Heretical Fishing: A Cozy Guide to Annoying the Cults, Outsmarting the Fish, and Alienating Oneself

As I sailed through the late afternoon air, a frigid wind raced over me, biting deep into my skin. Before becoming a cultivator, it would have chilled me to the bone. Now, it just made me smile. I held my arms wide, enjoying the potent sensations that washed over my body.

Still skybound, I glanced back, spotting everyone else between the trees at the base of the mountain. I’d not been able to contain my excitement, so I raced ahead and leaped up into the air the moment we reached the slope. Not wanting to create an earthquake with my jump, I’d only used enough energy to get a third of the way up, and as the mountain approached from below, I grinned. Only touching down for a fraction of a second, I kicked off again, causing shale to fracture.

The next time I landed, it was atop a thin layer of snow. Filled with exhilaration, I launched myself again, getting high enough to see over the top of the mountain. What I found there took my breath away. It was a clear day, and despite the sun’s fading light, I could see land all the way to the northern horizon. To the east, I spotted the ocean. From here, it was like a giant god had taken a bite of the continent, letting the sea rush in and claim the space.

When I reached the apex of my flight, gravity took hold. As it dragged me landward, I focused my attention on the snowy peak. With my enhanced awareness, I watched it come as if in slow motion, the icy wind a constant grounding presence. I braced my legs, expecting to crash through a knee-high layer of snow and hit the rocks below.

Instead, I sunk up to my shoulders, finding myself completely encapsulated by ice.

“Huh,” I said, wiggling my body.

It was like a cold hug, which now that I thought about it, probably shouldn’t be enjoyable. It was, though, the freezing touch of the snow invigorating. I waited there a moment longer before freeing myself, and as I peered down to find my friends, I realized my whoopsie. Apparently, crashing down into a snow-covered peak wasn’t the best of ideas. I’d thought the whooshing sound was the howling wind. As it turns out, I might have created a little avalanche.

Well, maybe little wasn’t the right word...

Tonnes and tonnes of snow raced down the slope, gathering more mass as it went. I spotted an anomalous color among the white vista, and when I squinted at it, I smiled. Borks, in his long-boi form, danced over the top of it. His empowered body made it look easy, despite the fact that a regular animal would have been buried beneath the frozen flood in the blink of an eye.

With his tongue hanging from his mouth, he made it to me in less than a minute. He unleashed a series of rapid-fire licks on my leg, and I fussed his neck with both hands, giving him a good scritching.

“Where’s everyone else, buddy?”

I already suspected the answer, but it was confirmed when he ripped a hole in space.

“The frack, Fischer?” Maria asked, stepping through first. “What was that?”

I waved my hand, making a dismissive gesture. “Oh, just a little avalanche. Nothing to worry about.”

“An avalanche? Why does your world have a word for a frozen landslide?”

“Iunno. We frack around with winter sports. Skiing and snowboarding are pretty fun...” I blinked and stared into space, realizing I might have just found Tropica’s newest obsession.

Maria snapped her fingers in front of my face, yoinking me back to the present. “Good,” she said. “I was worried that the cold might have frozen your brain for a second.”

“There’s nothing to freeze, I’m afraid,” I joked, knocking the side of my head. “I just had a wonderful idea for a side quest, but it’ll have to wait for another time.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, but I just grinned. “Shall we?”

“Nope,” Deklan said. “Details.”

“Ah-huh.” Dom nodded and fist-bumped his brother. “We demand more information.”

“On...?” I asked.

“Side quest,” they both replied at the same time, then gave each other a sly smile and another fist-bump.

“Oh. Right.”

I gave them a quick run down of skiing and snowboarding, and with each word, they looked more and more like kids on Christmas.

“You’re sure we can’t give it a try?” Deklan asked.

“Wouldn’t take long,” Dom added, “and it would help us, uhhh, understand it better?”

“Right.” Deklan nodded gravely. “We don’t want to do it, per se, but if it’s for the sake of knowledge...”

I expected Maria to be the voice of reason. In retrospect, that was a terrible assumption to make.

“I mean, it couldn’t hurt to go downhill once... would it?” she asked.

I held up my hands. “You don’t need to convince me to have a good time. It might take us too long to make the necessary equipment, but I have an idea...”

It only took Borks a few moments to dig more snow than we needed into his dimensional space, and now that we’d handled what we came for, everyone got into position.

“Riders, ready?” I asked.

Maria, Deklan, and Dom gave me a thumbs up. Borks let out an affirmative ruff.

“How about you, sled?”

Teddy nodded vigorously.

“Okay! Here we go!”

Teddy was lying on his back, his body reclined so his head faced down the slope. Everyone else was riding him like a toboggan, with Borks up front, the brothers in the middle, and Maria bringing up the rear. I put both my hands on Teddy’s back feet.

Showing great restraint, I only tickled his paws a little, stopping when he tensed up and let out a noise that was part warning growl, part giggle. I took slow steps at first, but after a few strides, I picked up the pace. Within a hundred meters, I was sprinting, and just as I reached max speed, I leaped onto Teddy’s body, wrapping my arms around Maria’s torso.

We were absolutely flying, and with our combined mass, we only got faster.

“Hold on tight!” I yelled, following my own advice and leaning into Maria.

I wouldn’t be hurt if I fell off, but I wanted to be a part of this inaugural trip every step of the way. The landscape passing us by became a white blur, the wind growing to a howl as we absolutely tore down the slope. Unable to contain his excitement, Borks unleashed a howl, so loud that it cut through the gale.

I joined in, making a sound that was probably embarrassing but still felt good to release. The others joined in, howling at the setting sun as we rocketed down the mountainside. Acting like the love interests in some romantasy novel was rather intoxicating, so when Teddy hit a small lip of rock and careened into the air, we all followed suit.

