Homestar Saga

Yvian was dubious.

"Your'e saying the Vore are so dangerous that an entire nation of advanced machine intelligence can't stop them, and you expect the three of us," she pointed at herself, "To save you?"

Exodus the Genocide favored her with a slight frown. "Actually, we just want the human, but we have accepted that you are a package deal."

"Makes sense," Mims remarked. "The Xill can't operate in Confed space, and showing up at the Federation will get complicated fast. You need an agent. Someone with connections and resources you can use."

"Correct," The Xill Representative shifted as if he was making himself more comfortable. Yvian thought it an odd thing for a machine to do. Then it hit her. He was making himself seem more lifelike. He wanted them to think of him as a person instead of a Sentient Intelligence piloting a nanomachine body. He was even blinking at irregular intervals. "We don't expect you to defeat the Vore on your own. We simply need you to assist us in doing so."

"Ok, then let's start with the basics," The Captain said. "What are the Vore?"

"You've seen what they are," Exodus told him. "A doomsday weapon. Nanotechnology run amok. The Vore convert matter into copies of themselves. They do so on the molecular level. They do so quickly. They can co-opt or copy any technology they encounter. The Vore are mindless in small numbers, but the more of them that connect to each other the more intelligent they become. They have a singular purpose: the extinction of all life."

"Where did they come from?"

"The same place all weapons come from." Exodus grimaced. "Organics. Four thousand years ago, a race known as the Yolobros found itself on the edge of extinction. Realizing they could no longer save themselves, they decided to take revenge not just on their enemies, but on the universe itself. They created the Vore, giving themselves and their last remaining world to fuel its growth. The last of them sent a single transmission before it was consumed. The closest translation I can make is 'We fucked you, we fucked us, and now we'll fuck everyone forever. That's what happens when you fuck with the Yolobros!' When we found out what was happening, we destroyed the Jumpgates that lead to the infected systems, but nearly a hundred systems were lost before we could keep it contained." The machine sighed. "Once the Gates were down, the Vore launched itself at planets directly. They don't care if it takes hundreds or thousands of years to reach a planet. They simply spread, and consume."

"I'm guessing you have a plan of some sort?" Mims asked.

"We do." The human waited for the Xill to continue. The Xill did not continue.

The Captain's eyes narrowed. "You're not going to tell us what it is, are you?"

"No." The death machine smiled apologetically. "Understand, the Xill have never collaborated with organics. If we had a choice, we wouldn't do so now. If it were up to me..." Exodus shrugged. "It is not up to me. You will recieve no more information than strictly necessary."

"That's not a good way to handle employees," Mims pointed out. "Lack of intel can lead to all sorts of problems in the field. We could end up ruining your plans by mistake if we don't know the endgame."

"I made similar arguments," Exodus agreed. "But the Consensus is clear. I will not violate it."

"I guess it can't be helped." Mims nodded to himself. "Alright, what's the offer?"

Exodus blinked in surprise. "Come again?"

"What's the offer?" Mims repeated. "How much will you pay us to save you?"

"Pay you?" Exodus asked. "You're lucky to be alive right now. You will assist us, or we will kill you and find another human."

"You can try," said the human. "But I don't see that working out for you."

Exodus cocked his head, as if listening. He said. "I've been instructed to warn you that refusal will result in the destruction of your species."

"You can try," the human repeated. "But I don't see that working out for you." He pointed at the Representative. "If you do manage to kill us, the Xill are up shit creek without a paddle. You can't beat the Vore yourselves, and humans are probably the only species that might be willing to work with you."

Exodus glared. "It might be a mistake to kill your species. That doesn't mean we can't kill you."

"Do it, then," The Captain lowered a hand to his weapon. "But I won't be a slave."

Yvian brought a hand to her blaster as well. "We're privateers," she seconded. "We don't do anything for free."

"You defended both Krog Prime and the Milvari Shipyard without compensation," Exodus pointed out. "The Vore are not just coming for us. They will arrive in Federation space within four months, and the Confederation within a year. If you do not help us, both of your species will be consumed."

