Gacha Hell: Furina Edition

Early morning.

Lu Heng hadn't fully woken up yet, but Liyue Harbor was already bustling with activity.

The hardcore players had already completed the Liyue main storyline. The people of Liyue, who had initially been worried about the Geo Archon, now knew the truth.

"Wait… you're saying that Mr. Zhongli from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is actually the Geo Archon?!"

"Yes! You haven't finished the main quest yet, have you? I was completely shocked when I got to that part! How could he…"

"It's a bit funny when you think about it, but this whole situation really highlights how even the Archon deserves a break after working for so long."

"That's true. We mortals can't even work nonstop for days, let alone the Geo Archon, who's been at it for thousands of years… I can understand his decision. It's just that he seems a bit uncomfortable not being able to create Mora whenever he wants now. That's kinda… well, I won't say more!"

"Is anyone online badmouthing the Geo Archon? I need to patrol the forums ASAP!"

"Who dares disrespect the Geo Archon?! I'll flame them to oblivion!"

Though the entire Liyue storyline was essentially a play orchestrated by the Geo Archon himself, the people of Liyue who completed the quest could still empathize with their Archon.

After all, even humans retire at a certain age—why shouldn't a god?

Gods have emotions too. Gods get tired too.

It's just that this retirement came so suddenly and in such an unexpected way.

Right now, the people of Liyue are all about one thing: unwavering support.

Whatever the Geo Archon wants to do, they'll back him up!

Speaking of which, the Mondstadt storyline isn't faring much better.

The image of their Anemo Archon as a carefree bard is now widely known.

Netizens from other nations have been relentlessly teasing Venti.

The people of Mondstadt aren't having it.

"Do you even understand what freedom means?"

"Have you even delved deep into the lore and history of our nation?"

"When Lord Barbatos gets serious, he's just as great as any other Archon!"

"Sure, he likes to relax and wander around in his free time, but what's wrong with that?!"

Just like the people of Liyue, the citizens of Mondstadt are fiercely protective of Venti.

Sure, he might seem unreliable at times, but it's not like he never does anything!

He just doesn't bother with the small stuff!

So within Mondstadt, Venti's reputation isn't actually bad.

Case in point—early in the morning, someone treated him to drinks.

"Ah, the people of Mondstadt are the best!"

Venti took a sip, feeling more and more amused.

He wasn't one to hold grudges, but the situation was genuinely entertaining—completely different from what he'd expected after his identity was revealed.

You know what they say: "We can criticize our own, but outsiders better keep their mouths shut!"

Besides, even if we don't say anything, we still understand our own Archon—so what right do outsiders have to judge?

When Liyue folks mocked the Anemo Archon for being less reliable than their own, the Mondstadt crowd fired back by poking fun at the Geo Archon's dramatic fake-death stunt.

Online, the arguments were fierce.

But in reality, things were much calmer.

"Your Anemo Archon really embodies the concept of freedom, huh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"No offense—I've studied the lore and Mondstadt's history. I know what your Archon's deal is. I was just making an observation. Honestly, I think our Geo Archon should take a page out of Venti's book. Now that he's retired, he should just enjoy himself! Why be so burdened by expectations?"

"Oh, you think so too? Haha, your Geo Archon is pretty great as well! And he's even friends with our Anemo Archon! Speaking of which, your Archon has so many titles…"

"Yeah, yeah!"

Online, they'd clash the moment they met.

In real life? Mutual admiration.

But inside Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, the atmosphere was a bit different.

"Morax… has no Mora?!"

Hu Tao wasn't intimidated by Zhongli's identity as the Geo Archon.

She planted her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"Seriously?! The god who literally produces Mora has to spend my Mora?!"

"Sigh."

Zhongli sighed. "Director Hu, perhaps you should take the time to understand the full context?"

Hu Tao had rushed over as soon as she heard he was the Geo Archon—without fully grasping why he was so "broke."

"Huh? Is there more to it?"

She frowned, then pulled out her phone to look it up.

A moment later, she had an epiphany—but then her frown deepened.

"This situation of yours… Wait, do you have a pension? Hand some over!"

At the mention of a pension, even Zhongli was momentarily stumped.

Liyue's citizens had pensions when they retired—so why wouldn't the Geo Archon have one?

This aspect hadn't been considered in the original plan.

In other words… they'd forgotten.

But past oversights didn't mean they couldn't fix things now!

Zhongli wouldn't starve, but his gacha luck was abysmal!

Mora wasn't everything—but gacha pulls funded by Mora were everything!

Thus, the conclusion was clear: No Mora meant no gacha pulls—and that was unacceptable.

