Gimai Seikatsu

Cherry blossom petals no longer line the gutters, and the city has been decorated with vibrant shades of green. This was a sight I saw every year—pink petals discarded by the trees that gave them life, and the scenery changing as late spring took hold. It was always the same.

But for us high school students, not everything stayed the same. Moving up a grade was a significant change for us. The sets of stairs we climbed to reach our classroom increased by one. Looking out the window from our new vantage point, we could see the rows of trees lined up outside, and our view of the school grounds extended further than before. These small differences were enough to make us feel one more step closer to adulthood than the year before.

The same went for the view inside the classroom, too. Among the rows of neatly shuffled students, one-sixth of the familiar faces from the year before were gone, replaced by fresh ones. Naturally, that meant the atmosphere in the classroom changed as well, and it took a bit of getting used to.

I reached into my bag to take out my textbook and began getting ready for the first class.

While I was at it, I also grabbed my notebook and a mechanical pencil to jot down my notes.

Now that we were in the same class, Ayase-san's seat was two rows in front and one to the right of mine. I could barely make out her bright-colored hair among the nearby group of girls. I’ve kept my promise to Ayase-san and haven’t spoken to her much at school. Well, it's not like I get that many chances to naturally talk with girls, anyway.

The girls were chatting away energetically in a circle, even though they only had ten minutes after homeroom ended before class started. I have no idea how they have so much to talk about.

Ayase-san seemed to be mingling with the group pretty well, participating in their conversations normally while not looking like an outsider. She seemed to have taken the changes brought about by the class reshuffle in her stride.

It was the complete opposite for me. Come to think of it, when I was with Maru for PE yesterday, he said, “Yo, Asamura, I’m worried about you. You eating lunch alone?" I told him that I really didn’t mind that much and that he shouldn’t worry about it—

But then it hit me. It was already the 19th today. April was almost over. If I don’t get closer to my new classmates soon, I won’t have that many chances left before Golden Week, which is only in 10 days.

"Golden Week is coming up pretty soon, huh? It kinda sucks that we’ve just gotten to know each other, but we won’t be able to see each other for a while," I overheard a girl from the group say.

It was exactly what I’d just been thinking, so I couldn’t help eavesdropping. The girl who said it looked disappointed, standing there with her shoulders slumped. The other girls around her were patting her on the back and stroking her head.

"Aww, you’re so cute, Ryou-chan! I’ll be lonely too!"

There was a chorus of agreement, and one of them followed up with a suggestion to go to karaoke together.

“Hey, Ayase-san, do you have any plans for Golden Week?"

My heart skipped a beat as I heard the name that came out of Ryou-chan’s mouth.

Buried in the gaggle of girls, Ayase-san said, "I'm probably just going to study for the mock exams."

“You're pretty serious, huh?"

"You think so?"

“Uh-huh. Sorry if this sounds rude, but I get the feeling you’re a really serious person when I talk to you. I mean, we're all taking entrance exams, but still, there’s only one Golden Week this year, y’know?"

“There’s only one Golden Week no matter what year it is."

"B-but, Ayase-san, spending all your time studying sounds boring. Don't you wanna do other things?"

"Other things…? Like what?"

"Like doing stuff with your boyfriend, for example… ahem ahem," Ryou-chan cut herself short with a cough. I find it odd that she was embarrassed by her own suggestion; I can’t really get a good read on her.

–Oops, I’m definitely eavesdropping, aren’t I?

"Hey, boys! No eavesdropping!" One of the girls, our class representative, shouted.

All the boys turned their faces away in unison. Also being one of them, I felt the shock deep down in my heart. But one cocky boy wouldn’t stand for it, shouting, "Hey, I'm not eavesdropping! I can just hear you, is all!"

Is he still in elementary school?

"Are you still in elementary school?!"

Laughter spread across the classroom, as Class Rep pretty much said what we were all thinking–even the boys pretending not to listen were getting in on it. Looking around, everyone had half-amused, half-serious smiles on their faces. Heh, looks like I joined a good class, feeling the warmth spread through my chest.

"Anyway, what do you mean by ‘doing stuff’? What are we actually meant to do?"

"Oh? Ayase-san, you have a boyfriend?"

