Harry Potter: F*ck Off

They all watched as the vertically challenged charms professor escorted the four students out of the Headmaster's office.

Then it was just the four of them. Harry and Umbridge on one side, Dumbledore and McGonagall on the other.

"This won't take long, Professor Umbridge," said Dumbledore "there is no reason for you to stay."

"Nor is there any reason for Professor McGonagall to stay." replied Umbridge.

The transfiguration professor drew herself up and replied "I am here because Mr Potter is a member of my house."

"Actually I'm not," replied Harry "Remember? I just announced it in the Great Hall when the feast ended."

McGonagall glared at him before responding "Then I am here as the Deputy Headmistress."

"And Professor Umbridge is here to make sure that you fully comprehend the Ministry's position on this matter." replied Harry.

"Very well," said Dumbledore wearily "Harry, why did you feel it necessary to claim your new position?"

"I already explained that down in the Great Hall" replied Harry "There have been too many prefects in the past that either did not bother doing their job or abused their position. I intend to weed them out and take any actions against them that are necessary. At the same time I will help the good prefects where I can, and assist my fellow students where required."

"You do not need to do this, Harry," said Dumbledore "If there are problems with the prefects, or any other student, then the teachers are there to handle them. That's what they are there for."

"You're right," said Harry "That is what they are there for. Unfortunately I have four years' worth of evidence that proves that the teachers do not do that job. And most of that evidence centres on the four students that Professor Snape just escorted out of the room, as well as Professor Snape himself of course."

"Professor Snape has my complete trust-" Dumbledore began, but Harry cut him off.

"That may be good enough for you, Headmaster, but it isn't for me."

"Nor for the Ministry," added Umbridge "There have been more complaints about that man registered with the Wizarding Examinations Authority than all your other current members of staff combined, and most of them have been here for a lot longer than Severus Snape has."

"Certain staff and pupils have been allowed far too much free rein, Professor," said Harry "and other members of staff have left a lot to be desired in helping the other students deal with these issues. That is why I have my new role, to help those who no longer feel that they can go to the teachers with their problems."

"If students do not come to us, then we cannot be expected to help them," said McGonagall.

"There are reasons that they do not come to you," replied Harry "They need someone, Professor, and in my time here I have time and again been shown that going to a teacher proves to be nothing more than fruitless."

Seeing that McGonagall had no answer to that, Dumbledore tried to change his approach by asking a different question "Why do you feel that the Ministry saw fit to give this position to you specifically, Harry?"

"Mr Potter was chosen because the Ministry believes him to be the best candidate available for the job," said Umbridge, answering for Harry "And it was he, after all, who brought the need for such a role as the one he now has to the attention of the Ministry. We also believe that, through his excellent performance when he represented this school in the Tri-Wizard Tournament he has shown himself to be an exemplary student that others should be able to respect."

"I will not stand for the Ministry using a student in my care for their own purposes." said Dumbledore.

"But I'm not," said Harry "I get paid a salary for my role."

"How much are you being paid?" asked McGonagall.

"That is between me and the Ministry" replied Harry "as it is they, and not the school, that pays me. And of course this role will look good when I eventually apply for a full time job after I finish school."

"And how do you plan to fit these new responsibilities around your studies?" asked Dumbledore.

"Well the Prefects and Head Boy and Girl seem to manage alright," said Harry "Of course I won't be having to attend Quidditch practices, so that frees up more time. Oh, and I will be dropping Divination class altogether."

"You cannot drop classes during your fifth year, Harry." said Dumbledore, warningly.

"We've already approved it with Madam Marchbanks of the Wizarding Examinations Authority," said Umbridge "Any student can opt out of one of the optional subjects in favour of a work-based course that will potentially lead to a job offer, you know that Dumbledore."

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