Glorious Vanity (SI LitRPG)

All of our items were on pending, so we decided to get out of our little shelter and make our way back to Eden.

And during that time, I picked Avalon back up. The moment I did-

[You cruel, sick, perverted bastard.]

Hey! I couldn't just kill the mood after all of that!

[You could have. And you should have. Or at least toss Avalon off to the corner.]

And treat her like an inanimate object?

[Better than having her stuck on you until Freyr tossed her away since she wanted to lick your lollipop.]

I felt my face heat up.

Freyr noticed and then looked away, her face red as well. She cleared her throat and said, "W-Well then, Vain." She looked up at the sky that was slowly turning blue and said, "We should hurry back." Freyr looked at me and said, "Since you have... um... 'improved' after l-last night, you should be able to party with Miss Aqua and Sir Gale."

[Well isn't she shy about it. Or maybe she's just embarrassed that she was rolling around panting like a dog half the night?]

Hey!

[Oh, sorry. I'm just a program, remember? I can only tell the truth.]

You're still mad, aren't you?

[Mad? Oh, no. I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. Especially seeing how sweet little Avalon is still catatonic.]

...

I cleared my throat and then walked beside Freyr. "That sounds like a good idea. I should help out my beloved's friends when I can, right?"

Freyr blushed, but then she let out a bright smile. "...Thank you, Vain. I lo-" She cut herself off and then looked away. "T-That is to say, I appreciate your aid."

[Silver Tongue activates!]
[You have charmed Freyr!]

[You bastard. Can't you keep it in your pants?]

$%#@! You act like I can control this damned skill! I thought it was an active skill, but it turned out to be a passive! Like, how?!

[No One's Story averts its gaze.]

Wait. Removes skill requirements... IT'S YOU!

[The Karmic Anomaly's Wife laughs.]
[The Timeless Savant of Accumulation says you get what you deserve!]
[The Harem Master says that karma is a bitch, isn't it?]

Shut up, you bastards- Wait. Who the hell is <The Harem Master>?

A soft touch on my right hand.

I flinched and looked over.

Freyr flinched as well and quickly took a few steps away. "M-M-My apologies, Vain! T-That is... I simply wanted..."

[A Trickster God whistles and says that you really did a number on his sister.]
[A Goddess of Magic asks when she can expect grandchildren.]
[The Warrior King adjusts his glasses and smiles.]
[The Betrayed Valkyrie watches with a tender gaze.]

I felt my face heat up again and grabbed Freyr's hand.

"V-Vain!?"

"...Let's just get going." I pointedly avoided her gaze and started walking.

Freyr didn't respond. But she moved closer to me, keeping perfect pace.

[Well. At least you're not shameless enough to pretend that nothing happened between you two.]

Obviously! I'm a man who takes responsibility!

[I guess that's true. I wouldn't accept you as my user otherwise...]

Hm?

[Don't worry about it. Now, I'm going to take Avalon and have a movie night with her to calm her down. Try not to die in the meanwhile.]

Ah. Please do that. And tell her I'm sorry.

[Tell her yourself later. Perv.]

With that message, I felt Alice's presence fade again. At the same time, I felt Avalon get... 'lighter'? Either way, it seemed like it was just me and Freyr now.

Branches cracked beneath our feet, along with the dried out leaves and underbrush as we made our way through the forest.

I took a look around and then pulled out a map I bought from the auction house.

Freyr noticed and then frowned. "Prepared as always, Vain? Perhaps I should take notes... Relying on you so often like this is a bit embarrassing."

"Yes." I nodded and said, "You definitely should pay attention. Odds are that we'll get separated often in the future, so you should prepare for the worst."

Freyr's frown deepened and she squeezed my hand.

*CRACK*

"Ah!" Freyr flinched and let go. "I-I am so sorry!"

"Ow." I shook my hand, pursing my lips as <First Aid> healed it. "That hurt. But I get it, Freyr. I don't want to be separated from you either. But the guys up top will definitely be trying hard to make that happen, so just be ready. And don't worry." I turned to look at her and said, "Even if I'm tossed into the depths of hell, I'll find my way back. I promise."

Freyr gave me a tender gaze and said, "Vain..."

[Death flag.]

Gah! Don't jinx it!

[Just saying.]

How do you even know that?!

[You're like an open book. Now, back to movies.]

I sighed and tucked my map back in my <Item Box>. "Anyway, Eden's not far away. For now..." I rolled my neck and looked at Freyr. "How about we see just how much I've improved?"

Freyr looked back at me and smiled. "Oh? Did you want to race?"

"Sure. First one to the city wins."

"And what do I get if I win?"

"Mm... You pick. If *I* win though... Let's see."

It was just a casual race, so nothing too serious. And if I asked for something lewd, Freyr would definitely do it. Something embarrassing? Nah. That'd come back to bite me. Instead...

"If I win, you have to cook me something to eat."

Freyr's eyes widened. "T-That..."

"What?" I grinned. "No confidence in your cooking?"

"No. I mean, yes. I mean... I can cook. But... Such a thing is a bit embarrassing"

"Well, you just have to win then."

Freyr stared at me and said, "...Very well. But if I win then I want..." She blushed and said, "...I want you to call me your beloved."

[The Phantom Thief of Hearts suggests you start running.]
[A Trickster God wishes you luck.]

