NOVEL WEB Hold On and Don’t Let Go
In his entire eighteen years of existence, Zhou Lieren never understood what the word tender meant. Tender was a foreign concept. Kind, respectful, and good were concrete things he understood, but tender?
That was until this very moment when he felt Huo Huli’s lips against his. Tender was the way Huo Huli’s breath brushed against his as he leaned in close. Tender was the way those two plush lips wrapped around his lower one in the softest peck. Tender, for Zhou Lieren, would always be synonymous with Huo Huli from now on.
When those lips pulled away, he chased after them and took a hold of them with his lips for one more kiss, ignoring the breath of air he desperately needed after his initial shock. He caught Huo Huli’s gasp with his mouth and swallowed it down, but he quickly parted when his hands twitched, eager to touch him.
Huo Huli dropped back down until his feet were flat on the ground. He stared down at his face which was as red as the cinnabar petals drawn on his forehead. His delicate, long fingers touched his own lips and uncertainty welled up in his eyes.
“Was…” Huo Huli began, his voice catching. “Was that alright?”
He almost didn’t hear him, his voice so soft that it was almost drowned out by the pounding of his own heart. He didn’t dare grab onto Huo Huli, so he resigned himself just to taking the hand that was near Huo Huli’s face and lowering it down so he could lean in for another kiss.
Kissing was a foreign too - it was not something he did with other alphas in the sect during his brief encounters. It was considered unmanly, but having experienced it for himself now, he couldn’t think of a lovelier thing to do than this. His lips pressed against Huo Huli’s, and when he didn’t retreat Zhou Lieren experimented by putting a little more pressure. That was all it took for Huo Huli to part his lips open, and Zhou Lieren dove right in.
As he pushed his tongue into Huo Huli’s mouth, he took a risk and touched his waist. With his other hand, he rested it loosely on his hip. The body against him squirmed, but it wasn’t flinching and Huo Huli didn’t make any other noises except the harsh breathing that escaped between their locked lips. Zhou Lieren squeezed the hand that was in his, lacing their fingers together and pulling Huo Huli closer.
That was when he smelled him. The soft, sweet jasmine scent that he could sense that night drifted in the air and wrapped around his senses. He groaned into Huo Huli’s mouth and that was when the heavenly beauty pulled back.
He straightened immediately though his head was still in a daze. Huo Huli’s lips were wet and red, swollen with the evidence of their kissing. His forehead was slick with sweat and his adam’s apple bobbed with an empty swallow.
“Was that a good kiss?”
Was that a...Was he seriously asking that right now? He blinked at him, and words rushed out of Huo Huli’s mouth, which he learned that it happened whenever he was flustered.
“I just want to make sure that...that I d-didn’t...it’s my first kiss, and--”
“Huli…” he softly interrupted him, “it’s my first kiss too.”
He didn’t know who should be stunned more - Huo Huli who looked at him wide eyed and blinking like an owl, or himself with the fact that Huo Huli perhaps thought he was more experienced.
“I have had sex before, but we didn’t kiss.” He felt the need to explain, then to justify himself. “Not because I didn’t want to, and I definitely want to now. It just wasn’t a thing I could do then.”
“Are you experienced then?” There was a tiny note of indignation in Huo Huli’s voice. Is he jealous? The thought brought a smile to his lips, and Huo Huli’s eyes narrowed.
“I have some experience, yes...is that a problem?”
Huo Huli averted his narrowed gaze, and something of that pout that looked very much like Huo Ningjing’s reminded him that they were twins. “...No.”
He chuckled and slid the hand that was on Huo Huli’s waist around to his back, pulling him closer. He let himself suffer through Huo Huli’s glare, but was pleased that he didn’t pull back. He smoothed his palm on the curve of his long, lithe spine and the small tremble that he felt against him made his veins hum.
With so many layers, he couldn’t feel any trace of Huo Huli’s skin and he couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like underneath them. He could only feel the soft outline of muscle around his mid back and to his shoulders as his hand trailed upward. Huo Huli gasped and that heady scent wafted along stronger now. Before he could take much more of it in, Huo Huli lightly pushed on his chest.
“I can’t think.” He mumbled through his pout. “Your scent is distracting me too much.”
“If you can still think while we are kissing, then I don’t think I’m doing a very good job.