"...That's not what I meant. Um, I mean, just doing things with boys in general."

"So it means you are interested."

Class Rep grinned, as if she’d hit a bullseye.

"Nah, not in particular…"

"Well, you could go on dates?"

"Dates…?"

"Y'know, like eating together, watching movies, hanging out at home, or making dinner with him—stuff like that."

"I see. Um, is that all?"

"Well, yeah… but are you saying you wanna do more than that, Ayase-san?"

–Murmurs immediately rose from the other students.

Ayase-san’s lips moved as she tried to say "No, that's not it." – but just before she could, the first-period bell rang and the classroom door swung open with a sharp snap. Our Modern Japanese Literature teacher strolled in. The noise and chatter in the room gradually died down.

As I looked at Ayase-san's back, I ruminated on the conversation. Eating, watching movies, and cooking together at home, was it? We've already done all that. Ayase-san's response was something like, "Is that all?" But that didn't mean she actually wanted to do more, right? Anyway, this wasn’t something I should be thinking about so early during the first period.

I stole a glance at Ayase-san's face. Our eyes met. She looked a little uneasy, and she looked away quickly to face the blackboard.

Lately, Ayase-san and I have been making eye contact more often in class. I don’t know if it was just by chance, or if it was because I unconsciously followed her with my eyes. Maybe it was because I'd been watching her so much that she caught me staring when she looked over, and we ended up locking eyes…

"...mura-kun."

And because I daydreamed about stuff like that I sometimes lost concentration.

"Asamura-kun… Asa-mu-ra-kun!"

"Y-yes!"

I didn’t even notice the teacher calling my name. That was a dead giveaway for how little I was paying attention.

"Continue reading from where we left off."

Textbook in hand, I hastily stood up and began reading to the class as instructed.

"...That's enough for now," the teacher said, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat back down.

While the verse was short, literature from the Meiji period was still difficult for us modern-day students to read. I traced the verse I'd just read to the class with my eyes.

『Truly, I who now return after having gone to the East, am not the same as the one who set forth upon his journey to the West in the past.』¹

Not the same as your past self, huh?

"Next up is Ayase-san."

"Yes."

A well-spoken voice caught my ear, and I looked up. Ayase-san, standing at her desk to my right, began reading from the textbook. Her soothing voice calmly reciting the old-fashioned text slowly drifted through the classroom and into my ears. She's really good at reading Japanese literature, isn't she?

It’s been almost a year since our parents remarried and we started living together, yet I still discovered new and surprising sides of my stepsister. Each and every time I find myself impressed by her.

"That's enough. Well done."

"Thank you very much."

Our Modern Japanese Literature teacher was the type to praise even the smallest things, like knowing a difficult idiom.

Class Rep, seated next to Ayase-san, tapped her on the shoulder as she sat back down.

"You have a really nice voice, Ayase-san."

Ayase-san returned Class Rep's smile with a small one of her own. I wonder if Ayase-san from a year ago would have smiled back like that. She probably would've just said "thank you" in an aloof voice without changing her expression at all.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly when, but somewhere along the way Ayase-san had changed.

She'd kept her core personality—not trying too hard to please others–but it wasn't the same as when she used to call Narasaka-san her only close friend.

Now, she talked casually with the girls in our class. Not just with Narasaka-san or the people she went to the pool with last summer, but also with classmates she'd only met when the new school year started. Class Rep was one of those. She was often called Class Rep instead of her actual name, maybe because of her overflowing leadership qualities.

Ayase-san talked with her as if it were nothing, now.

It'd barely been two weeks since the new school year started, yet she was already getting friendly with classmates she'd just met. I was genuinely amazed at how much she'd changed.

Have I grown too?

I recalled what happened when we went to my grandparents' house for New Year's. My grandfather had been bad-mouthing Ayase-san, and I'd jumped to her defense.

『"Saki is kind, sincere, and a truly hard-working person."』

Yeah, she's always doing her best.

I wanted to overcome something I was bad at too. I thought about Ayase-san chatting away with the other girls earlier. Like her, maybe I should try to be more positive and sociable toward other people. Maru once told me that I didn’t show enough interest in others, after all.

