Harry Potter: The Beast Wizard

The Gryffindor common room was already roaring with life before Inosuke even stepped through the portrait hole.

Music—provided by a pair of enchanted bagpipes and a beatboxing third-year—thumped against the walls. Butterbeer bottles floated lazily between couches. Enchanted fireworks burst just beneath the rafters, briefly forming images of wild boars, flying cauldrons, and Professor Snape's scowling face surrounded by clouds of pink smoke.

The entire room buzzed with anticipation and laughter.

Near the fireplace, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger sat on a scarlet couch, completely unfazed by the chaos erupting around them.

"I'm quite surprised the Weasley twins managed to throw this together in under ten minutes," Harry said, sipping his Butterbeer and watching Fred precariously stand on a stool to hang a large enchanted banner.

"They started gathering snacks during class," Hermione replied, narrowing her eyes as Fred and George struggled to magically pin the last corner of the banner, which read in bright, bold red letters:

ALL HAIL THE BOAR WHO BROUGHT DOWN THE BAT!

Hermione frowned deeply and finally set her notes down. "Why is everyone celebrating that? Inosuke attacked a professor. That's not funny—it's dangerous! He threw a cauldron! At a student!"

Fred Weasley dropped down from the stool and stretched. "Hermione, Hermione, Hermione… you're missing the spirit of it."

George sidled up, grinning. "It wasn't just a cauldron—it was justice served in cast iron."

"Precisely!" Lee Jordan said, striding over with a grin and a Butterbeer in each hand. "Look, Hermione, we don't actually endorse hurling classroom objects—officially," he added with a wink. "But Snape's been terrorizing Gryffindors for years."

"He called anyone a dunderhead for mixing his ingredients in the order the textbook said!" Fred added.

"Docked five points from me once for sneezing too loudly," said George.

"And he took thirty from me just for saying, and I quote, 'That dungeon's colder than my mum's leftover pudding,'" Lee said with mock offense.

"He called my wand-holding 'an embarrassment to wizardkind,'" added a fifth-year girl nearby.

"He said I had the magical presence of stale porridge," a second-year piped up.

"He made Seamus cry once," said Dean Thomas lying.

"He did not!" Seamus said immediately from across the room, voice cracking.

Hermione looked around as more and more voices chimed in, each student adding a petty or painful memory of Snape's unfair comments, cruel sarcasm, or impossible standards. It wasn't just a party—it was catharsis.

"Still," Hermione muttered, trying to find some moral ground, "attacking a professor—"

"Wasn't even with a spell!" Fred said, hands on his hips. "No wand. No hexes. Just pure, raw… chaos."

"Which," George said proudly, "makes it technically non-magical misconduct."

"And hilarious," Lee finished.

Harry chuckled beside Hermione, raising his mug. "To be fair… the powdered unicorn horn was a bold touch."

Hermione sighed, rubbing her temples. "I cannot believe I live in a house where this is considered heroic."

Fred patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Hermione. You'll come around. Once you see Snape glare at you like you kicked his favorite potion jar, you'll understand why this—" he gestured to the floating snacks, the throne made of armchairs, and the banner still shimmering with boar-head explosions—"is the closest we get to therapy."

Hermione opened her mouth to respond—

But Fred Weasley hopped off in the front, clapped his hands, and shouted, "Alright, you savages! He's coming! Hide the actual firewhisky and look innocent!"

George added, "But not too innocent. Make it look like you're proud of him."

The room exploded with cheers as the portrait door slammed open.

"AAAAAAAHAHAHA! THE KING RETURNS!"

Inosuke stomped in like a warlord returning from conquest—his chest bare, boar mask gleaming, and posture somehow twice as large as usual.

"The Slytherin Bat has fallen!" Fred bellowed dramatically.

"Long live the Gryffin-Boar!" George shouted.

"SNAPE-SLAYER!" yelled Lee Jordan.

Someone shot red and gold sparks into the air.

Inosuke froze mid-step, head cocking slightly.

Then he laughed—loud and sharp, like the cry of a mountain beast discovering fire for the first time.

"YES!" he roared. "THIS IS HOW YOU CELEBRATE VICTORY!"

