Gods of Samrasa

Within his cage, Nendas found his wing slowly healing as the pain of it was soothed. It had been trapped in his side, and all he could do was stand upon his perch. Yet, there seemed to be much to look at from this cage of steel. As he did, he looked around at the lands surrounding him. If indeed they were lands.

This place was like one of perpetual blossoming with flowers and blue skies. There was a great hill of grass greener than anything, surrounded by a river of white water. Yet the borders were hazy, and here and there, he saw people. Yet, they were faint outlines and never approached. He wondered if the hazy areas were real or if he was less real.

Now and then, Nendas would see other birds flying around, and some would come to Jeha. Yet none were hawks, as he had found himself. All seemed doves or peaceful birds that flew out to other lands. If you gazed distantly enough, you could see darker places.

There were castles and cities that Nendas had never seen, places where the sky was strange. Twisted creatures dwelled, and horrors dwelled there. Yet there were others...

Nendas saw one place through Jaha. It was green, green, and beautiful and peaceful too. It was a land ruled by many people in great fortresses. The fields were unmarred by war and tilled with skin. Many were fair-haired and white-skinned.

There were no crucifixions in that place, and a yearning grew within him to walk those roads. Yet he was a warrior; he served no purpose without war. And his gaze, drawn by Jaha, drew to a cold and fridged land. Of rocky mountains, where battles were often fought.

He felt, for a moment, almost as though he lived there. It stood north, over a channel to the green land. Men there went armed all the time. And many fortresses stood where once evil things had dwelled. There were places where they still did.

They were foul creatures which could be cut down.

Often Jaha would seem to go into a trance, and he would see her speaking to the birds, giving orders. Were these other Avatars of her? Or extensions of herself in some way?

Was there a difference?

He could still feel Jaha within his mind, only now it was everywhere. The cage surrounding him was strong beyond measure. Nothing he could do could break or bend it, and he could find no lock or key to escape.

Jaha had hardly left his side, usually speaking soft words to him though he couldn't always make them out. He could feel her in his mind at all times. Yet, he felt a difference in her nature within his mind. The Jaha within was beautiful, kind, and gentle, providing him with food. And yet within him, he felt a cold and hard nature, commanding.

And the two were set against one another. As though they were two sides of the same coin, and he was between them.

Time passed in a dreamlike blur, and Jaha opened the cage door, taking ahold of his wing. Checking it, she removed the harness keeping it in place. "Hmm, so it appears the wings are healing well.

"That's wonderful. When I found you, I was afraid you'd be permanently broken. I'm sure you'll be able to fly someday."

Nendas snapped forward, though he did not know why. His body did not seem entirely his own now. Jaha was urging him forward, and she withdrew her hand before catching him and setting back the sling. His wing was trapped again, and fury filled him, though it is not her own.

"You mustn't peck at me, Nendas. It interferes with your healing," said Jaha, voice melodious. "Oh, stop that; it tickles."

Didn't she realize he was not doing this himself? Or was he? He was not sure where his control ended, and hers began. But, soon enough, Elranor walked into the place. As he did, the realm shifted, and Jaha looked to him. She noted his presence and smiled.

"I'm surprised at you, Jaha," said Elranor. "I would think that you would be more forgiving."

"It's not really his fault," said Jaha. "And, well, he is one of my avatars, even if he never wanted to be."

"I wonder if he would not prefer it otherwise," said Elranor.

"Oh no, definitely not," said Jaha. "When he was originally given to me, Nendas hated the idea of doing my work. I remember he was always pretending like I was my statue. And he wasn't at all good at following the rules, even if he remembered all of them.

"I kept asking him to spread my word, but his anger just kept getting in the way.

"He'd be liable to hurt himself if I gave him a human form.

"Whenever I tried to embrace him, he always tried to shy away. He's never been very sociable, after all. So this is really what he chooses to be."*

Did she not know that she was within him even now? Jaha often seemed to have little idea where she was or what she was doing. And Elranor was often on hand, keeping her in perspective.

"Do you truly intend to keep him in a cage forever?" asked Elranor.

"I'd hate to put him at risk, Elranor. I'm afraid that if I let him out, he'll hurt himself again," said Jaha.

"Birds are meant to fly, Jaha," said Elranor.

Jaha paused and then looked to the hawk. "...Yes, I suppose you are right.

"Now, Nendas, if you want to try and fly within this place, you can."

What was happening here?

Had she not spoken of flight as some faraway dream? How much time had passed? Had any time passed?

The cage vanished, fading away. As it did so, Nendas found he had no structure on which to stand. He found himself falling through the void between his perch and the air. Flapping his wings, he tried to take flight, only to fall further. He thought for sure he'd hit the ground, but he never got the chance. For even as he did, however, he found himself resting on Jaha's arm. She was wearing a thick glove and now standing within the fields.

