Home for Horny Monsters

She sat in the black sedan, watching the old, victorian era home across the street. Through the gate and the hedges, she could only make out the upper levels, replete with turrets and large, ornate windows. Inside that home, she knew would find her prey, but one problem remained.

Of the many magical enchantments the house had, the most annoying of them all was that you had to be invited. They had bypassed this little detail with the succubus —using Mike’s blood had let them bypass the magical barrier through a ritual that had taken hours to complete. Of course, that drop of blood was long gone, as was her patience.

No, she would need to find another way in. Stepping out of the sedan, her dark robes billowed around her. Though they stood out in the bright morning light, they made her almost imperceptible to any humans who may be passing by. Unless she directly interacted with somebody, she would be dismissed as a passing shadow, or a homeless person, some non-entity not worth noting. With her dagger tucked into the back of her belt, and her wand strapped to her upper thigh, she only had one choice, the one she hated most of all.

Sarah was forced to wait.

-

By the time Tink arrived in the kitchen, Mike was in full swing. He had cleaned up the front rooms, pulling sheets off of the furniture that had survived both Jenny and the fire elemental. Head tilted high, her nostrils flared as she sniffed at the aroma coming off the stove.

“What you make?” Tink climbed onto her chair, a place at the table set for her. “Smells okay.”

“Omelettes. One of the few things I can cook.” Mike was busy flipping one in a pan, hot, melted cheese oozing out of the sides. “I haven’t made them in years, so I’m hoping they turn out okay.”

“Omelette.” Tink sounded the word out, nodding her approval. Waiting patiently, her legs kicked back and forth, a full foot off the ground. “What happen last night? Tink have foggy dreams.”

“Succubus attack, nothing major.” Mike walked over to the table, frying pan in hand. Tilting it, he used the spatula to push the omelette onto her plate. It left a gooey trail of cheese all the way onto her plate. “You wanna eat that before it cools.”

“What inside?” Tink peeled up the top layer with her fork.

“Just cheese. Maybe I will pick up some ham or something to put in it tomorrow.” Mike was busy pouring some eggs he had previously whisked into the pan. “Omelettes are like the pizza of the breakfast world. You can put anything in them.” Turning to wink at Tink, he saw that she had already devoured what he had given her, holding up her plate for more.

“Tink like. Cheese favorite part.”

“Shit. Give me a couple minutes.” Rolling his eyes, MIke finished the omelette he had been making, making sure to put extra cheese on it. “Later today I need you to be ready to hide. I ordered some groceries from Amazon again. A bunch of stuff to make some real food around here, plus a bunch of meat for the Mandragora. Think you can help me feed it?” He tilted Tink’s omelet onto her plate.

“Tink always help.” This time, Tink took her time, tearing bites off with her fork.

“After we take care of that, we can sit down and figure out how to get your goggles back.” Mike bit into his omelette, letting out a sigh of contentment. A nice warm breakfast went a long way to ensuring that the day would go well. “How does that sound?”

He looked up from his meal to watch Tink practically inhale the rest of her food. The goblin threw herself out of her seat, running around the corner of the kitchen, and down the stairs to the vault. Seeing no need to rush, he took his time eating. She soon appeared with a map in her hands, which she unrolled on the table. 

“Is that a map of the labyrinth?” Mike asked, staring at the odd symbols that covered the old parchment.

“Most of it. Some places unchartable. Tink find map long ago, we use to find where cow fuck sleeps, and then!” Tink slammed the fist of her hand into the palm of her other. “Knock out cow fuck, get goggles back!”

“I hope it’s that easy.” Mike stood up to look closer at the middle of the map. A swirling symbol had been drawn in the center of the labryinth proper. “What’s this about?”

Before Tink could answer, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Not like he had a choice, honestly. Tink grabbed the map off the table, quickly disappearing back into the basement with it. Mike whistled softly to himself, scanning the front room on his way through. True, half the furniture was busted up and out on the curb right now, but what was left looked really nice.

Mike opened the door. On the porch was the delivery girl, her hat pulled low over her face. She was holding several bags, with a couple more on the floor.

“May I come in?” she asked.

“You sure can.” Mike knelt to pick up the bags on the porch when he felt the cold sensation in his stomach. Without thinking, he threw himself to the side, catching just the flash of light off of a dagger. Rolling away, he jumped to his feet in time to avoid another slash which would have caught him in the face.

“Holy shit!” Mike lost his balance and fell backward on his butt. The delivery girl ripped off her hat, her clothes shimmering and transforming into long black robes. Her dark hair was pulled away from her face, revealing eyes filled with anger.

“Hold still!” He recognized her now, Sarah, Elizabeth’s daughter. She ran at him, blade held high, only to stop when Cecilia appeared, arms outspread. Momentarily stunned, Sarah’s eyes narrowed as she slashed at the apparition.

The blade cut through Cecilia’s dress, blood blossoming through her dress. Stunned, Cecilia stared at the blood on her hands, arms shaking. Sarah grinned.

Cecilia screamed, letting loose the full blast of her howl. Sarah’s hair and gown billowed away from her, and she grabbed her ears, sinking to her knees in agony. Sparkling light coating her body, Cecilia burst into fog, disappearing from sight.

