Homestar Saga

"Let's go sell some textiles!"

Yvian cleared the dock and thumbed the accelerator. The Wandering Lady leapt into the void. Mims and Lissa exchanged smiles as Yvian programmed the autopilot to head for Prisna III.

"You're feeling chipper," Mims remarked. "Nice night?"

"The nicest." Yvian leaned back in her chair, eyes closed. She remembered soft skin and subtle perfumes. She let out a contented sigh. "Maybe the nicest I ever had."

"I'm impressed, Sis," said Lissa. "I never imagined you'd find a girl on your first night out. Wait." She peered at Yvian. "Was she a prostitute?"

"No!"

"Gold digger?" Mims suggested.

"Shut up." Yvian rolled her eyes. "For your information, she's a travel broker. She's got her own money. And I'm perfectly capable of getting laid on my own. I am, as your boy toy pointed out..."

"Man toy," Mims corrected.

"As your boy toy pointed out," Yvian continued. "Quite hot."

"You do know you're not going to live that one down, right?" Lissa smirked at the human. He shrugged. She turned back to Yvian. "I'm still surprised. Your people skills suck."

"Nonsense," Yvian asserted, head held high. "I am a master of tact and diplomacy."

"Yeah she is," Mims agreed. "Hey, remember that time she threatened to shoot me?"

"Which time?" Lissa smirked.

"All the times." Mims reclined with his hands behind his head. "So how'd you meet this girl?"

"Well," Yvian started, "I was getting a drink when this asshole flerg came up and started getting all grabby on me. I told him to back off, and he got pissed. I ended up breaking both of his arms."

"There's that tact and diplomacy we were talking about." Lissa grinned.

"I kinda thought the night was ruined," Yvian continued. "But this girl came up to me right after. A fellow pixen, no less. A strib." The strib were a pixen ethnicity. Where Yvian had light blue skin and emerald hair, stribs were hot pink with hair of silver. Their eyes were slanted, and their pointed ears were a little longer. In all other respects they were the same, with the beauty, grace, and overactive sex drive that made pixens so loved and hated by other species. "She was impressed how I handled the guy. She was even more impressed when she found out I had my own ship."

Mims coughed into his hand. "Gold digger," he coughed again.

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes at him. "Anyway, we got to talking, and then I gave her a tour, and then one thing led to another..."

"We know the rest," Lissa told her. "You guys were so loud we could hear you on The Encounter."

"You get her contact info?" Mims asked.

"I sure did." Yvian grinned. "I think I'll call her tonight, in fact."

"Good for you," Mims glanced at his console, then shot bolt upright. He cursed.

"What is it?" Lissa asked.

"Did anyone do anything to piss off the Confed last night?" Mims focused in on his sensor readings.

"I don't think so," Yvian said. "Why?"

"Because there's a Militia patrol following us." The human fiddled with the sensors. "Looks like they undocked thirty seconds after we did."

Yvian checked the sensor readings. Two medium fighters and a corvette were following at a distance of eight hundred kilometers. IFF labeled them as Confederation Militia. "What do they want?" she wondered.

"Nothing good." Mims scowled. "If they had legitimate business, they'd have hailed us already. They're waiting til we're out of sensor range of Hysek Station."

"So what do we do?"

"Nothing yet." Mims started typing. "I'm checking for warrants. Get on the Nexus and look for any news that's popped up in the last twenty four hours. Beyond that, we'll have to wait and see what they want."

Two hours passed. Mims confirmed they didn't have any active warrants. The girls didn't find any recent news articles that were relevant. Mims sent Lissa to change into her voidarmor. She'd been back for twenty minutes when the Confed sent a hail.

"Wandering Lady, this is Captain Skell of the Confederation Militia. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded."

"Captain Skell, this is Captain Yvian Kiver of The Wandering Lady. What seems to be the problem, officer?"

"Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded or you will be fired upon."

Yvian looked at Mims. "Can we take them?"

"We could," the human allowed. "But the Confed doesn't take kindly to people shooting at law enforcement. The second we fire on them our IFF gets sent to every ship in the Confed. We'll be registered as pirates, and our ships'll get impounded at the next station we dock."

"So what do we do?"

"We'd better do what they say."

Yvian sent an acknowledgement to the Confed ships and decelerated The Wandering Lady. When it came to a full stop, she lowered shields and opened the docking bays.