I rested my chin on my hand, lost in thought. I was staring at the blackboard when my name was called again, and since I hadn't been listening, I didn’t know how to answer this time around. There wasn’t much point in trying to lie, so I figured I’d just be honest.

"I don't know."

"No, I haven't asked anything yet."

"Ah."

The whole class burst out laughing.

I guess I’ve been spacing out too much.

I managed to answer the teacher's question without drawing any more attention to myself, and soon it was recess.

Yoshida came over to my desk to dig the knife in: “Sup, Asamura. I pegged you as the serious type, but turns out you're one to fall asleep in class, huh?"

"I was awake the whole time."

"Stayed up late last night? Were you watching porn or something?"

"Nah, nothing like that. I just spaced out a bit."

"I see. But that's pretty unusual for you, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Hmm. Well, I probably got the wrong impression. Honestly, we didn’t really talk much until the school trip."

I replied with an “I guess so." Yoshida and I were in the same class in our second year, but I didn't really talk to anyone except Maru, so my relationship with him isn’t any different now than it was before the class reshuffle.

I got to know him a bit better during our school trip when Yoshida, Maru, and I shared a room. He was a pretty friendly guy and was the first to talk to me after the class change:

“Looks like we’re in the same class again. Let’s get along, dude." Since then, he chatted with me on occasion.

Unlike with Maru, I didn't have much in common with Yoshida, so by extension, there wasn’t much we could talk about. Yoshida was a good guy, though, and he was satisfied with my vague responses. I hadn’t been proactive in striking up a conversation and before I knew it, a whole two weeks had passed by. But if I did want to start a conversation, what should I talk about?

"Hey, Yoshida."

"Hmm?"

Crap, what do I say now? If it were Maru, a topic would easily come to mind, but now when I try to have a casual conversation like this, I can’t think of anything to talk about.

“So, what about you?"

My question wasn't really a conversation starter, I know.

If he’d asked me “So, what about you?" I’d be at a loss for what to say.

I know it was a pitiful attempt at starting a conversation, but Yoshida, being the good guy that he is, accepted my sloppy attempt. “Me? Well, at night I usually listen to music or watch videos."

Ah. I guess Yoshida interpreted my vague and meaningless question as "If you stay up late, what do you do?"

He then listed a few of his favorite songs, but I hadn’t heard of any of them before. I tried looking them up on my phone.

"Let's see... Oh, that one’s an opening song for an anime."

"Oh really?"

"That's what it says here," I said, showing him the search results. He responded “Wow, I didn’t know that,” so I figured he only knew the song because it was trendy rather than because he was interested in anime or manga. Yoshida added he didn’t watch anime or read manga that much.

I mostly read books and manga myself, but thanks to Maru's influence, I also watched some late-night anime. But surprisingly, I was still behind on the latest trends and didn't know that particular song. I did a quick search and found the anime’s official website had posted the song as a promo. I made a mental note to check it out later.

“You’re a real good guy, Asamura."

Surprised, I looked up from the smartphone screen.

"Huh? Why?"

"I mean, if you didn't know about the song, you could’ve just brushed it aside, but you went out of your way to look it up to get on the same page as me. You really are different, man."

Hmm, do I really do that? Not sure if that’s true, honestly.

I know that I’m biased when it comes to my favorite genres. Not just with books, but also with music and movies. That bias could lead to narrow-mindedness, arrogance, and narcissism.

I learned the fear of becoming a closed-off person from reading books. And that's why when I read books, I try to not only read fiction, but also literature delving into Japanese philosophy, business, autobiographies, popular science, history, and so on. Bias is yet another form of one’s individuality, so its existence is inevitable. But I have tried to avoid being fixated on it.

When it comes to music, I don’t want ignorance to be the reason I didn’t listen to a song.

And if I'm going to listen to something anyway, why not enjoy it?

So, I explained my reasons to Yoshida.

"Ah, I see. I don't really get it, but okay."

"It means I like listening to others talk about things they like. Anything else you've been into lately?"

"Gotcha. If that's how it is, then my recommendations are–"

Yoshida talked about the YouTubers, popular songs, dramas, and the like that he was into.

They were mostly new and unfamiliar genres for me. Maru usually just recommended that I watch VTuber gaming livestreams.

