Gimai Seikatsu

I gazed up at the clear blue sky amidst the unfamiliar scenery around me as the moving train shook me left and right. How long has it been since I’ve taken the train like this? Since I was born and raised here in Shibuya, and I live an indoor life, I rarely take the train anywhere. Since I have the mentality that ‘as long as I have manga and books, I can keep living’, Shibuya is like heaven to me. Now that the small streets have disappeared into the distance, and their even smaller bookstores, now only the towering buildings remain.

On weekends and holidays, I would always spend my time walking from bookstore to bookstore, so I never had any need to travel very far. I never thought the day would come when I would use the train to travel to a pool in order to play with others. The inside of the train wasn’t very crowded. We had around five days of summer vacation left, counting today. It’s the perfect time for most summer activities to end, and for people to start panicking because their summer break is drifting away.

I took out my phone and checked the time. It was currently 9:18am. Since we were supposed to meet up at the ticket gate in front of Shinjuku train station at 9:30am, I still had plenty of time. However, after we did so, it would be another 30 minute train ride, and then another 30 minutes by bus. This pool is unexpectedly far away. It didn’t take long for me to start having second thoughts.

No. I’ve just gotta man up. I can’t just go home after doing my best to get Ayase-san to come with us. Also, speaking of Ayase-san, we decided to go our separate ways until we reached the destination for us to group up, so she left home 15 minutes before me. Since there will be other people from our school year with us today, we can’t risk anything that would lead to them finding out.

That being said, Narasaka-san already knows. I guess it’s not that big of a deal even if people found out, so we didn’t try to tell her to keep quiet about it or anything. If people find out, we’ll just explain it then. It’s not like we’re doing anything illegal. I was gazing at the scenery outside when an announcement came over the train’s loudspeakers, stating the name of the next station.

A faint breeze washed over me as the doors opened and I got off the train. After I went past the ticket gate, I saw a group of around ten people. The number of boys and girls in this group were about equal, and all of them were wearing Suisei High’s uniform. Since they were all carrying bags as well, it almost seemed like they were on a school trip.

“Weird.” I muttered.

I was also wearing Suisei High’s uniform. That’s right, Narasaka-san mentioned in a message she sent later that I definitely had to wear my school uniform, and to bring my student bag and student ID with me. Apparently it’s for a student discount, but don’t you usually only need your student ID for that? I had some doubts, but if everyone is wearing the uniform, then it’s not that big of a deal I guess. I’m good at following directions.

When I looked at all the people gathered together, I saw some familiar faces in the crowd.

“Again, huh…?”

I spotted Ayase-san keeping a safe distance from them. She was also wearing her uniform. When she glanced over in my direction and saw me, she let out a relieved sigh. Well, I guess Narasaka-san is her only real friend in this group. And said Narasaka-san was in the middle of the group, talking to some people. That’s Suisei High’s number 1 communication monster (my own personal opinion). When she saw me, she waved her hand, stretching her body like a puppy seeing its owner. Considering how cute she is, I can totally see her being popular with the guys.

“Good morning good day good evening, Asamura-kun!”

“Good morn… Wait, isn’t a simple ‘Morning’ enough?”

“We do it like that in this industry.”

“What industry?”

“Suisei High Industry.”

“I see?”

So our school is an industry. It makes no sense if you ask me. Anyway, some more Suisi High people slowly trickled in from the ticket gate and joined our group, and we started introducing each other. Normally a short introduction wouldn’t be that much of a problem, but every time a person said their name, Narasaka-san added some kind of weird introduction to it, which made it take way longer.

“My name’s Asamura Yuuta… Please treat me well.”

“Alright, and this is Asamura-kun! He might have a calm atmosphere to him, but he’s secretly a super-popular guy!”

“Choose between secret and popular!” One of the guys retorted.

“Basically, now’s your only chance to get along with him!” She said and laughed.

I guess this was her own way of breaking the ice, namely with a well-mannered joke.

“Right, Asamura-kun!”

“I feel like you’re wrong about a lot of stuff, but… We can leave it at that.”

“Nice to meet ya, Asamura!”

Suddenly, a well-built and tanned guy, probably part of the rugby club, came to ask for a handshake. I froze up in surprise, not expecting such a sudden development from a random person I had just met. Maybe that’s thanks to the atmosphere Narasaka-san created.

“Likewise…”

I saw no other option, so I accepted the handshake. He got really close, though. He really seems like the kind of normie who’d win prizes at every sports festival. But I somehow managed to get through this first meeting. Although the atmosphere was something I really couldn’t get used to. However, my goal today was to make Ayase-san enjoy herself, so I couldn’t flake out this early.

