few summers. Hagrid breathed happiness into the things he touched. That was probably why he got along so famously with all those horrible creatures of his.

This time Harry thought to take extra gold from his vault to change into pounds.

Of course Malfoy was a complete prat. This time, however, Harry could see that Malfoy was nervous.

"Who said Hagrid's a savage?" Harry asked, interrupting Draco's rant.

Draco glared at being interrupted. "My father."

"Have you ever even met Hagrid?"

"No. My father says –"

"What do you think?"

Malfoy blinked at Harry. "I told you that my father says –"

"Yeah yeah, your father says. I don't care what he thinks. I'd rather know what you think. And why you think it. Based on what you've seen of Hagrid through the widow" Harry chanced a quick glance through the glass. Hagrid was looking particularly dopey as he made faces at Harry through the glass "does he really look particularly savage or dangerous?"

"Why?" Malfoy asked. His eyes were narrowed and his nose was scrunched up. He was genuinely puzzled.

"Because I'm trying to decide if I'd like to be friends with you, not your father."

Malfoy stared, his mouth open and his eyes huge.

Harry grinned. "I think Hagrid's brilliant so I don't care what his job is or who his mum and dad were. He's been kinder to me than almost anyone. Besides, Harry Potter's the most powerful wizard in the world and he's a half-blood too."

"You're finished dear" Madam Malkin said.

Harry hopped off of his fitting stool and waved. "I'll see you later, Malfoy. Say hi to your mum for me!"

Then Harry ran off to rejoin Hagrid.

Of course Hagrid bought Hedwig for Harry – dear sweet no-longer-dead Hedwig.

Harry really did cry over his first birthday present as he reached through the bars with trembling fingers to pet her soft feathers. Hedwig opened one tawny eye to peer at Harry but otherwise allowed him to touch her.

"Here now, none of that" Hagrid said, obviously distressed by Harry's tears. "If you don't like her – "

"I love her!" Harry interrupted fiercely. "This is the best gift anyone ever gave me. Ever."

Hagrid flushed with pleasure.

In the wand shop everything went the same as before – except for the part where Harry met his wand. As soon as the right wand entered the room, there was a little burst of power and an impression of overwhelming excitement that put Harry in mind of a new puppy. A wand box at the bottom the stack Mr. Ollivander was floating across the room jerked and buckled then burst open. The wand zipped across the room and smacked into Harry's outstretched hand. Power flooded the length of Harry's arm as he automatically swished the wand. Golden sparks burst from the end of it. Another flick and swish sent all of the other wands and their boxes sailing back to their places.