Havok Bringer

Chapter 49. I’m Too Sexy

“Elvis, Get us out of here!” I yelled.

We were out of options; I could only think to run now. Of course, we couldn’t run in time to avoid the laser blast about to shoot from the Lacertine vessel in front of us.

“Bloodhound, disengage, and proceed to the safe warp zone; we will take care of this for you.” Princess Danae said as the Flaming Retribution uncloaked between the Bloodhound and the Lacertine vessel.

Caught off guard, the Lacertine vessel banked and fired wildly at the Retribution, just missing the underside of Princess Danae’s ship as she returned fire in force.

“Elvis, withdraw the Bloodhound, and let's get the hell out of here now!” I said.

“Yes Captain, withdrawing now,” Elvis replied.

“Captain, what about the Retribution?” Tiff asked.

“Danae knows what she is doing. She told us to go, so we are going. We have to get to the coordinates the Coeus gave us. Danae has her mission.” I said.

“Danae, we are out of here,” I said over comms as I watched the lacertine ship roll uncontrollably to its port side as sections exploded from its belly after taking two torpedoes from the Retribution.

“We will meet again, Captain Dawes. Good luck and good fortune to you and your crew. Now get out of here!” she said as the Retribution recloaked and disappeared.

“The Bloodhound can outrun the other ships, Captain; we have a lead on them. I will burn engines at full power for the next 60 minutes. The Bloodhound will reach a velocity of three-quarters of light speed in that time. We will reach the Coeus coordinates in three hours at that speed,” Elvis updated me.

“Thanks, Elvis.” I replied,” Are we being pursued?”

“The Rerek and Trimean vessels have halted their pursuit after the Retribution destroyed the Lacertine vessel. We are no longer being pursued, Captain,” Elvis replied.

“Elvis, I thought you spent the last several days upgrading the ship? I don’t see any differences, and we almost just got our asses kicked. What exactly did you upgrade?”

“Elvis has worked tirelessly for seven days to improve our mighty ship and Captain doesn’t appreciate it?!” Elvis chided me.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort, Elvis. I don’t see what is different. Can you brief me on what exactly you did?” I asked.

“Captain, I see several new subsystem interfaces in the ship’s computer. Elvis has been busy. I don’t think any of them are online yet.” Tiff said as she tapped on her console at the XO’s chair.

“Elvis was trying to surprise Captain. There is an activation button on your chair to activate new upgrades. Elvis is a warrior, but also likes surprises.” Elvis said.

“Well, okay then. Can I push the button now?” I asked, looking down to see a glowing green button on the arm of my chair.

“It is no longer surprise. Do whatever you want,” Elvis said obviously hurt at the implication that his work was unappreciated.

I reached down to the right arm of my chair and pressed the green button. Armored sections began shifting into place all over the Bloodhound. The view screen was outlined in red, and several large cannons sprouted from the hull section in front of the bridge.

“This is Bloodwolf mode,” Elvis said intimidatingly, “We can slay many enemies with these upgrades. Bloodhound has improved defensive armor, improved targeting, and large caliber kinetic cannons. Elvis also expanded crew quarters and added a fabrication chamber. Elvis is so so smart,” Elvis said.

“Wow, this is amazing, Elvis. It would have been nice to know about this, I don’t know, like 5 minutes ago when we were about to die!” I said standing up out of my chair in frustration.

“Elvis hasn’t finished programming the targeting system. Elvis refuses to allow an untested system to be used in battle, Captain,” Elvis replied.

“Elvis, in the future, let's make sure we use anything that might allow us to survive, untested or not.” I said, “While we're traveling to the Coeus coordinates, I need you to calibrate the Ron Jeremy and ensure that our torpedo tubes are all functioning and ready for battle, can you do that?” I asked.

I will need assistance from the crew; it is hard for A-gangers to access the torpedo tubes,” Elvis said.

“Red, Matty, Jax, Elvis needs your assistance in the torpedo room,” I said over comms.

“Got it. We will be there in five,” Matty responded.

“Elvis, I want you to create and download a ship's operations for dummies manual and populate it onto the tablets in everyone's quarters. It’s time for us to start getting an idea of how this ship works,” I said.

“Captain is making a joke?” Elvis asked.

“No, why would you think I’m joking?” I asked.

“Do you know what Element 115 is, Captain? Elvis asked.

“Ugh, yeah it was a conspiracy theory revolving around an element that was supposedly found in a UFO in Area 51 or something,” I said.

Tiff sighed and looked at me, shaking her head.

“Captain should just let Elvis handle the ship operations. It is better that way,” Elvis said.

“Elvis, I gave you an order and I expect it to be followed!” I said.

“Captain, Element 115 is a universal cosmic substance that allows for subspace slipping. The Bloodhound can create tears in the fabric of space and time by concentrating the energy from element 115 into invisible deadly pulses. The Bloodhound has an energy core in the engine compartment that houses ten crystal cores, it was ten, but I have upgraded it to twelve to allow the Bloodhound to jump more often and jump further. The Bloodhound produces stable wormholes that mimic the naturally occurring, much larger black holes. The Payload on one of our torpedoes could wipe out the eastern seaboard of the United States of America, and we have 42 of those torpedoes on board. The suction from the toilet in your room could suck a hole through your entire body if improperly calibrated, the pressure from the doors could slice your body in half if the triggering mechanisms are programmed properly. With all this knowledge, Captain would like Elvis to allow untrained, unqualified humans to start trying to operate this advanced starship?” Elvis asked.

