Hitman T

That birthday night I'll never forget, never in my life. Those few hours passed by so fast, I wanted to grab hold of it, not let it slip away so quickly.

L couldn't stay overnight with me, not even lying in bed talking all night. No one would believe it, but someone would interfere.

After L left, I opened the letter she wrote me. She didn't want me to read it in front of her, saying it was embarrassing. The letter goes like this:

(T:

My dear T, Happy Birthday!

I hope this birthday I spent with you won't make you feel lonely or bored. I knitted this scarf while learning, maybe the stitches are quite loose, but I really did my best, please don't mind.

I think I must be very happy and joyful tonight. Every minute with you makes me so happy, as happy as a young girl in her first love.

When we part ways, I already think about the next time we'll meet. If possible, I don't want to be apart from you for a second, just want to hold you quietly, don't let go, hold on until we grow old together, until the moment we die.

Please don't misunderstand me, I've always been with my colleagues like you first met me, until I met you.

I don't know what it is about you that makes me so infatuated. It's hard to explain, maybe love is meant to be inexplicable, if you can explain it clearly, it's not love.

Sometimes I think, if there were no company, no other things, we would just be ordinary acquaintances, how nice would that be. I even fantasize about running away with you, to a place where no one can find us, getting married, having children with you, living a quiet life together, even if we have nothing, I would willingly accept it.

But where could we escape to? Can we escape this world? We are just small pawns, at the mercy of fate.

Okay, today is your birthday, let's not say those heavy words.

My T, you are a good man, a charming man, at least you've charmed me. Do you know how likable you are?

When we're out together, you always ask me what I'm looking at, I'm just looking at those women looking at you. I don't want others to look at you, I only allow myself to look at you, it's a woman's natural instinct.

When I say this, are you secretly pleased? Don't be vain, in this life, you're only going to be with me. We're like two grasshoppers on the same string, can't run away from each other, haha!

With you, it truly feels like home, with you, Tiger, chatting and laughing. Fate is like this, what others have as ordinary and unremarkable, for us, it's a helpless desire. Listen to the song "Practice," the lyrics are really good.

T, let's finish by blessing your mother together. A son's birthday, a mother's difficult day, raising you and caring for you is not easy, we wish her well.

I have so much to say to you, but when I pick up the pen, it all turns into nonsense. I'll stop here, so you can sleep.

Love has a great power, it can make people disregard life and death, but remember, you must always be safe and secure, don't make me worry like last time.

You're silly, do you think burying this feeling in your heart without expressing it can make it disappear? Some things are beyond anyone's control. Happy Birthday!

--Love you, L)

After reading the letter, I texted L, saying: I'm confident, I'm a good man!

L replied, saying: You're so arrogant! Can't praise you, you get proud!

But, after L was gone, when I read this letter again, I realized, in Chinese, the first word of the last four sentences spells out: T, I love you.

The day L had an accident was January 18, a few days after my birthday.

After L, I realized I don't like cloudy days as much, because I love watching the sunlight shining behind L, every strand of her hair glowing, her eyes sparkling.

The weather that day was great, warm sun, gentle breeze but not cold. L wanted to go shopping with me to buy things for the house, she always said the more things in the house, the more it feels like a home.

From the outside, we looked like a loving couple. L always held onto my arm, never letting go, and if she did, she quickly grabbed it back. When shopping for clothes, people in the store would say your girlfriend is so clingy to you, so happy.

I'd say, yeah, she is.

We wandered around the pedestrian street, didn't buy much. I'm not a big shopper, but accompanying her was what I enjoyed most. Bargaining with the shop owner, pretending to walk away, then being called back, all because we saved a few bucks made us laugh and smile happily.

We didn't need much, just these simple things were enough.

But even these simple things, fate didn't want to give us.

As we passed by a silver jewelry store, L stared at the display case for a while. I urged her to leave, and she did.

After a whole afternoon of strolling, we bought a large stuffed toy, a carpet, two teacups, and indulged in some snacks.

The spicy noodles at the end of the pedestrian street were really delicious, 5 money a bowl.

We stood on the roadside eating, and L said while eating, you know, we could start a business selling this too. We'd earn a lot in a day, look at how many people are here.

I said, I have enough money for you, no need to sell noodles.

L said, well, we still have to do something, having a shop together would be nice. We wouldn't have to be apart to earn money, and we'd be busy and fulfilled.

These were the last words L spoke to me, I remember them clearly, every single one.

After finishing eating, we were ready to head back. At a T-junction, L suddenly said, wait for me here, don't wander off, stay put, I'll be right back.

She hurriedly crossed back to the other side of the road, holding the big stuffed toy and a gift box, calling out to me and wanting to run over.

I checked the pedestrian crossing lights, the red light was flashing, green light off. I gestured for her to stop, pointed at the lights.

L looked both ways and saw no cars, then ran towards me. I'll always remember her smiling face as she ran towards me, like a child who scored a perfect hundred.

It was a road about ten meters wide. She had just reached the middle when a big van rushed out from the bend on her right side, heading straight for her without slowing down.

I wanted to run over and pull her away, but I wasn't as fast as the car, and L was too close to the intersection.

With a loud "thud," L was hit by the car and flew sideways in front of my eyes, forming a parabola and landing 9 meters away.

I don't know what was going through my mind at that moment. It was just blank, not knowing anything, just watching L lying on the ground in the distance.

As more and more people gathered around, someone behind me pushed me and asked if that was my friend. It was then that I realized it was L who had been hit.

My legs were trembling so much I could hardly walk. I crawled those few meters with my hands to reach her. L was lying on the ground, with no blood on her face or body, not even a bruise.

Her eyes were lifeless, squinting in some direction. I wanted to call an ambulance, but my vision was blurry, and my hands were shaking so much I couldn't even unlock my phone.

I knelt beside her, asking the onlookers to call for an ambulance. Everyone started pulling out their phones.

L's hand was clutching a plush toy, while her other hand tightly held a gift box. She couldn't lift her hand, just kept looking towards the box. I took the box from her, and inside was a pair of silver rings.

I cried without making a sound, taking out the ring and telling her, "I'll wear it now, you listen to me, wait for the doctor, everything will be fine. We'll go to the hospital and come back home. I'll cook for you tonight. Can you hear me? Don't close your eyes!"

A faint smile appeared at the corner of L's mouth, her lips moving slightly.

An auntie said, "She's talking to you, get closer."

I leaned in close to L's lips and heard her say, "Good... live well. I'll be in heaven, watching over you."

I shook my head vigorously, wanting to hear more from her, but that was her final sentence. L's eyes closed and never reopened.

In that moment, my world crumbled. Everything lost color and sound. I couldn't hear my own cries or anyone speaking. When the ambulance arrived, I got on with the driver.

Inside the ambulance, the doctor told me that L was already gone, beyond saving.

I refused to believe it, desperately clinging to the doctor's sleeve, begging him to save L. I said she hadn't bled at all, so she must be okay. Please check again, please, I begged.

But the doctor just patted my shoulder and shook his head.