Gardenia of Blooming Desire

The Crown Prince's carriage had left the courtyard as I followed them stealthily. I saw Young Lord become relaxed, smiled, hold hands, and even kissed with a gardenia between their lips. It was the first time I saw such kiss, and unaware, I gritted my teeth.

The stuffy feeling inside my chest suffocated me once more. It was the same feeling when I had heard that Young Lord would punish me, possibly kill me. Maybe, it was disappointment, as I had expected too much from Young Lord. I expected him to be my savior.

I only saw his genuine smile directed towards me, this lowly slave, once. And that was when I met him in this garden for the first time. That scene lingered in my head, refusing to leave. As my brain vehemently stamped that smile inside the deepest part of my consciousness, my dream had been filled with that again and again.

His illusion of kindness appeared each time I had to court the favor of Young Lord. I had to lie, just like my illness today. I was just not feeling well, but I made it look like I'm in terrible pain.

I volunteered to deliver the tea for Young Lord even if I wobbled a bit. It was all for him to see me as a faithful servant. But all I saw was Young Lord with his beauty, smiled and enchanted the Crown Prince.

But, when Young Lord saw me, his gaze became ugly, as if he didn't want me to disturb their time together. The burning sensation inside my chest had flared, I tightened my grip on the tray, but said nothing.

Maybe I was being stupid, but I intentionally offended the Crown Prince by not greeting him the very first time I entered the pavilion.

"This servant brought the tea as ordered by Young Lord," I said to Young Lord. I leered at the Crown Prince, when he saw my eyes, his courteous smile also disappeared. We had this moment in few seconds until he glanced at Young Lord and held his hand.

They were supposed to be cousins, right? How did this Crown Prince get infatuated to his own cousin? It was nasty.

But when I saw Young Lord respond by slowly slipping his palm out of Crown Prince's caress, I felt slightly better.

"T--This servant saluted His Highness Crown Prince, may Golden Camellia prosper until the last-- the last--"

'Until the last eternal petal falls.'

Yes, I knew the salutation perfectly. When my first master bought me, he taught me how to salute the emperor and current crown prince, who were just two years older than me.

I didn't know what had possessed me to have the idea of insulting the Crown Prince of Golden Camellia, the successor who would rule this huge country later. But I cut his salutation, glanced at him and sneered.

I understood the risk of offending the royal, I was just a lowly slave, but at that time, I was strangely bold and stupid at the same time.

Besides, Young Lord would save me, right?

'Would… he?'

I started panicking and my body trembled. What did I just do? I would really die because of stupid reason. There was no reason for Young Lord to help me.

"… until the last eternal petal falls."

I heard Young Lord recited the last line of the salutation to help me. My body still trembled, but it was not out of fear, strangely, I was joyous.

'Did he really care for me? There is no reason for him to help me if he doesn't care about a slave, right?'

But when I saw Young Lord tried to appease the anger of this Crown Prince by holding his hand and demeaned me as stupid, this joy dissipate once more.

I realized that I, as a slave owned by the Grand Duchy, dared to offend the Crown Prince. Young Lord just wanted to reduce the possibility of Crown Prince went against Grand Duchy.

'No, he didn't try to appease Crown Prince's anger to save me, it was to save the duchy, just like my previous masters.'

I snorted in my heart, even something as mighty as grand duchy still had someone to fear against.

The Crown Prince and Young Lord went for a few hours of chatting, I hid in the garden and eavesdropped their pep talks and nasty romance, it hurt more than I imagined. The suffocating inside my chest kept getting heavier, but I couldn't stop doing this.

And then, I saw that scene, the Crown Prince put a gardenia flower on his mouth and kissed Young Lord, with only thin layers of petals separating their lips. I was speechless, and fire built up inside my chest. It was painful and excruciating.

The passionate and forceful kiss that made Crown Prince's pupil shone, the black in the middle turned bright golden and he became even more forceful.

I witnessed everything.

After they finished and left, I was still in my position, stunned.

Not long after, a butler came to the Garden, called my name. As I met him, he said: "Young Lord ordered you to come to his room immediately."