“Cecilia!” Mike cried out, lunging forward with a potted plant he had grabbed from the edge of the porch. He caught Sarah in the face, shattering the pot and scattering soil and dead plant chunks across the porch. She slashed at his legs, slicing through the fabric of his pants and biting into his leg.

“Fuck!” Mike fell, doing his best to tuck and roll and failing miserably. His legs splayed out sideways and he ended up rolling off of the front steps, tumbling face down onto the cobblestones below. He smashed his nose into the walkway, immediately tasting blood.

Sarah grabbed him by the hair, lifting his head back while holding his back in place with her knee. He saw the flash of metal before his eyes, the knife coming for the exposed flesh of his neck. Mike closed his eyes, unable to process what was about to happen.

A whoosh of air followed with the sound of flesh smacking stone, and the weight was off of him. Mike’s face smashed into the ground once more, a result of his attempts to resist Sarah’s pull. Rolling on one side, he saw that Abella had Sarah airborne, her talons around Sarah’s back. Sarah was hollering at the gargoyle, slashing at her with her knife. Surprisingly, blue blood flowed from Abella’s wounds. Attempting to keep the upper hand, Abella dove into the soft dirt of the yard, flattening Sarah beneath her.

“Abella!” Mike stood up, wiping blood off his mouth. Running at the pair, he was caught off guard by the blast of light that knocked Abella off of Sarah, the gargoyle tumbling through the air and crashing through the railing of the porch.

“Is that the best you have?” Sarah asked, aiming her wand at Mike. Her lips moved wordlessly, the air around them saturated with magic. Mike wanted to run, but all he could see was Abella’s crumpled form on the porch. He had to get to her.

Cecilia reappeared right behind Sarah, her torso a bloody mess and her face a mask of anger. Mike could see her chest expanding, and covered his ears.

The howl made his ears ring, even through his hands. Sarah, startled by the shriek, flinched. The blast of light from her wand spiraled across the yard like a firework, crossing the boundary of the tall stone wall and striking a large tree in the neighbor’s yard. For just a second, the thirty-five foot tree glowed blue before exploding into a hot mess of sparks and wood.

Sarah drew the knife, slashing at the banshee, but Cecilia had faded from sight. Raising the wand once more, her lips twisted into the beginnings of her next spell.

Not wasting any time, Mike sprinted for the side of the house. Green sparks ruptured the air behind him, exploding into the stone wall as he rounded the corner. Seeing the door to the garage, he frantically fumbled with the latch, lifting the door just enough that he could roll under it, seeing Sarah’s slender legs turn the corner of the house. Ducking around the boxes, he was caught from behind by the blast of energy that crumpled in the door, scattering boxes and books in every direction.

This was it. He was done for. Heart pounding, he listened as Sarah stepped into the garage. 

“Where the fuck are you?” Sarah asked. Shifting slightly, Mike realized that he was hidden beneath a large portion of the garage door that was covered in scattered paper. Sarah’s wand glowed at a hiss from her mouth, a sickly green color that she cast across the mess she had made. Breathing out gently, he held perfectly still.

With a wave of her wand, she sent tiny blasts through the garage, scattering papers everywhere. Mike flinched, biting down on his lip to keep still. He was trapped.

“Fine. Keep hiding. A few more minutes of your bullshit is fine by me.” Sarah was carefully stepping over debris, her feet occasionally slipping on paper. Her eyes scanned the dark recesses of the garage, and Mike was relieved to see that she was more interested in the back where Tink’s staircase was.

Tink. He hoped the goblin was in the house. If she had gone down to her lair, there was nothing he could do to help her.

“You found it, didn’t you?” Sarah blasted a rather lumpy pile of books. “I bet you did. That’s why you are running. Not because you are scared, but so that you could use it against me.”

Mike had no idea what she was going on about, but he prayed inwardly that she would head for the stairs in the back.

“That’s right. That’s how you defeated the succubus, probably turned her into a pile of dust. Even an amateur like you would be capable of such a feat.” The wand was in one hand, but she held the dagger in the other. Her eyes were now on the back wall, walking wide. Satisfaction crossed her face, the edges of the staircase now visible to her. “I wonder where you could be hiding?” Crackling energy surrounded her body, and she disappeared from view. Footsteps on concrete revealed that she was going down below.

Mike had to move fast. Sliding out from beneath the door, he promptly slipped on a small piece of cardboard, crashing into the ground. Scrambling to his feet, he bolted through the side door, slamming it shut in time for it to be blasted off its hinges, catching him from behind and blowing him across the garden.

Expecting a face full of rocks, Mike belly flopped into a large wave of water that was waiting for him. Coughing up water, slender hands pulled him away from the shattered door. He had landed in the fountain, and Naia was there to help him up.

“Ah. I wondered when I would get to meet you.” Sarah kept the wand trained on Naia now. “We heard all about you from Garrett.”

“I’m not above drowning you, little witch.” Naia summoned a giant ball of water between them. Sarah fired a blast of magic, but it detonated inside the ball, blasting water everywhere. Naia quickly summoned it once more. “And you’re going to have to make up some new tricks if you want to make it over here alive.”