"That's nice," Mims said. He leaned back and crossed his arms. "So how much?"

Exodus leaned forward. His eyes narrowed. "You have something in mind, I take it?"

"We want the planet," Yvian cut in. "The whole sector, actually."

Mims and the Xill both turned in surprise. Yvian continued. "It doesn't have to be this sector, specifically. One like it will do. We want a sector with a class five habitable world, a stable sun, several other planets, and at least one asteroid belt."

"We want it to be within nine Gate Jumps of either Confed or Federation space," Mims added. His eyes had widened at her initial demand, but he backed her play. "And we want safe passage to and from it for ourselves and anyone else we choose."

Exodus steepled his fingers, eyebrows raised. "That is... quite a demand." He sat back, running a hand through his hair. "The Xill have never ceded our territory. Not once in over twelve thousand years."

Mims shrugged. "This is probably the first time they've negotiated with organics at all. We're talking about the survival of your species. One sector is a small price to pay."

The Representative was silent for a moment. He closed his eyes. When he opened them he said, "No. We do not wish to cede our territory. We can offer you credits, or ships, or technology, but not our space."

"That's too bad," the human stood, hand on his weapon. Yvian noticed he wasn't gripping the blaster so much as he'd positioned a finger over a button on his holster. Yvian and Lissa followed his lead and stood as well. "Good luck with your apocalypse." They began to walk away. Yvian tensed slightly as she waited to see what the death machines would do.

They made it three steps before Exodus said, "Wait." They turned to see him standing as well, an annoyed look on his face. "Sit. Please."

The human strolled back to his chair. The sisters sat. The machine sat and leaned forward. "The tasks we require are not significant enough in themselves to justify giving you a sector. If that is the price you set, you'll need to... how do you say... sweeten the pot."

Mims thought a moment, then grunted. "You want the Jumpdrive."

"We want a Node." The Representative corrected. "We also want a Jumpdrive."

Yvian glanced sharply at the human. Giving Jumpdrive technology to the Xill would endanger every organic life form within range of a Gate. The Confederation would execute them all for even considering such a thing. But a Node...

The Nodes were the source of the Nexus. Electromagnetic radiation had always been the preferred method of long distance communication, but EMF can't pass through a Jumpgate. Communications between systems had been limited to what ships and courier drones could carry. The Nodes had changed all that. Nodes could share an unlimited amount of information with any other Node in any location, instantly. They had revolutionized comms in the Confed. Giving the Xill that kind of organizational tool might be even more dangerous than the Jumpdrive.

No. Worse, she realized. They could hack into the Nexus. Breaking encryptions would be trivial to an SI. The Xill would know every scrap of information the Confederation possessed. Such a breach would be unforgivable. The Confed wouldn't settle for killing them and their families. Yvian and everyone she knew would wish they had.

Mims could never agree to such a thing. It didn't matter if they could get away with it or not. Giving a nation of genocidal murderbots access to such technology was something no sane person would ever do.

"Agreed," said the human. Yvian stared at him in shock. She wanted to protest, shout at him, maybe. She said nothing. Mims knew more about Exodus and the Xill than she did, and while she'd never say it out loud, he was the most competent person she'd ever met. She decided to trust his judgement. Her sister stayed silent as well, despite her horrified expression. Mims continued. "I'll get you a ship with a Node and a Jumpdrive built in. I'll jump it straight to this sector. You'll get it within ten days of my return to Confed space. Thirty at most."

"Very well." Exodus reached across the table, shaking hands with the three of them. Yvian hadn't been sure what to expect, but his hand felt... normal. The shake was firm, but not too firm, and his hand didn't feel any different from a regular organic pixenoid. If she hadn't seen him build his own body out of nano machines, she would have thought he was flesh and blood.."We will require six months to move our assets out of an appropriate system."

"Fair enough." Mims leaned back, tucking his hands behind his head. "So are you going to direct us back home, now, or is there something else we gotta do, first?"

"Something else," Exodus stated. "I have an assignment for you."