Gacha Gacha Hero

The Disguised Panama Pilferer tried to keep his face from showing an obvious smile. He was sitting in one of the best spots in the contestant’s circle. He would be the next to last person to summon for this event. He would have plenty of opportunity to observe the other players and see what kind of pulls they got before making his own.

“Tourists. *Chuckle* They always get nervous when they get into a seat in the arena. If you want to win you gotta stay calm. Cool. Collected.” he said to himself.

He rolled the orange crystal gemstone across his knuckles.

The tourist in the nine seat summoned a glass decanter with a spout too short to effectively pour.

“Another lame summon. No need to rush.” he breathed calmly.

The tourist in the ten seat summoned a delicate porcelain cup and saucer… with a visible crack running all the way across the plate.

The Disguised Panama Pilferer raised an eyebrow to the bored server standing next to him with the empty platter. It was his turn.

“Showtime.” He said. “Nothing outstanding. No reason for me to throw the event with a bad pull for some extra pity tokens. Let’s finish this Event off with a bang.”

The spotlight illuminating the arena from the catwalk above moved over to his number one seat. The Panama Pilferer smoothed his false mustache and waved to the audience. The crowd cheered. He made a show of clutching the paid crystal tightly between his hands and concentrating. He let out a few *Grrrs* and *Arrrgs* to really sell it. Finally he pulled.

A fine china teapot decorated with images of birds in flight manifested in front of him. The watchers went wild with whirring wonder.

The Disguised Panama Pilferer sat back and tried to keep a smile from showing on his face. He gave a sideways glance at the young woman seated to his left in the number two seat. The girl picked up her crystal in her gloved hand. She hesitated.

The Disguised Panama Pilferer did his best not to smirk at her obvious hesitation.

She summoned. A glittering pearlescent tea set manifested before the Orchid Keeper.

#

“This is amazing! Did you see that? What an ending.” Luke shouted over the roar of the crowd.

“It’s all staged.” said Vance.

“Staged?”

“That’s right. Lady House always keeps a few extra ‘participants’ on hand in the back. They’re supposed to either win big or whiff their pull to build up excitement for the event.”

Luke frowned. “Oh. Are you sure that it’s not just an exciting game of luck?”

Vance pointed at a set of giant novelty dice that were hanging above them. “We’re in a gambling hall. What makes you think that luck has any sway here? You don’t get this rich relying on chance.”

“Aaarrrggghhh” Ash rolled around on the floor in an exaggerated fashion.

“Anyway. If you want any tips or tricks don’t hesitate to ask me.” said Vance.

“Thank you for the offer. I don’t think we’ll be staying long enough to take advantage of it.” said Luke.

“I know all the dark dirty little secrets of the Ocean’s Bounty. If you good guys need someone with the guilt to grift their graft then gather me up.” Vance winked.

“If only our security was as smart at keeping your slimy smirk from showing in our showroom.” said a voice from behind them.

Vance and Luke turned.

A young man about the same age and height as Vance was facing them. He wore a four pocket waistcoat and a silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His dark twill chinos were pressed. The hem of his pants, shirt, and jacket were decorated with golden thread in a daffodil pattern. His deep auburn hair was cut loose and bouncy. His lips were slightly more blue than red. An achiote paint tattoo could be half seen on his right bicep.

The Daffodil Scion looked past Vance at Luke. “You should be careful around Vance. He has a habit of underestimating everyone but himself.”

Vance leaned forward at the waist. “Bede? Is that you? I hardly recognize you when you’re not hiding behind your Aunt’s petticoats.”

“Aaarrrggghhh” Ash flopped like a fish.

Bede looked down at the groaning figure. “Who’s this Vance? Someone else that’s been exposed to more than five seconds of your personality?”

Vance sneered. “Hardly. I think he’s suffering because he spent more than five seconds eating your crappy buffet. “By the way, your shrimp, it’s frozen, not fresh.”

Vance pulled a paper bag back out of his jacket. He tossed it at Bede. The bag hit Bede in the chest. Shrimp tails spilled out all over the floor. Bede frowned but didn’t move.

“It’s only natural that a bottom feeder like you would consume that much shrimp.” said another voice.

Vance and Luke turned the other direction.

A young woman about the same age and height as Vance was facing them. She wore a dark corseted dress with a wide frilled skirt. Her light auburn hair was tied up in the back but hung loose around her bangs and ears. The loves of her ears were colored slightly more blue than red. She had on silk stockings and thick platform shoes with large buckles in the shape of handbells. A golden earring in the shape of a bell dangled from one of her ears. A red paint tattoo could be seen on her left forearm.

The Vesper Debutante looked down at Ash moaning on the floor.

“Really Vance, you might have no shame but our establishment has some standards.” she said.

She snapped her fingers. Two fishtailed servers stepped up and helped lift Ash onto his limp feet.

Vance made an exaggerated bow. “Privati, there you are. Would you prefer that I turn back around and face away from you? I know how much you love stabbing people in the back.”

“What a mess that would make Vance. I’m afraid that if I did stab you there would be more slime than human blood.” said Privati.

Vance presented his neck to her. “What’s the matter? Not to your liking? Oh! I remember. You only drink the blood of kittens and puppies isn't that right?”

Privati checked her nails. “How would you know? Your voice drives away animals in a one kilometer radius.”

#

Luke quietly took Ash by the shoulders and guided him away from the bickering trio.

“That was so strange. Every question led to another question.” said Luke.

#

“I can walk. I can walk!” Ash shouted.