The self-introductions continued. As before, Narasaka-san added some side comments with every person who introduced themselves, or even made up a joke with their name. It worked so well that even I, who had no intentions of remembering anybody from here, found myself at least connecting lines to some of the people, probably even remembering some of their names. I see. So that’s why she’s doing all of this. Narasaka Maaya sure is one hell of a communication monster.

“Ayase Saki.”

“I’m sure you all know Saki, but… it’s fine. She might look a bit scary, but she don’t bite.”

“Something like that.”

“Just call her Ayasshii!”

What kind of comedy character is that?

“Ayase is fine.” Ayase-san didn’t even try to go along with the momentum of the conversation.

Even so, possibly because she showed a wry smile without actually getting angry, several of the girls gave her an unexpected look. I see. So they really thought Ayase-san was some kind of scary person.

“So, Narasaka, why are we wearing our uniforms?” One of the guys spoke up about the subject I had been wondering about this entire time.

“Didn’t I tell you in the message? It’s for the student discount~”

“Isn’t a student ID enough for that?”

“That was only the first part. If you’re wearing your uniform, your parents won’t be as strict when you leave the house, right?”

“That makes no sense!”

“Don’t bother with the details! We can only play around in our uniforms for so long, so we have to use as much time as we can~”

It didn’t seem like the person’s question was answered with that, but he also showed no interest in trying to pursue it any further. When I heard her response, however, I found myself understanding a bit more. It seems like Narasaka-san is even more considerate than I had originally assumed. She probably had figured that some of the participants’ parents would be quite strict about this, and gave them some kind of lie they could use so that they could come out to play with everyone else.

For example, helping a school committee, helping open the school grounds, or some kind of other thing like that. Since she probably knew about these problems, she tried her best to not make anybody stand out in a negative way because they couldn’t participate… Well, that’s just an assumption of mine.

When I looked around, I couldn’t tell who was wearing the uniform because we were told to, and who was wearing it for convenience. Only Narasaka-san knew, and she’s probably trying to keep it a secret. On top of that, since people know she’s an airhead, any kind of nonsensical condition she came up with would be forgiven, and it didn’t dampen that mood at all. Narasaka Maaya is even more of a communication monster than I initially assumed, huh?

“Alright, then let’s go!”

With her voice full of energy, Narasaka-san stepped in front of us and walked to the ticket gate. And with this, my last big event to make memories during this summer break started in earnest.

After hopping on the private railway, we made our way west from Shinjuku. About halfway there, the large buildings around us started to disappear, and the wide blue sky opened up, visible from the train window. Moving west from the center of town basically meant we were moving further away from Tokyo Bay, and also away from the ocean. It’s a weird thing to go away from the water in order to play in the water. Maybe that’s why there are no pools near home, since you can just go to the sea instead.

Our group consisted of ten people including Ayase-san, Narasaka-san, and I. We were a group perfectly divided between five boys and five girls. In other words, it was my first time meeting seven of them. While we were travelling, we exchanged a few words, and I realized that I wasn’t as exhausted as I expected myself to be. I was afraid of being unable to keep up with the conversation, and being left behind trying to contribute on a particular subject, but that wasn’t the case. I guess the true communication monsters knew how to handle themselves without leaving behind the loners and outcasts, huh?

“So you work part-time at a bookstore, Asamura?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that actually profitable?”

“I wonder… I’ve never worked part-time anywhere else, so I wouldn’t know.”

“But you’re going to work and attending summer classes at the same time? That’s so admirable!”

“Yup yup, I’ve just been sleeping the entire summer break!”

“I don’t think it’s that crazy…”

Even despite all of that, I was still not the greatest at holding conversations like these. When it came to actual books, I could talk about them for hours, but then I realized that simply telling them about books isn’t exactly what you would call a conversation. Though I do think that a conversation without a common theme is just too hard to follow for me. Either way, as we talked about this and that, the 30 minutes passed, and after that, we were jostled around in the bus for another 30 minutes.

Finally, we made it to the pool in question. Outside, it was as hot as expected with the mid-summer sun sizzling down, so I had a small bout of dizziness when I got off the bus. Compared to the cool air inside the vehicle, outside is like torture. The white line drawn on the asphalt was almost blinding with the sunlight shining down on it.

“This is the pool?” I muttered as I looked up at the giant building in front of me.

When I heard the word ‘pool,’ I had pictured something like the pool at school, or maybe the local public pool, but this looked more like a hot spring inn.