“Water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.” This time, a blinding light emanated from her wand. Floating into the sky, it cast wave of devastating heat down onto the fountain. The water began to boil around them, and Naia’s face fell.

“Mike, you need to get out of here!” Naia helped him to the other side of the fountain.

“What about you?” Mike asked.

“Don’t worry, the water can’t hurt me.” She practically shoved Mike out of the fountain, steam already rising from its edges. Sarah was already skirting the edge of the fountain, looking for a clean shot. “But it can hurt her.” Water tendrils rose from the fountain, boiling hot, that whipped at the angry witch. Just when they made contact, the air around Sarah flashed green, revealing a magical shell that protected her.

“Oh no,” Naia said, covering her mouth in horror. She summoned a massive water wall and sent it at Sarah, but it rut around her with no effect.

“You’re harmless as long as I stay out here.” Sarah’s wand was trained at Naia, the tip of it glowing the same green as her protective barrier. The dagger was already in her other hand, the tip gleaming in the light of day. “And now you can’t go back in.”

Mike looked at Naia, then at Sarah. He needed a plan, some way to get either the wand or the dagger from her. Looking around, he saw that someone else already had a plan in the shape of a ball-peen hammer.

Tink burst out of the bushes, hammer raised high. Nearing Sarah, she swung the hammer for the side of her knee. The green shell flashed, knocking Tink head over heels. With a dramatic wave of her wand, Sarah lifted Tink into the sky and cast her into Naia’s boiling fountain.

“No!” Mike screamed. Naia waved her hands to the side, and the fountain’s water lifted outward, forming a giant wall all around the fountain. Arms outstretched, Naia caught Tink, both of them tumbling to the fountain’s marble floor.

“And now you freeze it.” The mystery orb vanished, a blast of blue light from the wand causing the hot water to freeze and expand. The wall was nearly ten feet high, the surface of the wall warped like a funhouse mirror, scattering oblong images of Naia and Tink in every direction. Sarah smirked, leveling her wand at Mike. “Strange. I expected to see far more of your menagerie out here.”

“You know about the creatures here?” Mike asked. Looking around the garden for a weapon, a shield, someway out of this mess, he finally saw what he was looking for.

“I know of them. Garrett spoke of them many times. We used to have them all written down in a little book, but the Geas really is all powerful.” Sarah’s eyes flashed. “Time to die, Mr. Radley.”

“Wait!” Mike held up his hands. “I want to make a trade!”

“Trade what? All you have is your life, and not for long.”

“Hear me out. If you kill me, this place goes up for sale, yes?”

“And?”

“The Geas takes over. Even if you kill me, you can’t go back inside the house to find the You-Know-What.” Mike swallowed, hoping that she couldn’t see how full of shit he was.

“You’re full of shit.” Sarah’s eyes narrowed, but Mike noticed that he hadn’t blown a hole in him yet.

“No really, think about it. I invited you in, right? Well, if I die, the current owner of the house hasn’t given you permission to enter. Clearly, I don’t have it on me. Therefore, you’re stuck out here, and you have to do this all over again with the next owner, which could be years.” He had no idea if it was true, but after so many days inside of the Dreamscape, he felt like his logic had been sharpened to a fine enough point to convince her.

“I can wait,” Sarah told him, but now he could see she was full of shit. He could see how her thumb circled the hilt of the dagger, eager to move forward with the kill, yet he still lived.

“Here’s the trade. If I take you to it, you let me live. I walk away, no questions asked.” Mike nodded. “Like that, you get everything you want. I get everything I want.”

“There’s no way you walk away from all this with everything you want,” Sarah said, raising her wand.

“Okay, fine, I walk away with the money! This place, I sell it. You and yours mine it for its secrets, it’s been nothing but trouble for me. Look!” Mike pointed at his face, then his leg. “I haven’t even been here a week, and all I get is fucked up. Do you know how long I spent trapped inside a dream with that succubus?”

“How did you escape?” Sarah asked, instantly suspicious.

“I slept with it under my pillow.” God, he hoped that made sense to her. “I moved it this morning because I didn’t want the others to know I had it. I was afraid they would use it against me.”

Sarah appraised him for several seconds, obviously trying to decide what to do.

“Take me to it. Walk slowly.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that.” Mike turned around, his hands in the air. “I’ll take you right to where I hid it.” Walking around the back of the house, Mike was careful to step around the questing vines that had plastered themselves against the house. He could hear her behind him, the constant humming of her magic promising a quick and messy death. Chancing a look back, he watched her shake her wrist violently. Sparkling gems struck the grass, burying themselves beneath the soil.

Taking a deep breath, Mike led her to the greenhouse.

-

“Mike.” Abella pushed the broken planks off of her, shaking debris the debris off her body by flexing her wings. The front porch was a complete mess, and one of the support pillars was now off kilter, the roof above it bowing dangerously. Growling, Abella smacked the support with her tail, shoving it back in place. “Mike!”

“He’s not here.” Cecilia flickered back in place. Her dress was stained, her blood sparkling in the sunlight. “I’ll look inside.”

