Harry Evans: Memoirs of a well-lived Death (SI)

AN: I am quite dissatisfied with this chapter. Harry's and Tonks' relationship is complicated and I don't know if I hit the right notes to showcase that well. I've been going over this longer than I have any other chapter, but I'm still not happy. At this point I just have to post it. Usually I take feedback and all, but if you have negative feedback don't feel the need to share this time. I know exactly what's wrong here, I wrote the damn thing. Unfortunately its beyond my ability to fix so we're just all gonna have to live with my failure.

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-/-

In the end, Harry and Tonks had been similarly stumped at the ward on the door of the guest bedroom. While they were both capable in their very own manner of identifying that the ward was there, neither of them were confident in dispelling it without triggering it. And even if they had been, the parents would have noticed that the ward was gone when they came back. Thus, the guest bedroom was out of service. Harry dumped his trunk in the living room, and in the end, they'd decided that he'd likely just sleep on the couch here.

It was an inferior and suboptimal option, but Harry had slept on couches often enough in his last life. He wasn't overly bothered by continuing the tradition. Also, his body was currently still small and young, so any damages would be self-corrected.

Tonks assured him that magical bodies were better at keeping themselves in shape anyway unless the wizard in question was suicidal. The innate wishes for a healthy body simply grasped small amounts of magic flowing through and consecrated them to the task of upkeeping a state of decent wellness of being.

There was a reason that magicals mostly only ever died from similarly magical diseases and Harry was grateful for this piece of information he hadn't actually known before. He had noticed that he hadn't gotten sick nearly as often after his rebirth, but had just chalked it up to his youth. He'd only started becoming ill regularly in his past life after the pandemic, which might have just coincided with the age at which the body started degrading, not growing.

Otherwise, he and Tonks just chatted away, made a simple lunch, watched some TV and generally just fooled about. They had become friends during the last year at Hogwarts. Or, if nothing else, trusted comrades.

It was once it started getting dark that Tonks proposed leaving the house again. "Want to take a drive to a nice spot I know?" she proposed from her position sitting on the rug on the floor, while Harry telekinetically floated a procession of vinegar chips down his gullet.

"Can't side-apparate yet?" he asked, wondering why she wanted to drive and received the expected shake of the head. "Honestly, I'm vibing tots. If we had some weed we could play some card games and watch some more TV. It's actually kind of weird, I love Hogwarts and my family, but it's nice to spend some time apart. I think it's hard to constantly have an identity defined by one's surroundings. At Hogwarts, I'm always a student and at home I'm always a family member. With you I can be…" he trailed off.

"Don't you think friendship defines you too?" Tonks asked.

"The good kind doesn't," Harry responded and the girl thoughtfully played with her hair, laying down on her back. 

"I heard weed rots your brain," Tonks eventually said.

"It does, a little bit if you start young. But weren't you just telling me that our magic helps us deal with that sort of stuff," Harry retorted. He realised as Tonks mulled over her words that despite the provocatively metal and rock way that she dressed as if she were a scene girl, she had been going to a boarding school every year for six years now. All parts of puberty had been spent at the draughty castle in the Scottish highlands. "Don't tell me you've never smoked before. I mean, the older years at Hogwarts have to be doing something, no?" he asked curiously. There had never been any mention of drugs in the original books, but surely there had to be something the wizarding population was getting fucked up on. They were teaching kids how to brew potions, for god's sake.

"It's mostly fire whiskey. Magical drugs can get you real bad, and most of them require controlled substances to brew. I'm sorry, but honestly, maybe muggles chase highs so much because their life is mundane. Wizards have other escapes," Tonks explained with a shrug.

"All right, 17 years old, never smoked even a lil bit of the devil's lettuce. This is going to be our job for tomorrow then, we're going to find some weed." Harry spontaneously decided with a serious nod.

Tonks just stared at him, with a tilted head. "All right, you know what, sure. Your suggestion on the wine and the alcohol was good. I asked my parents for a bottle of that thing and it was amazing. They were really surprised I even knew what I was talking about. I'll trust you on drugs as well. I mean, you're thirteen, plenty of time to get that experience in."

"Still twelve," Harry corrected, causing his friend to wince.

"Still twelve, yikes. Anyway, we should probably get going," she said and stood up.

"One last thing," Harry said, looking at his trunk in which he'd stored some adult-sized clothing. "Can I drive?"

Tonks stared at him. Just stood there and stared at him. She seemed to consider his question, before retorting with one of her own. "Do you," she started hesitantly. "Have a driver's licence?" she asked, as if unsure if she was asking a question that was even valid in any sense of the word.

