NOVEL WEB Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Too Much TV 1
Morning came in the Pride Ring, and that meant people being woken to a orchestra of mind rattling sounds. Pentagram was no exception as people usually greeted the morning with the music of outstanding cursing, explosions, TVs, or even nighttime activities that have gone into daylight hours. However, one of the good parts of the Hazbin Hotel was its location kept these loud noises to a minimum in the morning. While the majority of the people inside were still asleep, one person hadn't gone to sleep at all.
Awww~ Lincoln yawned into his hand.
Spending all night reading took more out of him then he thought. For the sake of surviving in his new environment, Lincoln made sure to read every book in her office. Just his luck, the books were mostly about Hell's laws, history, and such. Halfway through, the boy got hungry; thankfully there was a bowl cold soup was waiting for him. Once he got the room reorganized, Lincoln left Charlie's office.
"Well, that was the most boring night of my life." Now walking beside the monochrome boy, the punk specter returned.
"You've been alive for less than 24 hours." Lincoln remarked. "In fact, are you even alive? A more pressing question, what even are you, and what is your name?"
"I don't like be given a binary label of 'what am I'." She answered nonchalantly. "Sometimes I identify as a phantasm, other times a poltergeist, fairy godmother, or spirit animal. For my name, to pronounce it with a corporeal form would require a series or mouths to be surgically attached to your body and then training in a language so alien that to be able to speak one sentence would lead a man to insanity." The mood suddenly changed as she faced Lincoln, appearing with an aura of great horror. "However, if you must know, the meaning of my true name is Jane Doe."
"Wait, you're actual name is 'Jane Doe'?" Confused, Lincoln question the topic.
"You got to understand, in the language of origin 'Jane Doe' is very exotic name. I mean, if went a name that translated to mean 'Incandesca Ferrumpunk' you would be even less impressed." Jane Doe explained in her usual, laid-back demeanor.
Learning the time, Lincoln decided to do something nice to for the hotel personal for being so accommodating. He headed to the kitchen to first look for ingredients and found everything he needed to make breakfast.
"Now that you a voice again, do you want to talk about what Alastor said to you yesterday?" Jane leaned against the counter, peeling an apple.
This caught him off guard. "What do you mean?"
"The part where he said Harriet was his sister? What else? I'm talking about what he said to you when that new mole on your neck was accumulating."
Lincoln didn't say anything to everyone else, but as the eye was being augmented to his body, the white-haired boy was given a message from his long-lost relative.
Remember, Dear Boy, keep a mask of strength and don't let anyone know what plans formulate in your mind.
Cooking in silence, Lincoln remarked on those words. "Uncle Alastor has survived here for years, he can look out for me. I trust my family unquestionably."
Done peeling the apple, Jane tossed the fruit and ate the peel. "That's what worries me."
Cuddling the most important person in her life, Vaggie is awaken by a tantalizing smell. "Mmmm~ Charlie, are you cooking something good?"
"Vaggie~ It's too early for that." Charlie turned to her side, half-asleep.
The smell filling their room, they both awoke confused by who could be cooking breakfast and left to find out in the kitchen. Having the same idea, the rest of the hotel left their rooms to see.
"Oh, who could be make that delicious smell?" Niffty walked with her eye closed, being led by her nose.
"I gotta say, I don't like a lot of things, but I do enjoy this." Husk remarked while his stomach rumbled.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think my Nonna was down here." Angel Dust wiped a smidge of drool from his mouth.
"Personally, I don't care for sweets, and yet I'm suddenly craving it." Alastor followed suit, equally invested in the source of this aroma.
At the kitchen door, Charlie opened it reveal the source. To everyone's amazement, the table was set with a bountiful spread. Situated on the dining table was serving dishes filled with pancakes, bacon, toast, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, waffles, biscuits, jam and jellies, ham, french toast, fruit salad, hashbrowns, and sausage just to name a few.