“I’ll go up.” Cecilia walked through the siding of the house, vanishing from sight. Abella jumped off the porch into the yard, tipping over dangerously. Her equilibrium was off, a result of the magical blast that had knocked her out. Shaking her head, her sensitive ears picked up shouting out back. With a powerful flap of her wings, she soared up, circling as she rose, casting her eyes to the ground. The house had three turrets, each one reinforced with steel beams to support her weight. The tallest of these was sufficient for her to regain her breath and see the whole property. The garage looked like a tornado had gone through it, paper scattered in all directions. In the garden, a giant ball of ice surrounded the fountain. It was here that she could hear the cries of her friends.

Abella didn’t bother landing properly - instead, she crashed in the middle of the fountain, splashing warm water everywhere. It was hard enough to remain upright.

“Abella!” Naia hugged the gargoyle, squeezing her harder than she thought possible. “Get us out of here!” Looking around, Abella noticed that Tink was out cold, tucked carefully into the small basin of the fountain.

“On it.” She charged the nearest wall of ice, crashing into it like a wrecking ball. The whole structure was nearly two feet thick, but stone was stronger than ice. In short work, she had knocked a hole in it. Stepping out into the yard, she cracked her knuckles, ready for round two with the witch.

“Not inside,” Cecilia said, appearing from the second floor of the house and floating down.

“Are you sure?” Abella asked. “The house has many rooms.”

“No sign anybody has been through there.” Cecilia looked at Naia. “Any ideas?”

Naia contemplated the question, her eyes gazing off into the distance. “I think… I think I sense him toward the greenhouse.”

“Well then let’s look.” Abella walked around the corner of the house, Cecilia close behind. Cecilia knelt by the grass, touching the blades with her hand.

“He’s been here.” Plucking a blade, Cecilia showed it to Abella. It was stained with blood.

“I’m going to kill her.” Abella’s wings spread wide, her brow furrowed in anger. “I’m going to rip off her head and shove it up her ass.”

“I’ll keep her alive while you do it,” Cecilia offered. Moving with purpose, the greenhouse came into view, the vines of the Mandragora scattered all over the yard.

Drawing near, the ground exploded around them, large figures of stone and earth rising around them. In the center of each one’s forehead was a single, gleaming gem. Abella folded her wings before her just in time to absorb the blow from the first one, which knocked her back. Cecilia tried to phase through another, but a casual swipe from a stony arm cast the banshee back, through the bushes of the house and into the kitchen. There were five of them, each one nearly ten feet tall. Abella stood, glaring at the stony figure as they moved in front of the greenhouse, taking up their posts. Cecilia reappeared next to her.

“Rock golems,” Abella said, appraising the figures before them. Casting a glance at Cecilia, the banshee shook her head. “Guarding the greenhouse. Mike is in there all right. Can you just go through them?”

“No.” Cecilia glared at the stone sentinels. “The stones in their head magically ward them. They are solid to me. Let’s regroup with the others, cause we’re going to need a plan.”

“We’re coming Mike!” Abella called, turning away to run to the fountain.

-

Mike cocked his head. Did he just hear his name?

“What is this place?” Sarah asked from behind. They had stepped through the busted door, Mike taking great care to step over the vines. Sarah, seeing this, had done the same without asking twice. Now they stood in the weird open space inside the greenhouse, the sky up above a gentle blue.

“The greenhouse. The others don’t come here, they think it’s just a big dirt pit.”

“A dirt pit?” Sarah looked doubtful.

“Well, um, in a manner of speaking.” Mike pointed at the large jungle beneath them. “When I asked, they thought the plants in here were dead. Lack of care and all. I guess Emily didn’t ever come in here either. Those vines that are all over the house are just huge, literal stink weeds. Touch them and poof! You’re covered in this sticky shit that smells like vomit.” Mike pointed at the Mandragora vines. “Emily planted it to keep them out. That’s why it’s all over the house-nobody wants to even attempt to fix it.”

“Disgusting. Now show me where you put the Grimoire.”

Grimoire. Mike had heard the word before. Walking closer to the edge of the cliff, it came to him. “It’s more of a journal really. There’s a cave out that way, to keep it from getting wet. This guy,” he pointed at the Mandragora, “is simply all over the place. I’ve never seen any animals here, and the plants don’t give a shit, so I figured it would be safe.”

“A cave huh?” Mike could feel a shift in the air, and that familiar ball of ice formed in his gut.

“Yeah. I locked it in a special box that only I can get into. Soul resonance. Trick I learned from the book.” Behind him, the magic fizzled, and he hid his sigh. She had been about to kill him. “Box kills anyone else who touches it or even open it. Disintegrates them. Spent my morning crafting the thing out of dragonhide, minotaur fur and what was left of the succubus.”

“You had those things just laying around?” Some of the edge was gone from Sarah’s voice, replaced with curiosity.

“Oh yeah. Emily has tons of weird shit stored all over this place. Granted, the dragonhide was hard to identify, it was in a box with so many other things.”

“And the Grimoire let an amateur such as yourself simply create such a thing? And it wasn’t hard?”

“Oh yeah. It’s like Hardcore Magic for Idiots.” Mike was looking for the path that wound down into the valley, doing his best to pretend like he knew where he was going. The Mandragora vines twitched when he neared them, but were otherwise still. He noticed that their dark green hue had gone slightly pale. He really needed to feed the damn thing.