“This is the entrance. On this side is the indoor pool, and they also have a transparent roof. Beyond that is the outdoor pool. See, you can see some attractions over there, right?” Narasaka-san said and I muttered the name of the object I saw.

“Ahh… a slide, huh?”

“At least call it a water slide! Asamura-kun, where’s your spirit?!”

“What does my spirit have to do with anything?”

“It’ll change your mood. Calling it a water slide will make you more excited. What would you think if we said that high school students were playing on a slide?”

“I was just wondering why you’d play on a slide.”

“…Saki, Yumi, you two say something!” Narasaka-san turned towards Ayase-san and the girl standing next to her.

“It’s too big for a normal slide, so if you really want to get the feel of it across, you should call it a giant water-rushing slide.”

Ayase-san, you just paraphrased it, right? The person next to Ayase-san, Tabata Yumi (I think that was her name, anyway. Narasaka-san mentioned that she has the same name as the train station on the Yamanote Line), looked at her in surprise.

“So Ayase-san knows how to tell jokes, huh?”

“A joke… Ah, yeah.”

Naturally, Ayase-san hadn’t been joking around. She had just said the first thing that came to mind.

“They even have an amusement park around back. Is this your first time coming to one, Asamura-kun?”

“Well, I’d say so.”

It’s not that I dislike amusement parks or zoos or things like that. If anything, I like them. I’m just bad at walking around them with other people and checking out attractions. I’d much rather walk around by myself. Though it might only make me sound like more of a loner if I said that. I just hope that some people understand and accept other people’s preferences. Why is everybody Usain Bolt when it comes to judging other people?

“The indoor pool is the heart of our operation today!”

“Oh yeah.”

That’s what she said in the plans she sent us via LINE. We each bought a 1-day pass and walked inside. After that, I finished changing in the men’s changing room and checked out the swimming trunks I just bought yesterday. It was pretty much the same as changing into my gym clothes at school, and not really that embarrassing, but I felt a bit of anxiety when it came to putting my stuff in the locker. I mean, I have to take a wristband with the key attached to it with me to the pool, so if it gets washed away, what am I supposed to do about it? Also, how is everyone so calm about it? Am I just thinking too deeply into it?

Either way, I made my way to the pool after I finished changing. Once I stepped into the actual building, I was shocked. It was like a gigantic greenhouse. Of course, the sides weren’t made out of vinyl sheets. They looked like they were either glass or acrylic plates. I can’t even tell how many people would fit in here, and the inside of the facility is like a giant beach with a shallow pool, taking up ⅓ of the entire area. You had your average slide… No, water slide, as well as other attractions I wouldn’t even know how to use.

Along with that, there was a scent of water drifting through the air, different from the peculiar ocean scent. As for the number of visitors, it wasn’t nearly as filled as I expected, which told you that summer break was about to end and normal everyday life was making its return. At least it’s not as packed as I had feared.

Finally, we grouped up with the girls again. All five of them were wearing evidently new swimsuits, which reminded me of what Ayase-san had said the day before, and this explained why she had gotten a new swimsuit. As a girl, you really have to be careful about a lot of things. I would only think about buying new clothes if I ran out of them.

Narasaka-san was wearing a bikini which revealed quite a lot of skin. The lemon-yellow color suited her personality quite a bit. However, possibly because of her small height or gestures, the bikini didn’t look nearly as erotic as you’d think. Rather, ‘cuteness’ got the head start when trying to explain the image it gave her.

Ayase-san was wearing the exact opposite: A tankini that didn’t show too much skin. It showed off her shoulders, and there was also an opening between the upper and lower part of her swimsuit. Maybe it was just because of the summer heat, but it really seemed like she preferred wearing clothing that revealed her shoulders. She seems to wear clothes that do that almost every single day. Even so, seeing Ayase-san in her swimsuit caused my heart to skip a beat. I might be used to her in general, but a different kind of appearance really made me feel more conscious of her.

Upon seeing the girls in all their glory, the boys raised cheers for a moment, but even I who usually had no feelings about this sort of thing could tell that most of their gazes were directed towards Ayase-san herself, standing in the middle of the group of girls, almost as if she were trying to hide behind them. She just had a different physique and style than the rest. She had wide and high-up hips, with long slender legs. Even without wearing a revealing swimsuit, that was as plain as day. I could even hear faint whistling from the guys, but for some reason, it filled me with a complicated emotion.

“Ayase’s crazy! Hey, you agree right, Asamura!”

