Her True Form

“Madlyn?” Yvette asked. “Wait, you mean the one who broke your arm? She’s here? Why is she--”

“GERVAS?!” the woman yelled, her rage finally spilling out. “What are YOU doing here? Did my uncle send you?”

“No,” Gervas said. Yvette couldn’t help but notice that he had let Redwood go and his hand was resting on the hilt of his sword. She suspected that if his spear and shield hadn’t been strapped to Redwood, he would have already been waiting for her to charge. “I could ask you the same thing.”

The woman certainly looked ready to charge, her golem standing still besides her. Finally, Madlyn’s eyes glanced to Yvette and she could see annoyance moving over the other woman’s face. “Another journeyman? Are you trying to ruin HER future, too?”

“Last I heard, you were up in Frenzurn,” Gervas said, ignoring her question. His hand now gripping his sword. Madlyn didn’t respond, however, instead her eyes narrowing on Yvette.

“I’m not sure who you are, but trust me. If you paid him, fire him immediately. He is the WORST guardian I’ve ever seen,” she said, fury in her voice.

“She already tried,” Gervas said, moving between the two. “I don’t work for her, though. I work for her master.”

Madlyn sighed and shook her head, her gaze on Yvette softening, before she turned angry eyes back on Gervas. “Nobody wants you here. Or your mule. Or… that,” she snapped, motioning past Yvette towards Chestnut, who had calmed down finally.

“Redwood and Chestnut.”

“Who cares?” Madlyn said before she started to walk again, her golem moving besides her. She kept her eyes on Gervas, giving him a glare that made Yvette shiver. However, when she passed them, the woman did glance back towards her and stopped. “What was your name?”

“Yvette,” she said quickly, wishing she’d kept her bracer out in case she’d needed to cast another spell.

“Well, Yvette. While you’re in MY town, feel free to visit my tower. I would be happy to have another mage visit. This invitation is for you only. NOT for your… guardian,” Madlyn said, nearly snarling the last word.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Yvette said, staring up at the woman until she started walking again, passing them. Once the girl was out of earshot, she glanced back to Gervas, who was watching as well. Finally, he let his hand move away from his sword.

“I guess this means we won’t be going to the local mage for assistance with hiding you,” Gervas muttered and shook his head.

“She did not like you at all,” Yvette muttered.

“You didn’t like me, either,” he said, giving her a small, if tired, smile.

“You kept calling me a boy. I liked you just fine after that.” She gave him a gentle, teasing smile. “Were you calling her a boy, too?”

He gave a soft chuckle before he started walking towards the town, shaking his head with mild amusement. With the other woman leaving, he seemed far calmer now, relaxing quickly and his hand moving away from his sword. Redwood moving besides him, allowing him to reach out and grab her reins. “She was a difficult case. Last I saw she was further north, though. I don’t know why she’d be here.”

“How long ago since you escorted her?”

“Long enough. No, I don’t think there is such a thing as long enough where she’s concerned. But it was quite a while ago.”

Yvette nodded and moved a little faster to catch up with him. “Do you think I should meet with her later?”

“No,” he said quickly.

The sounds of the town below were starting to rise into the air, lights flickering on outside many of the homes. She could hear people yelling and laughing from some of the homes. “It sounds like a jovial place,” she said.

“I guess.”

She gave another sigh, shaking her head. He barely seemed to be listening to her, his focus completely torn, even if he was more relaxed now. “Do you think we’ll find a good enough place?”

“Yeah. I know a place. They’ll take good care of Redwood and Chestnut,” he said.

“You’ve been here before?”

“A few times. A lot of people travel through ports like this. If we’re lucky, an old family friend will be here. Should make things a lot easier.”

“Oh? So you have been at sea a lot, then?” Yvette asked, grinning when she saw he was beginning to focus on her again. “Who’s this friend?”

“Huh? A few times. Lots of ships that go up and down the coast. Not very far through deep waters, but it’s a good way to travel. Faster than going by land, unless you’re going inland. So long as you don’t go near the more dangerous coasts.”

“Why didn’t we take a ship?” she asked, suppressing the annoyance at him not answering the second question.

“Because you wanted to go to the vault. Was far faster to go by land than by sea,” he said with a light chuckle. “It’s about as far inland as you can get.”

The streets, if they could be called that, were wide, flattened sections of the hill that had rows of crude bricks marking the edges. Most of them were just wide enough for the pair to walk side by side while leading their mounts. At the edges were usually steep drops, leading to other streets and doors.