I tried to keep up with the conversation by looking up unfamiliar words on my phone every time they came up. I wasn’t sure if this counted as a proper conversation, though.

…Is this what small talk is like?

Either way, I managed to muddle my way through the rest of recess. I find it impressive how effortlessly everyone else can do stuff like this. As the bell for the start of class rang out from the class’ speaker, Yoshida returned to his seat.

I glanced up after opening my textbook and caught a glimpse of bright-colored hair passing through my line of sight. For a brief moment, my eyes met Ayase-san’s. She quickly turned her back and faced the blackboard, but I definitely felt like she had been looking at me.

Or maybe it's because I'm always consciously looking for her that I notice stuff like that…?

***

After school, I stopped off at home before heading to the bookstore where I worked.

My manager called out to me as I walked into the office, "Asamura, come here for a moment."

“The thing is, Yomiuri-kun sent me a message saying she won't be able to work all her shifts this week because she’s going out job hunting."

Today, there were only four people working—me, Ayase-san, and two university students who just started this spring. So, unintentionally, I have become the most experienced staff member.

"Asamura-kun, I think you are experienced enough to know this already, but handling the returns is going to be pretty tough this week."

"Ah, yes. I suppose so."

Next week is the start of Golden Week, a long holiday, so deliveries are going to stop. In other words, magazines that are supposed to be released on Monday won’t arrive. This poses a problem for our customers. People want to read regular magazines every so often ,

and if a book is set to release each month, they expect it to be available in bookstores by the

25th.

If it’s a problem for customers, it’s a problem for the bookstore. So what happens then?

Well, when the release date of a product, in this case, a book, coincides with a holiday, it is released early. The wisdom behind it is probably, “It’s better to be early than late."

And so, before Golden Week starts, a week’s worth of books will come pouring into our bookstore. Our bookstore’s decently sized, so the number of books coming in will reflect that. And during Golden Week, returns can’t be issued. So if we don't stack up on inventory in the office, we’ll have to return the magazines and books that are already selling well before Golden Week. That way, we can make space on the shelves.

If Yomiuri-senpai was here, she would have given the returns processing to the other staff members, but as she wasn’t, I'd have to take the lead.

I kept the conversation with the manager in mind as I made my way over to the shelves.

When I passed by the register, I made eye contact with Ayase-san, who was working the same shift as me. I gave her a slight nod and proceeded towards the shelves to start organizing them.

Generally, when I'm working on the shelves, Ayase-san is at the register, and when Ayase-san is on the shelves, I'm at the register. We try not to talk too much during our shifts, as per our agreement. That being the decision to not be too chatty with each other at work so that we can maintain a certain level of professionalism. That is, within natural limits.

During our break, a male student happened to enter the office at the same time we were there, and Ayase-san and I couldn't continue our conversation in peace. So, we ended up just sipping our tea without saying much to each other. The male university student finished

his break and the other newbie, a female student, came in just as he left. As they passed each other, they exchanged a brief, "I'm heading back," and "Sure." The female student gave us a slight bow and made brief eye contact before sitting down and pulling out a paperback book from her pocket to read. She was radiating an aura that screamed, “Don’t talk to me."

Looking at her, I thought–

“Right now, you’re probably thinking I was just like her, aren’t you?" Ayase-san, who was sitting next to me, muttered in a voice that only I could hear.

I almost spat out my tea.

Without waiting for a response, Ayase-san grabbed her paper cup and quickly left the office. The female university student briefly looked up from her book and shot me a suspicious glance.

What? I didn't do anything.

And just like that, my shift was over. I was reminded just how important Yomiuri-senpai, our social lubricant, was to us. Like, if she had been there today, she would’ve casually engaged the two newbies and us in conversation. It would have been fine to talk to Ayase-san normally, too.

When Ayase-san and I were alone, I couldn't seem to adjust to maintaining a professional distance between us, which scared me. Even if we didn’t intend to act overly friendly with each other, if our colleagues saw us that way, we might end up getting criticized or accused of doing something inappropriate at work. So we held back. But as a byproduct, we ended up distancing ourselves from the other two part-timers. It was frustrating, to say the least.

When our shifts ended, Ayase-san and I returned to the office together, only to find Yomiuri-senpai standing there in an interview suit, despite the fact that she was supposed to have the day off.