"No, but I know how. I can even take an ageing potion so nobody stops us," Harry suggested.

"I think I need an adult," Tonks whimpered and looked around as if a random adult was going to suddenly jump out of the corner like a boggart and scare some sense into both of them.

"Tonks, Tonks, Tonks," Harry tutted, standing up himself and walking up to the girl to pat her on the shoulder. He leaned into her ear. "Haven't you realised?" he whispered. "You are The Adult." A pause. "Do your friend this one favour. If you can trust me with a sword against a werewolf, are you really not going to trust me behind the steering wheel."

After a second or so of consideration, Tonks gently laid her hand on Harry's head and pushed him back violently with a sudden force that seemed to surpass what she should have been capable of. Harry landed on the couch with a whumpf. "If something happens to the car. My parents will kill me," she growled.

"I've been fixing up cars for more than half a decade now. Your threats have no power here," Harry shot back.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Tonks began, putting a hand in her pocket and coming up with a small keychain. "But yes, random potentially mentally affected 12-year-old, you can drive my car."

Harry wandlessly summoned the key chain out of the girl's hand, her permission making the act easier. He cackled, and Tonks looked like she regretted ever having woken up early that morning when they'd first met.

-/-

It was barely five minutes later that Harry sat in the driver's seat of the car in his full adult glory. Decently tall, more muscular than the last times he'd changed, and with a demented smile. Tonks for her part was mimicking prayer motions in the passenger seat.

She'd given him a long hard look after he'd come out looking like he did, but had reverted to her usual self soon after.

"Is it too late to change my mind?" Tonks asked into the night.

Harry turned serious for a moment as he inserted the key and shifted into reverse, slowly but smoothly taking their car out of the driveway. "Relax, Tonks. I'm a decent driver. I was just fucking with you. I know cars are dangerous and I wouldn't put your life at risk for a joke," he said calmly as he started accelerating down the road, shifting into third gear.

"That's good," Tonks muttered. "Take a left here."

Harry followed the girl's instruction as she fiddled with her thumbs. It was a smooth ride. He went a few dots under the speed limit due to the bad visibility of the night but accelerated quickly when they switched to a faster road.

"You actually know how to drive," Tonks breathed at some point, as they went off a street and started driving into a forest. Had he been with anyone else he would have been worried he was being led to a place where he'd have to dig his own grave. Eventually however, after a minute or so of driving through a dense forest, probably spooking animals as they went, they emerged into a large clearing which seemed to be the top of some sort of hill. It was still warm so Harry didn't complain when Tonks brought out a picnic blanket from the trunk, along with some snacks, including one bottle of something he couldn't quite make out in the dark.

They didn't have a flashlight and Harry didn't feel like using his magic. He enjoyed having to stick closer to Tonks to see her under the light of the moon and the stars. He felt her hot breath on occasion as they prepared their seating arrangement, having to get close to each other to solve certain issues. She was also a witch with a wand, so she must have enjoyed the atmosphere just as much. Perhaps this was the advantage of being in an adult body right now. In her eyes, he wasn't a child anymore. His attitude finally fit his form.

However, in his eyes, she'd probably remain a brat for a bit more. She'd done a good job in leaving that particular description behind in the last few months, working relentlessly on her ambitions, but it clung to her like a bad trip to the hairdresser.

Eventually, they both settled down on the picnic blanket. Their eyes had adapted and shapes became distinct, features cutting themselves out of the dark to create a sort of veiled realism.

There was only one thing Harry wanted to do before he engaged in the conversation Tonks had brought him here for. He raised his wand and waved it in a complicated pattern, "perdere parva forma," he cast quietly. "An insect repellent with a very dramatic incantation," he explained to the girl curiously tilting her head. "Now, is there any reason you brought us all the way out here? A guy could almost think you wanted to have a serious conversation about something," he joked.

Tonks didn't reply, instead taking the bottle he hadn't been able to identify. "Ogden's Whisky," she explained as she poured them both a cup. They clinked the paper cups together and knocked it back.

It was strong, searing Harry's throat as it went down. It dispelled for a moment the interesting atmosphere of mystery and darkness, bringing everything into sharp focus. Then it all came back, just under an additional layer of drunkenness.

"It's good," he said and poured himself another one. This one he would sip and savour. Tonks mimicked him, seemingly unable to start the conversation she probably wanted to have.

"How's being a healer treating you?" he eventually asked.

"I'm not a healer," she replied with a short laugh. "Just an intern, but it's good. You're out there, helping people. It's a job with a point. Society couldn't survive without it."

