Havok Bringer

Chapter 18. Sir Mix-A-Lot



I returned to the Bloodhound, tired from the fiasco that I had just endured. I wasn’t prepared for the amounts of mobs I encountered and I sure wasn’t prepared to fight another boss.

I sat on the edge of my bed, my hands shaking. I needed a shower, and I needed sleep, but mostly I needed to be sure I didn’t put myself or my friends in a position to fail again. The world depended on a human succeeding in this dungeon, but I wasn’t even sure how many humans entered the dungeon.

I was hoping to get a better feel for how many allies I had once I made it to the Red Moon of Alcara. Hopefully, before the dungeon started, I would have time to do some recon and see if I could gather some allies from Earth.

For now, I would focus on getting stronger and ensuring I kept Tiff and CJ alive. That started with rescuing Tiff and hopefully she would stick around to see this whole thing through until the end. I knew that once she had control of her true body, she wouldn’t be stuck with me anymore, but I was hoping that she would want to stay and fight. Right now, I was sure of one thing: I needed sleep before I would be useful to anyone.

CJ sat on the bridge continuing to grind away at his station. Elvis had created a very intuitive interface that allowed CJ to control the drop suit almost like he was inside of it. I had been doing everything since CJ came aboard The Bloodhound, and CJ was ready to start contributing.

I had been a good friend since the drop, and real friends were hard to come by. Most people stayed close to family and friends they had since before the drop, but that wasn’t an option for CJ.

CJ had made his way to South Town out of necessity. He was in sales before the drop and lived near Houston like me. After the drop, everything went to shit. In the first months after the drop, CJ had survived on his own and accidentally stumbled across South Town about six months afterwards.

The town was nice; it provided a sense of security and CJ felt useful. He contributed like everyone else and even created a home for himself. A few months after he arrived in the town, I started coming around.

I never really allowed myself to be fully integrated into the town. I would help with projects and was friendly enough to everyone, but I stayed to myself. Hell, I even lived outside town near the river, which was pretty dangerous.

Eventually, CJ and I started working on projects together. I was an engineer before the drop. Everyone assumed that made me a super genius but, from the way I explained it, I spent most of my time looking over building plans and ensuring that there were no issues with construction. Luckily for me, I was able to help retro-engineer several things the town needed to continue to be a viable settlement after everything went to hell.

The more time we spent together, the more we just seemed to fit together. CJ was always cracking a joke and never met anyone he couldn’t make a friend out of. I was more reserved, and happy to let CJ do most of the talking. Before long, we were fairly inseparable and became best friends in a world where true friends were a valuable resource.

Now CJ had a chance to help me, and he was determined to have my back when I might be in danger. Tiff, on the other hand, was a question mark; CJ wasn’t sure about her motives. He knew that she had been forced to be a guardian and, so far, she had been nothing but helpful. With that being said, CJ was sure she was hiding something. I seemed to like her though so CJ would keep his concerns to himself.

CJ walked into my quarters, “Hey bro, you good?”

“Yeah man, I needed some sleep is all. I’m good now,” I said.

CJ walked over and sat down in a chair, spinning to face me on his bed. “That was pretty intense back there, Andy. I will be ready to help on the next one; you don’t have to do this on your own, man.”

“This is all spiraling out of control, CJ. A little over a week ago we were on Earth, and now we are flying around in a damn spaceship that sings with a super advanced AI guardian,” I sat up in the bed and just stared at nothing while I spoke.

“But hey, she do have a fat ass though!” CJ laughed and bounced in his chair.

“What the hell, CJ, she’s not even human,” I blushed trying to play off his joke.

“Look Andy, I have been on your case forever about finding a girl and you just wouldn’t even pursue it. So, the universe just drops a super-hot AI right in your lap; it couldn’t be any easier!” CJ stood up and came to sit on the end of the bed.

“On top of that, now you're going to rescue her! That has to give you some points, right?” he asked.

I shuffled uncomfortably in my bed. “I’m helping her because it’s the right thing to do, CJ. She has already helped keep me alive multiple times. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t try to help her in return?” I asked.

CJ looked at me with a blank expression, obviously not buying it. "So, if Tiff were some five-eyed bug lady, you would be doing the same thing?” he asked.

“Okay, man, okay. I’m not saying that she is not attractive, but we have bigger things to worry about right now. I don’t think I would even have a chance with her. Have you seen her? Have you talked to her? She is definitely not interested in a human that she has been forced to help,” I said.

“But you’re right…she does have a fat ass,” I shrugged.

“I fucking knew it!” CJ shouted.

“XO Tiff would be lucky to have Captain as a sexual partner!” Elvis suddenly chimed in.

“Captain would sire strong offspring that would kill many foes!”

CJ and I both looked up at the ceiling in surprise. “What the hell Elvis, you just listen in to private conversations in my quarters?!” I asked with obvious agitation.

“Elvis hears all. How else can he properly monitor the ship?” Elvis asked.

“Elvis, I'm ordering you to keep this to yourself, do you understand? I'm ordering you!” I shouted jumping out of my bed.

“Understood, Captain. This conversation is now classified,” Elvis replied.

CJ was now laughing uncontrollably on the bed; he was obviously getting a kick out of this whole thing. “Me and Elvis will keep your secret, Romeo!” CJ said while still laughing uncontrollably.

“Captain Romeo!” Elvis corrected him.

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. CJ was an ass, but I needed a laugh. I needed to be reminded why I had to succeed and reminded of how important friendship is to my sanity.

“You guys need to fuck off to the bridge; I’ll be there after I shower,” I said as I walked toward the bathroom.

“Yeah, Tiff wants to talk about your extra points now that you’re Level 7. She said she would be waiting on the bridge,” CJ said.

About half an hour later I arrived on the bridge. CJ was back at his station continuing to go through simulations with the drop suit while Tiff was near the front of the bridge, standing near a station, tapping on a screen.

“CJ was right,” I thought as I took another look at Tiff. She was not hard on the eyes at all.

“I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE

YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN’T DENY”

Elvis started blaring Sir Mix-A-Lot through the bridge's PA system. CJ screamed laughing and literally fell out of his chair. I felt myself burning with embarrassment as Tiff turned toward me looking confused.

“Elvis, turn that fucking music off!” I shouted.

CJ was now rolling on the floor howling, pointing at the ceiling. Tiff still looked utterly confused.

“Am I missing something?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips, staring daggers through me.

“Ugh, no,” I coughed, “Elvis just really likes this song.”

“Captain was admiring your posterior, XO. He would like you to bear his children so that they may slay many enemies!!!!” Elvis shouted triumphantly.

“Elvis, what the fuck?!” I shouted, “that is not appropriate!”

“XO Tiff has top-level clearance, Captain, no cause for concern. OPSEC is still intact.”

CJ was, in my estimation, about to literally die from lack of air.

“I’m going to act like this didn’t happen. We are going to continue on as if I didn’t just experience whatever this is, understood?” Tiff asked rhetorically and, based on her body language at that moment, I agreed that just moving on would be best.

I coughed in my hand and tried to salvage a bit of self-respect, “Sooo, about those free points?”


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