Wearing a white shirt underneath a navy-blue suit, and with her long black hair tied back into a ponytail, Yomiuri-senpai looked quite different from her usual style of letting her hair flow down to her shoulders. It’d probably come off as condescending if I commented that she looked like someone who’s good at their job, so I bit my tongue to avoid the risk of angering her.

When we entered the office, Yomiuri-senpai greeted us with a playful voice.

"Yaaaho! Have you two been lonely without your beloved senior?"

She was grinning ear-to-ear, just like a Cheshire cat. Out of sheer stubbornness, I found myself not wanting to admit that I actually had been a tad bit lonely.

"Nah, I wasn't really lonely, but I definitely felt the pain of being short-staffed."

"Oh?"

"Anyway, weren't you supposed to have the day off today?"

"Goodness, what's this? Am I nothin’ but a nuisance now? Is that what's become of me?"

"No, no. Not in the slightest.”

"Oh, how awful. I came all this way to support everyone's hard work, and this is the thanks I get?"

"If you said you came here to make fun of our hard work, then you’d have me convinced."

"What a mean thing to say, Junior-kun. Sob sob, whimper, sniffle."

She had an unnecessarily large repertoire of fake crying routines.

"Um..."

As a high school boy watching an older woman cry, the smart move here was to change the subject.

12

"So, why’re you here anyway?"

"Well, I sorta realized Golden Week is coming up soon, so I figured I should be a good little worker bee and come help out, even if this is the dreaded late shift.”

So, it appears that after her job interview, Yomiuri-senpai asked to work the late shift since she knew the bookstore would be busy. However, she was still planning to work her regular shift on top of that. Ayase-san seemed to realize this at almost the same time as me and immediately bowed her head in gratitude.

"Thank you very much."

"No, no, it's no big deal... But go ahead, you can shower me with praise if you wanna."

It was kinda hard to praise her when she was the one who brought it up. Or was this just her way of hiding her embarrassment?

I also thanked her from the bottom of my heart. After all, what I’d said about us lacking manpower was the truth.

We finished earlier than expected and stopped by the office again after changing back into our normal clothes. Yomiuri-senpai was relaxing in a chair, a can of coffee in her hand.

I was about to say goodbye to her, but something came to mind, "Senpai, is job hunting hard?"

"Oho, are you interested, Junior-kun? But you two are both planning to go to university, right?"

Ayase-san bobbed her head and I nodded, too.

"Yeah. I'm planning on going to university, but I'm also thinking about finding a job afterward."

"You're a pair of little go-getters, huh? When I was your age, all I could think about was taking entrance exams."

She launched into a rundown of her job-hunting experience. She had applied to a bunch of companies, including academic book publishers, e-book stores, IT companies, office work at manufacturers, and more.

I was surprised by the number of companies she had interviewed with, but honestly, I was more surprised to learn that she had applied to a wide range of industries despite only having a preference for a few of them.

"I thought you were the type to go straight for the job you wanted. Are you really applying to so many different companies?"

"Is that what it looks like?"

Ayase-san nodded.

“It does.”

"Oh, really? Do I seem like someone who's got it all figured out?”

"Not exactly like that."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, then how do I come across to you, Saki-chan? I'm burning inside to hear your hot take."

"Um..."

Ayase-san groaned and fell silent. I understood why Ayase-san was struggling to put her thoughts into words. To put it lightly, Yomiuri-senpai's personality was hard to describe.

Seeing Ayase-san’s lack of response, I reluctantly took over, "You're the type of person who’ll go with the flow when you’re traveling with someone, but when it comes to deciding where to go yourself, you only choose places you really want to go to."

Ayase-san nodded along in agreement.

"I see it that way too."

"You’re willing to go along with others, but you're also stubborn about what you want."

"Oho. Can you really say I go with the flow? I may be pretty good at faking a smile, but didn’t you just call me stubborn?”

Well, I did say that.

But even so, I feel like I chose my words carefully.

“Wow, what a weird person, dontcha think? Do people with such outrageous personalities really exist?"

Both Ayase-san and I stared blankly at that very person standing in front of us.

Yomiuri-senpai let out a dramatic scream and clutched at her chest as if she’d been stabbed with a spear.