Gervas led her along one of the highest streets. “Where is it...” he muttered, glancing over the doors. He soon stopped when he came to one with an hourglass sign hanging over the door. A second, far wider door seemed to have been crafted into the cliffside as well. “Ah, here we go. Come on.” He said before walking towards the larger door and reaching up, pounding on it with his fist.

After a few minutes, the door opened and a strange creature Yvette couldn’t identify shoved the door open. “What do you-- Gervas?” the creature asked.

The voice was feminine, but the frame was massive. Towering over the pair of them by at least two, possibly three heads, the creature had thick, blue scales covering her entire body. Her face was that of a reptiles, with eyes that seemed to glow almost red even in the quickly dimming light. Surprisingly, despite the reptilian features, her voice sounded normal, if deep. She half expected there to be a light hiss from the creature, but there wasn’t.

Yvette had heard of people like this. The zmaj. People who had, generations ago, been chosen by dragons and molded into a strange, new form to serve them. She’d never actually seen one before. It was a little unsettling, seeing the creature. Just human enough in appearance that the origins were obvious, but reptilian enough that she seemed less human than the fay they had met in the woods.

“Ursula, perfect,” Gervas said with a wide grin before stepping in and giving her a big hug. To Yvette’s surprise, the massive creature lifted out arms that she was certain would squash him like a bug, hugging him back gently. “It has been so long since I’ve seen you, I wasn’t sure if you’d still be running this outpost.” The joy in his voice couldn’t be hidden and it drew a smile to the mage’s lips.

The woman laughed, before slowly her head lifted to glance at Yvette. “And who is this?”

“Yvette, err… ma’am?” she said softly. The mage quickly bowed her head politely. “A pleasure.”

“Ahhhh. Another trainee, I take it? I hope he’s better than your last one,” Ursula said before stepping back and motioning inside. Yvette couldn’t help but cringe at the ‘he’, but tried not to think on it. She was certain it had to just be a slip of the tongue. Gervas hadn’t seemed to notice, so she could ignore it for the moment. “Come in, come in,” she said.

Gervas nodded and gently pulled Redwood inside. The horse resisted only for a moment, before following him in as well. The doorway led into a small tunnel for a few feet before opening up into a massive stable. Yvette’s mouth fell open when she looked around.

The stable itself, despite being built into the cliff side, smelled only slightly of dirt. Instead, the smell of fresh hay filled the air. The walls and ceiling had supports of wood, with thick, wooden pillars set throughout the room. Rows of neat stalls lined the stable, nearly a dozen. Two other horses were standing in their stalls, their eyes closed. A third stall was closed as well, though she couldn’t see what was inside. All she could hear was a light growl from inside.

“So, what’s with the robe?” Ursula asked.

“Huh?” Yvette asked, glancing to her.

“Aren’t those robes usually for girls? I don’t see a lot of mages here, but I haven’t heard anything about your styles changing.”

The mage froze in place, her eyes widening. She felt the frustration growing already, preparing herself for yet another argument. She felt a little guilty, hoping Gervas wouldn’t be angry at her arguing with his friend, but she had no choice. “I--”

“She’s a girl,” Gervas said, his voice going firm, losing that happy tone he’d had since they’d arrived. Yvette glanced to him, giving a small, grateful smile.

Ursula snickered. “Ah, come now, Gervas. I think I know a boy when I see one. I can smell it on him. It’s pretty obvious that he--” She was cut off when he grabbed her arm and turned her around.

Despite the woman towering over him, Gervas just glared up at her, his eyes narrowed and unyielding. “Yvette is a girl. That is all there is about it,” he said.

Yvette stared at him, her fists clenching. She could barely believe that he was sticking up for her here, not just to a random stranger, but to someone he knew.

Ursula just looked confused, looking between the two. “Is this some kind of… training… mage thing or--”

Yvette sighed and shook her head with annoyance. “I was born with a male’s body, but I’m a girl,” she said firmly. “I know it’s confusing, but I assure you, my mind is that of a girl. As is… everything else about me.”

The zmaj girl only laughed. “I find that hard to believe. You don’t--”

“URSULA!” Gervas yelled, crossing his arms. “Enough.”

“But--”

“If you cannot accept this, I’ll find somewhere else for the night,” he said, starting to turn.

Ursula’s eyes widened and she reached out, gripping his shoulder. “Wait. Fine. If… they’re a girl, then they’re a girl. I’m sorry. My apologies, Yvette. Please, you know you’re always welcome here.”