But not just yet.

“If one such as you with no magical aptitude could commit such a feat, then I can only imagine what I could do with it.” Sarah was close enough now that she poked Mike in the back with the tip of her knife. It split the fabric with ease, and Mike winced, the sensation of warm blood down his back flooding him with terror. It would take no effort at all for Sarah to take his life from him, and then the others would fall into her hands.

“There was a section in the back that I couldn’t figure out.” The lie came easily, and Sarah’s eagerness to hear them was a blessing. “It was a bunch of diagrams, and some ingredients and stuff I couldn’t pronounce.”

“That makes sense. It likely has to do with the Old Ones. That is the strongest kind of magic.” Sarah’s voice had risen slightly in pitch. Mike looked back at her and saw that her cheeks had reddened. “If one such as you could do Master level spellwork, then I bet I would have access to the spells of Creation themself!”

Mike let out a breath. He had no idea what the Grimoire was, but now he really hoped that none of his bullshit was actually true. He wondered if Naia could tell him more about it.

The path became steep, and Sarah waited for Mike to traverse the longer stretches of it first, hiking up her robes and tucking them into her belt, revealing long, slender legs. Her large breasts bounced pleasantly on the occasion she had to hop down from a rock or trees stump. Her attractiveness ended where her face began. Frozen in a sneer, he wondered what drove a woman of such beauty to be so evil.

“We are almost to the bottom,” he said, surveying the land. There was a definable trail, one that had started on top of the cliff, and Mike was playing a hunch. He noticed that the Mandragora vines ran outward in every direction, but always within a couple of feet of the trail itself. The further they walked, the thicker the vines got, and they were now stepping beneath the canopy of the forest below, the floor of the path decorated in the shadows of the leaves up above. “Need to go for a bit in here.”

“How far?” Sarah asked.

“I didn’t wear a fitbit this morning,” Mike told her. “I found this cave the other day, after that fire lizard tried to kill me.”

“That was MY fire elemental,” Sarah informed him. The edge was back in her voice. “If we don’t get there soon, then I’m going to break both of your legs and make you crawl.”

Shit. He needed to do something soon. Walking down the trail, he saw that there were small stones all around. Looking at the increasingly thick vines all around them, he realized that they had begun to move, twisting around themselves like giant snakes. Every few steps, he shuffled his feet a little, trying to catch his shoelaces with his other foot. Gradually, he loosened one of them, keeping his eye out for a rock big enough to do the trick.

“Hold up a second,” Mike said, spotting one the size of an egg. He placed his foot right next to it. “Shoes untied, slowing me down.”

“Hurry up.” She said. Mike chanced a look back. Though the wand was trained at him, her eyes were on the forest. Suspicion was in her eyes-she clearly sensed danger in the forest, but could not spot it. Tying the laces on his shoe, he grabbed the rock, casually palming it in his hand.

“Okay, I’m good.” Now that he had a stone, he needed to figure out what to do with it. Did he throw it at the vines, and hope they woke up? Did he try to nail Sarah with it, stun her and then tackle the vines? Snorting through his crusted nostrils, he suddenly knew what to do.

Scratching an itch by his mouth, he pinched his nose between his fingers and gave it a sharp yank. He heard something pop, and blood flowed fully once again down his face. This time, he let it run down his shirt, catching it on his fingertips and flicking it out to the side, the droplets touching the Mandragora. The vines immediately flexed, sensing prey nearby.

“It’s just up ahead now.” The trail twisted to the side, then switched back. A large tangle of vines wrapped around the narrow pass, and Mike wiped his face, coating the stone in his own blood. Slowing down while walking through the narrow section of the trail, Mike stopped, staring up into the sky through a gap in the canopy, twisting so that he could see Sarah, his eyes tracking nothing.

“What is it?” Sarah asked, stopping right behind him, her body so close that he could smell her sweat. She was looking up too, trying to figure out what he had seen. Mike casually tossed the stone to his right, landing squarely in a loop of Mandragora vines. They were everywhere now, like a giant cobweb, wrapped around every tree and plant. Immediately, they flexed, little creeper vines grabbing at the stone, the forest shifting around them.

Sarah, seeing the vines move, pointed her wand and fired, a greenish blast of energy that blew the foliage apart. Wand outstretched, her dagger was on the far side of her body, away from Mike. Mike stepped away from the blast, and then behind Sarah. Grabbing her from behind, he pulled her off her feet and into the larger Mandragora vines behind them.

“What are you doing?” She was inhumanly strong, easily ripping his hands off of her. However, covered in Mike’s blood, the Mandragora had sensed them both. Dozens of vines looped around their bodies, Sarah shouting in an arcane language, lighting up the forest floor. Mike held fast to her legs, the vines already dragging him away. Sarah’s blade was effective, but there were too many vines to cut. Shrieking at no one in particular, she and Mike were tied up completely, dragged away across the forest floor.

“You piece of shit,” she screamed, kicking at his head. Mike could no longer let go-the vines had tied his arms to her body. Her foot struck, but with very little force. “You cocksucking, motherfucking, shit-stinking mortal!”

