Hogwarts, i am Dementor

[…] 

The horned serpent started lecturing Cohen. 

["We're just in a parent-child relationship here. You're kinda overstepping a bit…"] 

Plop— 

"Hmph! Hmph!" 

The lion head let out a satisfied grunt as a big pile of poop hit the ground. 

["Stupid lion, he didn't mean for you to go now!"] The horned serpent whipped around, glaring at the lion head up front. 

They shared one butt, sure, but since the snake always kept its body arched high, it never got too close to the mess—or dirty from it, for that matter. 

"Now I get it—Vanishio." 

Cohen's curiosity was satisfied. He casually flicked a spell at the pile blocking the doorway. 

"Roar!" (A cheerful bellow) 

The lion lunged at Cohen, affectionately trying to lick his head off—but Cohen briefly shifted into his Dementor form, slipping out of the lion's enthusiastic pounce with ease. 

"Stop it, don't scare the kid," the black goat scolded, giving the lion's head a light tap with its horns. "You'll lick his head clean off." 

"Roar…" (A pitiful whimper) 

"Not the brightest bulb, huh?" Cohen sidestepped, wary of the lion accidentally blasting him with fire—he could smell flammable grease on its breath. "Have you guys been hanging around here all this time just waiting for me?" 

"Of course, child," the black goat replied. It seemed like the gentlest and smartest of the three heads, reminding Cohen of a runespoor. "We took a nap here, waiting for you to grow up, waiting for you to come back—" 

["So you could take us to that—do you have a suitcase now?"] the snake head cut in. ["Or is it too soon? I've seen so many futures before, I can't quite keep them straight…"] 

"Roar!" (A hungry, hopeful growl) 

"I've got a suitcase," Cohen said, circling the massive beast to get a better look. "Weirdly enough, you're the first magical creature from a lab I've met that didn't immediately call me 'son'…" 

["The old goat wouldn't let me,"] the snake head said. ["But I've always felt…"] 

"Because I know wizard family ties aren't the same as what we see as family," the black goat explained wisely. "We didn't 'raise' you, so I figured we should rein in that instinctual urge a bit—even though we all do feel toward you like you're our 'offspring.'" 

"We want a safe place to stay," the goat continued. "Somewhere to hide from unexpected trouble." 

"What kind of trouble? You guys in hot water or something?" Cohen asked, intrigued. 

["We escaped to Europe from Greece,"] the snake head said. ["Some wizards have been chasing us like mad—not dangerous, just annoying."] 

"Wizards are strange creatures," the black goat mused. "They hunt us down, and if we fight back, they send even more after us—even though they know it'll just end with them dying over and over. It's a choice that benefits no one, yet they've kept it up for decades without giving up." 

"Roar…" (A grumbly roar) 

"I think I caught what it meant," Cohen said, pointing at the lion head. "It just said wizards don't taste good, right?" 

["They really don't,"] the snake head agreed. ["Stringy, not much meat, and barely a snack."] 

"Fair," Cohen nodded knowingly. "Wait—decades? You're not telling me you've been planning to crash at my place since way back then, are you?" 

"It started eighty years ago," the black goat said. "We saw a wizard's manor in the snake's gem—a place where we could live quietly for a while—" 

["But the prophecy was all fragmented. We didn't know exactly where it was, so we've been wandering the world looking for it,"] the snake head added. ["Still, it beats being stuck in Greece with wizards staring at us from a distance all day. They nearly drove the lion nuts—couldn't eat them, but they kept hovering around."] 

"Good thing thirteen years ago we finally found that manor. The people there were easy to talk to—they offered food and shelter and helped us stay hidden," the black goat said. "Of course, back then we didn't pay much attention to what those wizards were up to—until that basilisk named Sissoko tracked us down. He wanted our help finding his wife and kids." 

"Sissoko? I just saw him a while back—wife and kids?!" Cohen's eyes widened. "Since when does he have a wife and kids?" 

["He didn't tell you?"] the snake head asked. ["Wizards stole his wife and kids, so he followed their scent all the way to that manor. But he couldn't figure out exactly where they were."] 

"So we took him deep into the manor, where those wizards were messing with weird stuff," the black goat said. "That very day, whatever they were working on blew up. Sissoko caught the scent of his wife and kids, and that trail led to…" 

"Me." 

Cohen didn't even need to think hard to guess where the folks at Borgin Manor had stashed Sissoko's family. 

That must be why Sissoko was so attached to him—same vibe as Herbert. They both felt like their kids weren't really gone, just living on in a different way. 

["After the explosion, a ton of wizards showed up. The lion got antsy, so we went invisible and bailed,"] the snake head said. ["But in one of the futures I saw, the kid who survived that lab—you—would give us a safe, permanent home."] 

"You were just a tiny little cub back then," the black goat added. "We wanted to wait for you to grow up, so we hid out with wizards tied to you by blood, took a long nap, and waited for you to show." 

"So you're here tonight because of the snake's prophecy?" Cohen glanced at the gem on the horned serpent's forehead, but it didn't show him any visions of the future. 

["Yeah,"] the horned serpent confirmed. 

"But prophecies aren't always spot-on or right on time," the black goat said. "We wandered around here for a month without finding you, but tonight we got lucky—you showed up. So…" 

"Will you take us in?" the black goat asked, its deep eyes locking onto Cohen's. 

"Roar?" (A confused rumble) 

["I… could sing you lullabies,"] the horned serpent offered reluctantly, its tsundere tone kicking in as it tried to barter "daily songs" for a place to stay. 

"I'm past the age for bedtime lullabies," Cohen said, the corner of his mouth twitching. 

The black goat's gaze drooped sadly, the lion flopped down in disappointment, and the snake went quiet, coiling behind the goat's head. 

They looked like Cohen had just kicked a puppy—or three. 

"Don't act like I'm some animal abuser! I meant you don't need to sing for me to let you stay." 

Cohen realized they'd misunderstood him. 

"I'm not prejudiced or anything. I've got basilisks, dragons, nightmares, unicorns—you name it. Adding a Chimera to the mix won't make a difference. Just, uh, inside my suitcase, you can only eat sheep and pygmy pigs. No snacking on anything else." 

"ROAR!!!" (An ecstatic bellow) 

(End of Chapter)