Gervas, however, didn’t turn back to her. Instead, he stared at Yvette. “It’s your call. Do you want to stay here, still?”

She glanced to the large, scaled woman before turning back to Gervas. She didn’t. A large part of her wanted to go flying out the door and find somewhere, anywhere else. She knew that ‘acceptance’ far too well. People who finally agreed, accepted her as a woman only so long as she had something they wanted. Who only ‘pretended’ so long as it served their purpose. As if treating her like a woman was such an impossible task that they deserved special praise and respect for the bare minimum of not insulting her. But this woman was still Gervas’ friend. If they didn’t stay, he’d miss out on an opportunity to be near a good friend, all because of her. She gave a small smile. “It’s fine. She said I’m a girl, so it’s okay,” she lied. She could put up with a person like this as long as they were here. So long as they didn’t have to stay for long.

Gervas sighed, but slowly turned back towards Ursula. “Fine. Shall we tend to the horses?”

Ursula nodded, stepping forward to take Chestnut’s reins before moving back and taking Redwood’s. She slowly led the pair into separate stalls. “Now, would you like me to prepare a room for you two, or tend to the horses first?” she asked, her voice curt.

“Two rooms, and prepare them, please,” Gervas said. “We’ll take care of Redwood and Chestnut.”

The woman nodded before giving Yvette a strange, confused look, then moving to a door in the side of the stables, pulling it open and stepping through. Gervas stepped into the stall with Redwood, slowly beginning to pull off the saddle, hanging it up on the stall.

Yvette moved to the Chestnut’s stall and began the same process. Thanks to his lessons, she now knew how to properly tend to Chestnut after a day’s ride. It had been a while since they’d been with in a stable as well, so while she could quickly clean the horse with a spell (which she did), she also began to gently rub the poor mount down.

“I’m sorry,” Gervas said midway through the work.

“What?” Yvette asked. “You didn’t do anything, you--”

“I didn’t think she’d say anything like that. I didn’t think she’d know that you were...” He stopped, struggling to find the right word.

“A boy?” Yvette asked. Though, oddly, it didn’t make her feel as ill as she thought it would have. She felt a small hint of relief knowing that he would understand what she meant, that he wouldn’t take that as an excuse to start seeing her as anything but a girl.

“You’re not a boy,” he said, making her smile at his confirmation for her trust.

“But my body isn’t right,” she said softly. “We both know it. Apparently she does, too. Is it that obvious?”

“No. She’s just good at picking up things like that. Anything, really. She’s trustworthy, though.”

Yvette nodded, giving a soft sigh. “What is this place? You’ve been here before, right? Why two rooms?”

“When I come here, I always get a separate room if my journeyman is a girl,” he said firmly. “We’re likely going to be around a few days, it’s best we’re comfortable.”

Yvette felt her face go red. A few days of being around that woman didn’t sound very fun at all, but she supposed she had no choice. She could endure it, the last thing she wanted to do was make Gervas feel as if he had to ignore his friends for her sake. “She’s a zmaj, isn’t she?”

“She is. Born, not turned,” Gervas added quickly. “If anyone would know where we can find a turtle dragon, she would. But--”

“It’s fine,” Yvette said softly. It wasn’t fine, not really. But she was used to people calling her the wrong gender by now. She felt upset by it, but it was a little surprising to her that it hurt so little. She finished wiping Chestnut down and slowly reached up, stroking the horse’s face. “I think I am fine.”

“Are you sure? I know how much it usually hurts you when--”

“I don’t think it does,” Yvette said softly. She felt tears forming on the corner of her eyes again. She quickly blinked them away. “At least, not as much as it used to.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s different now. You defended me. You stood up against it. I think I feel safe. I guess.” It was such a strange thought to her, now that she said it out loud. She felt safe. Not safe that no one would hurt her.

No, she felt safe to be herself. Not everywhere, but here. Around him. She felt as if she could be herself and he wouldn’t punish her for it. That she wouldn’t have to fight for it. That she was just allowed to be the person she was. That that weight of conflict didn’t have to keep weighing her down.

It was such a strange, foreign thought to her. “It sounds weird, doesn’t it? I mean, you’re my guardian. Of course I’m supposed to feel safe around you. But, it’s not that. It’s not that kind of safe. I think. I feel like...” she trailed off, unsure of the right words to use.

“It’s my duty to protect you,” he said with a light chuckle.

“I said it’s not that. It’s like I’m allowed to be me. Like it’s okay to be… me. That sounds really stupid, doesn’t it?” she asked softly, before shaking her head.

