Harry Potter: Reborn as a Prisoner in Azkaban

"No, Singed—"

Adams was furious. It was early in the morning, and you suddenly appeared out of nowhere to scare me. Fine. But what's with this entire page of jokes?

You spent the whole night making up jokes?

Isn't the friend 'ship' supposed to capsize like this?

Forget Adams, even William, who was just a bystander, felt a little annoyed at this point. "This is what you're showing us?"

"Sure, making up jokes is fun—I get that. But instead of wasting time on this, why not take a page from my book and prepare some test papers? Sure, it's not as technically challenging as alchemy, but at least it's useful for students. If you don't know how, I can teach you. Are you seriously as much of a fraud here as I am?"

"What are you all doing?"

Singed looked confused, as if expecting applause and cheers; which only made William even angrier.

Staying up all night to come up with jokes and then being so excited about it that you can't sleep. How does that even make sense?

Though the late night had clearly left Professor Singed somewhat frazzled, he soon noticed something amiss. He glanced at the parchment, then shot a look of indescribable emotion at the two of them before snatching the parchment away. Flipping it over, he handed it back.

"And you call yourselves professors. Don't even know the difference between the front and back of a parchment?"

Then why don't you explain why there's a bunch of jokes written on the back?

Complaints aside, they still had to read it.

Compared to the pile of text on the back, the front of the parchment contained only a few lines:

[Instant Hair-Growth Elixir: Add... combine with... then use...]

[...]

[…]

[Experiment successful.]

William felt a deep sense of despair. At the end of the day, English wasn't his native language. If these technical terms were in Chinese, maybe he could guess at them. But as it stood, he could barely understand the auxiliary words.

For some reason, this reminded him of rogue martial arts practitioners. These professional terminologies were just gibberish to him. For someone who wasn't even an alchemy novice, reading this was harder than deciphering a book of heaven's secrets.

I bet an alchemy master could replicate this formula perfectly on the first try, but for me...

William looked up, feeling that this was even more insulting than the jokes. The handwriting was clear, there were no erasures, and while it was a bit sloppy, he just couldn't understand it.

"Oh—this?" Adams sneered disdainfully. "Use that supposedly brand-new brain of yours that hasn't slept all night and think. Do I look like I understand alchemy?"

Such mockery.

William quickly agreed in his heart but didn't show it on his face. He hadn't spent enough time with these guys yet, and he didn't have the confidence to say things like that out loud just yet.

"You don't understand alchemy, but you recognize what's at the front, don't you?"

Singed sneered back, pointing at the name at the top. Then he casually ran his hand over his previously sleek hair. "Look! What a great discovery!"

The other two didn't need him to say it to see it. On the previously shiny bald spot, a small patch of very short and fine hair had sprouted. Although it looked malnourished and about ready to fall out, it was undeniably new hair.

"See? See? A great invention!"

Singed looked proud, as if pulling an all-nighter was no big deal. He even seemed ready to keep going for a few more days.

Impressive, sure, but this isn't what I had in mind at all.

William, with his perfectly intact head of hair, thought it was remarkable but couldn't quite relate. His emotions had already been through a rollercoaster of excitement, disappointment, renewed excitement, then crushing defeat. Now, he felt nothing at all.

Originally, he'd assumed Singed had created some magical tool or alchemical potion capable of boosting power; something truly extraordinary. This, while undeniably impressive and perfectly suited to Professor Singed, was of no use to William.

Singed's inventions have nothing to do with me. Even if they were useful, I'd need his permission to use them, so it's irrelevant!

William tried to warn himself, but he couldn't stop imagining a scenario where he wielded the Instant Hair-Growth Elixir to battle dark magic.

The Dark Lord doesn't even have hair—maybe this could be useful for him? No, wait... The Dark Lord doesn't even have a nose. What would he want with hair?

This absurd thought snapped William out of his strange mood. By this point, Professor Singed had already begun bragging about his discovery to others.

"William, I suspect Singed actually perfected those potions last night. He probably just couldn't sleep because he was too excited." Adams whispered softly.

I agree with that. Those jokes seemed way too numerous to have been made up in a short amount of time. But then again, maybe he had a sudden burst of inspiration?

William didn't say that out loud; he hadn't eaten yet. While he wasn't afraid of dueling, if Adams proposed one, it would certainly ruin his meal.

***

"Where's Adams? Off to Hagrid's again?"

By Friday noon, Singed, still buzzing with excitement, asked William this question at the dining table.

"Yep, same as yesterday."

Carefully transferring a small tomato onto his plate and ensuring it was safe, William responded.

It seemed that Singed's late-night joke-writing spree had somehow inspired Adams; or maybe he'd developed a cooking addiction. Recently, Adams had been visiting Hagrid every day, and the two of them had been waging war against roosters. According to Singed, he'd even taken over as head chef.

To be precise, as soon as the first class ended earlier that day, Adams had rushed off to Hagrid's to cook again. His passion for cooking had clearly been reignited.

"He's really hooked now. Not only does he not blush when joking, but he's even carrying recipe books around, asking us which dishes look appetizing!"

"I'm just worried he'll end up turning Herbology class into a cooking class at this rate. Honestly, it's not impossible with the way things are going."

"Well, if that happens, maybe he'll finally shift his attention away from those roosters. By the way, have you seen Aphra today?" William threw in a quick jab, then asked about the young girl they hadn't seen all day.

"Nope—Aphra's been grounded for two weeks. Professor Taylor said so."

"What? Aphra's grounded, Adams is busy cooking—and you? How's your elixir coming along?"

"Still not allowed. Professor Kettleburn says I can't provide elixir to other staff members until they've been verified for safety." Professor Singed's tone carried a hint of discontent, something William could fully understand.

It was true that new potions had to be tested before use, but having Professor Kettleburn insist on verifying their safety was undeniably frustrating.

"Good things are worth waiting for. Who knows? By the time they're ready to use your elixir, you might already have a full head of thick hair."

"That's true. By then, I might even turn this into a brand and stay at the school counting money."

"Stay at the school?"

"Of course; Where else can you find a job where you work less than four hours a week?"

Singed gave him a look that practically screamed, 'Are you stupid?'

So what if Alchemy classes are fewer than others, right? William rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry about the details. Just think about how Adams still has to tend to the herbs in the middle of the night. That should even things out."

It was surprisingly effective comfort, and William immediately felt much better.

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