"We've got the fireplace on party mode," George added, flicking his wand to turn the flames neon blue. "And your seat of honor is ready."

The second- to seventh-year Gryffindors had rearranged the armchairs and couches to form a massive circle, like a coliseum around a battle arena. A throne—well, technically just an armchair stacked on top of two others—stood at the center, decorated with stolen Slytherin green scarves.

Inosuke planted his feet on either side and bellowed, "WHO RULES THIS LAND?!"

"YOU DO!" the room shouted back.

"WHO DEFEATED THE DARK GLOVE-WEARING WIZARD-BAT?!"

"YOU DID!"

Inosuke raised his Butterbeer like a war trophy. "TONIGHT, WE EAT LIKE WARRIORS!"

Fred and George sent a fresh tray of chocolate frogs flying through the air like mini paratroopers.

Dean Thomas had spelled the fire to dance in different shapes—flames took the form of cauldrons and exploded into shimmering sparks of pink smoke every time someone mentioned Snape's name.

Hermione looked up, eyes narrowing at a suspicious glowing bottle floating by.

"Is that actual alcohol?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want answers to," said Lee Jordan, sliding across the floor on a levitated cushion like a surfer.

Inosuke devoured the first chicken in six bites flat, then slammed the bones into an empty tankard.

"SING ME A SONG OF BATTLE!"

Angelina Johnson stepped forward with a scroll and a dramatic voice.

"Behold, the Ballad of the Boar and the Bat!" she announced. "A tale of flesh, fury, and… potion ingredient assault!"

"YES!" Inosuke shouted. "RE-TELL MY GLORY!"

The song was horrendous. Somehow it rhymed "unicorn horn" with "shirt already torn," and ended with an operatic shout of:

"AND THEN THE BAT WAS SMOKED IN PINK!"

Inosuke wept openly. "It's BEAUTIFUL!"

From her corner, Hermione covered her face with both hands. "This school is doomed."

Harry grinned. "You have to admit it's entertaining."

Inosuke leapt off his throne again, this time grabbing a handful of red roses someone had spelled to float above the fireplace.

"Four-Eyes!" he bellowed at Harry. "Gemone! Come wrestle! It's the Boar King's blessing!"

Hermione blinked. "He still doesn't know our names."

Lavender Brown stepped forward with a rose crown. "Your Boarness! May I place this upon your sacred beast head?"

"YES," Inosuke declared. "CROWN ME WITH VICTORY PETALS!"

As she set the roses upon his boar mask, he turned dramatically toward the crowd.

"LET THIS SYMBOL MEAN—I HAVE CONQUERED THIS DEN OF WANDS!"

Dean Thomas raised a mug. "TO THE DEN!"

"TO THE BOAR!"

"To surviving Snape's class!" Seamus added.

Neville, quietly watching from near the staircase, whispered, "I honestly thought he'd be expelled today."

Percy Weasley stood to the side, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. "This is completely against regulation. I'm reporting all of this."

"Why don't you join us, Percy?" Lee offered. "Have a seat, let loose, breathe in the revolution."

"No."

"You want some chicken?"

"...No."

"Spiked pumpkin juice?"

"Definitely not!"

Just then, the portrait hole opened again.

Silence.

Everyone froze.

It was Professor McGonagall.

She stepped in slowly, her eyes scanning the chaos—the floating food, the minor fireworks, the throne of chairs, and Inosuke wearing a rose crown and two turkey legs like gauntlets.

For a long, terrifying moment, no one breathed.

Then she simply said, "Ten points from Gryffindor."

Groans.

"And ten points back—for artistic ingenuity."

Cheers.

"But if one more piece of furniture is levitated into the ceiling fan, I will personally turn this place into a silent reading room for a week."

The Fat Lady swung the portrait closed.

The moment she was gone—

"TO VICTORY!" Inosuke screamed again, leaping into a table full of pastries and somersaulting through a chocolate frog explosion.

As the chaos resumed, Harry and Hermione watched in silence, sipping their drinks.

Hermione shaking her head and let out a small smile. "It's only been the first week."

Harry laughed, his eyes bright. He'd never felt more alive since entering the magical world.