“Your eyes… they wound me! This is psychological warfare! When did you two start coordinating your attacks? Show some mercy, will ya?”

"We were trained by a merciless teacher, after all. Like some kind of demon."

“Okay, okay. Well, I get what you’re tryna say. But when I chose my university, I wasn’t that picky about it matching my job prospects.”

Yomiuri-senpai told us she didn’t pick a university based on the career she wanted in the future, but instead because it was a convenient location for living in Tokyo after she’d moved from the countryside. It seems that she traveled for a change of pace, trying to figure out what it was that she wanted to do.

"So now that I'm lookin’ for a job, I haven't really narrowed down my options yet."

Ayase-san and I listened to Yomiuri-senpai's story with a mix of amazement and admiration. Never would we have thought that someone would enroll into a prestigious women's university for a reason like that.

"So, Junior-kun and Saki-chan, you should probs start thinking about that stuff soon, too."

"Okay."

"Got it."

I had this vague idea that aiming for a university with a high entrance exam score would open more doors for me in the future, but seeing a real example with my own two eyes made me realize that I ought to put more thought into my goals.

“Ahhh, my stomach! It hurtsss! I wonder if I'll get an offer from some employer anytime soon."

Yomiuri-senpai moved her hand from her chest to her stomach as she complained, and it seemed that our manager, who’d just entered the office, overheard her ramblings. “If you’re that worried about it, why not just work here?” It sounded like he was joking, but his tone was dead serious.

“Oh, dear manager, quit joking around again, would ya.”

“The pay will probably be good, you know.”

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

Despite only just getting here, the manager quickly left the office again. Yomiuri-senpai sent him off with a wave, and then whispered in a voice that only we could hear, “To be honest, I haven't been thinking about staying here for the long haul. I mean, I don't hate the job or anything, but I think I'll get bored if I keep doing the same thing. I want some new stimulation, get what I mean?."

It was getting late, so we gave her a wry smile and promised to keep it a secret before leaving the office.

Job hunting, huh…

Ayase-san and I started walking home, with me pushing my bike beside her.

The season was transitioning from spring to early summer, and I rarely felt chilly while walking outside anymore. The branches of the trees lining the roadside were lush with green leaves, and the people we passed on the street wore bright colors, ditching the dark and heavy hues of the colder months. In some shop windows, mannequins wore summer-ready short-sleeved clothes.

Ayase-san was peering through the glass of the shops we passed to check out the clothes on display. I joined in, following her gaze and occasionally making a comment.

"Looks like there are a lot of light purple clothes.”

"Digital lavender." Ayase-san pointed to a light purple dress.

"That’s the name of the color?"

"Yeah. Also, I heard that color is going to be in style soon."

I showed some interest, so Ayase-san talked about what clothes were trendy, but she used a lot of technical terms and there was no way I’d remember them all. She taught me a few trendy color combinations, too, but I'd probably forget them by tomorrow.

However, the word “trend” is used for something that is currently popular, and therefore couldn’t be used for something that didn’t exist yet. The phrase “next trend” was clearly counterintuitive. Even so, it was commonly used in the fashion world. It’s almost like being able to predict the future.

“It’s also used for books too, right?”

"Yeah, I guess so."

Like the boom of fluffy romance s or the rising popularity of isekai² stories.

"Also, aren't there people who say things like 'this is going to be the next big trend'?"

"Maybe there are."

Oh, I see. The timing of discovering a trend and its peak in popularity must be different.

"If you try to force it, there's still a chance it might not catch on, then it won't become a trend."

"That makes sense."

If a fashion expert said so, I couldn’t really disagree. It's not about predicting the future or anything, just making an educated guess. So, if you think about it as a form of fortune-telling, you don’t need to be obsessed with chasing the next trend. With that in mind, Ayase-san’s recommendations might actually stick with me. Maybe.

We turned off the main street and entered a narrow alley leading to our flat. The bright lights of downtown Shibuya faded behind us. It was a bit harder to see, with only a spattering of street lights dimly illuminating the road ahead. The noise of the city faded, too, and it would’ve been easier to talk now. But, strangely, both of us just continued walking in silence.

We were close enough to feel each other's body heat, and our shoulders almost touched.