[Message from the Guide]
[Urgent Quest: Outrun your lover!]
[Reward: +100 Merit Points, +10 Bonus Stat Points]
[Failure: Eternal ridicule, Punishment Game]
[Additional Details: Looks interesting! Good luck, Friendo!]

Wait, what?

I looked at Freyr.

She looked back, determination in her eyes.

A dangerous determination. The same look she had on her face when facing off against Yamata-no-Orochi.

I felt sweat run down the back of my neck and quickly said, "You know that I'll call you my beloved regardless, right Freyr?"

"Ah. Then can you call me your wife if I win? No... If I win, I will call you my husband." Freyr nodded. "Yes. That would be better."

[<The Phantom Thief of Hearts>: RUN.]
[<Loki>: Cheers, bro. I'll send your wedding gifts after the tutorial's done.]

Oi! Stop jinxing me, you bastards!

Freyr stared at me and smiled. "Well... When shall we start?"

"...We'll start on go. But Freyr. I'm just letting you know." I gave her a serious look. "I am determined to have you cook for me."

Freyr nodded. "And I am determined to call you my husband."

Oh crap. She's not joking.

[<The Phantom Thief of Hearts>: No shit.]

In that case...

"Three."

I tensed my legs and crouched, getting ready to sprint.

Freyr did the same.

"Two."

Lightning crackled. But not from me. Freyr's blue lightning came to life, flickering around her body.

...Holy crap. She's serious. Did she want to be my wife that bad? Should I just start getting ready and grab a ring?

No, no. I can't do that. I'm still not ready to fight off the hordes of gods that'll start heading our way. And with the scenarios starting up... Aaaargh. Think.

Freyr's definitely going to outrun me. I didn't have any skills that boosted my speed, and I highly doubted jets or anything would help me out.

In that case... I'd have to get creative.

"One."

I spread my awareness out.

Because we were in a forested area, there were a lot of monsters roaming around. But they were aware of how strong Freyr was and so hid their faces from us.

But they existed. And since that was the case...

I turned around, my back facing the direction we were supposed to be running.

"Vain?" Freyr blinked, confused.

I kicked off the ground and shouted, "GO!"

[Disengage activated!]

Immediately, my surroundings blurred and I was suddenly in open air. The forest was in front of me now, looking like a tiny blur in the distance.

"...Huh." I placed my hand on my chin and said, "I retreated a lot further than last time."

Before, <Disengage> only sent me back a couple hundred feet. Well, more than that, but definitely not this far. Judging from how small the trees looked and the fact that we had definitely been in the middle of that forest, I was... a few miles out?

But I didn't have time to think about that.

A surge of blue lightning erupted in the forest before shooting out. And in the blink of an eye, that streak of blue lightning was already beneath me.

"Holy crap!"

Freyr seriously wanted to call me her husband that bad?! I mean, sure we had a steamy night and I did a lot for her, and I also liked her, but...

"Dumbass! Think later, act now!"

[Disengage activates!]

Another blur. Suddenly, the forest was gone, replaced by open fields.

But the lightning was still there.

Sweat poured down the back of my neck.

...This is gonna be close...

-V-

The outer gates of Eden.

After a day of making preparations... and trying unsuccessfully to find Freyr, Aqua dragged Gale with her and declared that they were going out hunting.

But just as they arrived at the gate, two people walked through it.

The first was an average looking man with dark hair and brown eyes, wearing a cloak over plain black clothing. That guy that was with Freyr last time. What was his name again...? Cocky? Arrogant? No, Vain. That's right. The guy who definitely lived up to that name.

But instead of the calm arrogance he had last time, the man was completely disheveled. His hair was spiking up, completely windswept. His face was drenched with sweat and he was still dripping it onto the ground. Not only that, but he looked dead tired... as well as in strangely better shape than the last time she saw him.

Still, the moment he stepped through the gates, he doubled over, trying to catch his breath.

The second person was Freyr. Like Vain, she looked a bit disheveled as well. Her light blue blouse was damp with sweat, clinging to her body. Her jeans were a bit singed as well as ripped around her legs.

She also looked really disappointed in herself.

Aqua frowned and then crossed her arms. She looked between the two and said, "Where in the world have you two been?"

Freyr pouted and crossed her arms, looking to the side.

Aqua blinked and looked towards Vain. "Hey! You! What did you do to Freyr?!"

Vain waved his hand and said, "Long... Long story... Hah... Damn. Cardio sucks ass... Even with skills..."

"...What?"

Booming laughter echoed from behind. Gale. The knight smiled and walked towards Vain. As he did, Gale pulled out a glittering orange potion from his Item Box and handed it over. "Here. A stamina potion. Seems like you could use it, Mister Vain."

"Th... Thanks, bro. Hah..." Vain straightened and uncorked the potion, downing it in one gulp.

"GALE!" Aqua rounded on her knight and said, "That was expensive!"

Gale shrugged. "A friend in need is a friend indeed. Besides." He shifted his gaze to Freyr and said, "We should treat Miss Freyr's boyfriend well, shouldn't we?"

"Boyfriend?!" Aqua's eyes widened and she spun to look at Freyr. "F-Freyr?!"

"N-No! We are not like that!"

Aqua let out a sigh of relief.

"Vain is my beloved, not a mere boyfriend!"

"WHAT?!"

Vain groaned. "Dammit."