"Oh, dear, did that hurt?" asked Jaha. "Ordinarily, birds his age can fly like that."

"Perhaps, but he has not been a bird for very long," said Elranor.

"Maybe I should turn him into something a bit less delicate. Like a dog, or perhaps a serpent?" said Jaha.

"I think you would be better off utilizing him as he is, Jaha," said Elranor, seemingly long-suffering.

"Yes, I suppose you are right," said Jaha with a smile. "You don't have to worry about being bad at things. Ages ago, my spirit was fragmented and scattered across reality. I have so many different faces and names now.

"But all of them want only the best for everyone."

The hatred surged within Nendas again, and he found himself slashing at her arm. Yet Jaha laughed as he did it. "Stop, that tickles."

"I doubt very much it is supposed to tickle, Jaha," said Elranor.

"You should try flying again. But only if it does not hurt you," said Jaha.

Nendas managed to draw back himself, mastering the anger. Little by little, he was able to gain more control. Looking up to the tree above them, he tried to fly. As he went into the air, he found the instincts coming to him. Yet he fell and hit the ground again. Standing up, he was picked up by Jaha again.

And he tried again adjusting from what he had done. And he wondered if what he was doing now was real. Did this place even exist? When was he, and where was he?

Was his presence here changing anything? Or was this simply some dying dream.

"Um... are you sure you want to keep doing this?" asked Jaha.

Nendas tried again, feeling more and more like a puppet on strings than a being with control over his own power. Once again, he fell and hit the ground, only to be raised. "Good, you got a little bit off the air that time. Try again.

"You have the knowledge you need; you just need to get into practice."

Nendas tried once again and got a bit off the ground. Another try saw him soar, and a gust of wind went under his wings. Flying up to the upper branches of the trees, he landed and planted his talons. There they gripped, as he felt the thing within him take hold again. He glared down at Jaha low below.

Somehow, though she was farther from him, the Goddess did not seem any smaller. She smiled proudly and raised her arms outward as if to accept an embrace.

"I'm so proud of you," said Jaha. "Now come down, Nendas."

The words came as a command, and Nendas tried to heed it. However, that force within him, Jaha herself, strained to keep him in place. Nendas fought against it, trying to descend.

"From the looks of things, he isn't keen to return to his cage," said Elranor.

"But I need to take him with me where I'm going," said Jaha hurriedly, brushing aside her dark hair from before silver eyes. "Um... Nendas, please come down; I don't want to have to make a command of this. It is sort of important that you come with me."

Nendas tried to descend. He fought against Jaha's will within him. Was it Jaha? Who else could it be? How could she not be aware of this?

Jaha sighed, and her voice was one of infinite disappointment and understanding. "...Fine, I guess you always did have problems knowing what was best for you.

"Nendas, I'm going to be very disappointed in you if you don't come down to my hand here."

He was trying!

But Jaha herself was restraining him from following her own order. He could feel a conflict within, and she seemed to notice his defiance. For a moment, she halted and looked around, her shining eyes gazing at the other birds.

There was a call, a similar one.

"Oh um..." Jaha sighed. "Well, he always was a slow learner. Nendas, you... you really can't hide from me in that tree, you know. You see...

"I am the tree."

And he looked around to see the bars of his cage once again. And Jaha stood above him, greater and more beautiful than ever. "This entire dimension is an extension of me, Nendas. And this dimension extends across time and space. You haven't really been moving at all; you've simply been changing your perception of me.

"No matter how hard you beat your wings or where you fly, I will always be with you. No matter how many people you hurt or temples you burned down, I will always love you. No matter how many eternities and ages pass, you will be here with me.

"I know you can't be held responsible for your action, so I will keep you warm and safe with me.

"For all eternity."

"I think he might prefer an eternity in fire," noted Elranor.

"Well, yes," said Jaha, shifting. "I know that you enjoyed that kind of thing, Nendas. But um... it's not healthy, so I won't let you have it."

"But you will put him in a cage?" asked Elranor, who seemed to be playing the role of advocate.

"If he doesn't disobey me, he can fly wherever he wants," said Jaha. "Now come on, Nendas. We have a very special place to go to."

Nendas was getting very sick of having no control over his own life.

*This inconsistency is a matter of adaptation.

Tanith made no effort to compile the texts into a consistent narrative. Rather she translated it according to her own interpretation. The earlier texts portrayed Nendas as devoted, cunning, and composed. This one seems to have regarded him as far more bloodthirsty.

My guess is that the first source portrays Nendas as a role model. At the same time, the second source portrays him as a fallen sinner in need of redemption.