Gacha Gacha Hero

“Come on in. Kick off your shoes. Put your jacket wherever you like.” said Vance.

“Uhhh…" Ash looked around the room. “There's no furniture in here.”

Ash, Luke, and Vance walked into what was presumably the living room of a second story apartment. Clotheslines crisscrossed the room. The lines were hung from windows, wall sconces, wire hangers, and wooden dowels attached to the walls. The clotheslines were draped with a huge variety of jackets, pants, shirts, and sashes. Any space that could be found in the small apartment was filled with hanging clothes.

“You live here?” asked Jack.

“I work here. I live out there, in the city.” Vance waved a hand at the window overlooking the street outside the apartment.

Jack peeked through the window. There was a large open air park across the street.

“What is that big space out there in the park? I see a raised platform and a lot of seats.” Jack said.

“That’s the amphy'theatre.” said Vance.

“Did you say amphitheater?”

“That's right, amphy’theatre”

Jack frowned. “That doesn't sound right…”

Vance stripped off his shirt. “As thanks for helping me get out of jail you can change your clothes here.” Vance looked over at Ash. “I also need to find a set of clothes for you when you help me break into the Ocean's Bounty. *Sniff* You might also want to consider a bath. You smell like a chimney. What's your size?” Vance held a pair of pants up to Ash.

“Children’s large.” said Jack over Ash’s shoulder.

“Adult medium!” yelled Ash. “I'm not a child.”

“Are you sure? Asked Vance. “I have a lot of children's sizes available, and I think that some of them might fit you…”

“Yes I’m sure!” Ash slapped Vance’s hands away.

“Let me see what I have in the back.” Vance rifled through a line of clothes.

Jack whispered to Ash.

Ash shook his head and gave Jack a flat stare.

“And what's wrong with my clothes?” Ash turned to Vance.

“Are you kidding?” Vance’s head leaned out from around the corner.

“Yeah, are you kidding?” Jack repeated.

“What? I like to dress comfortably, that's all. I don't need to dress like I'm attending a fancy dinner party.” said Ash.

“Sure, but there's also no reason to dress like you're mucking out the pig sty either.” said Jack.

“Give me a break. I’ve been on the road traveling.” Ash shoved a nearby clothesline.

“Have you been rolling down the road like a wagon wheel while you were traveling? Because you are very dirty.” said Vance.

Jack snickered.

“The two of you can piss off.” pouted Ash.

Vance pulled a ruffled shirt off of a clothesline. “It's important to take pride in your appearance. It's the first thing people notice about you. Even if you're a thoroughly unlikable sod, if you dress nice then other people won't notice until it's too late.”

“It's like he's speaking directly to your soul Ash.” said Jack.

“I was thinking the same thing, about you Jack.” said Ash.

*Bonk*

Vance threw a doublet at Ash's head. “Put that on. And you, Mayor boy…”

“Jack.”

“Jack. you can pick out whatever you like. You're covered in dead midges. Find something to wear back to the gambling hall if you need it.” said Vance.

Jack reluctantly stripped off his jacket and vest. He picked through some of the clothes that were hanging around the apartment.

“Hey Vance, are these costumes?” he asked.

“Why do you say that?”

“Some of these have multiple tailoring stitches. There's no reason to fit a shirt more than once unless multiple people are wearing it.” said Jack.

*Ka-Boom*

“What was that?” asked Ash.

“That sounded like an explosion from the amphitheater.” said Jack.

“Everyone get dressed!” said Vance.

“Is something wrong? I think I see smoke coming from the park.” said Jack.

A door *Slammed* down on the first floor of the apartment building.

“Put out the fire! I’m going to find a change of clothes!” A voice shouted from downstairs.

“Everyone act casual.” said Vance.

Jack and Ash, stripped to the waist, looked at each other, then at Vance.

Bede opened the door to the apartment. His hair was gelled and he was wearing thick eyeliner. Bede’s clothes were a colorful patchwork of different styles. Part of his sleeve was smoldering.

He stopped. He looked at Jack and Ash.

“Who are you?” Bede asked.