Luke and Ash were slouched down in an aisle between two long rows of mechanical slot machines. The sound of spinning wheels and ringing chimes blared around them. Luke rubbed Ash’s shoulders.

“Are you sure? You were pretty dazed back there.” asked Luke.

“Yeah. Sorry. That whole Banner Event thing. It was a lot to try to sift through my brain all at once.”

“I know what you mean. This place is more bizarre than anything I could imagine. I hope that we can find Ave soon and get out of here.”

“I agree with that. I don’t care if I ever see this place again.” said Ash.

“Excuse me.”

*Tap*Tap*

A Blue Haired Lady holding a cane stood directly behind Ash. She was stuck behind them in the narrow aisle between the slot machines. She tapped her cane purposefully on the seafoam green carpeted floor.

*Tap*Tap*

“Oh, sorry.”

Ash scooted back. She shuffled forward.

“Excuse me.” She stood in front of Luke.

“Excuse me.” Luke replied. He stepped back.

She shuffled forward again. “Excuse me.”

“Uh, okay.”

Luke and Ash hopped backwards again. The Blue Haired Lady followed after them. “Excuse me.” she repeated.

Luke and Ash took a step, then her, then them, then her again. She followed them, step for step, down the aisle. Eventually Ash grabbed Luke by the shoulder and pulled him out of the aisle and into the larger room of the gambling Hall.

Ash stood at the edge of the aisle and gestured with both hands. “All clear.” he said.

The Blue Haired Lady walked out of the aisle, turned ninety degrees, and looked Ash right in the face.

“You’re still in my way.” she said.

“How is that possible!?”

“This is the path I take to the token machine. You’re in my way.”

Ash waved his arms at the open floor around them. “Then go a different way.”

“This is the way that I go to the token machine. You need to move aside so I can get to the machine.”

“Then go around me.” Ash insisted.

She waggled her cane at him. “I need more room!”

“There’s plenty of room. You can go a different way.” Ash hopped half a meter to his right then back to his original spot for emphasis.

“This is the way I go. To the token machine. Kindly move out of the way.” The Blue Haired Lady measured her response.

Luke slouched his shoulders. “Ash, maybe you should-”

“No, no, no. It’s the principle of it now.” Ash shouted back.

“But she’s so old.” said Luke.

“Old ladies be damned. I’m not moving.”

“Is there a problem here?” A voice devoid of nonsense emanated from behind Ash.

Ash and Luke turned.

An Inflexible Bouncer was standing behind them. She wore a midnight-blue suit with creases so sharp her shadows had beveled edges instead of curves. Her pink hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was exactly 125cm tall without her boots with wide hips and shoulders.

There was a two headed battle-axe strapped to her back by a leather harness. The head of the axe rested right below the nape of her neck while the handle hung right above the line of her waist. The actual blades of the axe were isosceles triangles. Each one extending out from the top and bottom as a smooth line before meeting at a ninety degree angle at the tip.

“Is there a problem?” The Inflexible Bouncer repeated.

The Blue Haired Lady looked at the Bouncer. “No problem. These young men were just moving out of the way.”

“No problem.” said Luke.

Luke looked at Ash. Ash refused to make eye contact.

Ash pursed his lips. “Actually! I was explaining the benefits of physical exercise for the elderly and how maybe she might like to change up her routine in order to experience something new. Isn’t that right?”

Ash leaned in close to the older woman. The Blue Haired Lady leaned in close to Ash. She *Tapped* her cane. Some powder drifted from her hair.

Ash took a breath. “Whoa! *Sneeze* That’s a strong fragrance you’re wearing. *Sneeze*”

Ash *Ka-Chooed* into his elbow, looked down at the green carpet beneath him, sucked some mucus into his throat, then spit it out onto the floor in front of him.

Everyone froze in place. Ash’s eyes went wide. He looked down at what he had just done.

Ash’s head snapped up to look at the Bouncer. “I uh… I’m sorry. I thought that was grass. I thought we were still outside.”

The Inflexible Bouncer smiled. All of the other Servers and Dealers in the room got suspiciously quiet. Tourists looked over in curiosity.

The Bouncer clapped her hands together. “It’s always nice to have such eager tourists here at the Ocean’s Bounty. We have so many activities that can help you burn off that excess energy.” she said.

“Right. Well, now that we’ve done that. I suppose we should leave.” said Ash.

“That’s right.” Luke agreed.

“We’ll uh… head on out then.”

Luke and Ash turned away from the Bouncer. A heavy hand landed on each of their shoulders. Ash’s knees shook. Luke visibly flinched.

“No, no. I can see that active young men like yourselves must be in a hurry. Why don’t I show you a faster way out?” The Bouncer said.

The Inflexible Bouncer turned the boys around and steered them to one side of the room.

“Chute” “Chute” “Chute” The crowd inside the Gambling Hall started chanting.

Ash whispered.

Luke whispered.

The stern grip of the Bouncer guided Ash and Luke to an open hole that was built into the floor next to the wall of the room. A velvet rope was strung up between several stanchions around the rim of the hole.

“What is this? A disposal pit?” asked Ash.

Luke pointed to the side. “No. I don’t think so. There’s a sign that says no foot or drink in the hole.”

“That’s right. We dispose of a different kind of garbage in this hole.”

The Inflexible Bouncer shoved.

Ash and Luke tumbled over the edge of the hole and fell into the chute.

The pink haired Bouncer shouted after them. “Enjoy your trip. Feel free to drop by again. HA ha hah.”

Everyone inside the room had a good *Chuckle*.