“I mean, well, I don’t think… jeering like that… is very good…” I found myself responding.

In this day and age where a single sentence could be regarded as sexual harassment, you have to be careful of what you say. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason. Some kind of uncomfortable emotion started to build up inside of me, and that was an even bigger reason. However, that sentiment apparently didn’t get through to these guys.

“No no no, if you’re a man, then you gotta look, right?! You definitely should!”

“It can’t be helped, alright?”

They started whispering to each other. I personally didn’t know if I was able to hide my displeased expression or not. However, right when I was about to interject a complaint into their conversation, Narasaka-san voiced her own. She put her left hand on her waist, raised her right arm, and pointed her fingers at us.

“Alright alright, you guys over there! Asamura-kun is right! Any staring eyes will get squished between my fingers!” As she said this, Narasaka-san did a motion with her index and middle finger towards us.

How violent and aggressive, Narasaka-san. Thanks to that, the boys stopped whispering and calmed down a bit. They must have caught on to the cold gazes coming from the girls group. Well, I also am a healthy high school boy, so I understand their feelings. I really do, but I do suggest they take a hint on what to say and what not to say in front of the girl in question. Then again, my words had also already escaped my mouth, so I don’t know what kind of impression I gave off.

Right when I felt a gaze directed at me, I also caught on to Ayase-san averting her eyes at the exact same time. Was she… looking at me just now? I wasn’t given any response to my question, and Ayase-san immediately joined the ring of girls.

“Now, let’s get this party started!” Narasaka-san once brought excitement back into the awkward atmosphere. “Let’s all check out the attractions until it’s time for lunch! For starters, let’s see what that slide is about!” She said, pointing towards the water slide.

But you got angry at me for calling it a slide?

According to the plan Narasaka-san came up with, which she named ‘Creating lots of summer memories’, she set out for us to check out the different attractions around the pool. First, of course, was the water slide. Although it was a bit smaller than the large one we saw from the outside, it still reached up two floors, so it was plenty thrilling. After that, we passed under something like a waterfall, treaded around inside a labyrinth for some reason, and went to lots of other attractions that caused us to gasp in astonishment.

While playing around like that, I remembered the schedule written in the plan Narasaka-san sent us, and yet again felt like praising all of Narasaka-san’s careful consideration and planning. She’s showing off all the attractions this place has to offer quite well, making it very exciting. No matter who participated, everyone had something to gain.

You can’t forget that this time around, we all weren’t the closest of friends with each other. Narasaka-san’s method to avoid cliques was to make sure it was the first time everyone had met. Then again, Ayase-san and I knew each other quite well beforehand. However, even though all of us were attending the same school, and even if we were in the same year, as long as we were in a different class and had different personalities, that wouldn’t have allowed us to get along. What you needed was someone open-minded like Narasaka-san who had a lot of contacts, and was also very open, acting as the common ground.

There are guys from the sports club, literature club, and even some kind of committee, going-home club, and other sorts of things. That’s why it should’ve made sense that holding a conversation that goes beyond your average daily fare would be hard to achieve. There’s no common or shared topics to be had. That’s where Narasaka-san came in.

First, she walked around the various attractions with everyone and showed them off. This way, everyone could have fun, and everyone could get more used to each other in the morning, finding shared interests and so forth. This will cause conversations to spring up during lunch time. That’s why she ignored the idea of us going solo or in small groups, and instead had everyone move together. Though I do think she also set up some mixed events in the afternoon.

It might seem simple, but it’s not at all. After all, the events you yourself want to do are always much more interesting than playing around with everyone else. But she can ignore that and move forward. That way, if the group gets too excited, or if you lose track of time, you can just ignore the schedule and have fun (or so said the plans Narasaka-san sent out). If you don’t prioritize other people’s preferences over your own, you can’t achieve something like this.

12pm passed, and since we spotted some open seats at the food court, we decided to eat lunch. Seeing everyone discuss the events of the morning with smiles on their faces showed me that Narasaka-san’s plan was a success. Personally, I was happy to see Ayase-san smiling and talking with the other girls. And just like that, our lunchtime ended, so we decided to play in the shallow pool.

Wave pools sometimes make waves like the actual ocean, but because it was the end of summer break, there were barely any people in there, allowing us to have as much fun as we wanted without bothering anybody. Unlike at the actual beach, you can’t play beach volleyball or play in the sand when you visit a pool. So we were a bit limited in what we could do. Despite that, Narasaka-san introduced some ideas in the plans she sent us.

“So with that being said, let’s all play kickboard othello!”

