Chapter 18: Fear
Jackson couldn’t stop his leg from shaking. His foot pounded against the carpeted floor of his bedroom like a jackhammer. The first game of the season was tomorrow, and it was all he could think about.
‘Yo, Jackson! It’s your turn, bro,’ Eddie thumped Jackson’s leg and dumped a PlayStation controller onto his lap.
‘Huh?’ Jackson looked around the room, in a daze. His friends were all looking at him, the widescreen of his TV showed the character select screen of Mortal Kombat 11.
Sachin had the other controller in his hands, while Marcus was fiddling with his phone.
‘Hey, if he ain’t ready to play, shit, I’ll take my go next. Not like Jackie is gonna win anyway. You’re way off your game today,’ Marcus said.
‘For real, bruh. Like, I know you ain’t the best, Jackson, but today you really suck. I could probably beat you with any character,’ Sachin laughed.
Jackson snatched up the controller off his lap and clicked his tongue. ‘Shut up… I’m not that bad, and I can still beat you.’
Eddie had a slight frown as he moved away and sat down on Jackson’s double bed, keeping his eyes on his best friend. Jackson had been spacing out a lot lately. It’d been happening ever since they started high school, but whenever brought it up, Jackson would just brush it off.
He was worried, but he wasn’t sure what could be causing it, though the only thing he could think of was that Jackson might’ve been having a hard time adjusting to high school life, just like the rest of them were as well. It wasn’t fun being back at the bottom of the pecking order.
Jackson took his turn, and even though Sachin didn’t pick his best character (He went with Mileena instead of his usual Shao Kahn), their match didn’t last long at all.
‘I’ll take that.’ Marcus had gotten up and stepped over to pluck the controller from Jackson’s defeated grasp.
‘A new challenger steps forth, will he be beaten faster, or slower than the last?’ Sachin gloated. He was definitely the type to rub his victory in the face of his friends as much as possible.
‘C’mon, bro. You’ve figured him out, right? If you don’t beat him, I will,’ Eddie said. ‘Somebody’s gotta humble this dude, right Jackson?’ He tapped Jackson on the leg.
‘Yeah… yeah sure, whatever.’ Jackson slumped back in his chair as he looked at the TV, though his focus was clearly elsewhere—his first JV game, his first game after meeting him.
“Should I really play?” His body was heavy. It was as if his stomach had been filled with cement. “Even if I was coming off the bench… I’d just… could I beat anyone?”
His leg, which had been stilled while he tried to concentrate on his match against Sachin, now shook again.
‘I need some water.’ Jackson pushed himself up and exited the room hastily. Sachin, Eddie, and Marcus looked over and then the three friends exchanged looks with one another.
Sachin and Marcus didn’t stop their game, but Eddie got up to follow Jackson out. Jackson went down the hall and into the kitchen, where he got a glass of tap water and downed it rapidly.
‘Everything all good, bro?’ Eddie asked.
‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ Jackson brushed by him and headed for the front door, his glass refilled.
It was a bright, sweltering day outside, but feeling the heat of the sun did little to warm Jackson up from his dreary mood. He stood on the porch in silence, and Eddie stood with him, awkwardly keeping quiet as he leaned against the wall.
It wasn’t much longer till Sachin and Marcus exited the suburban house as well and joined their friends in silently standing around.
‘Don’t you got your first game tonight?’ Marcus eventually said.
‘Nah, that’s tomorrow, bro,’ Eddie answered for Jackson.
Jackson nodded. ‘Tomorrow afternoon… we play before the varsity team’s game at night.’
‘Oh… you’re the opening act? That’s rough, bruh,’ Sachin said. Eddie leaned over and thumped the back of Sachin’s head.
‘Like you can talk at all, bro. Come on, ain’t no freshmen playing varsity football right away. Besides, Jackson’ll kill it out there tomorrow and he’ll earn his spot in the prime-time games real fast, just you watch.’
‘Hah… yeaaah, totally.’ Jackson didn’t share Eddie’s confidence. ‘Anyway, enough about that crap, I’ll focus on it tomorrow. How ‘bout we go for a ride?’ Jackson looked around, and then everyone’s attention turned to the three discarded bikes that were strewn across the front lawn.
Jackson hoped that feeling the wind rushing against his face and blowing in his hair, would do what a simple glass of water and some fresh air had failed to—empty his mind and calm his nerves.
‘Eh, sure. I’m down for that,’ Eddie said.
Sachin and Marcus agreed as well.
‘Oh? I’m surprised you lot don’t wanna keep playing. Who won anyway?’ Eddie asked.
Marcus groaned and shook his head. ‘Man, I was just about to beat him but he paused it to come check out what was going on.’
‘Bruh… As if.’ Sachin rolled his eyes. ‘There was no way you were beating me, it wasn’t even close.’