That said, Zhongli hadn't paid much attention to the matter.

But the Qixing certainly had!

They could easily allocate funds from the Golden House for his pension—heck, they'd even dip into their own pockets if necessary!

Economic prosperity meant the treasury was overflowing.

A pension? No big deal!

But how often should it be paid, and how much? That required careful consideration.

Logically, the pension had to come from the Golden House.

Private contributions were possible, but the Geo Archon would never accept them—so it had to be an official process, properly recorded in the national accounts.

Right now, the Qixing were in a meeting.

"How much should we allocate?"

This question stumped them.

Too much? The Geo Archon would refuse, as treasury funds were meant for national development.

Too little? The Geo Archon wouldn't mind, but the people would riot!

If word got out, outsiders might think Liyue couldn't even afford their Archon's pension!

"Perhaps a steady, long-term approach would be best?" someone suggested.

"Absolutely. As long as Liyue stands and the Geo Archon remains, his pension will continue—that's non-negotiable."

After some thought, Tian added, "How about… 500 million Mora per year?"

At first glance, 500 million Mora a year seemed like a massive pension for a nation.

But then consider how long Zhongli could live!

Even without accounting for any life-extending measures, Zhongli could easily live for thousands more years!

500 million Mora a year, multiplied by thousands of years—just how much would that be?

"I have an idea," Keqing spoke up.

"From settlements to large tribes, then from tribal alliances under the Geo Archon to cities, and finally the relocation to this harbor… 3,700 years of history. What about… 37 million Mora?"

The others were about to say that was too little when Keqing added, "Per month."

Tian stroked his beard thoughtfully. "That's slightly less than my proposed 500 million. We could make up the difference in other areas—food, clothing, housing, travel expenses, and so on, separate from the pension."

"I agree," Ningguang raised her hand.

"I agree as well," Keqing followed.

The other Qixing members also voiced their approval.

Considering that the Geo Archon, post-retirement, would only oversee advisory matters without direct governance, the Qixing decided to issue the pension early.

Instead of waiting for the Golden House to finalize the calculations, the first payment would be 1.33 billion Mora, to be recorded in the ledger.

This amount covered three years, but these three years wouldn't count toward future payments—meaning that next year at this time, the standard pension of 37 million Mora per month would still be issued.

Once the decision was made, Ganyu compiled the details and sent them to Zhongli.

She then took the Qixing's approval note to the Golden House to withdraw the funds.

Zhongli showed Hu Tao the message on his phone.

Her eyes widened.

"By universal reasoning, this isn't excessive," Zhongli said calmly.

The amount was just right for him to accept.

Any more… well, even he would feel uneasy.

"This isn't excessive?!"

Hu Tao glared at him, then broke into a grin.

"Mr. Zhongli, congratulations on your windfall!"

"Spend it however you like," she waved her hand. "But be careful—you're getting old, so don't let yourself get scammed!"

Zhongli: "..."

Great.

So now Hu Tao saw him as some frail old man who needed protection from fraudsters.

But he understood her concern—she was worried he'd keep spending recklessly.

"Rest assured, Director. I understand the importance of moderation," Zhongli nodded.

He was a man of refined tastes, after all. Gifts had to be prepared properly.

Klee's equipment had already been upgraded to Tier 4!

The Knights of Favonius took Klee very seriously.

After receiving the news, Zhongli's expression remained unreadable.

Hu Tao, however, was stunned.

"How much?!"

"1.33 billion?!"

But the number 3,700 held deep symbolic meaning—Keqing had truly struck a chord with Zhongli.

As for whether Jean was worried about Klee causing trouble…

Well, let's just say the Knights' rules tailored for Klee were already tucked in her pocket.

"It's time."

Zhongli took a deep breath, then sent messages to the relevant parties.

He paused for a moment, then chuckled and shook his head.

"Director, how about I give you the spare change? The rest… I have people to take care of."

First and foremost—the Dragon of the Earth, Azhdaha.

To ask Klee for help, even though she was just a child, the proper formalities couldn't be skipped.

When it came to Azhdaha's situation, Zhongli messaged Venti to inquire about Klee's status.

Venti wasn't directly involved, but a quick check of the Knights' system revealed everything.

The support capabilities of [Holy Light – Explosive Art] were beyond extraordinary.

Healing was common—but purification was rare!

Just Klee's feat of curing Dvalin was enough for the Knights to reward her.

Even though she was just a child, the Knights didn't cut corners.

Aside from upgrading her equipment to Tier 4, Jean also rewarded her with materials for making bombs and a batch of Tier 4 cards.

"Tier 4 equipment…" Zhongli pondered.