"Morning!" Lincoln called out, washing his hands after doing the dishes. "Hope you don't mind, I figured I'd make you all breakfast to thank you for helping out. I didn't know what any of you liked so I just went with the standard."
"You made all of this?" Vaggie marveled at the spread.
Angel Dust began fixing a plate. "This hotel is lucky if we get burnt toast. I don't know what made you bring the boy in Vaggie, but you made a good choice."
Pretty soon, everyone else was seated at the table and began to eat. While he watched Niffty try to swallow a whole ham, Lincoln went to for the syrup when a winged-goat creature reached it first.
"Razzle! And where's Dazzle?" Charlie looked and found the other demon eating oatmeal from the dish. "Where were you two? You missed out on a lot."
Seeing Charlie cuddle the two demons, Lincoln's mind flashed to Lana when she played with Charles and her frog. "It's nice that even when the Extermination being moved up, people can still find a way to be happy." Lincoln absentmindedly commented, leading to Charlie's realization.
"WE ONLY HAVE SIX MONTHS!" Panicking, she ate her food in a hurry and bolted out the room.
"Smooth." Angel Dust snarked. "Very smooth."
Breakfast pretty much ended after that and everyone went about their morning. Lincoln, not having much else to do, stayed by Charlie and Vaggie in case they needed anything.
"Okay, the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year!" Pacing back and forth, Charlie had a little breakdown. "It's no big deal, just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half, but do we really need a whole year to save souls?! The worst that can happen is next time they'll cut in half again, then again, and again indefinitely. We'll just have to handle it!"
While their leader was losing it, Vaggie went over to calm her girlfriend down while Lincoln picked up he cyclops cat at his feet.
"Breath, Charlie, breath." She instructed the taller woman to take calming breaths. "We can handle it. We will."
"I agree with Vaggie." Lincoln supported her, petting the cat. "The first rule about having a plan is having a back-up plan."
"Quit kidding her, you two." Angel Dust remarked. "She had less then half a chance when you started this salvation bullshit. Now..." The spider demon checked his vibrating phones, finding texts from the last person he wanted to hear from. "Ain't no silver lining this time."
"Sure there is, Angel." Charlie remained in support of her goal. "We just have to look harder for it!"
"Well, while you're lookin', the rest of Hell is going nuts." He shows a short video of a guy freaking out. "People are going crazy. Just look at what's happening in the Doomsday District."
"Just curious, Angel Dust was it?" Lincoln talked to him. "If you don't believe in what this hotel represents, why are you here?"
Charlie looks closure at the phone when a text appear. "Angel, what's a... 'donkey show'?"
Panicking himself, Angel Dust puts his phone away. "Ah, nothin'. My boss, Val, he's just a little freaked out about everyone losing their shit."
"You're right." Out of character, Vaggie agreed with Angel. "Sinners are desperate. Maybe enough to try anything to escape the Extermination."
"Vaggie, you're brilliant!" Charlie praised the shorter woman. "This is the perfect time to recruit more Sinners for our hotel."
"Yeah, that's nice, Toots, but are you really gonna go out in all this?"
"Strange as it is, I agree with him." Lincoln added, putting the cat down. "Panic and reason rarely work together. And right outside is a powder keg-"
Boom!
As if on que, a massive explosion hid the hotel, startling everyone in the hotel. Charlie, Lincoln, Angel, and Vaggie turned to the bar and saw a massive hole in the wall.
"I know it seems like I did that, but I'm not sure."
"Show yourself Alasssstor!" Outside the hotel is a weaponized zeppelin, and from the control wheel a snake Sinner calls out. "Come out and face-" He pauses the moment he notices Alastor sipping coffee on the second floor balcony. "Oh, there you are. Face my wrath!"
"Hello!" Lincoln calls from the group with the others. "Who are you?"
"Who am I? Who am I!? I am the great Sssssir Pentioussss!" Sir Pentious declared to the as Alastor materialized with them. "Inventor, Architect of Destruction, Villain extraordinaire!"