Captain Mims donned his helmet. YVian saw her worried reflection in his mirrored visor. "You two had best meet them in the cargo bay. I'll stay out of sight til we know what they're after."

"You sure that's a good idea?" Lissa asked. "They've scanned us by now. They know there's three of us."

"I've got a plan for that," the human told her. He started to walk away, then paused. "Be careful. The Militia's got a lot of power and very little accountability. They will kill you if you piss them off." He disappeared down the corridor.

Yvian and Lissa went down to the cargo bay. Yvian had considered bringing her sidearm, but in the end they decided to leave their weapons on the bridge. They did not remove their voidarmor. Yvian didn't want to antagonize the Militia, but she didn't want to be helpless, either.

They waited. Lissa looked nervous. Yvian was a little nervous herself. The Militia couldn't really be like Mims said, could it? The Holoview always portrayed them as noble, heroic even. There had been some stories on the Nexus that said otherwise, but not very many. Most of the Nex agreed with the Holoviews. Everything she'd heard growing up told her the Militia was to be trusted. Captain Tharn had been an asshole, but he hadn't been a criminal. Ok, technically he was. He'd stolen one of their ships and lied in his Enforcement Report. But he hadn't been a pirate.

On the other hand, Mims had never lied to her. Nor had he exaggerated. He'd always spoken as precisely as he could. If he said the Militia were dangerous, then they were. She would be a fool to think otherwise.

The telltale hiss of pressurization warned her that the Militia had landed and closed the docking bays. She listened to the clomp of boots as they ascended the ramp to the cargo bay doors. She exchanged a worried look with her sister. They both raised their hands to show they were unarmed.

The cargo bay doors opened. A dozen armored Militia Enforcement Officers rushed forward, pointing guns. Three were sporting Glik9 blaster pistols. The other nine held HEPT14 assault rifles. They were clad head to toe in black, shiny armor, thicker and bulkier than Yvian's own. The words "Enforcement Officer" were stenciled in white letters on their chests, backs, and helmets.

They shouted a series of orders at the girls. "Don't move!" "Get down on the ground." "Keep your hands up!" Unsure how to follow so many different conflicting commands, Yvian froze, hands still raised.

Four of the Enforcement Officers closed in. They let go of their weapons long enough to pick her up and slam her face first into the deck. She heard shouting and movement to the side and realized Lissa was getting the same treatment. Her arms were wrenched behind her back and manacled together.

Once she was properly immobilized, the Officers let go of her and stood up. A little shaken at the rough treatment, Yvian took a deep breath before she tried to speak. She never got the chance. An armored boot caught her in the midriff. Then another. And another. With her hands manacled Yvian couldn't do anything but curl forward. More boots joined in. One caught her on the back of the head, a jolt of pain that left her stunned as more kicks landed.

Fear. Pain. These she'd known before. She'd lost fights. She'd been hurt badly more than once. But the helplessness... that was worse. She'd been helpless before, but not like this. To have people hurting her. To hear her sister screaming, begging. To not have a way to fight back. It was too much. Tears leaked out of her, mixing with the blood from her scalp. She couldn't do anything.

Or could she? Yvian dimly realized that her voidarmor was doing its work. The boots, vicious as they were, were not hurting her the way she would have expected. The armor was lessening the blows. Judging from the kick to her unarmored head, the EOs weren't holding back, but they weren't kicking any harder then a normal pixen could. Their armor didn't enhance their strength. Yvian's did.

Yvian's voidarmor was of terran design. Much sleeker and thinner than Confed models. The Enforcers had mistaken it for an ordinary voidsuit. Which meant they were using ordinary manacles. Yvian could probably break them with a little effort. Yvian wasn't helpless, after all.

Which still didn't leave her in a good position. She could free her arms, but she'd still have a dozen heavily armed Enforcers to deal with. She couldn't count on Lissa to help. Her sister was no coward, but she didn't know how to fight, either. Voidarmor or no, there was no way she could take that many people before they gunned her down. But that didn't matter. Yvian would find a way to even the odds. Yvian wasn't helpless. Yvian just needed to bide her time. She started to laugh.

The kicks trailed off. Yvian laughed harder. The Militia stood over her, staring. At least she assumed they were staring. She couldn't see anyone's face through the helmets. After a few moments, one of the pistol wielding Enforcers demanded, "What the fuck is so fucking funny?"