“Wha--”
He didn’t give Huo Huli the opportunity to finish his thought and captured his lips again in another kiss. This time he pried open his mouth with his tongue, dipping in to taste him more. He could feel something pressed into his thigh, an unmistakable bulge that showed how much Huo Huli’s body reacted to their kiss.
He too wasn’t unaffected, but he had kept his own erection at a distance earlier. When Huo Huli started to sway, he tightened his grip and pressed into him until their bodies were flush together. He ground his hips against Huo Huli, pushing his own erection against his lower belly where his hips met. Huo Huli made a small noise and squirmed in his hold. He felt a jerk at his hip and he was forcibly ripped away from Huo Huli. He whirled around behind him, looking for the source, but the weight at his hip made him step back. Yuexia lunged downward, giving another firm tug.
Why you… The sword, with a mind of its own, had pulled him away. He glared at his sword then looked back at Huo Huli who was turned to the side, his shoulders trembling and lightly cupping himself. Was he in distress?
“Huli, did I do something wrong?” He wanted to be sure before he made a step towards him.
Huo Huli shook his head aggressively, his hair flinging about. “No...no, you didn’t do anything wrong. I-I-I just remembered I have to go clean something!”
He reached out a hand to try and stop him, but he already was up and running. Left alone in the grove of plum trees, he could only curse at himself. The sun was dipping into the horizon, turning everything orange, which meant it was too late to chase after Huo Huli now. Does he even want to see me?
Sighing wearily, he trudged his way along the river until he got to the village. He waved to a few people he passed by until he got to the inn, where he literally bumped into Huo Cheng.
“Oof! Hey, I’m sorr--wait, what are you doing here?” Huo Cheng frowned, rubbing his chest where Zhou Lieren had accidentally elbowed him.
“I’m sorry, I was...distracted. I’ll pay more attention.”
Huo Cheng grabbed him by the shoulder and brought him back outside the inn, cornering him against a wall. “Again, what are you doing here?”
He went along willingly, but he frowned at Huo Cheng. “I’m staying here, the same as you.”
He’d recently been staying in Huo Cheng’s room with him, since he found it hard to sleep alone without the sounds of others nearby. He was confused as to how Huo Cheng could forget such a thing.
Huo Cheng let go of him and rubbed his temples with both hands on either side of his face. “Look, I think you can understand that I don’t give my consent to just anyone.”
Zhou Lieren was unsure where he was going with this, but stayed silent.
“I know what’s been going on because I’m not an idiot and Huo Ningjing can’t keep it to himself. Normally he’d share all his secrets with his brother, but since it’s about him, he can’t and came to me. I am okay with the fact it’s you, but Li’er needs you right now.”
He frowned, “I don’t think he wants to be with me right now.”
Huo Cheng took him by the shoulder again and brought him around the alley that he once found Huo Huli in. He gently pressed Zhou Lieren into the wall of the inn and held his face close to his, speaking very quietly.
“Do you know what sucks the most about being someone who can predict or see things?” He shook his head. Huo Cheng let out a heavy sigh and he could feel the breath against his face. “It is when you can’t even act on it. I won’t reveal much, but I know my cousin’s past because I couldn’t prevent it when it was happening. I really, really understand what he’s going through right now, and I appreciate how kind you are to him, but you have to go to him.”
“Are you predicting something bad right now?” His warnings scared him, even though he could not make much sense of it.
“No, I am not, but I don’t want to have to get another vision about him that I can’t help prevent. Only you can help him, but you’re going to have to hold onto him and not let go until he tells you what’s going on. He’s been like that ever since we are kids, and I’m warning you that in the future it will be like pulling teeth to get him to talk about his feelings.”
Hold onto him and don’t let go…”If he tells me to leave, I will leave.”
“That’s exactly why I trust you, and I know he won’t tell you to leave.” Huo Cheng stepped back and held out his arm. Zhou Lieren grasped his forearm and he did the same. He turned to leave, but Huo Cheng said one last thing that was strange. “Please don’t let my cousin know that I saw what happened to him. All you need to know is that I was the one who told my brother to go visit, and that’s why Li’er came to the sect.”
He nodded and tried to make sense of the words as he made his way down the slope to the barn, but he couldn’t find any logic to it. When he reached the barn, it was alright nightfall, and the first stars were twinkling in the night sky.