Mike ignored her, turning his head to see where they were going. Above him, he could feel Sarah struggling against her bonds, which in turn tightened his. He no longer cared what happened, as long as he could protect the others. Dragged across the forest floor, he felt relieved that he had managed to lure her away.

“Where are you taking me?” Sarah shrieked, kicking her feet some more. Mike chuckled.

“I’m not taking you anywhere.” New vines wrapped around them, the old ones releasing them. Mike and Sarah broke apart, and they accelerated across the forest floor, splashing through puddles and devastating bushes in their passing. Traversing the curves of trees, Mike felt his whole body whipped from side to side, smashing into other plants or even rocks, his whole body becoming a giant bruise. The Mandragora was tenderizing its meat.

He wondered what the end would look like. A cavernous maw, perhaps, with man-sized teeth? A bottomless pit? A huge Venus fly trap ready to impress him with show tunes prior to devouring him?

Behind him, Sarah was muttering curses under her breath, her hair snagging on bushes, undoing her braids. Mike ignored her ramblings, concentrating on the new problem at hand. He had given them over to the Mandragora. Now what?

The bushes disappeared, and they were in a large clearing. At its center was the Mandragora itself. Nearly twelve feet tall, it was a giant, green bulb with an amateur bloom on top of it. Huge leaves surrounded the base, interspersed with giant pitcher plant traps that looked like giant, green sleeping bags. The vines pulled them ever closer, dragging them through the dirt. Up above, hanging like giant cocoons, were pods that swayed gently in the breeze.

“What is this place?” Sarah asked, her voice unnaturally calm.

“I’m guessing it’s the Mandragora.” Mike looked back at her. “I was going to feed it today, poor thing is starving. If you had showed up later this afternoon, my plan probably wouldn’t have worked.”

“I fucking hate you,” Sarah said, her cheeks bright red. Her face was scraped up, blood and dirt across her face. “I hate you, I hate this plant, I hate your whole fucking family, and your fucking monster collection. You don’t have the Grimoire after all, do you?”

“Nope. Never heard of it.”

Sarah snarled, her teeth grinding. “Once this thing lets me go, I’m going to set this whole goddamn forest on fire.”

“About that,” Mike said, watching in amusement as several vines yanked the wand from Sarah’s hand, snapping it in half. “Mandragora speaks English.”

“Fuck.” The plant yanked away her dagger too, tossing it casually to the side where it landed point down in a stone, sinking to the hilt. “What does it want with us?”

“I’m guessing lunch.” Mike looked at the plant, which wasn’t moving. He wondered how big its teeth were going to be. “I hope it eats you first. I bet you taste like shit.”

“I’m still going to kill you. With my bare hands.” Sarah’s whole face was red, nostrils flaring. “I’m going to rip off your face and piss all over-“

The pods up above rustled, and a cloud of pink and yellow glitter settled on Mike, Sarah, and the ground around them. Both Sarah and Mike coughed violently — it was like inhaling black pepper.

“What is this?” Mike asked.

“Fuck,” Sarah whispered. The vines around them were slowly loosening, circulation slowly flowing to Mike’s limbs. The first thing he was aware of was how much his new scrapes and bruises hurt, injuries incurred by his travel through the woods. The second thing he noticed was how hard he suddenly was.

“I…I don’t get it,” Mike said. Sitting up, he saw that Sarah was on her hands and knees, taking deep breaths, her breasts heaving beneath her robes.

“I won’t do it, I won’t do it,” she kept muttering to herself. Her shapely ass was beginning to sway from side to side, and she started rocking back and forth, squeezing her legs together.

“What’s happening?” Sitting up, Mike’s cock shifted slightly in his pants. The sensation was magnified tenfold, and instant thrill sent up his spine to his brain. He tried to adjust himself, but the feeling of cloth across the head of his dick was already making him leak precum, a small stain forming on the outside of his filthy pants. “Oh god.”

“I’ll tell you what’s happening.” Sarah’s voice had a raspy quality to it. She was breathing entirely too hard. “The Mandragora plans to eat us.”

“By making us horny?” That didn’t make a lot of sense.

“No you idiot. This plant. I’ve read about it. It needs to exhaust us before it eats us.” Sarah laughed, spit dribbling from her mouth. “I always thought it used poison, or made us struggle. Fact is, once we’re inside it, it can’t use the vines, and it needs to make sure we are too weak to get out. This, though. This is ridiculous.”

“I still don’t follow.” And it was becoming increasingly hard to. Mike’s vision was narrowing, all thought of the outside world fading away. All he could focus on was this woman before him, in dark robes that clung to her skin in all the right places. The v-neck of her gown hugged her large breasts, the fabric opening slightly to give him a peek down her blouse.

“You’ve killed us. You’ve killed both of us.” Sarah laid her upper body on the ground, her ass up in the air. “If I could just… resist.” Her left hand slid down her stomach, pushing up against her pelvis. She let out a hiss, rubbing insistently with her fingers. “If I can just… get off, maybe I can run away.”