“Yeeees!”

We all cheered in unison like we were gradeschool students. Although it was very quiet, I could even hear Ayase-san’s voice which made me smile. Rather than a ‘Yes’, it felt more like a ‘Sure~’ kinda response. Narasaka-san called it kickboard othello, but I don’t know the official name. The game might have originated from Narasaka Maaya herself, but it was a game with simple rules. Everyone had their own kickboard, preferably one that had two clearly distinguishable sides. Luckily, the ones available to borrow here were exactly like that. After that, we split them up so that there was an equal number of front and back ones, split in two groups, and started turning the boards over.

“We’ll split up the groups with rock and paper! The rock group is over here, and the paper group is over there.”

It was a five versus five activity. The paper side was the front group, and the rock side was the back group. Ayase-san and I coincidentally ended up in the same group, with Narasaka-san against us.

“I’ll be setting the timer now. The time limit is three minutes. The group that has more kickboards turned to their side wins.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay!”

“No grabbing or stealing kickboards, alright. They have to be floating, and you can only turn them by slapping them on the corners. However, you’re allowed to obstruct the other group from flipping your kickboards over as long as you follow the rules. Everything clear?” Narasaka-san said, demonstrating what she had just explained.

“Understood!”

“Boys, no pulling or other forms of violence, okay?!” Tabata-san said.

“You have no trust in us, do you?!” Myoujin, I think his name was, complained in a sour tone.

Narasaka-san set the timer on her smartphone, which was protected in a waterproof case, and declared the beginning of the match, and we all sprung into action. This is actually much harder than you’d expect. Also, isn’t this something you would play in a pool with no waves? Even if you don’t do anything, the kickboards end up getting washed away, and since you can’t grab it because of the rules, you have to go and recover your kickboards periodically.

In the end, the rules between retriever and turner were split up between the groups. It’s yet another example of a beautiful ad hoc approach. Eventually, a melody played from Narasaka-san’s phone, signaling that the three minutes were over.

“Okay, stop! No more flipping!”

When Narasaka-san gave the order, everybody stopped moving. The final score was four to six, with Ayase-san’s and mine team victorious. The winners cheered, and the losers slammed their fists into the water. It seemed like everyone was fighting earnestly. Including me. I was out of breath.

“Alright, alright. One more battle!” Narasaka-san set another timer.

Both groups were brimming with motivation. Also I suddenly realized that the melody Narasaka-san was using as an alarm… that’s an anime opening, right? The only reason I could tell was because Maru forced me to watch the one-cour anime for that series. It seems like Narasaka-san knows a thing or two about anime, huh? She really has a lot of interests.

We lost the second round. Since neither Ayase-san or I are sporty types, we didn’t have the strength to continue like we did in the first round. Since the two of us ended up being useless in a group of five, we had no hopes of winning against the sports club members, or people who are always playing around like this.

“Alright, that concludes today’s event time! After a short break, it’s free time for everyone. We’ll leave at 4pm, so come back here by then!” Narasaka-san said, so I sat down at the poolside.

I couldn’t even move anymore, probably because I had been using muscles that I usually never use at all. I just wanted to sleep. Unable to find the energy to tag along with the guys who were doing laps in the pool or playing elsewhere, I just decided to take a break by myself when Ayase-san approached me. In response, I hurriedly sat up straight, afraid of looking pathetic. Ayase-san brought her face closer to mine, giving me a somewhat worried gaze.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. A bit exhausted, but otherwise fine. Still, everyone is amazing. So much endurance, and they have great athletic senses as well.”

As we checked out the different attractions, and when we played minigames, the ones doing the most work were the outgoing boys and girls. Since I was always more of an indoor type, I didn’t stand out at all. It’s not like I wanted to or anything, though.

“But you were pretty cool just now.”

“Huh?” I was shocked to hear such surprising praise from Ayase-san.

“During that minigame just now. Asamura-kun, you were bringing back all the kickboards that floated out of our area, right?”

“Ahhh.”

Well, if nobody else did that, it wouldn’t even have been a proper game. Once other people realized that, they started doing the same as me. When I pointed that out, Ayase-san shook her head.

“But you were the first one to do it, Asamura-kun. Not to mention that once you returned the boards, you let other people flip them over, even though that’s supposed to be the most entertaining part of the game.”