"Yes sir, I will go now."

However, before I left the garden, suddenly there were two people shrouded in black garments from head to toe grabbed my neck and slammed me to the ground.

I groaned, but before I understood what was happening, I got kicked all over my body.

I'm used to this kind of pain way before I entered this place, I just covered myself and waited until they finished. In the end, they spat and stomped my face until I could feel my face burning, their boots probably scraped my skin.

"His Highness, Crown Prince warned you to never eavesdrop on his conversation with His Highness Young Grand Duke, he would dispose you if you dared offend him once more."

I kept my silence, after those two disappeared, I saw the butler who called me before standing nonchalantly, watching me getting beaten. I gritted my teeth, these people here were just the same as the other, cold-blooded monsters.

Naturally, I had to ask for permission to clean my wound before facing Young Lord, but I decided to go straight to Young Lord's room.

The maid who guarded Young Lord's door looked at me with contempt, but before he shooed me, I shouted, "Young Lord, this servant is present according to your call!"

The maid was taken aback, the soft voice inside the room said: "Come in, you, guard maid, leave now."

"… Yes, Young Lord."

I sneered in satisfaction while the maid glared at me.

I entered the room, faked my trembling and coughed as if I was in deep pain.

"This-- this servant heed to Young Lord's call," I said softly and coughed once more.

Young Lord was stunned when he saw my current condition, his hand trembled, and he tried to create some words out of his mouth but was left speechless. As I expected, rushing to Young Lord's room was the right choice.

Taking the chance, with a hoarse voice I confirmed: This--This servant is fine Young Lord. Young Lord's call is naturally more important than anything else."

"You-- What happened to you?" he asked, his voice was shaking.

I went silent and my sweat broke, I tried to find the best way to utter it, " This--This servant got punished by High Highness, Crown Prince's guard because this servant witnessed…"

I gulped and murmured, "This servant saw… Crown Prince kissing Young Lord…"

Young Lord went silent, the atmosphere became chilly and I trembled even more. Some of the wounds started bleeding as I trembled. I saw Young Lord's eyes.

'He… looked sad? Why?'

'Is he starting to feel pity for me? Or pitied the fact that a slave saw the scandal of Young Grand Duke and Crown prince?'

"I will talk to Crown Prince later," Young Lord said.

I shook my head, "N--No! Young Lord, this servant begs Young Lord to reconsider it. It was this servant who was impudent, dared to… guard the pavilion."

"Why would you guard the pavilion? I ordered you to leave," he asked.

"Young Lord, isn't it natural for me to stay around the pavilion? Young Lord bought me as a personal slave, this servant… this slave will always stay behind Young Lord. In case Young Lord needs anything, this servant is always ready."

Young Lord was again, left speechless. It was a perfect alibi after all.

"But Young Lord was chatting happily with Crown Prince, this servant is afraid of offending Crown Prince, so this servant just hid around the garden," I added.

Young Lord stayed silent, his eyes checked me, my wound. His gaze was deep, as if it was inspecting the inside of my mind. I lowered my head.

"You may leave now, bring this brass pin to the mansion doctor, it is one of the signs of my status. You will get treated by that doctor," Young Lord said, he took something inside the wooden box, a brass shaped like a stringless harp with the code 'A' covering the middle of it. I nodded.

"This servant will leave now."

"Before that, I will ask you a question," he stopped me, "What do you think about that… kiss, me with Crown Prince? It was a gardenia kiss to prove our close bond."

'What close bond? Is he your lover? You kissed your cousin, disgusting.'

I wanted to say that, but I thought for a while and replied, "This servant is happy, Young Lord."

"Happy?" Young Lord raised his eyebrows.

"Because Young Lord looked happy. Young Lord smiled, laughed, and looked relaxed. Seeing Young Lord happy, this servant is naturally also happy," I smiled at him.

I thought he would frown, but he did not. Even more, he flashed a smile.

It was the same wonderful smile I saw in the garden the first time I met him.

The smile that haunted my dream every day.