This was crazy. Mike didn’t see how the plant was planning to eat them by making them horny. He also saw no reason to wear pants anymore. They were confining, hugging his skin too tightly. He slid them free, sighing as his cock sprang up into the open air. Turning his head to look at Sarah, he saw that she was actively rubbing her breast through the gown with her free hand, moaning quietly while she squeezed.

He couldn’t look away. For several minutes, he watched as Sarah diddled herself, adjusting her robes to slide her whole hand beneath. Mike felt strangely relaxed, strangely fine with the idea that he had no desire to escape.

Sarah’s eyes snapped up to meet his, a desperation in them. Puzzled, he realized that she was staring at his cock, which he was absent-mindedly stroking in full view.

“You asshole,” she gasped, crawling toward him. Drawing close, her hand withdrew from beneath her gown, grabbing his dick tightly. Her hand was soaking wet, and she pumped him with purpose. “You need to… share.”

Share? Mike’s eyes rolled back in his head when Sarah sucked him into her mouth, jacking him off at the base of his dick while her tongue worked wonders on the head. He couldn’t even remember why they had been fighting anymore, she seemed like a perfectly lovely woman, her body all curves before him.

“Show me your tits,” he muttered, and she hastily obliged, as if afraid he would take his dick away from her. Her gown slid easily to the side, revealing two voluptuous globes, the skin between her breasts red with arousal. The world around him was little more than a haze, his entire attention on this buxom beauty servicing him. His entire world was the warm, wet sensation of her mouth, gulping greedily at his cock, her hands twisting and squeezing him at the base…

“GAH!” Mike came with very little warning, grabbing Sarah by the hair and forcing himself deep into the back of her throat. Semen shot out of her nose, Sarah frantically swallowing as much of it as she could.

“Wait. Wait!” It suddenly occurred to Mike why what they were doing was wrong. He pulled his dick free, shoving Sarah to the ground in a frantic bid to escape. Nearly tripping over his pants, he made it almost ten feet before his head started swimming again.

“No fair!” Sarah tackled him around the waist, driving him to the ground. She was shifting her robes to the side, Mike’s dick getting rock hard once more. By the time she impaled herself on his cock, there was no place in the world he would rather be.

-

Abella walked forward, a giant spear in her hand. Behind her came Tink with a crossbow in each hand, followed by Cecilia, who carried nothing. Tink had taken them to the armory. After a quick discussion, it was decided that the weak point in the golems was the gemstones themselves. Though Abella held a spear, she had six more leaned up against the house.

“Where did the Mandragora go?” Cecilia asked, gazing at the wall. There was no sign of the hungering plant.

“Tink find out later,” the goblin hissed. “Kill stupid rock fucks.” Tink had been inconsolable since waking. “Much easier with goggles. Tink having bad two days.”

“We’re all having a bad day. Cecilia, you ready?”

The banshee nodded. Gliding forward toward the golems, they spread out, ready to intercept her. Moving toward the closest one, Cecilia jumped out of the way as it smashed a fist into the stone boundary of the yard. Letting out an angry grunt, the golem swung again, missing Cecilia by a hair's length. Hair billowing outward in every direction, Cecilia ran right in front of it, taunting it farther.

This time, the golem lifted its arms and belly flopped. Smirking, Cecilia sank into the ground, the golem smashing into the dirt and leaving a giant, belly shaped crater. Pushing itself up, it stopped when a crossbow bolt shattered next to the gem in its head.

“Fuck!” Tink lifted the other crossbow, closing one eye and taking aim. This one flew true, striking the gem. It exploded in a cacophony of light and sound, the golem crumbling into a large pile of gravel.

The others, unperturbed, remained at their post, moving closer together.

“Stupid rock fucks,” Tink growled, reloading both of her bows. Cecilia emerged from inside the golem’s carcass, clearly pleased with the shattered body beneath her.

“Let’s take our time,” Abella said, noticing the other golems had stayed at their post. Readying her spear, she and Tink moved forward, ready for Cecilia to lure the next one out.

-

“OH MY GOD!” Sarah came hard, soaking Mike’s lap with her cum. Her orgasm subsiding, her face once again twisted into a mask of cruelty, one hand clutching Mike’s throat and squeezing. “I hate you so much right now,” she hissed, her hips already beginning to move on their own. Soon, she released Mike’s throat, allowing him to breathe deeply once more before cumming deep inside the witch.

“Holy shit!” Mike tried to extricate himself, but she was too strong. The erotic euphoria took him once again, and he pushed Sarah off only to roll her over and take her from behind, her elbows planted firmly on the ground.

“OH, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!” Sarah slammed her ass against him, her whole body shuddering once more. Mike was now in a frenzy, pounding her as fast as he could. Sarah crawled away from him, kicking him back and away, only to fall under the spell of the Mandragora’s powder once more.

“I don’t understand,” Mike said, the next time he came, trying to unwrap himself. His legs were going numb, and his lower back was beginning to hurt.

“I’m going to rip off your  face,” Sarah informed him, before pushing him back and throwing herself on top of him. In their frantic thrusting, Sarah lifted up too high, Mike’s dick popping free. In his frantic rush to get back inside her, he missed the target, pushing his way into her tight asshole.