"Decent wage?"

"I'm doing unpaid work, but, yes. You get good pay when you're fully qualified. More so when you're a senior. My mom is, that's how I got the internship."

"Don't denigrate your efforts, with your grades you would have gotten it anyway."

"Perhaps with my current ones, but I had to apply with my O.W.Ls since I didn't have the report card yet. What did you get, anyway?"

Harry mulled over, trying to remember. He'd been happy about the results, but not happy enough to be able to list them off at a moment's notice. "I got an O in charms, arithmancy, DADA, Transfiguration. The rest I don't remember at the moment. Astronomy and History were never important to me. I'm proud of my A in potions though. I think Herbology was an EE.

"The grades don't reflect how much of a monster you are," Tonks mused. "If you had all O+ then maybe people would realise that what you're doing shouldn't be possible."

"It's because I'm not aiming for 0+ that I can do what I can do," Harry sharply retorted. "Should I be spending an additional hour per week on every subject I got an O one just to grind that one plus. Three hours a week for those that I only got an EE for. Five for the As? Utterly pointless. Grades can signal to an employer that you're a hard worker and a conformist at heart, but real skill is ineffable."

"That's what I mean. What kind of twelve-year-old talks like that? You can be intelligent but what do you know about what employers want?" Tonks suddenly demanded harshly. "Who are you?" she bit out.

Harry could have likely pretended. Someone intelligent enough could infer everything without having to experience it themselves. He believed that if you locked a genius into a library for 15 years it was possible they'd come out knowing more about society than anyone who'd been living in it their whole lives. As long as they had at least some experience of course. But. Tonks had been getting curious for a while now. Bullshit would only distract her for a while, and he was beginning to value her as a friend. He didn't want to lose that.

"Let's assume I have a secret. A reason why I am how I am. It wouldn't be a very good secret if I told you about it, wouldn't it?" he asked rhetorically.

"You don't trust me?" Tonks asked, hurt. Well, he had just questioned the loyalty of a puff.

"In the magical world a secret only remains one as long as the holder has very good Occlumency," Harry said, wondering if he'd have to explain to Tonks what that even was. But, she seemed to already know.

"How do you know about the Mind Arts?" she asked. "My mom said she'd start instructing me when I graduate."

"Well, you know how it is. A book here, a book there, and suddenly you've pieced together some important information," Harry said evasively.

The girl snorted and drew in her knees, hugging them close to her chest. "So your secret is bad enough that you don't want to risk someone reading my mind?" she asked.

Harry nodded silently, taking a few of the snacks and showing them into his mouth all at once.

"You think you can defend yourself from people like Dumbledore if they wanted to take a look?" she asked.

"Well, probably not, but that doesn't mean I should take unnecessary risks."

Tonks sighed sadly. "Here we are, making plans and thinking we're big and strong. But if another Dark Lord comes along, we'll just be swept along like a leaf in a typhoon. The war was horrible. The Dark Lord was like a raging dragon, with the magical abilities of a wizard."

"Voldemort was also just a young boy living in a run-down orphanage who had to develop his magic and sadistic attitude to protect himself from boys twice his size," Harry said harshly. "You saw him after he had fifty years to perfect his craft. Look how far we've gotten in so little time. Do you think evil ever gives up? It doesn't. That's why forces of good aren't allowed to either."

"You think you'll be the next Dumbledore?" Tonks scoffed.

"Someone is going to take the mantle of the most powerful wizard on the British Isles. Why couldn't that someone be me?" Harry retorted. "What is the point of dreaming small in a world of magic? Shoot for the stars and worst case you can still land on the moon. Excellency is always worth pursuing for its own sake."

"You know Harry, I sometimes wonder. I'm trying to get better at magic so I can help people. You just get better at magic to be better at magic. What exactly are you aiming for?"

"But were you getting better, until you got a kick in the butt?" Harry argued. "If your goal is just to know the magic you need to know to be an auror then you'll never progress beyond that level. Who's the better artist, the one who does it to get a job, or the one who does it for art's sake."

"You're impossible," Tonks sighed. "You exist on the precipice of me being scared for your mental health from how much you work and me thanking god that at least this manic attitude infected someone with a moral compass."

Harry considered the words, not liking where the conversation was going. He didn't know what the problem was but wanted to avoid the trajectory. He took a sip of the whisky before handing the bottle to Tonks. He scooted on the blanket to be closer to her and looked up to see the stars. They were beautiful and numerous. They'd only become less and less so every year. Light pollution. "Maybe that's why you shouldn't allow yourself to be satisfied with being just an auror. You'll have to be as good as me to stop me if I ever turn bad," he teased and put a hand on the girl's shoulder. He felt some of the tension leave her body from underneath his palm.