As we cartwheeled, flipped, and spun chaotically above the slope, I occasionally locked eyes with another rider. One emotion was more prevalent than any other: sheer, unadulterated exuberance. I considered righting myself like the others were doing, but where was the fun in that? I careened wildly, my limbs splayed outward as I descended.

When I struck the snow again, I expected to sink into it, just as I had when landing on top of the mountain. Once more, I was incorrect. I mean, I did hit snow, but I also hit the solid rock directly beneath it only a fraction of a second later. It cracked beneath my body, the shale comprising the mountain obliterated by the force.

The rock absorbed most of the impact, so I didn’t bounce again, instead sliding among a sea of pebbles as I slowly came to a stop a few hundreds meters later.

When Maria landed by my side, she was crying with laughter. “You—” she cut off, wheezing. “Are you okay?”

“Physically? Doing great. Mentally? My ego might not recover.”

I peered up behind me, finding a crater where I had landed. It looked like it was made by a siege weapon. Once more being ridden by Borks, Deklan, and Dom, Teddy slid around the hole, gliding over the mess of shale that my collision had caused. His head was upside down, and I didn’t miss the way his eyes were locked onto me, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

As expected, he moved an arm, gliding toward me at incredible speed. I could have gotten out of the way, but instead, I reefed Maria’s leg out from under her. She let out a startled noise as I pulled her into my lap.

Just in time, too.

Teddy hit us like a... well, like a multiple-tonne spirit-beast sledding downhill while being ridden by two cultivators and a hellhound. Teddy wrapped his powerful forelimbs around us, pulling us into his chest. I accepted my hug, my stomach swimming with excitement as we skated toward the base of the mountain. Even when the snow ended, Teddy continued on, his enhanced fur sliding right over everything it came across.

All our cores radiated joy as snow became rock and rock became grass. Our passage slowed, and Teddy finally came to a stop against the trunk of a tree.

Deklan held his arms above his head and slid to the ground, crashing to his back. “You know, I think I like snowboarding.”

The rest of us followed suit, sloughing off Teddy’s torso and lying beneath the tree. My heart was thumping with the adrenaline running through me, and as the last light of day finally disappeared, I let out a contented sigh. “I suppose we should go catch those fish.”

“We should,” Maria agreed.

“Ah-huh,” Deklan and Dom chorused.

Yet none of us moved.

We stared at the sky as the stars lazily came into view, shining their pin-prick light down upon us.

***

Deep beneath the ruined castle of Theogonia, liquid fire pulsed through the king’s veins.

Augustus had thought he knew what it meant to burn. Decades had passed since the time of his awakening, and with each year, his understanding of fire only grew. It was the great destructive force, the element that reduced everything to ash. Some had argued that fire had natural counters, like water, earth, or wind. They were wrong. If a fire burned bright enough, none of these elements stood a chance. Water became steam, earth turned molten, and air only served to fuel the flames, increasing their heat.

Only days ago, he thought there was nothing more to learn about fire. What a fool he had been.

The chi oozing from Theogonia, the essence they had labeled as ‘corrupted’, was nothing of the sort. With its help, Augustus finally understood the truth: he had known nothing.

Like a forest being burned to the ground so new vegetation could sprout, his vessel was being rebuilt from within. The blood in his veins boiled as the forbidden chi washed through him, forging his soul into something new. Something better.

There was a soft whimper from beside him, shattering his moment of tranquility. He opened his eyes, fighting down the urge to smite the offender from this plane. Though he stared his hatred at Aisa, the woman who’d whimpered, another sound drew his attention.

His wife, Penelope, let out a sharp gasp, covering her mouth as she stared at him. “S-sorry! It’s just.” She swallowed, considering her words. “Your eyes, Augustus.”

“Ooo,” Tiberius cooed, peering down at him like a curious bird. “Red!”

The rest of the prisoners echoed his call. “Red,” “Red?” “Red!” They cackled, making the fire burning through Augustus flare.

“Silence!” he screamed, cutting them off. “Fetch me a looking glass.”

Princess Tryphena disappeared through the door, returning a moment later with a grave expression and a shard of glass. Augustus meant to stand by the torch to see what they meant, but there was no need. Twin orbs reflected back at him, like burning suns seen through a smoke-filled sky. His eyes were lit from within, the forbidden chi’s changes to his body already visible. He threw his head back and laughed, letting the sound crawl out until his throat was hoarse.

“Do you want another shielding potion, father?” Tryphena asked, a hint of... was that worry coloring her tone?

“I don’t need protection, child,” he spat, emphasizing the last word. “In fact, you should join me.”

“But...” Tryphena’s eyes drifted to Aisa.

The woman was pale and peppered with sweat. She and the rest of the handlers had opened themselves up to the forbidden chi, using it as a source of power to ascend. Unlike Augustus, they appeared too weak to handle it.

The king clenched his jaw, fighting down the urge to strike someone down. “Suit yourself. If you don’t have the spine to cultivate this chi, it would probably have been too much for you anyway.”

Lines formed on Tryphena’s forehead and she opened her mouth to reply, but Penelope clamped a hand over it.

Augustus stared at them for a long moment, daring either of them to utter a word. When nothing came, he let out a slow breath. “Don’t provide any more potions to the handlers. They need to embrace this power without any shielding if they wish to ascend.”

All six of them paled at this, their eyes darting to his.

“Good,” he said, giving them a vicious grin. “Use that emotion to serve your kingdom. Your king.”

“Serve,” “Serve,” “Serve!” the prisoners echoed, breaking out into laughter once more.

This time, the king wasn’t annoyed. He took joy in their calls. He closed his eyes and focused once more, drawing more of the chi in.

It was like pouring molten slag right into his veins, and it only made his smile grow.

With this power, he would avenge his honor.