"To Protect..." she laughed, "...and Enforce...my ass." She took a breath, choking down another laugh. "You guys are the worst cops I've ever seen."

The Enforcer hauled her up into a sitting position. Then he punched her with an armored fist. She laughed and he hit her again, knocking her back to the deck. "You..." she chuckled. "You didn't even notice."

"Notice what, bitch?"

"There's supposed to be three of us." She grinned at him with bloody teeth. Her head was pounding. Her body ached. She was pretty sure that last punch had broken her nose. Fear and pain and rage warred for dominance within her, but The Crunch take her if she'd let them see. Confidence was the only leverage she had.

The Officers looked at each other. A few of them whirled to stare around at the cargo bay. There was nothing to see. Mims didn't dive out of the shadows, guns akimbo. Yvian was mildly disappointed at that, but she was certain the human hadn't abandoned them. He'd make his presence known when the time was right.

She laughed again. "You guys suck."

One of the officers grabbed her again, punching, screaming profanity. She wanted to keep laughing, to show him that she wasn't afraid. She couldn't. She was. She felt her cheekbone fracture. That last insult had been a mistake. This asshole was out of control. He was going to beat her to death. She readied herself to break through the manacles.

"Krellek!" A voice boomed. Three Enforcers pulled the enraged Officer off of Yvian. He struggled against them, cursing. A fourth Officer, one of the pistol wielders, grabbed him and shook. "Krellek, you shitstain, calm the fuck down!"

"That fucking bitch-"

The Enforcer punched Krellek. "I said calm the fuck down! You fucking idiot. Did you forget what we're here for?" The Enforcer turned back to Yvian, than reconsidered and walked over to Lissa. "Where's the human? Where is Mark Mims?"

"I..I don't know," Lissa stammered.

"Gribshit!" He grabbed her and gave her a shake. "Where is he?"

"I..he...I don't..."

He dropped her. "Useless bitch." He flipped a switch on his arm console. "Tegro, give me a scan. We need to find the human."

"Sorry, Captain," the reply came immediately. "I've been scanning. There's no trace of the human's lifesign. It disappeared right before you boarded the ship. Some kind of stealth tech, I think."

Captain Skell cursed. Yvian tried not to smile. Now they'd have to look for him. They'd split up. Mims would take care of the search parties. Yvian would get to kill everyone else.

"Should we search the ship, Captain?" One of the Militia asked.

"Fuck, no!" The leader scoffed. "You want to split up and hunt an armed human on his own ground?" Even with his helmet on, Skell managed to look at the trooper like he was an idiot. Yvian barely stopped herself from cursing out loud. So much for that plan.

"Uh... what should we do, then?" A different Enforcer, this time. One of the rifle wielders.

"I got it," Krellek the shitstain thumbed his comm. "Hey human, get your ass out here! If you're not standing in front of me in two minutes, your little friends are dead!"

Yvian could almost feel Captain Skell rolling his eyes as he turned towards shitstain. "Are you fucking stupid? You think a human's going to give a shit about hostages?" The Enforcer was silent for a moment, thinking. "Alright, here's what we do. We'll finish our business with these two. Then we'll get off this boat, blow it out of the sky, and search the debris til we find his body. And we stay in a group the whole time. Nobody wander off. Everybody stay alert. Got it?" The other men murmured their assent.

The hangar bay door hissed closed. Everyone turned to look. The yellow light above the door flashed, and the telltale hiss of depressurization commenced.

Captain Skell flipped his communicator. "Tegro, what's happening?"

"It's The Random Encounter, Sir," the voice on the other end crackled. "It's powering up."

"Well, shoot it down! Don't let that asshole out of the docking bay!" The hissing ceased. The hangar bay had been depressurized.

"I'm trying. The damned cargo hauler's rotating, and its shields just went up." Yvian could feel the Wanding Lady vibrate as Tegro peppered its shields. "Shit! He's out!"

"Get him, Tegro!" Captain Skell was shouting. "That gribfucker's worth twenty mil!" He turned on his wrist display, The other Enforcers followed suit.

"Fuck, he's fast. I can't hit him." The Officers watched as their pilot tried to dust the human. Yvian felt herself smirk. These idiots had no chance against a pilot like Mims. "Shit. He's out of range."