She exhaled. "Maybe you'll have to do the same for me. I have this cursed blood in my veins. Crazy family. Even my mom and Sirius. Never going to go fight a werewolf with a sword though. Maybe that can stay your area of expertise."

"What's all this conflict about, Tonks?" Harry asked. "Thought we were a team, you know, back to back against scary things in the night trying to kill us."

"Maybe we're a team. But how are we supposed to stay one if you don't tell me anything," Tonks urged, returning the topic to where it had been previously.

Harry considered the situation, he wasn't willing to tell Tonks everything until her Occlumency was up to speed. He'd never want to tell her about his status as a reincarnation either. But, he had recently signed up to teach someone Occlumency, little Draco Malfoy. Perhaps it was time to get another student? But, the issue was, what exactly would he be getting from teaching Tonks?

The answer was simple. He'd be getting experience in Legilimency. He could also ask the sorting hat if it was interested in taking another student. He didn't have it with him at the moment, so it would have to wait. Unfortunately, he didn't think that the answer would be yes, but it was worth a try. His stealing the hat was the least of his crimes, and if it started teaching Tonks, then she would become an accomplice and then not snitch on him either

"How about you go to your mom and tell her to start your Occlumency training right now? I can help as well. I don't know Legilimency yet, but I could learn at the same speed that you learn Occlumency," Harry suggested.

Tonks seemed to hesitate at the suggestion. "There's no point in asking my mom. She'll stay firm in her decision. But if you could help me…" she trailed off. "Legilimency is illegal though."

"Hey, you're not an auror yet. And you know what they say about extenuating circumstances," Harry joked. "They make stuff legal."

She punched him in the arm. "No one says that," she complained, before groaning. "I'm sorry for the weird mood, I brought you here to thank you for saving my ass against Greyback, but I got distracted."

"You're welcome," Harry said.

The girl adjusted her hair. He couldn't tell which colour it was, it was too dark for that. But, he could see the outline of her body. It was getting a bit chilly. "That wasn't my thank you, yet, you git," she muttered, before turning towards him and enveloping him in a hug.

"Oh, alright, I like hugs," Harry said and enveloped her in his arms. He was bigger than her, for once, due to the ageing potion. It was a proper hug for once. A hug between two adults, and the emotional implications of the act when it was shared between two people who knew exactly why they were hugging.

"If you weren't twelve maybe I'd kiss you," Tonks whispered into his ear.

"Alright," Harry agreed. "Won't be twelve forever."

"What just like that, Not going to fight for it?" Tonks shot back, causing the boy to laugh again.

"I'm perfectly content being your friend right now."

"Hmm, shows how little you know," she harrumphed.

"Tonks, I trust you with my life. I respect your ambitions and your newly found work ethic. I appreciate your humour. I admire your maturity and your development. I think we'll be friends for a long time. But, no offence, you're a teenager."

Tonks leaned out of the hug and looked at him silently for a few seconds, before palming her face. "This isn't how I was expecting this evening to go," she eventually said again.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

The girl waved her arms around. "I wasn't expecting the conversation we would have." She sighed. "I need to sober up," the girl said and pulled a small potion from one of her pockets and chugged it. She offered one to Harry, but he refused it.

"Nah, I'm alright. Enjoying the buzz. You can drive us back," he said and started packing together everything they'd laid out. The mood was a bit awkward, so when they put the stuff in the trunk he decided to do something about that. He shut the trunk with a slam, unceremoniously picked Tonks up put her on the trunk of a car in a sitting position and hugged her. "Don't make it awkward, girl," he said. "We're bros for life, no matter what. The point of being friends with someone is to let down those walls and finally breathe a bit." He let her go and stepped back, going to the left side of the car and getting into the passenger's seat. After a few seconds minutes Tonks came to join him, starting the car and driving them off.

"You're a real piece of shit sometimes bro," she eventually said, breaking the tension.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're annoying as well sometimes, bro. The way you talk about shit I'd almost call you a virgin."

Tonks didn't answer anything to that and simply started the car. Suddenly, Harry realised a horrible possibility.

"Wait," he muttered. "Are you a virgin?"

Tonks refrained from answering as the boy laughed. She sped up the car but no amount of pressing the gas would get her away from her embarrassment.

"Saving yourself for marriage, bro, I respect it," Harry eventually commented.

"It's not like that!" the girl shouted.

-/-

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