The barn doors were partially shut and all he had to do was slip between them. The main room was dark with the light of the waning moon filtering in through the windows. A glow from a lantern peeked out from the bottom of Huo Huli’s door. To the right was the door to Huo Ningjing’s room which was open and was dark. Is he somewhere else?
He faced Huo Huli’s door again and approached, rapping a soft knock on it. He could hear shuffling on the other side and two shadows blocked the light from under the door. There was a pause, and a muffled voice.
“I know it’s you, Zhou Lieren.”
“Would you let me in?” He waited a beat and with no response, he added, “If anything, please let me apologize properly for disrespecting you.”
The door slowly creaked open and Huo Huli’s eye peeked around the edge of the door. “I’m not upset at you…”
He didn’t barge in, but he stepped closer. “It feels like you are.”
The one eyebrow he could see furrowed and some of the wrinkles on his forehead. With a tired sigh, Huo Huli allowed him in. “Please, come in.”
The door opened wider, revealing Huo Huli’s small, but decent room which was half the size of the inn’s room. He had his boots off, so Zhou Lieren took a moment to do the same and set them outside the door. He also took off his sword belt and set Yuexia on top of them. He stepped through but didn’t close the door until Huo Huli motioned to it.
“Please, shut the door.” His bare feet padded across the floor to his bed and he sat down on it. He was wearing a simple white robe over his undergarments. The folds dipped down low, exposing more of his neck than he’d ever seen, but his sleeves and the length was long, thus covering up the rest of his body well.
After shutting the door he got to one knee in order to sit on the floor, but Huo Huli stood up all of a sudden.
“Please, sit on the bed. You are my guest, and--”
“Huli…” He settled his other knee down and knelt in front of him. “You don’t have to treat me as your guest. Will you tell me what’s wrong, and if I am at fault, I could apologize properly?”
Huo Huli’s eyes drifted away as he sat back down. He pressed his hands together and wrung his fingers against one another. “I meant it when I said I wasn’t upset with you. I’m mad at myself.”
He inched closer and rested a hand on Huo Huli’s knee. He didn’t flinch, but his eyes snapped towards him and his lower lip trembled. He stopped tangling his fingers together and took hold of his hand in both of his. The smooth parts of his palms melted into lightly calloused sections, but his hold was like his kisses; tender.
“I am upset with myself because of how I feel with you. It’s...it’s frustrating for me to be happy with how I feel but also scared of it at the same time.”
“What do you feel?”
Huo Huli sucked in his lower lip and let go of his hand. He turned his body away and hunched over himself, and as soft as a mouse he whispered. “I want to kiss you. I...I want to do more than kiss you, too. I want to sleep with you.”
Hold on and don’t let go, he reminded himself, and he slid up to sit on the edge of the bed with Huo Huli and slid an arm around him. He didn't pull away, or make any noise, but he could feel his subtle tremble.
“Is it frustrating for you because it is me?”
He shook his head, “It’s...it’s these feelings in general. You want to sleep with me, don’t you?”
Huo Huli looked over his shoulder at him, his eyes slightly narrowed, “And don’t lie, I felt it earlier.”
He didn’t laugh, but he did smile slightly, “I do. I want to be with you, in any way I can be.”
He chewed on his lip again and his head hung back down, blocking him from seeing his face. “Zhou Lieren, if I told you I was damaged, would you still want to be with me?”
“Is this something another person said to you?” Anger seized his lungs and he unconsciously pulled Huo Huli closer. “Who said this?”
“N-no one said it, I’m just stating a fact.”
“Huli…” He reached across with his other arm to touch under Huo Huli’s chin and turn his head so they could look at one another. He shifted his position to pull him in close and not let go.
“I’m not a good, standard omega,” he said, his eyes cast down to their lap. “Because of this, some people thought I looked older than what I was while growing up. I was always taller than Xiao Huo...I was also the first at everything.” Huo Huli’s skin turned a little pale, “I got my heat first.”
He watched Huo Huli’s face intently, watching every worried nibble on his lip as he listened.
“As a noble, you have to attend parties. They are the worst things, but…” Huo Huli shut his eyes and sighed, “Why are you so easy to talk to?”
He didn’t have an answer for that, but he apparently didn’t need to. Huo Huli leaned forward and rested his forehead against his nearest shoulder, hiding his face but he kept talking.
