Hard Luck Hermit

Taking his first steps onto his first actual planet other than Earth, Corey found himself unsure what to expect. The soil on the planet Killikiss was, for some reason, a chalky pink, which just confused him. The sky was a familiar blue, at least, so he had that going for him, and the atmosphere was breathable. For some of the crew, at least.

“What’s with the mask, Doprel?’

“This planet’s biome isn’t very well cataloged,” Doprel explained, his voice slightly muffled by a thick breathing apparatus covering his face. “Don’t want to be breathing in anything toxic. You Kentath types can mostly get around on any inhabited planet, but I have to be a little more careful.”

“Big guy’s gotta take care of himself now and then,” Kamak said. “We all know he takes care of you guys often enough.”

“He carries you back to the ship when you’re hungover too, cap,” Tooley said.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you,” Kamak said. He pointed himself, Farsus, and Doprel. “Three of us are going to escort the professor to the ruins.”

He then pointed to far off mountains briefly, before turning his attention and his finger to the small town near their landing site.

“The two of you, get into that town and play tourist,” Kamak ordered. “Keep people from getting curious about the ship that just landed. Try to play nice and stay mostly sober. We might need you ready to fly on short notice, Tools.”

“Ugh, fine,” Tooley said. “Can Corey get drunk in my stead?”

“I’d prefer he didn’t, but his brainpower isn’t mission critical,” Kamak said. “Try to stay on your feet, at least.”

“I’ll do my best, captain.”

For having such a small population, the local town was incredibly dense. Buildings were small, and stacked right on top of each other like sardines in a can.

“So the good news is, I think the distraction is working,” Tooley mumbled.

“What’s the bad news?”

She hadn’t even said there’d be bad news, but Corey could still tell it was there. There was usually bad news.

“The distraction is working a little too well,” Tooley said. “Hope you like being the center of attention.”

This culture liked to live in tight knit communities -something that made Tooley and Corey’s presence that much stranger. The multicolored aliens stared intently at the new arrivals, though nobody approached them just yet.

“We should at least get off the main road,” Corey said. “Act natural. What do space tourists do? Do we need to get a place to stay, or do you usually sleep on the ship?”

“I don’t know,” Tooley hissed. “I’ve never been a tourist. I’m a pilot, I travel space in the cool way, not the lame sightseer way.”

“Well then what the fuck do we do?”

“Food, Corvash, everyone needs food,” Tooley said. “There’s got to be restaurants or grocery stores or something. We can act natural. Maybe even have a decent lunch.”

Getting a decent lunch was it’s own reward, so Corey had twice the usual enthusiasm for this plan. The main thoroughfare didn’t have any building that seemed large enough to house customers of any kind, so Tooley veered towards the outskirts. She didn’t find anything out there either, but there was at least a vendor stall on the main street, entirely alien yet entirely familiar: a schlubby guy selling lukewarm meat on a stick. No matter where she went in the galaxy, someone had invented meat on a stick. Slightly dodgy, but generally reliable meat on a stick.

Tooley paid for two of the dodgy meat-sticks and handed one to Corey. He took a bite first. The meat was suspiciously bitter, but not entirely unpleasant. Once Corey had chewed and swallowed without puking or spitting out his food, Tooley took a bite of her own meat-stick and cautiously chewed it while she spoke to the vendor.

“So, not that this isn’t delicious,” Tooley said. It wasn’t delicious. “But is there any other place to get food around here? We looked around and everything seems very...residential.”

“Most food and drink is purchased in the subterranean,” the vendor said. “You’ll pardon us, our town is not designed with visitors in mind. We don’t get many.”

“That’s understandable,” Tooley said. “We were looking for out of the way places. We expected them to not be tourist friendly.”

“What brings the two of you out so far, anyway?”

“Just...trying to get away from it all, you know? Universal life can be so overwhelming sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t know,” the vendor said. “Must be a lot to bring you all this way.”

The vendor had a skeptical look in his eyes, and Tooley’s sub-par acting skills weren’t really helping his suspicions. More attention wouldn’t do anyone any favors, so Corey stepped in.

“It’s not that bad most of the time,” Corey said. “But it’s just been a lot harder to keep up with the hustle and bustle since my mom died. Seeing new places and people...It sort of helps.”

A combination of sympathy and outright awkwardness blasted the suspicion out of the vendor’s head. He mumbled “sorry” under his breath and then, after a moment of contemplation, handed Corey another dodgy meat stick.

“On the house. Enjoy your stay.”

Corey nodded gratefully and stepped away from the vendor. Tooley, not knowing what else to do, turned sharply and followed along.

“Good thinking,” she said, when they were around the corner. Then she snatched the sympathy meat out of Corey’s hands.

“What’s that for?”

“You don’t get to keep this,” Tooley said, waving the meat skewer at him. “You got it by lying.”

“I wasn’t lying.”

Tooley stopped waving the meat skewer and looked at Corey for a second.

“Oh.”

The meat skewer changed hands again.