I was surprised yet again. I didn’t think she’d notice. Whenever I returned the boards to our team, and they turned out to be on the front side, I left them like that. If they happened to be flipped on the back side, I would have had to flip them over, as this was the whole point of the game. Instead of doing so, however, I instead pushed the board to another team member, saying ‘Take care of this’, and searched for the next kickboard. In the meantime, that team member did the flipping. Why, you ask? It’s just as Ayase-san stated. The act of flipping the boards is the most entertaining part of the game. I don’t think it would be that much fun if I just flipped over all the boards I brought back. It was supposed to be a team effort, after all.

“Ahh, well, I just didn’t want to run the risk of messing up right when I was the center of attention.”

I wasn’t lying about that by any means.

“Really? Well, whatever your reason was, I just wanted to praise you, totally subjectively. I thought you were pretty cool for doing that. Like an assistant working hard and supporting people behind the scenes.”

“Is that really something cool?”

“Everybody has their own thoughts on things, right?”

“Well… you’re not wrong. But it’s a bit embarrassing when you put it like that.” When I said this, Ayase-san gave a faint smile.

It wasn’t the kind of dry and forced expression she would make at home towards my old man, but rather… How do I put this? It resembled the kind, innocent smile from the young Ayase-san in the pictures I was shown. When I saw this, I thought to myself Ah, I’m so glad I took that step and crossed her boundaries.

Of course, it’s not that I felt conceited about it, like I was thinking that I saved Ayase-san or anything like that. I even have proof that this wasn’t the case. It’s just that if I had kept my distance like before, I would not have been able to see her making that kind of expression. When I thought that this smile was only mine, only directed at me, a vexing feeling of superiority filled my chest, telling me that maybe I really did do it all for myself.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” Saying this, Ayase-san stood up.

Like I was a fish caught in her net, my gaze wandered up towards her face.

“Now then.”

Her swimsuit was still drenched with water, the color looking even more vibrant than before. I saw pearls of water on her small amount of exposed skin, glimmering in the light shining down on her. Droplets of water were riddled all through her hair.

“I guess I’ll go do some more swimming!” She raised both her arms above her head, doing some light stretches.

“…Huh?”

The moment I saw that, it felt like I suddenly woke up from something. I wonder why. It was completely natural, yet also abrupt. A certain emotion started to fill my chest.

Ah, I like her.

I formed these words mentally first, and only afterwards did I find myself surprised at the emotion that was suddenly born inside of me. Even though there had been countless chances and situations for me to catch on to these feelings, it happened because of such a trivial gesture that I had seen countless times before. She simply put her arms above her head and stretched. That’s all it was.

I wasn’t being confessed to, and we didn’t make it through a threatening situation that would cause a suspension bridge effect. Up until now, I had only heard and experienced stories about falling in love with someone or confessing to someone from an outsider’s perspective, but now I had found myself in a situation like that.

Honestly speaking, I’m bad at dealing with women. After watching my old man and Mom interact ever since I was young, I started to think that marriage would never bring any happiness at all, and frowned upon such relationships. If you stay silent without making assumptions, you’ll be complained to, and if you don’t conduct yourself upright like a gentleman, you’ll be regarded useless, but if you try to consider the other person’s feelings, you won’t be considered manly, and that also will cause them to feel displeasure. In the end, your girlfriend will cheat on you with another guy who has more money and is more manly than you.

All of this I interpreted as the beginning and ultimately the end of relationships between men and women, which was why I never had any experience with love, nor did I attempt to gather any. So, for what reason did it have to be this person? Why? What explanation is there?

The change happening inside of me happened all too quickly, all too real, and it left me confused. I don’t get it. To be honest, this kind of emotion is something wonderful and admirable, for sure. I never thought it would be this simple, something that would give me such relief in a single moment, and yet something so transient. Watching Ayase-san leave, as the water on her sparkled even more than ever before, I thought to myself.

She’s my little sister. But she’s Ayase-san. She is my little step-sister.

Once 4pm came around, we started our preparations to head back. While changing in the men’s changing room, I realized just how sluggish my body felt. It felt hot, like it was burning up, and heavy. It’s the kind of sluggishness I felt after swimming classes at school.

The boys were quicker to group up at the pool’s exit. Well, logically speaking, it would take the girls longer to dry their hair and change, so I didn’t expect anything else. Around 5pm when the bus arrived, we bid our farewells to the pool. Just like on our way here, it took us 30 minutes by bus to get back, and another 30 minutes by train. We talked a lot more compared to when we were on our way to the pool, maybe because we had gotten much more acquainted over the course of the day. We made it back to Shinjuku at around 6pm.

After passing through the ticket gate, we could see the clear sky. Although it was still colored a lighter red, the sun had already started to sink towards the West. Looking at the tall buildings colored by the evening sky really reminded me that we had come back to a large town.