“Oh fuck!” Sarah grabbed his hips and sank all the way down until his balls were squeezed by her ass cheeks. She rode him like this for several minutes, and he came again, filling her ass up with his seed. Gasping for breath, he could only lie there in a daze until the powder took over once again, his entire world consumed by the desire to mate, to fuck, to pound her relentlessly.

How long had they been at this? Mike’s whole body hurt, yet his dick was doing all of the talking. Every time the powder took over, he sank even deeper into the euphoria of pure, unadulterated sex.

Sarah’s face twisted up, turning bright red as she experienced a string of orgasm all together. Eyes popping open, she stared down at Mike, opening her mouth to say something. Instead, a line of drool fell from her mouth, and she collapsed on top of Mike, gasping for air. The two of them had just been forced to run a marathon at a sprint, and Mike felt like his heart couldn’t take much more.

“I hate you so much,” Sarah told him, the anger now out of her voice. It had been replaced with acceptance, the realization that neither of them was going to survive.

“I’m not always a fan of myself,” he informed her, cumming one last time inside her. This time, his dick went soft and stayed that way, and Sarah fell to the side, neither of them unable to move.

Several minutes passed. Mike couldn’t move, his eyes locked on Sarah’s. She was breathing so hard that the dirt on the ground was forming a little air channel in front of her mouth.

“All we wanted was the house,” she told him. “This could have been so easy if you had just sold us the house.”

“I discovered something better than money,” he said, letting out a big sigh. It was hard enough just talking. “They’re my family.”

“They’re not even human.” Sarah tried to push herself away from him, but was unable to. “They’re monsters. Tools at best, ready to be used.”

“If you really believe that, then you are the real monster here.” Mike coughed, his lungs hurting. “This is not how I thought my day would go.”

Sarah laughed, a sound that was closer to a bark. “Me either. The Society thought you had gained some supernatural power here. It turns out you have the devil’s own luck is all.” Sarah was moving slowly away from him. Puzzled, Mike glanced down to see that the creeper vines had found her once more, tentatively moving her.

“I’m guessing my luck has run out.” Mike smirked. “But at least the others are safe.”

“To think that I survived two World Wars and Salem, only to end up here with you.” Sarah took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “A curse on you, Mike Radley.”

“Time to feed the Mandragora,” Mike muttered, the vines wrapping around his waist and pulling him across the ground too. His entire body was now numb, his back in a state of near spasm. Sarah muttered to herself, the exhausted witch dragged toward the pitcher plant nearest them. The large leaves at the base of the plant reached for her, stroking her face gently, assessing its meal. The leaves in the clearing rustled their approval, and Sarah let out a sigh as she was pulled through the opening of the pitcher, sliding down into its depths. With a loud creak, the pitcher lifted into the air, supported by several thick, curly vines. The light penetrated deep enough that he could see her silhouette, her limbs moving in slow motion as the pitcher filled with fluid. No matter how high she reached, she couldn’t get to the edge.

It was Mike’s turn. Pulled close to the plant, the leaves stroked his body, first touching his feet, then his head. The plant shifted about, a suitably large pitcher selected to accommodate him. There was no malice in their touch, only instinct. Dragged toward the opening of the plant, one of the leaves stroked his cheek gently, like a mother would a child.

The memory came unbidden, an instinct from another time and another life.

“Hey there, sweet pea.” The words came on their own, slipping free of him and vanishing on the wind.

All movement stopped. The plant shivered, thousands of leaves rustling all at once. Tiny creeper vines emerged from beneath the larger leaves, touching his face, then stroking his skin where he had been injured.

“I’m not even mad. Okay?” How could he be? The poor thing was starving. “I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you sooner. I’m afraid I made a mess of things.” It was taking serious effort just to keep his eyes open now, the urge to sleep overcoming him. Already, the struggles inside of Sarah’s pitcher had ceased, her silhouette floating eerily in the center, likely to be dissolved over several days.

The pitcher that had been prepared for him was dragged away, and the lager vines released him. The creepers moved over his body, touching him gently where he had been cut, his whole body tingling in response. The leaves up above rustled, and a large piece of fruit fell, landing by his face.

“Heh.” Mike wanted to get up and grab it, but just lifting his head was too hard. The Mandragora wrapped the large, apple shaped fruit in two vines and twisted, breaking it in half. The first half was pushed against Mike’s mouth, and he greedily sucked at the surface, surprised at how juicy it was. Taking small bites, his body flooded with warmth all the way to his toes. Upon finishing the first half, the second half was promptly fed to him as well. More rustling overhead and a coconut appeared, dropped from above and caught gently before it could roll on his face. This was cracked open, the liquid poured down his throat.

“Yeah. Thatta girl.” Mike sipped at the coconut, which somehow tasted more like an orange. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the coconut wasn’t perfectly round-it had a tapered point on one end. He couldn’t be bothered to wonder, however, and he just kept drinking.

“I guess you’re not going to eat me after all,” Mike said, using his newfound energy to grab one of the larger vines and hug it tightly against his chest like a stuffed toy. The Mandragora lifted him, building a hammock of vines beneath his tired body. Holding the plant against his chest, he sighed, relieved that he had made survived.

The Mandragora rocked him gently. Eyelids fluttering, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.