“We’re…”

“Actually, don’t bother. I can see Vance hiding behind a set of stockings. What are you doing Vance? Robbing my wardrobe again?”

“My name is on the lease too.” said Vance.

“No it’s not!” shouted Bede.

“Well, there is a name on the lease. And I was the one who signed that name. So…”

Bede pulled on a clothesline and released. The cord snapped back at Vance’s head. Vance ducked down and scampered across the room.

“That doesn’t entitle you to any of the materials that I keep here.” Bede shouted.

“So you want me to wander around town naked?” Vance feigned indignity.

“Don’t act like that’s beneath you. If I thought you had any shame I would throw you out right now. But I know that you would love the attention.” said Bede.

Ash sniffed the air. “I smell smoke. Did you cause an explosion?”

Bede put his hands on his hips. “It was a minor pyrotechnical flare up.”

*Ka-Boom*

Across the street there was another explosion. A fireball could be seen above the tree line. The windows rattled in their frames.

“It’s being dealt with.” said Bede.

“A pity that your performances can’t be as entertaining as your failures.” said Vance as the explosion died off.

“Where were you all afternoon Vance? Soaking in a wine barrel?” mocked Bede.

“As if you didn’t know. I was in jail.” said Vance.

“You mean your second home?”

“That’s right. I was reporting your fashion crimes to the authorities.”

“I pay the Guards not to arrest me. Something that you should learn to do too.”

“I am a prince in this city. I'm not going to pay for my privilege. If they're going to arrest me then they're going to have to live with that shame.” Vance crossed his arms.

“I'm sure having to suffer your presence is shameful enough for them. Did my aunt bail you out again?” Bede tore off his smoldering sleeve and threw it in a corner.

“I don't see what that has to do with anything.” said Vance.

Bede took a second look at Jack. “Hold on a second. Are you mayor Letterman's son?”

“Uhhh…” said Jack.

“How much has Vance told you?”

#

“You can borrow, I need to stress, borrow what you need for now. All of these are working costumes for my show.” said Bede.

“Are you two really roommates? You seem like you hate each other.” said Ash.

“Hate is too simple a word for the complexity of our animosity.” said Bede.

“Revenge!” shouted Vance.

“We’re not roommates. Vance is merely a cosigner on the lease.” said Bede.

“How did that happen?” asked Ash.

“I needed someone to sign the lease with me. Someone else who’s name would be on the paperwork, for tax reasons.” said Bede.

“Uh huh.” Ash nodded.

“So I hired a local advocate to find me a cosigner. I didn’t know it was Vance until it was too late.”

“I signed the lease with the name Expauldio Larkpenny, a clearly made up persona that a normal person would have noticed.” Vance chuckled to himself. “Thankfully my good friend Bede has more teeth than brain cells.”

“Using an alias makes you a criminal, it doesn't make you clever.” Bede flashed a menacing smile. “I’m still not confident it was entirely legal.”

“You would be surprised at the number of things you can make legal with nothing more than a signature.” Vance inspected his nails.

Ash tugged a jacket sleeve up his arm. “Is this jacket supposed to fit like this?”

Ash spun around. He was wearing a leather jacket that was covered in more buckles and zippers than was reasonable. The jacket zipped tight against Ash’s chest and exuded an aura of ‘Dangerous Tailoring’.

“Look at that Bede I found someone that can fit into your Constantine costume.” said Vance.

Bede sniffed. “Don’t distract me. I still need to, hmmm…”

Bede walked over and examined Ash. he lifted up one of Ash's arms and measured his wrist.

“It is a good fit. You are very skinny. You could probably fit inside a trap door really easily. Have you ever thought about performing in live theater?” asked Bede.

“I’m not really a people pleaser.” said Ash.

“That doesn’t matter. Most actors are unrepentant misanthropes.” said Bede. “If Vance could ever pull his head out of his own butt he might make a good stage performer.”

Ash adjusted the jacket. “I should have come to the city years ago. I’ve finally found other people as dramatic as meee!”

“What a wonderful revelation for you.” Jack snorted.

“You two aren’t doing anything are you?” asked Bede.

“Actually-”

“Good. Come with me. I need someone to help set up my lighting plot.”