“Ahhh, that was fun!”

“You still seem to have more than enough energy, Maaya.”

“I’m too hungry to do anything else!” Narasaka-san gently rubbed her tummy in response to the girl’s retort, and everybody started laughing.

After that, people split up to take the bus, the Japan Railways, the private railway, and even bike. Ayase-san and I will have to take the train back to Shibuya station and then walk home with me pushing my bike along. Since we had to go back the same way, we decided we might as well go together. Nobody would be suspicious if we went together to Shibuya train station.

“Then I’ll see you at school!”

We were about to separate, when…

“Ah, Asamura-kun! Waiteth a momenteth!”

“What language is that supposed to be?”

Narasaka-san beckoned me over, running up to me.

“I was just wondering if we could exchange LINE contacts. Is that okay?”

When I heard that question, I glanced over at Ayase-san. She immediately averted her gaze, but she wasn’t glaring at me or anything, I don’t think. Well, since we’re in the same year at school, it should be fine.

“Sure.”

We exchanged LINE contacts, and I felt like saying something that had been in the back of my mind for a while.

“By the way, Narasaka-san, good work on the whole plan today.”

“Hmmm? Come on now, you can just call me ‘Maaya-chan’!”

“We’re not that close.”

“We’re not?! We’re like best friends who went to the pool together!”

That logic doesn’t make any sense.

“Oh, speaking of which, you did some amazing work with the whole plan today. Thanks to you showing off all the attractions first, we had something to talk about during dinnertime. Although it’s a shame that we couldn’t do all the minigames you thought of.”

“Ahhh,” Narasaka-san scratched the back of her head, showing a bashful smile. “Mm. Well, we were pressed on time, so it couldn’t be helped.”

“But thanks to that, I had a blast, so thanks.”

“Oh my, even if you praise me like that, you’re not getting anything, okay?”

“I’m not doing this to get anything, I just wanted to thank you. That’s all.”

“Well, I am happy~ Ahaha, I wasn’t hoping for you to feel that way, but I’m happy you caught on and realized.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

You become happy if people look at your actions and understand your kind intentions behind them. I had a similar experience not too long ago.

“Then I’ll see you again! You too, Saki! I’ll send you a LINE later!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The two waved their hands at each other, and Narasaka-san periodically turned around to smile at us.

“Sorry for the wait.”

“Yup, I wasn’t waiting long.”

We passed through the ticket gate and headed on the train home to Shibuya. In the end, Ayase-san and I stayed silent for almost the entire train ride. After leaving the train station in Shibuya, we made our way back home to our flat. I was pushing my bike as usual, which I had grabbed from the parking lot, as I walked next to Ayase-san. This was around the time the orange sky slowly started turning navy blue. Although our surroundings were starting to grow darker, the lights of the buildings kept everything bright all the same. It felt like dusk or daybreak¹.

In modern day and age, using the term ‘dusk’ or ‘twilight’ would probably be more common. However, I personally like the idea of ‘dawn’, and the idea of living beings that aren’t living beings walking around the streets much more so. I think another way to describe it is the Witching Hour—the time when you’re most likely to encounter the supernatural. It’s the kind of phrase that makes you worried if the person next to you really is the person you imagine them to be, and you start to lose your grip on reality—

“You sure have gotten close with Maaya, huh?” Ayase-san suddenly spoke up, pulling my mind back to reality.

“Ahh, well. I did want to thank her for inviting me after all.”

“Thanks.”

“Eh?”

“We’re friends, so I’m happy you praised her like that.”

Of course, she must have heard what I had said back then. It’s not like that was anything troublesome, but it did make me feel a bit conflicted inside.

“More importantly, though, did you manage to spread your wings a little?”

“Thanks to you, yeah.” Ayase-san said. She gently lowered her head towards me, quietly continuing. “Swimming in the pool was fun.” She looked at me. “So I’m feeling refreshed now after being able to swim a lot. I’m glad I did as you said.” A faint smile appeared on her face.

When I saw that expression, I remembered the emotion that had started to grow inside of me, a feeling I can’t say out loud. This feeling that you could possibly define as romantic affection had been planted deeply inside of me like a seed… at the very least, I’ve started to become aware of her charm as a woman, which now left me agonizing about what to do or say next.

Looking at Ayase-san in that kind of light was equivalent to breaking her trust, so if I was straightforward with this emotion, I would surely only end up troubling her in the process. However, at the same time, it also felt like Ayase-san thought of me in a pleasant way. What would be the right choice here?