“I was thirteen when I got my heat, and I was in the middle of a party at some family’s home. I couldn’t find my father or mother, and I felt so dizzy it was hard to walk. I grabbed the first sleeve I could touch and...and it turned out to be a mistake.”
A mistake. It took every ounce of effort to hide the cold harsh tone in his voice, “Was it an alpha?”
Huo Huli nodded against his shoulder and he could feel the fabric of his shirt grow damp. He strained against his urge to squeeze Huo Huli, because his mind was filling in some of the blanks, but he wasn’t prepared for what Huo Huli said next.
“...It was two of them. Brothers. They took me into a room at their house...and I don’t know if I could have fought them if I tried, but because of who they were, I couldn’t…”
He wrapped both arms around him now, smoothing one of his hands up and down Huo Huli’s back. He looked straight ahead at the wall and focused his attention on not hurting the precious heavenly beauty in his arms with his grip.
“Who were they?”
Huo Huli held onto his shirt and clung to him. He was worried he would have to press again, because he wanted to know who in their right mind dared to touch Huo Huli - dared to hurt Huo Huli - but his soft voice was only partially muffled by his clothes.
“...It was the Gong brothers.”
His shoulders stiffened and all the little pieces fell into place. His fear of alphas, and his disappointment with his first match. Huo Cheng said he saw the event as it happened with his second sight, and his heart went out for how hard it must have felt to be so powerless to stop it. “He kept talking about how he could put everything behind him now, and that he could live a normal life.” Huo Huli was hoping that a marriage could help him move past the issue, but that went up in flames - literally. Then at the banquet, he left when the Gong brothers arrived.
“...I told you I was damaged, and I understand if you don’t want me any--”
“No.” He said firmly, perhaps a bit too harshly by the way Huo Huli flinched in his arms, but he refused to let go. Tiny cracks formed in his heart for his little fox, the ache of it only soothed by the subtle hints of jasmine in the air. “You aren’t damaged. Are you afraid I would do something like them?”
“...Kind of? I…” Huo Huli pulled back, but Zhou Lieren didn’t let him move out of their embrace. His beautiful eyes were red and puffy, but he didn’t look away from Zhou Lieren. “I don’t think you would do that, but there’s this fear in the back of my mind that it could happen. I’m mostly afraid that I want to have sex with you, because I’ve never wanted to before and...and if it means I want it now, did it mean I wanted it back then?”
He might not understand heats, but he was sure of one thing. He cupped Huo Huli’s cheek and looked him in the eye. “Did you want it back then?”
Huo Huli shook his head slightly, his lip trembling again. “Did you want it to stop?” Another wordless nod of his head.
“Do you want it now?” He watched as Huo Huli’s pupils changed, going slightly wide and with a shiver, he nodded his head up and down again. “Do you see how those two things aren’t the same?”
“Yes...but,” his eyes slowly closed and he took in a deep, shuddery breath. “But do you still want me?”
“Want you?” He repeated as he closed his arms around him again and pulled him in. “Don’t I have you, Huli?”
He fell back against the bed so Huo Huli was on top. He didn’t want to trap Huo Huli, but didn’t want to let him go. Huo Huli let out a small noise and fumbled a bit as his legs straddled him, the pull of their clothes making the hold awkward. Huo Huli braced an arm on the bed beside Zhou Lieren’s head in order to look down at him.
“From the moment I saw you, I knew you were special.” He confessed openly, his fingers twitching to clench his robe and ball his fists into them. “It is a privilege that you would let me be this intimate with you, even if all we ever do is this.”
Huo Huli lurched back and glared down at him, “I want to do it. I need you to do it.” His cheeks burned as fiery as his eyes. “I...I want it only to be you, I don’t want them to be my first. O-only you. If we do it when I’m not in heat...It will be more important.”
Only you...Those words were like a lure to a fish, threatening to trap him into doing something he didn’t want to do which was just to take Huo Huli then and there. His erection was straining against his pants, held back by the measliest of fabrics. He wanted that, so badly. To be his one and only. His first and only love, his first and only kiss, and now...the only one allowed to embrace him.
“When do you want to?” he whispered, his mind suddenly foggy as he inhaled that sweet jasmine aroma.
Huo Huli loomed over him, and though his body trembled, his voice was fierce and determined.
“Now.”
Author’s Note:
Yay! It’s here! You’re getting it now! Please keep all arms and legs in the vehicle and be careful of spills on the floors.