“Sorry. If I should be sorry. Should I be sorry?”

“Why would you not be?”

“There’s species out there where the young eat their mothers,” Tooley said. “Or she could’ve just been shit. I’m not saying she was shit, but my mom was. I wouldn’t feel bad if she died.”

“Well, my mom was great, and I cared about her, so yeah, be sorry.”

“Okay, sorry.”

The insincerity was obvious to all involved, and Tooley aggressively changed the subject.

“So there’s got to be a way into this subterranean thingy somewhere,” Tooley said. She tapped her fingertips against her thighs just to have something to do with her hands while she scanned the horizon. “Keep an eye out for holes.”

“Found one.”

“Where?”

Corey pointed at Tooley.

“Asshole.”

The indignation on Tooley’s face lasted about three seconds before she cracked into a delighted chuckle.

“Alright, you got me,” she said. “But seriously, let’s go.”

“Hey, Corvash, you sober?”

“Yeah, I’m- Hold on, don’t say anything, you’re on speaker,” Corey said. After finding an entrance to the subterranean, he and Tooley were perusing the underground markets of the city, which were much more crowded than the streets above. He didn’t want Kamak’s voice coming out of his datapad to give away any secrets.

“I’m on what?”

“Everyone can hear you and we’re in public,” Corey said. Apparently the phrase “speaker” didn’t translate well. “Give me a minute to mute you.”

At that point, Tooley forcibly grabbed the tablet out of his hands, changed a few settings, and handed it back. Corey tested it to make sure the changes had worked, and then got back to the conversation.

“What do you need?”

“I need extra hands and a quick exit,” Kamak said. “The professor found something he wants to take home with him. There’s no way to get it through town without someone noticing, so we need Tooley ready to swing by the ruins for a pickup. And you, to help us carry something heavy. Be ready when the sun goes down.”

Kamak hung up before giving Corey a chance to get a word in edgewise. He pulled Tooley away from the collection of alien fruit she had been perusing and filled her in on the situation, prompting a heavy sigh.

“Great, now I got to go back and do flight checks and shit,” Tooley grumbled. “Now we have to go back up through the tunnels and everything again.”

Finding an access to the subterranean market had been hard enough, and traversing it even harder. The more Tooley and Corey explored this culture, the more they discovered no one on the entire planet had any concept of personal space. Every space was smaller than it had any reason to be, and the natives apparently didn’t mind standing literally shoulder to shoulder in any given space -even on the rare occasions when there was room to move.

“Come on, I think I saw a tunnel over this way,” Corey said. “And I’m going first this time.”

“Look, I’m sorry I stepped on your face, there was an old dude and he had his ass right in my-”

“I don’t care, I just don’t want it to happen again,” Corey insisted. Tooley had surprisingly strong legs for someone whose career was based on sitting. This time Corey took the lead as they climbed up the narrow tunnel and emerged into one of the town’s few public spaces. They had entered the subterranean through some kind of shared recreational space, and were now exiting through a sort of communal meeting space. Chairs were arranged in a massive circle in the center of the room, all facing towards a central podium, currently empty.

“Looks like a church,” Tooley said. “Your trigger finger itching yet?”

“Only in your direction,” Corey grunted. Tooley chuckled a little at the joke.

“We think of it more as a community space.”

Tooley and Corey resisted the urge to jump at the unexpected voice, and instead turned around to face the source. An old man was sitting in a chair in a corner, watching over the empty space. He wore no priestly garb, but he had the air of a man with authority, in spite of his advanced age.

“Oh, sure, glad to see you, tell us all about it,” Tooley said. “Corey loves churches.”

Corey elbowed her in the ribs, which did nothing to stifle her teasing -or the old man’s response to it.

“Churches are for those who worship higher powers,” the old man said. “Here we give thanks to nothing but those around us, the land on which we live, and the community we have built.”

“Cool, that’s great, thanks,” Corey said. “We should get going now.”

“Back to where you belong?”

“That’s debatable,” Corey said.

“Everyone belongs somewhere, child.”

“Thanks?”

“If you have not found your place, you soon will,” the old man said. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“Okay, thanks again,” Corey said, as he aggressively shuffled away. “I’m sure I’ll find it too.”

Corey pulled Tooley back into the main streets, away from the old man and his suspiciously wizened smile. She had a broad smile on her own face, though it was born from more than just her delight at Corey’s discomfort.

“God I love it when old people just talk complete fucking nonsense,” Tooley said. “I bet he’d tell all sorts of wild stories that make no sense. Man, now I’m kind of sad we’re committing heresy. I’ll never get to hear any of his bonkers old people stories.”

“It’s a big universe, there’ll be other weirdos with other stories,” Corey said. “Maybe your ‘place you belong’ will be somewhere surrounded by old people.”

“If the old people have booze and a beach, I’m in,” Tooley said.

“Not a lot of beaches here, though,” Corey said. This planet had very small bodies of water, by most standards. “We better get a move on.”

“Yeah, got to go loot some old ruins,” Tooley said. “I dig it.”