“You should always feel safe to be you, Yvette. You’re a good person to be. I’m sure in a few years, you’ll be one of the mages I tell other journeymen about when looking for examples of the good ones.”

She nodded, giving a small smile. A few years. She wondered if she would succeed. Would she become the woman she had to be? Or would she be killed long before then? She pressed her forehead against Chestnut’s.

It felt so overwhelming sometimes. There were so many people who wanted her to fail. Who wanted her to die rather than allowing her to be a girl. It felt as if there was a tidal wave of pain and suffering just flowing around her, ready to strike her down the moment she let it.

But it felt, at least in this moment, like she could do it. She glanced to the resting saddle, her bag hanging from it. She had already made such progress. Getting the spell, even if she hadn’t fully translated it yet, had been such a massive step. While it had taken her status as a mage and made her one of the fallen, it had also been so dangerous. It had been the first step of many, but it had been one that most could not have done. She had succeeded.

More than that, she now had someone by her side. Someone who accepted her and allowed her to be Yvette, even though her body didn’t fully match yet. This time, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling from her eyes. She sniffled a little, trying to force them back.

She heard the gate of the stall creak behind her. “Yvette? Are you crying?” Gervas asked.

“No. Yes. No. Maybe a little bit.”

“It’s okay. Listen, I know what she said hurt but--”

“It’s not her, it’s you,” Yvette said, slowly pulling back from Chestnut and turning towards the gate of the stall.

Gervas was leaning against it. “What? What’d I do?”

“It’s not bad. It’s happy. I’m happy, I think. I’m happy I don’t have to do this alone. I’m happy I’m not facing all this alone,” she said, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, though more formed. “You didn’t have to help me. I never thought anyone would e-ever help me. But you have. You are. You’re the greatest guardian I could have asked for...” she said before she couldn’t hold it back anymore and ran to him. He stepped back, narrowly avoiding getting hit by the gate when she shoved it open and nearly tackled him, her arms wrapping around his chest. She tried to hold it in, but it all bubbled to the surface, a wave of emotion threatening to drown her if she didn’t let it out.

“I get so scared sometimes,” she whispered, unable to stop the tears falling down her face and coating his tunic and hauberk. “I get so scared that it’s all going to be for nothing. That… that I did all this for nothing.”

“Hey, you’re doing your best, you--”

“So what if I’m doing my best?” Yvette asked. “What does it matter? No one seems to care. No one but you. Sometimes I get so scared that I’m doing it all for nothing. That… that I made all these enemies, that so many people are going to hate me, for nothing. If I can’t get everything I need, if I can’t become a girl. If I can’t fix my true form, then what was the point? I ruined my life for nothing. I ruined your life for nothing. I--”

“You didn’t ruin my life,” Gervas whispered, his hand reaching up to pat her head. “I chose this. Besides, no one knows that I’m helping you. So long as we’re careful, no one will ever know what happened to you. Tebaud will disappear forever and all that will exist is Yvette. A young, dependable mage who helps people. Okay?”

“What if I fail, though?”

“You won’t fail.”

“But what if I do?” she asked, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “You’re not stupid! You know the chances of… of me succeeding are slim. This magic is so strange and--”

“You won’t fail, I promise,” Gervas whispered, before reaching up and wrapping one arm around her. “You remember where we were? The necklace the dryad gave you?”

“Yes,” she whispered softly. “It’s just a flower--”

“It’s the gift of a dryad. They don’t just give these to anybody,” he said firmly. “Only very special people get things like this. You’re a very special young woman. Remember that. You ARE a very special young woman. We’ll get through this, I promise. We won’t let anyone stop you just because they refuse to see.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I just did. None of this will be for nothing. I swear. You’re Yvette. That’s all that matters, that’s all that will ever matter. No matter what anyone else says. We won’t give up, I promise.”

Yvette stared up at him, his eyes filled with determination. The determination she so often felt she had no choice but to feel. She couldn’t keep the smile off her lips. No, she wasn’t alone. She couldn’t have imagined facing all of this alone.

“Rooms are ready!” Ursula called out from behind the other door.

Yvette flushed and quickly pulled back from him, wiping her face with her sleeve. “We should go. It’s late.”

“Of course,” Gervas said, only a slight hint of red in his cheeks. “We’ll have dinner, then get to bed. Tomorrow, we’ll have a lot of work ahead of us.”

She nodded before turning back towards the saddle and slowly pulling her bag off. Whatever they had to do tomorrow, they’d face it together.