"You tell 'em, boss!" One of the snake Sinners minions, a sentient egg, praised his boss.
"Ooooh, he's a bad boy~" Niffty appears on Alastor's shoulder, showing in interest.
"Funny, it any of that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you." Alastor disregards the 'threat' as he places Niffty on the ground.
"Heard of me? I attacked you last week, it was literally last week!" Insulted by this treatment. "We've done battle, what... 20 times?"
Lincoln looked to his great-great uncle. "You've fought him that much and you don't remember him?"
"Well, he must be really bad at this." Alastor remained disinterested.
"Silence! Now you will cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge I as their equal!" Sir Pentious declared, strangely hopeful.
"The Vees?" Lincoln felt that name was significant. "Who are the Vees?"
"Oh, nobody important."
In another part of Pentagram City, in a borough called the 'Entertainment District', a large crowd of demons stand outside an electronics store watching an advertisement on one of the display TVs. On the scree is a drone for spying with the add playing;
[New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes. Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish! VoxTek! Trust us with your money!]
As they watch the ad, the crowds eyes swirl like under hypnosis and they charge into the store to purchase the voyeur scopes. It's then shown that a large number of people being similarly hypnotized by watching the ad on their computers and other devices. Then another ad plays to promote a tv show:
[This week's episode of "Yeah, I Fucked Your Sister, So What?" is brought to you by VoxTek. Trust us with your entertainment!]
Fingers tap on the control panel with numerous TVs inside a large room. The screens showed countless consumers absorbed by their devices as "trust us" repeats on loop. Electricity courses into the back of a TV revealed to a demon's head. The demon laughs in his chair like a madman.
"Muhahaha! Now that's good television!"
His screen-face suddenly shifts to show an icon of someone named 'Velvette' calling. The blue, TV guy pulls electricity from his face and throws it to the screen in front of him to answer before sitting in his chair.
"Hello there, Velvette! How are you this hellish morning?" He answers friendly, drinking coffee.
"Cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!" Velvette, in a bad mood, demands.
Vox responds with light humor. "Whatever could be the problem, my dear?"
"Your little boy toy is raising hell in my department, while I'm trying to pull together a bloody show and-" She is interrupted by screaming and objects being thrown off screen in the background. "Just get your ass here,NOW! … Damn it, Valentino!" The screen statics to black.
Vox's smile fades as he makes his way up, fixing his bowtie while sighing and muttering to himself. "Oh god, here I go, Valentino. Just another fucking day with Val. Hey-hey-hey." He steps onto the rising platform. "Fuck my life."
Once he made his way to the V-Tower lobby, Vox exits an elevator and puts a fake smile on his face once he sees a crowd of reporters. Once they saw the man in-charge, Vox became swarmed with reports pointing their microphones
"Mr. Vox! What are your thoughts about the new extermination deadline?" A random reporter asked.
"My dear people! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting focus to a new priority. Your protection! We are pleased to announce-" A screen appears and features an ad for a new logo with gold and angelic wings. "VoxTek Angelic Security! Coming soon to patrons across the Pride Ring! Trust us, with YOUR safety." Using his left eye, he hypnotizes the crowd just like his consumers.
"Um, Sir." Another demon appears. "When did we begin working on Angelic Security?"
"Thirty seconds ago." Vox walks off and drops his smile. "Make an appointment to get that... ugh, Carmilla on the books and cancel my appointments today. I have a fire I need to put out." The TV demon morphs into electricity and travels through the wall camera.
At Velvette's studio, the staff are cleaning the aftermath of Valentino's tantrum when Velvette faces her four designers holding their latest work. One at a time, she degrades her employees.
"No. Unacceptable. You're fired. What is fuck is this? WRIST RUFFLES!? Is this 1750? Burn it like the witches who wore it!" Once she sends her designers away, Vox appears next to her.
"Velvette! I can see you're busy. Tell me, where's out hot-headed friend now?" He inquired about Valentino.