Jackson got the spare key from under a flower pot near the front door and locked the house now that they were gonna leave—his mom was with Chrissy at her violin practice, and his dad was away at work.
While Sachin and Marcus continued to argue about who was going to win their match, all four boys picked up their bikes—with Jackson getting his from the shed in the backyard and bringing it around the side of the house—and headed out onto the road.
Getting out of the house did help to clear Jackson’s head at the beginning. Being back out on the streets again with his friends, nothing but their bikes and the road ahead, it was like they were flying, and it brought back great memories of all the times they’d gone out like this since they were kids.
The world was theirs for the taking, the future was whatever they wanted it to be, and they were just dumb kids on an adventure, only ever worrying about making the most of that particular day.
They passed by the same houses from when they were kids, they passed by the same people, barely any older in comparison to the boys who were growing into men.
“If only we were still the same,” Jackson thought.
They cruised around the streets, Sachin and Marcus cracked jokes. For Jackson, it was like they were back to being kids without any worries again.
He forgot all about his fears about the game and about football, he forgot all about tomorrow and was only focused on the here and now.
They wound their way up a massive hill overlooking their slice of the country, their home. At the top, there was a small picnic area underneath the shade of a great maple tree. They caught their breath in the shade of the tree and looked down upon the desert and mountains around them.
‘Heh, it’s great to see you smiling again,’ Eddie said as he leaned over and smacked Jackson on the shoulder.
Jackson looked at him and then around. ‘Remember when we first came up here? We were the conquerors of the world.’
‘Hah! Yeah, this hill might as well have been Mount Everest back then. We could’ve done anything after standing up here for the first time, man.’ Marcus sighed as he replayed that memory in his head.
‘Bruh, I thought I was gonna fucking die,’ Sachin said.
‘We all did.’ The others laughed. As the sun started to fade, so did Jackson’s smile.
‘Shit man, it’s already sunset? Fuck, I gotta get back home, my mom and dad are going out tonight and I gotta look after the damn brat,’ Marcus said, heading back towards the path down the hill.
‘What a buzzkill… hey, I’ll come hang out with you so your little bro doesn’t drive you too crazy,’ Sachin offered.
‘Thanks man, sounds good, plus, I still gotta beat you in MK.’ (Mortal Kombat)
‘Hey, why don’t we make it a race back to Marcus’s house then?’ Eddie suggested.
Jackson was quiet again. He was in no mood to be racing back home, back to reality. He clutched the handles of his bike tightly, his body tenser than a statue. But he couldn’t stay up here, stuck in his memories forever.
‘Yeah, let’s do it,’ he softly said.
‘Alright, we’ll start at the bottom of the hill?’ Sachin asked.
‘What’s the matter? Scared of a little speed, Sachin?’ Jackson tilted his head.
‘Hah, you know big boy was never one for speed.’ Marcus jabbed Sachin in the ribs playfully.
‘Bruh… fine! I don’t care, let’s go then.’
‘Hmm… I meant the bottom of the hill too…’ Eddie frowned but kept quiet as the others moved towards the path and stopped just at the top of the hill before the descent started. ‘Maybe we shouldn’t.’
But Jackson was already going through the starting signals for the race, and Marcus and Sachin too focused on the start, their competitive nature already kicking in. ‘On your marks. Get set. Go!’
The three shot off, Marcus and Sachin with a lot more trepidation than Jackson who raced down the hill, peddaling at full speed.
‘Shit.’ Eddie grit his teeth and soon joined them, pushing past the cautious Marcus and Sachin fairly quickly as he chased after Jackson. ‘Yo! Jackson. Slow down, bro!’
The path wasn’t overly steep, but still, one wouldn’t have to pedal at all normally, and one could still pick up some speed that way if you weren’t being careful coming down the winding road.
But Jackson was going pedal to the metal and ignored Eddie—if he heard him at all. Eddie continued on, though even he was worried and scared as his front wheel started to wobble, so he slowed down a touch and didn’t give his full effort to race after the reckless Jackson.
‘S-Seriously, bro! You win, you win! Slow down!’ Jackson couldn’t hear him, he wouldn’t hear anything. He kept his head down and powered on. The wind stinging his eyes and face made a good excuse for the tears coming down.
“I can’t go back! I can’t… they’ll see, they’ll know. I’m a failure! I can’t play that game… I’m not good enough.” Jackson closed his eyes, his head hung low, almost bumping his handlebars.
‘Jackson!’ Eddie slowly and shakily skidded to a stop, helpless as Jackson’s front wheel locked up and he took a turn too sharply, flying off his bike and crashing onto the side of the hill, where he tumbled down the rocky dirt for what felt like minutes before finally coming to a stop on the street below.
Marcus and Sachin pulled up beside Eddie. ‘Oh… fuck.’
‘JACKSON!’ Eddie sped off towards his best friend’s motionless body.