Even at lower tiers, Klee's abilities had a noticeable effect on him.

Now, with her equipment at Tier 4—just one step away from Tier 5—and her skills being spammable…

If one healing session wasn't enough, a few more would do the trick!

Before, he'd worried about exhausting Klee, but now…

Even if it didn't fully cure Azhdaha in one go, half an hour of continuous healing should at least stabilize his mind!

Morning.

The two defeated warriors (Lu Heng and Venti) were still asleep.

Lu Heng, seeing Zhongli's message on his phone, finally woke up fully.

A broke man suddenly strikes it rich—of course he's rushing to gacha!

After freshening up, Lu Heng headed to the shop.

The Dendro Archon, Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, heard about Zhongli's plans to gacha and grew curious, following Lu Heng to the Liyue branch.

As soon as they arrived, Klee spotted Lu Heng and dashed over, leaping into his arms.

"Did you miss me, big brother?" Lu Heng lifted her up with a smile.

"I did!" Klee nodded earnestly.

Rukkhadevata, who had followed Lu Heng out, suddenly tensed.

This little one…

Seeing Lu Heng's paternal smile, she relaxed slightly.

At least his morals are intact—he's only interested in me because of my current form, not actual children.

Spotting Zhongli and Venti, Rukkhadevata greeted them.

Venti winced.

"Ugh… watching you get rich hurts more than being broke myself!"

Zhongli smirked.

Hurts, does it? Good.

"Could it be… that some people don't have pensions?" Lu Heng feigned confusion while holding Klee.

"Perhaps because they barely worked at all?" Zhongli raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, you two—" Venti's eye twitched.

Then, noticing Rukkhadevata, he grinned.

"Well, at least there's someone else here who's broke!"

Venti, being in a youthful form, stood slightly taller than Rukkhadevata.

Rukkhadevata shook her head.

"Once I recover enough, I'll return to rule Sumeru."

Venti's smile froze.

Zhongli, puzzled, asked, "Why the long face? Did you remember something sad?"

Even Zhongli could throw shade when he wanted to.

And this was him being restrained.

If the erosion on his soul were fully cleansed, even Lu Heng wouldn't dare imagine how unhinged he'd become.

As they chatted, Lu Heng set Klee down, and she immediately gravitated toward Rukkhadevata.

The Dendro Archon was just slightly taller than Klee.

Klee, fascinated by Rukkhadevata's ears, wondered if she was also an elf.

Their similar sizes made Klee feel like she'd found a playmate.

Rukkhadevata, too, found the cheerful child endearing and quickly had her laughing with just a few words.

Amid the conversation, Ganyu arrived with Golden House staff.

"Mr. Zhongli, the Mora has been counted and prepared," Ganyu said.

"Good." Zhongli nodded.

He personally handled the Mora transfer, savoring the rare experience of being the one to top up.

Ganyu stepped aside.

Lu Heng smiled. "Ganyu, you seem more energetic than usual today."

"I—I… um, I guess so!"

Ganyu fidgeted, her fingers twisting nervously.

The workload had been insane—not just for her, but for the entire Yuehai Pavilion.

Being the kind soul she was, Ganyu had taken on extra tasks to ease her colleagues' burdens.

She was starting to warm up to that potted plant (referencing her potential retirement).

Deal with the present first, then worry about my form later!

"Ganyu…" Zhongli looked at her. "Have you ever considered retiring?"

Ganyu froze.

Retire?

That was a word she'd never associated with herself.

Yet now, Zhongli was bringing it up.

For a moment, Ganyu was utterly lost.

If she retired… what would she do? Where would she go?

She had no idea.

The clear path ahead suddenly blurred, shrouded in fog, leaving her unsure of her next step.

Seeing her stunned expression, Lu Heng sighed. "Really? You bring this up now?"

"I… let my concern get the better of me," Zhongli admitted sheepishly.

Having just retired himself, he was thoroughly enjoying his new life.

Seeing how hard Ganyu worked—after millennia of service—he figured she too deserved to retire and enjoy herself.

But his timing couldn't have been worse.

Instead of comforting her, he'd sent her into an existential crisis.

"My apologies, Ganyu," Zhongli said gently. "I've seen your dedication all these years. I only meant that you shouldn't be bound by a contract forever. Take time to think about what you truly want."

"I… I'm not ready to retire yet," Ganyu murmured.

"Let's table this for later," Lu Heng interjected. "The main concern is your health. If your workload were lighter, Zhongli wouldn't have brought it up."

Zhongli nodded in agreement.

He'd never impose his will—this was merely a suggestion. The final decision was Ganyu's alone.

"For now… let's gacha," Zhongli declared.

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T/N:

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