As I started to grow lost in the labyrinth of my own feelings, I started to speak less in my conversation with Ayase-san, and this silence engulfed her as well, and she stopped talking altogether. The squeaking sound of my bike’s turning wheels and the rhythmic sound of our footsteps were the only sounds we made.

I can’t look at her face. I can only look at the ground. I didn’t even know where Ayase-san was looking. I felt my heart beating faster and louder. I mean, that makes sense. I’m walking home together with a beautiful girl like her, right now in the twilight.

No, that’s not it. Last month I went to watch a movie together with Yomiuri-senpai. Back then, I was also nervous, but I can call it different from what I’m feeling right now. Since it didn’t happen too long ago, I can distinguish my feelings in both cases. However, if someone asked me what exactly is different… and I know that this is a pathetic story that makes me want to cover my face… but I can’t put it into words.

My instincts told me that it was different, but what part of the process was different was a question too difficult for me to answer. It was almost like my feelings were inside a black box, impossible to be opened. Despite the fact that these were my own feelings, I failed to understand them.

Lost in thought, I gazed at the tires of my bike moving along the asphalt in a steady rhythm, and the shadows they drew grew longer and thicker. When I looked up at the sky, night had fallen. Just when I was thinking about how short dusk is, another phrase came to mind—Ahh, the moon is beautiful.

“Asamura-kun, you’re really good at finding the good parts of people.”

“Eh?”

When Ayase-san suddenly spoke up, I looked to my side at her. She was looking up at the sky, possibly at the moon. She turned her gaze towards me.

“About Maaya. You praised her before, right?”

“Ah, that.”

“You always look at people around you in such a detailed manner. I can’t help but admire it.”

“I… don’t know.”

“I think so at least. You can see their hard work. I told you this earlier at the pool, but I think that’s something very admirable. I think it’s wonderful of you—”

Upon receiving so much praise, my heart started beating faster and faster. However, upon hearing her next words, I immediately lost my train of thought.

“—Nii-san.”

I swallowed my breath. My gaze shot towards Ayase-san’s face, and I froze in place. Even though I should have been familiar with Ayase-san and her facial expressions, she suddenly looked like a complete stranger.

Nii-san.

Nii-san.

Nii-san.

Even though I knew that repeating the word over and over in my head wouldn’t help me understand its meaning any easier, my brain thought otherwise.

Nii-san. Basically, older brother. I don’t know why Ayase-san would suddenly call me that despite being so against it before. However, what is even so surprising about it? Ayase-san is the one and only person in this entire world who has an actual right to call me that.

“Um, did I surprise you by any chance? I just thought that, with how you cared about me and did all of this for me, you were like a reliable older brother… you know? Is it weird of me to think that?”

When I saw Ayase-san gently tilting her head with a smile, I was unable to stay what I truly felt.

“No… I’m happy, Ayase-san.”

“…Ahaha. Still, it doesn’t feel quite right.”

Honestly speaking, that saved me. Because of her suddenly calling me ‘Nii-san’, I finally managed to get back on track. What had I been thinking? This affection Ayase-san shows towards me, and her praise, was all just towards her ‘Older Brother’. She’s put this trust in me because she believes that I am someone she can have a flat and comfortable relationship with. She wouldn’t want the person she lived with to have weird expectations or gross desires towards her, she simply wants a convenient relationship for both sides. And yet, I as a man was about to break that rule.

“I’m a bit tired today, so can I keep dinner simple?”

“…Yeah, sure.”

Even this nonchalant conversation now terrified me. Would I be able to hold a rational conversation with her anymore? Shortly after this exchange, we reached our flat. I said I’d park my bike in the parking lot, so I split up with Ayase-san in front of the entrance. After doing so, and locking it with a bike lock, I looked up at the sky.

The moon was covered by the tall silhouette of the flat. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Ayase-san isn’t with me. If it was just my hormones running wild, then my body should calm down, and my heart should stop racing now that she’s not here. If so, then I could forget this feeling resembling romantic affection and go on with my life.

“This is not good…”

I knew that this was bad. I knew that I should not harbor such feelings inside of me, but no matter how long I waited, the emotions did not disappear as I wished for them to.

“How should I even talk to her when I get back?”

Nobody was around to answer me. Fortunately so, as this question was one that should not be heard by anybody else.

1 There’s a small paragraph here talking about kanji writing of dawn and dusk, which is pretty much impossible to convey into English, so I decided to skip that, and tried my best to make the part after that understandable.