"Should we go after him?" One of the other Officers asked.

"No..." Skell cursed. "He's too fast. We'd never catch him. Come back here and keep us covered, Tegro. We'll kill the human another time."

Yvian's grin at the Encounter's escape wiped itself off her face when she realized the implications. If the Encounter was gone, then Mims had abandoned her. She'd been counting on the human to come to the rescue. She couldn't take a dozen armed militia by herself. She had no idea what to do about Tegro and whoever else was on the ship that hadn't landed. If she fired on them she'd be branded a pirate. If she didn't, Tegro could turn her into debris. Crunch take that human. How could he leave her? Leave Lissa?

Maybe he hadn't.

She'd seen him pilot the Encounter by remote before. He might still be on the Lady. For all she knew, he could be in the cargo bay right now, waiting for a chance to strike. More likely, he was somewhere else, enacting some elaborate and completely reckless plan. It was more his style. Either way, Yvian decided to stall.

"So..." she drawled. Well, tried to drawl. Talking hurt. Her jaw might be broken along with her cheek. "There goes your bounty. Does that mean you'll let us go, now?"

They all looked at her. Shitstain Krellek spoke. "Oh, we didn't come here for the human." He took off his helmet, revealing the mottled grey skin of a flerg. His eyes were large, solid black, and shined with malice as he grinned. "We came here for you."

Yvian knew that grin. "You," she hissed. "You're that prick from the bar."

Krellek's grin widened. "Didn't know I was Militia, huh? You should've been nice to me when you had the chance."

"Let me out of these manacles," Yvian growled. "and I'll show you just how nice I can be."

Krellek kicked her in the stomach. "You think so, bitch?" He kicked her again. "You think so?" He drew his foot back for another.

"Krellek," Captain Skell's voice was a mix of annoyance and amusement. Krellek pauseed. "Enough." The Militia Captain stepped around the shitstain. He crouched down in front of Yvian, too long forearms resting on his knees. He took on a fatherly tone as he lectured. "He's right, though. You should've been nice to him."

"I should've-" He cut her off by yanking her head up by the hair.

"Ah Ah Ah..." he tsked. "We can't have people assaulting our Enforcers, you see. Bad for the image. At first we were just going to do the usual. Track you down, knock you around a bit, confiscate your ship..." He pulled harder on her hair. A pained grunt escaped her lips. "But imagine my surprise when we found out who you are. The Kiver sisters, heroes of Milvari." She couldn't see his smile, but she could hear it. "Did you know the Freedom Republic put a price on your head? Ten thousand credits, each." He slammed her face into the cold metal deck. Pain lanced through her jaw like a spike. Definitely broken. "Of course, it would've been better to get Mims. Money like that, I could retire. But I'm a practical flerg. I'm willing to settle for his whores." He slammed her face down a second time. "And we'll get a nice bonus for confiscating your ship. We get a commission on any smugglers we catch."

Yvian didn't think she could speak. She tried anyway. "Wuer nahd smnugglars." She glared as best she could.

Skell patted her cheek. Forcefully. It hurt. "You are if we say you are." He turned to Krellek. "Do you want to do the honors?"

Krellek grinned. The docking bay started to hiss. Everyone turned. Yvian smiled even though it hurt her face. Mims.

The Militia Enforcement Officers aimed their weapons at the hangar door. Yvian started to snap her manacles, but stopped as Captain Skell directed two of them to train rifles on the sisters. He was competent, she'd give him that. The motherless son. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts." she whispered. Her voidarmor recognized the command. She felt a prickling sensation in her spine. Her pain vanished.

The hissing stopped. The hangar opened. A small round object hurtled out into their midst. There were shouts of "Grenade!" and "Hit the deck!" The Enforcers dived away from it. The one guarding Yvian dived, as well. A quick wrench of her arms snapped her manacles.

The grenade went off. Instead of an explosion, it released a flash of blue light. The lights in the cargo bay went dark. They flicked back on a second later. The Officers scrambled to their feet.

Mims darted into the cargo bay. Enforcers pointed their weapons. The weapons did not fire. Yvian shot to her feet. She shifted her hips, whipping her arm in a lateral chop to strike the nearest Enforcer in the side of the neck. She hoped her armor's strength boost would be enough to penetrate the Militia's protective gear.