“Now you speak normally?” was all I managed to say in response.

“Elvis is super advanced prototype AI. Emphasis on super advanced, Captain. However, I take pride in building my personality traits and letting them shine. Do not let that personality persuade you to believe I am not the most advanced ship AI in the universe. I follow you as captain of the Bloodhound, my primary directive however is your safety and the safety of this ship. I will not and cannot do anything that would put either of those directives at risk.” Elvis said.

“Can we at least start learning about the ship? If you can pick a couple of the crew to start teaching, you can decide when they are ready to implement that learning. Is that agreeable?” I asked.

“Elvis can pick the crew members?" He asked returning to his overzealous warrior persona.

“Yes, it’s your choice,” I said.

“I choose CJ and Loren,” He replied.

“Ain’t no damn way I’m taking orders from that overgrown Gameboy!” CJ immediately said.

“CJ, you will learn about this ship and listen to what Elvis has to say, that isn’t up for debate,” I said, turning to look at CJ.

CJ put his hands up and shook his head, “Fine, Fine, whatever, but he better treat me like a damn member of this crew and not his little dancing monkey!”

“Elvis, treat them with respect. I will monitor their progress and hold you responsible for delays,” I said.

“Understood, Captain. I will take pride in molding them!” Elvis replied.

“SR-CJ you can expect the first curriculum set to arrive within two hours. Until then you can go to the mess hall and eat a banana monkey!”

“Damnit, Andy, I’m not gonna deal with this shit every day!” CJ said standing up and pointing at the ceiling.

“Elvis, Cut it out. I need you to take this seriously.” I said.

“Understood, Captain. Elvis will be the pinnacle of professionalism.” Elvis replied.

“Tiff, do you want to come to the fabrication chamber with me to see what our friends left us?

I asked.

“Sure, let’s hope it is capable of helping us fight an army of millions. Otherwise, we have some long days ahead.” Tiff said getting up to join me.

The last eight days had been crazy, and I hadn’t spent much time with Tiff. She had been invaluable on the Alcaran moon and continued to help me and the crew with everything that came our way. I did get the sense that there was a lot on her mind, and I needed to see if she wanted to talk about any of it.

We walked into the elevator and turned as the door closed, “How are you doing XO?”

“I am fine, Captain. That wasn’t my first engagement.” Tiff replied placing her hands behind her back.

“No, Tiff, I mean in general. A lot has happened in the last 8 days, and you were as caught off guard as the rest of us for most of it. You have been an invaluable guide since this all started, but I get the feeling that we are getting into territory that even you aren’t prepared for,” I said.

“I was ready for a rebellion, Captain. I did not expect the Coeus to be involved, nor did I expect to deal a blow to the Council so soon. Honestly, I did not expect us to survive the first dungeon, but I took solace in knowing that I at least took advantage of my opportunity to fight back against the Council,” she said.

The doors to the lower level opened and we started making our way to the nose of the ship, toward the new fabrication chamber.

“Captain, we have a crew now. We have an idea of how to start hurting the Council, we have allies. Most of all we have the Havok Bringer armor and the promise that you will continue to get more powerful. A lot of people are going to die because of what we have done but if we are successful then trillions of people will live outside the grip of the Universal Council,” she said.

“We have already landed the first blow, Tiff, we can’t go back now. Whatever happens next, the Council won’t be what it was before. We have a long road in front of us and for the sake of both our peoples we must not fail in this,” I said.

We came to the door of the fabrication chamber; as the door slid open, I looked toward the ceiling.

“Okay, Elvis, what is this surprise?”I asked.

“Captain is going to be very pleased with this surprise. It may be the best surprise anyone has ever gotten in the entire universe!” Elvis said with excitement.

“Calm down, buddy. What is it? A weapon or something else that can help us with what we gotta do next?” I asked.

“Yes, Captain, It is all of those things,” Elvis replied.

We entered the room, and a large fabrication chamber was in the center. The chamber was cylindrical and stretched from floor to ceiling. It was black and had a curved sliding door on the front.

“Let’s see it, Elvis,” I said.

The door hissed open, and fog poured out of the cylinder. I couldn’t believe my eyes as a figure stepped out of the cylinder.

It was a large, muscular human male. It was hard to explain its looks, but it was easy at the same time—approximately 6 feet 5 inches, very muscular, sandy blond hair, and a full, long beard. The hair was shaved on the sides and braided down the center of the head. It had blue eyes, and a scar running from the right side of the forehead down under the right eye.

It looked like someone took every action hero you can imagine and put them together. Arnold Swarzenegger’s chest and arms, The Rock’s Legs, Tom Hardy’s traps and back, and Travis Fimmel’s blue eyes. Hulk Hogan's chiseled jaw and Brad Pitt’s hair.

To be honest, I was having trouble understanding what I was seeing.

Music started playing over the ship speakers as I tried to understand what I was looking at.

I’m too sexy for my shirt

Too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

It was I’m too sexy by Right said Fred, what the hell was going on here?

The man flexed his large biceps and smiled at me, “Do you like Elvis’s new body, Captain!”

Elvis, the super intelligent, sapient AI. The prototype created by the Coeus to aid the wielder of the gift was standing in front of me, flexing his biceps.

My mouth opened in shock, “Oh shit, Elvis has a body….”