Heart of Dorkness

Bane Epilogue

The waters to the north of the Castillo de’la Sombra were impassable. While the Land of Monsters around the Dark Goddess’s domain had been invaded frequently through its long history, none had ever honestly tried to invade from the ocean.

The reasons were as plain as they were numerous. The land didn’t end on smooth beaches and gentle coasts. Instead, the ground was cracked and ripped apart, ending at a shear wall that rose dozens of metres up and above the choppy waters of the cold northern oceans.

These waters were frequently made more turbulent by protruding pillars of stone which tore out from between the waves like the teeth of some enormous, hungry predator. For every visible tooth, there were a hundred more hidden just beneath the waves which only appeared at the lowest tide and when the waves swelled away.

The ocean here was littered with signs of ancient battles and the failings of brave adventurers. Rings of mouths, the corpses of the servants of dead gods. The skeletal remains of vessels which tried to risk the northern pass and who missed the dark pillars in the lightless night.

My ship sailed past these obstacles without any real difficulty. The waters weren’t an issue to the tentacled monster that made up the bottom half of the vessel. The creatures hiding in the dark waters, ready to come screaming out of their abyssal pits didn’t blink at our passage, and the house-sized sharks, swimming in tight formations across the shores, merely diverted their patrol path to let the us return to our rightful home.

Above, flights of great, skeletal birds cawed, excited to see something other than the dark expanse. Those calls alerted the multitudes on land who, in turn, alerted the castle as their excitement spread.

I stood on the deck of the ship as it came to a slow and gentle stop at one of the enclosed docks beneath a section of the castle which stretched out all the way to the edge of the land.

“We’re home!” I called back.

My friends exited the ship, Felix carrying some things over one shoulder and Esme grunting with effort as she dragged a bag behind her.

“Oh, leave that,” I said. “I’ll get a monster to take our stuff upstairs later.”

“Oh, that would be appreciated,” Esme said. She wiped her brow, then looked up and up to the castle towering above. “No sign of your mom?”

“Or of Semper,” Felix said.

I shrugged. It was nearing evening, so it was possible that mom hadn’t gotten the news that we were back yet. I huffed. In my imaginings, mom would be waiting for me by the edge of the dock, looking appropriately imposing and scary, maybe with a few extra spooky monsters around and with her shadow doing that weird wriggly thing it did when she was excited.

“Well, whatever, we can surprise them!” I decided. It was almost as good. And besides, a welcome-home hug was a welcome-home hug.

“Hopefully not too much,” Esme said. “I don’t know how your mom’s going to react to the story of what we got up to.”

“I keep telling you, it wasn’t that bad,” I said. “We went over, travelled a bit, then fought some necromancers. None of us got too hurt, and then we saved Semper’s books. Easy-peasy.”

“I think you’re going to have to un-exaggerate a bunch of things in the retelling,” Felix said with a grin.

I sniffed. “Well, we have enough to retell that we can bring up the more exciting parts bit by bit over a long while. That way Mom won’t ever be too stressed.” I marched to the edge of the deck just as a large tentacle came over the edge and pulled the gangplank down for me.

We stepped down, and I paused to pat one of the tentacles protruding from the water. “Thanks for carrying us over,” I said.

The tentacle gave me an abashed little wave.

“Huh, no one’s here,” Esme said as they reached the castle itself and entered it. To be entirely fair, they were in a section of the castle that wasn’t often visited by its less-than-a-dozen non-monstrous inhabitants.

I frowned, then I cornered a cleaning monster and asked it where I could find her mom. “Oh. they’re both upstairs. I guess they’re busy?”

“Probably reading,” Esme said with a knowing nod.

“Sure,” I said. “So, what do we start with? I’m thinking chronological order, but we skip past the dangerous bits.”

Felix laughed. “Are you nervous about telling your mom?” she asked.

“No,” I lied.

“Hey, don’t be,” Felix said. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a walking side-hug. “Look, the moment you need to distract your mom, just tell her that we’re all dating. That’ll confuse her so much she’ll forget about all the rest.”

“Felix!” I whined.

“I guarantee it’ll work.”

Felix continued to tease me--which was quite mean and also nice--as they entered the castle and started to make our way up the stairs towards the living quarters above. I was feeling my share of trepidation, but some of it went away when Esme bumped shoulders with me and shared a smile.

I’d be fine, I knew.

We passed through the library without finding mom, so they continued on up. Most of the time, when mom had guests over (which really just meant Semper) she’d hang out in the living space upstairs. It was a big sitting room, with a few sofas, some coffee tables, and plenty of books, as well as access to a balcony overlooking the castle.

We arrived at the door and found it closed, which I had never seen. I heard something on the other side though, breathing that was surprisingly hard. “Huh,” I said as she reached for the door.

“Um, wait,” Felix said.

The door was locked, but it still rattled in place as I tugged the handle. “Wait for what?” I asked.

Felix, who’s cheeks had gone red, shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“Okay?”

“Who is it?” mom asked.

“Mom! We’re back!” I called, all the worries fading away like memories after waking up. “The door’s locked though.”

“Give me a moment, dear.”

I frowned and shared a confused look with Esme who just shrugged. Something was weird.

It took nearly a minute before the door was thrown open.

There stood mom, in one of her typical gowns, hands pressing down the front to smooth out a few wrinkles before she reached up and untangled her hair with a sweep of her hand. She eyed me up and down, then let out a long, happy sigh. “You’re back,” she said.

I didn’t wait another moment before catapulting herself forwards and crashing into mom with the best hug I could manage.

“I’m glad to see you safe and sound,” the Dark Goddess said. “And your friends as well... you did only bring two back this time, yes?”

I laughed. “Yup! Though we did make some new friends. And an old one too.”

“Oh?” Luciana asked. “And the mission went well?”

“Yeah! A ton happened, I’ll have to tell you about it later.”

“That’s wonderful,” Luciana said.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood, mom,” I said. I gave her mom another squeeze, then pulled back. “You feel relaxed.”

“Yes, I imagine she would,” Semper said. The goddess stepped up to the entrance, tugging her skirt on straight. She was wearing a blouse which was only partially tucked in. I didn’t comment though, sometimes I sat strange while reading too.

For some reason, Felix chuckled and gave the goddess a thumb’s up.

“So, should we sit?” Luciana asked.

“Sure!” I said. I started to step up, but mom grabbed her by the shoulders and spun me around.

“In another, more appropriate room, dear.”

“What’s wrong with that one?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, okay,” I said. We were led across the hall to one of the other sitting rooms. It was a perfectly acceptable room, though the view from its balcony wasn’t quite as majestic.

“So, how did the mission go?” Luciana asked.

I grinned. “It went great! We defeated Altum’s cult, found Semper’s books, and now Felix, Esme and I are dating.”

I got to watch as her mother froze, taking a full three seconds to parse all of that.

Maybe the shock would help mom forget about the earlier parts? I prayed it would.

For some reasons I couldn’t figure out though, Semper gave Felix a thumb’s up in return. I’d have to ask what that was about later.

“Why, it seems your time away was even more entertaining than I’d ever imagined. I think I have some news of my own to tell you...”

***