"Your princess is up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm his down!"
"Of course, and uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?"
"Who bloody well knows? But he tore up my best model! And you know, the show can't wait for one unlucky bitch to pull herself together!" Velvette turns away. "Melissa! Get over here!" A model appears and Velvette uses her powers to change the model's outfit by swiping her hand until she finds the best. "No. No. Hideous. I want to die. Eww. Yes! That's the one."
"It looks like you have things under control here." Vox commented.
"Of course, I do!" Velvette confirms before flipping her business partner. "Fuck you! Now shoo! Take care of the piss baby!"
Vox goes upstairs were the trio lives, and is greeted by twin moth demons who open the door him. Entering the penthouse, Vox finds Valentino lying down on the couch surrounded by a mist of his own red smoke. Seeing his associate enter, Valentino sits up.
"Fucking FINALLY!" Furious, the moth demon throws a glass of wine at his feet. "Kitty! Another drink!" This causes a grinning android to fetch its master a drink. "Can you believe what that piece of shit did? THE UNGRATEFUL WHORE!"
Dodging the second glass Val throws, this time at Vox. "Uh, which whore are we talking about this time?"
"Who the fuck do you think!?" Val rises to his feet. "ANGEL DUST! Who does the hell else would I be talking about!?" He goes into a rant. "That fucking slut walked out on me! ME! I fuckingmade him! Without me, he's just a bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes."
"Oh, Angel quit?" Vox sounded hopeful.
"No! He didn't fucking quit! It's worse!" He takes the TV demon's phone and brakes it. "He MOVED! He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else? Can you fucking believe that!?" Val walks to the gun closet. "He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter!"
"Angel is... living with Lucifer's daughter now?" He inquired.
"Yeah! That BITCH Chuckie or Chandler, or something mannish like that, she's got this hotel and-" Opening the closet, Valentino brings out two pistols. "Which of these makes me look sexier?" He asked, calmer.
Vox is simmering with anger. "What are you doing, Val? You'renot going over there."
"That slippery twink is gonna remember who owns him. I'm gonna FUCK everyone in that trashy shithole, I swear to-"
"VAL" Speaking in a distorted voice for a moment before calming down and walks Val to the window. "Thank about it. Our brand isperfection. So tell me, what do you think chasing your whores around town will do for out image?"
The moth demon considered. "Um... fuck it up?"
"Exactly! And remember, you still have him under contract. He isn't going anywhere! Which means you should..." He trailed off for the other to answer.
"Do nothing?"
A winning ding sounded. "Great idea! Not that's thy you get paid the big bucks."
Valentino whined. "But I really wanted to shoot someone!" He gets a cigarette holder and Vox lights it.
"How's this? Let me call up the lowest earners this month." Vox pacified the taller man then walked over to the desk with several monitors.
"Ohh, you know me too well." Val chucks and blows smoke. "Ya know... Angel isn't the only new tenant spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil's princessa."
"Oh, who else is there? Someone who owes you money?" Vox feign interest.
Chuckling, Valentino turns his head back to Vox. "A new sinner, for starters. A little chico whose been causing a little trouble for the royals. It looks like he stole a book; but he was caught, and found a way to get protection from someone... who owes us much more than money." He smoked. "Our old friend...The Radio Demon is there."
Hearing this, electricity goes off in Vox's head and he scratches the desk so hard it leaves marks. Eerily chuckling, Vox turns to Val as two red, vertical lines appear on the left side of the screen mouth like blood.
"What did you say?" His voice distorted again.
"You heard me." Val replied, flirty.
Vox slowly walks over with anger having consumed him. "Alastor... cam back... and he is with Lucifer'sdaughter, and that wasn't thefirst FUCKING THINK YOU TOLD ME!?"Now grabbing Val by his fur collar.
Effortlessly freeing himself, the moth demon saunters over the the monitor. "What? Killing Alastor is your kink."