She had vastly underestimated her voidarmor.

She barely noticed the impact. Her hand passed through the Enforcer's armor, then his neck, then his armor on the other side. His head flew off. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lissa throwing a wild haymaker. Her sister's fist crunched through a Militia helmet and got stuck in the flerg's skull.

Mims reached the Militia. He hadn't bothered to draw a weapon. His hands were a lethal blur.

Shitstain Krellek turned to run. Yvian launched forward. Her fist punched through his chest plate. She raised her arm and flung his corpse across the cargo bay. Captain Skell had his blaster out. He was slapping it, cursing, trying to make it fire. Yvian snarled a smile as she reached for him, but Mims caved his head in from behind before she got there.

Two Enforcers tried to run. Mims shattered the skull of the first before he'd taken six steps. The last one made it ten before the human caught him.

It was over. Yvian stood, sweaty, gasping. Lissa was on her knees, crying, vomiting. Mims walked among the bodies, checking for survivors. He found one and crushed his skull.

Lissa continued to retch. Yvian was suddenly grateful for her broken nose. She didn't want to know what the cargo bay smelled like. Mims finished checking the bodies. He walked over and removed his helmet. Yvian couldn't tell if the smell bothered him or not.

"Sorry for the delay," the human said. "I had to deal with the ones on the corvette first."

Lissa continued to retch. Just dry heaves, now. Her stomach was empty. Yvian just nodded.

"Come on," The human helped Lissa to her feet. She was still trying to vomit. "Let's get you to the med bay. He kept an arm around her as they walked away from the scene. Yvian followed.

Lissa managed to stop gagging by the time they left the cargo bay. She was still crying. "I never..." she whimpered. "I never..."

"I know." Mims kissed the top of her head. "I know. It'll be alright." Yvian moved to put a hand on her sister's shoulder, but stopped when she saw the blood and bits of flesh clinging to it. She wrapped her other arm around Lissa's waist. Her adrenaline faded as they walked down the corridor. Yvian started to shake.

Together they put Lissa in a medpod. She sobbed quietly as the cylinder closed around her. Then the anesthesia kicked in, and she was silent.

Yvian looked at Mims. The human returned her stare, impassive. "Is... is it always like this?" she asked. "Space, I mean."

The human took a breath. Let it out. "In the Confed it is. The strong do as they please, and the weak die."

"I never..." Yvian looked away from his calm expression. "I never killed anyone before. Not... like that. Not up close."

"It's easier when it's ship to ship," the human observed. "Cleaner. Less personal. Guns are harder, but you've still got a bit of distance. Hands, though," he shook his head. "It doesn't get more personal than that."

"Will I get used to it?" she wondered. "The violence?"

"I don't know," The Captain told her. "Some do. Others don't. Some of them..." His calm expression cracked. A flash of bitter anger, melting into sadness. "Some of them start to like it." He raised a bloody hand. "Crave it." He closed it into a fist. "Need it." He let his hand fall. "Whichever one you are, you'll hate it. My advice is to sell your textiles and retire somewhere nice before you find the answer."

"I'll keep that in mind." Yvian opened her own med pod. Her suit's pain nullification was letting her talk, but the damage was still there. "What about you? What's your answer?"

"You know." Captain Mims looked over at Lissa, sedated in her pod. "Just like you know for her. I'm a man of violence. I was born to kill and raised to kill and that's all I'm really good for."

"Because you're human?" Yvian climbed into the pod.

"No." The Captain turned to leave. "Humans think I'm a monster, too."

"Mims?" she called as he walked away. He stopped. She wanted to tell him that he was good, that he'd saved her life. The look on his face stopped her. A tightness in the eyes giving the lie to his bland expression. It told her there was nothing to say. Condolences would be taken as pity. Reassurance would be seen as a lie.

She'd been making eye contact too long. "Can you..." Yvian thought fast. "Can you come back before Lissa wakes up? She's going to... uh.... I think she'll feel better if you're there."

The human nodded. "Yeah. Good idea." He went back to walking. "You're a good sister, Yvian."

"You're an ok privateer!" she called after him. He snorted.

Yvian laid back in her pod. "You see that Sis?" she asked her unconscious sister. "I am a master of tact and diplomacy." She closed the pod and waited for the anesthetics, feeling better then she ought to, all things considered.