With no words to fill the silence, the only sound that could be heard were our breaths echoing in the night.

"Job hunting, huh…" Ayase-san muttered as I spotted the entrance to our building, echoing the thoughts I had when we left work. Her words were filled with vague anxiety about the future. I wish a job-hunting expert, a career counselor I suppose, would read my career fortune as fashionistas do for clothing.

We rode the elevator up and opened the door to our flat with a joint “I’m home”. Our parents hadn’t come home yet. It was normal for Akiko-san, who would’ve only just left for her bartending job, not to be there. But my old man was busy too, due to the new fiscal year starting, and often didn’t get home until after midnight.

Ayase-san and I ate dinner and washed the dishes together, after which we retreated to our respective rooms and took turns taking a bath. Ayase-san suggested that we didn't need to change the bathwater every time to save water, and now we decided who would go first with rock-paper-scissors³. It had become our little routine.

After getting clean, I either continued studying or read a book if I had finished. It was a peaceful time before bed.

In the midst of this routine–

“Can I come in?” Ayase-san called out as she tapped on my bedroom door. I told her it was fine, and she entered carrying two steaming mugs.

A gentle breeze from the air conditioner blew the pleasant fragrance of her freshly washed hair into my nostrils. I swiveled my chair to face her, and Ayase-san walked me over to me, placing the mugs on the desk.

"Milk tea?"

"Yeah. I figured it’d be better than coffee before bed.”

“Thanks.”

Ayase-san smiled with a "You're welcome."

"Hey, so, today... You were talking to Yoshida-kun, right?"

She probably meant after Modern Japanese Literature.

“Yeah. He asked if I was staying up late.”

"And the teacher called your name multiple times, right?"

"I was just zoning out. So, then we started talking about what we do before going to bed.

Like this–" I showed her the spine of the book I was reading.

"I read books, while Yoshida listens to music, so he recommended some popular songs to listen to."

I listed off all the song titles and Ayase-san seemed to know them all. She told me her favorite one, and I said I would listen to it.

Then I fired back a question of my own, "You were chatting to that Class Rep girl who sits next to you, right?"

It’d become part of our routine to exchange trivial stuff like that with each other before bed. It was as if we were trying to make up for the fact that we couldn't behave like a couple in class or at work.

We ended up in the same class and we were very conscious of each other, yet–

"To be honest...I feel a little lonely." Ayase-san muttered, her head down and shoulders slumped.

"I want to talk to you more in class. I want to be closer to you."

"I'm sorry. I'm not that great at starting conversations."

Ayase-san shook her head, her slightly damp hair swaying slowly with the movement.

"I was the one who said it would be better that way in the first place.”

We didn’t want to attract attention by acting like a couple too openly.

"I know, but still..."

But we don’t want to suppress our feelings anymore, either. That’s what we agreed on during the school trip. So, we decided to act naturally. But for some reason, the more we try to act naturally, the more unsure we become about how to act around each other.

The hand clasping Ayase-san’s mug was shaking. Unable to bear it anymore, I stood up from my chair and embraced her slender body. Ayase-san pushed her head against my chest and rubbed it around. I could hear her muffled voice say, “Asamura-kun…”

"Kiss me.”

"Okay."

We brought our faces together and closed our eyes. The trembling of the mug sandwiched between the two of us stopped without us noticing.

Ayase-san pulled away from our embrace and said "good night", then returned to her own room.

I let out a faint sigh and sat back down in my chair. The door clicked shut, leaving only the hum of the air conditioner in my ears.

My pounding heart gradually slowed, and Ayase-san’s lingering scent was snatched from my nostrils as it faded away.

–Is it really okay for us to stay like this?

I wonder what the perfect distance between us should be.

I started reading the book on my desk again, but none of the words made their way into my mind.

¹ A famous phrase in Japanese culture and is often used to express the transformative power of travel and the passage of time. Its author is unknown.

² "Isekai" is a Japanese fiction genre where the protagonist is transported to, or reincarnated in, a different world and has to adapt to new surroundings and challenges.

³ "Janken" is the Japanese version of "rock paper scissors" and uses the hand gestures "guu" (rock), "choki" (scissors), or "paa" (paper) to determine the winner.