Vox teleports to the live screen, recording from a voyeur scope high in the air. The scene shows Alastor using his powers to attack Sir Pentious and his airship, laughing maniacally as the snake demon screams.
"AW! Please, please! Stop!" Sir Pentious begged from his zeppelin.
"Um... Alastor? I think he's had enough." Charlie timidly asked him to stop.
"I don't know." Lincoln commented. "I think a few more hits will teaching a lesson."
"I second the motion." Angel happily agreed.
Soon, Sir Pentious fell from his zeppelin in front of Alastor and thr group, face planting on the ground as the Radio Demon twirls his staff.
"Thanks for another forgettable experience."
Spotting one of the sentient eggs fall from the ship, Lincoln catches it and tenderly places it on the ground.
"Thank you... for letting your guard down!" Taking advantage of the circumstances, Pentious uses his tail to snag a bit of Alastor's suit. "Ah ha! Oh, shit..."
Alastor makes an elk sound as Sir Pentious looks up to see the Radio Demon's semi-transformed shadow. This leads to the snake being sent flying off into the city screaming by a massive, green explosion.
"Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor!" Brushing off his 'battle', so to speak, Alastor chipperly adressed the others. "And I so was looking forward taking young Lincoln out to get him a few things."
"It's okay, Uncle Alastor." Lincoln calmly understood. "We can go another day."
"Oh, No, never put off for later what can be done now. Go to Husker and tell him where you want to go. Best of luck, Chums." Alastor bid farewell.
"You can't just leave, Alastor!" Vaggie stopped him. "We need you to do your job."
"You who." Angel shifts attention to the giant hole. "We need a wall."
"Of course! Can't let my new project fall apart at the seams already. What would the papers say?" With a snap, black ink demons appear with construction tools as Alastor walks away.
Taking interest of the larger, more muscular demons, Angel shoves Vaggie aside to walk up to him. "Hey, sweet cheeks. Whatcha doin' later?" Flirting, the spider demon continued as Lincoln walked up. "You know, I love me a man with a giant... tool."
"Wow, and I was told I had no luck in getting interest." Lincoln quipped, finding the man spider's efforts amusing.
"Oh, don't tell me you're jealous." Humoring the lad, Angel pinch's his cheek. "You know you're myfavorite, adorable, widdle kitchen prince." Then gives him a affectionate chaste kiss on the crown of the boy's head.
Despite trying to display genuine, playful razzing, it just left Lincoln feeling like a toy doll.
As the screen zooms out, Valentino is revealed scowling at what's unfolding.
"See!? What is this!? Flirting with a guy whose not even paying! And the white boy, was he into kids and didn't tell me!? Just think of all the films we could have made if I knownthat." He focused more on Lincoln. "Who is that runt? I fucking kill his whole fucking family? Vox?"
'That FUCKER is back!" Paying little attention to Val, the TV demon kept his focus on Alastor as his appearance brings static to the screen.
Valentino grins. "Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too."
"Seven years! It's been SEVEN YEARS!"
"Oh,que Papi? You still pissed that he almost beat you that time?" The moth demon joked.
"FUCK YOU." Vox acts defensively. "Things have changed a lot since he left town! And I gotta send a message of who's really in charge of things now!"
Back at the Hotel, Lincoln just walked in when he got another visit from Jane Doe.
"What is it this time?" Lincoln asked.
"Oh, what? I can't just pop in just because I missed you." She smiled. "I didn't, but it could be possible." Jane kicked up her heels in front of the TV. "Just figured I might as well catch a little of the old telly."
"Telly? The TV? Fine, I'll turn it on for you." He went to the antique set and turned the dial.
When the set came to life, the first program to open up was news were a man with a TV for head was talking really fast like he was singing.
"Top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence." Next appeared a crude doodle of Alastor. "Did anybody miss him, did anybody notice? More on tonight's program!"
The demon then splits in two for a talk show, showing Lincoln his name was Vox. "So, the Radio Demon is back in town!"
"Why is he hanging around?"
"What does that meaning for your family? Well, handily, I've got good news!
Next comes Vox speaking to the audience. "He's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile-" Vox then forms a chorus. "But the demon is a coward!"
"You can take that as gospel!" Lincoln saw that Vox formed a hypnotic eye but he fought off the effects, but made the boy none the less furious about what was being said. "Pulling my viewers? Impossible! I'm visual, he's barely audible! Stop giving him the time of day. Don't listen to a word he'd say. I hope he had a nice vacay!" Choras again. "Buthe should have stayed away!"
More and more furious, Lincoln uncharacteristically punched the screen. However, instead of breaking anything or hurting himself, his attack made the TV glow similar to what happened before with the storybook.
"What's happening!?" Lincoln was a little panicked.
Jane Doe stood beside him. "When you came here, it gave you demonic powers you've barely begun to understand." She smiled before waving goodbye. "Just do what feels natural!"
When the light faded, Lincoln found himself next to Vox in the set, speaking in harmony to the TV demon as the song continued.
"Uh, what is this!?" Vox demanded.
"Frankly I have questions myself. But I think this is me giving you the what for."
"Ha! You think I'm a fool to be out done by some insolent, madcap little chump. Let me tell you something, this is my house and you're not even a guest in it!"
Lincoln faked a yawned to get to Vox. "Granted, rushing into enemy base is a bone-headed, rookie mistake. But listening to a monotonous, deluded jerk talk down my Uncle Al is a little much to take."
"Ah, what was that?" Vox was caught off guard; during that moment of confusion, Lincoln played with his voice dial and got an idea.
[Sorry, but I must save my voice for more pressing matters.] Turning his dial, Lincoln made himself sound like Morgan Freeman then turned it again. [You see, Sir, your voice is cyanide for my ears.] Now he sounded like Woody Allen in a movie. [You tried to speak against Alastor, could you be more sadder.] Dodging Vox, Lincoln made his voice sound like Liam Neeson. [Do you like scary movies? You do have a face for a masked killer.] Sounding ominous, he perfectly mimicked Ghostface. [You know, maybe he'll fight ya, and maybe he won't. ALASTOR!] Rocky Balboa was next, then he went back to his normal voice. "Real talk with ya, Vox. I think you need to work more programming. It's just a bore watching your one trick stare."
"Salutations!" Alastor made his reappearance, staring his radio station at the hotel. "Good to be back on the air. Yes, I know it's been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast."
"Sinners rejoice!" Lincoln supported his relative.
"What a dated voice!" Vox fought back.
"Instead of clout chasing, mediocre video podcast." Alastor continued.
Lincoln went next. "Is Vox insecure? Pursuing allure?"
"Fighting betwene this fad and that. Is nothing working?" The Radio Demon added, then continued after Vox told them to stop chirping. "Every day he's got a new format!"
"YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!HE'S WHAT THE HELL COMES BEFORE THAT!" Vox was not happy to say the least.
The boy spoke. "Is Vox as strong as he purports, or is it based on his support?"
"He'd be powerless if not for the other Vees." Alastor argued. "And here's the sugar on the cream. Would you believe he asked me to join his team!?" He got his nephews surprised face. "I said no, and now he's pissy. That's the tea."
"Why you old timey PRICK! I'll show y-you suffering!" Vox glitched.
"Uncle, I think the TV is buffering." Lincoln quipped; as he heard Vox crash, Lincoln waved to Alastor. "I'm afraid I'm losing the signal, Bye bye!"
Lincoln left his Uncle by himself on the air. When he came to, he was back at the hotel, but Alastor was still going. Hearing go, Lincoln got a since of just how formidable the Radio Demon was.
"Everything okay?" Angel asked, sitting on the couch. "You were plastered in front of the box for a while, I thought you might be double dead." The spider demon laughed.
"No." Lincoln got up. "Just too much TV for one day."