Gacha Gacha Hero

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I was thinking, that maybe, I could get a tutor.”

“You already have a tutor.”

“No. I mean a magic tutor.”

“Why would you want one of those?”

“It’s just… you know. I heard that if you have a magic tutor they can teach you how to summon. If you’re having a hard time.”

“Summons are random Vance. Magic tutors are a waste of money. They can’t teach people anything. They’re just taking advantage of people that have a poor grasp of statistics.”

“Yeah but…”

“I should hire you a statistics tutor. Get these silly ideas out of your head.”

“But then why do I… why do my summons…”

“What are you talking about Vance?”

“You know…”

“No I don’t. What is it?”

“Nevermind…”

“Listen to me Vance.”

“Yes mom?”

“You are naturally gifted.”

“But my summons don’t work like they should. I’m never able to pull the things that I’m trying to get.”

“Like I said, naturally gifted. Your gift is only different, that’s all.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. Now be a good boy. Your mother has to go to work so she’s going to leave you all by yourself in our huge mansion with only the servants for company.”

“Yes mother.”

#

“Welcome to the big city. My name is Vance.”

“I’m Bede.”

“You can call me Privati.”

“So you’re the cousins that Lady House has taken in under her wing. I don’t know why you both look like you were just kicked up a staircase. Lady House is the richest woman in the entire Kingdom. You two are going to be set for life.” Vance said.

“The bars of our cage might be solid gold but that doesn’t stop this place from being any less of a prison.” Privati sighed.

“There! That right there! You’re complaining about the cactus’ thorns but overlooking the juicy pulp inside.” Vance said.

“You like to hear yourself talk.” Bede said.

“I like to look on the bright side of things.” Vance threw an arm around Privati and Bede’s shoulders. “Listen, the fish doesn’t complain that it can’t fly and the bird doesn’t complain that it can’t swim. You two need to stop looking at all of the things that you can’t do and start appreciating all of the things that you can.”

Bede and Privati looked at each other. They frowned.

Vance smiled. “Listen to me, it’s your first day in the big city. Why not let me take you out and show you around town. Come on. I’ll show you all of the sights. It will be fun.”

“I don’t know. We’re only fourteen. Are we really supposed to be wandering the streets all by ourselves without any supervision?” Bede asked.

“You’re right, you’re right. It would be irresponsible. We don’t want to upset big mommy House. It’s fine. I’ll leave and the two of you can spend the rest of the day sitting quietly in your rooms while your expensive tutors list off all of the private lessons they’ll be teaching your for the next few months.”

#

“What do they call this?” asked Privati.

“This is boba. It’s a flavored tea that has spheres of tapioca added to it. Here you drink it like this.”

Vance pulled a thin layer of protective wax paper off of the top of his glass of tea. He then brought it to his open mouth, tilted the cup back, and started drinking as fast as he could.

“Why is the straw so large?” Privati asked.

“It’s so *Caff*Cough* you can *Gulp* shovel the tapioca balls into your mouth. Like this!” Vance started drinking even faster. He used the straw like a little boat oar to paddle tapioca into his mouth.

#

Vance used his elbow to push open the door of the Vehicle Showroom. He walked over to one of the display model carriages and stopped to examine it. He kicked the wheels. He tapped the illuminators with a finger. He ran his palm over the leather seat. Bede and Privati watched him from the edge of the doorway. Finally Vance turned to the Dealership Rep.

“I want to test drive this carriage.” Vance said.

“Sir, your mother, the Judge, already has a personal carriage at her disposal. I know this because we sold it to her. We perform maintenance on it. She has made it very clear that she only needs one vehicle for your household. Why do you insist on coming into our workshop?” The Rep asked.

“I have to keep up with the latest models.” Vance said.

“Wouldn’t you and your new friends be more interested in going to a store where they sell bicycles instead?”

“You’re right. My new friends.” Vance slapped his forehead. “You had better give us three vehicles to test drive today.”

#

Vance, Bede, and Privati sprawled out on the roof of the Ocean’s Bounty. Their clothes were covered with a cobbled collection of crumbs, clay, cheese, and chocolate. Far to the east the sun was setting behind the mountains at the edge of the Kingdom.

“How do you guys feel?” asked Vance.

“Exhausted.” Privati rolled over. “Do you spend every day like this?”

“Oh no. Normally I’m much more annoying.” Vance grinned.

“I find that hard to believe.” Privati smiled.

“What are they doing down there?” Bede pointed at the courtyard below them.

A group of workers were assembling a large brass cylinder.

“I think they’re setting up an arc-lamp. A really big one.” Vance said.

“Why?”

“Something about your Aunt wanting to light up the gambling hall at night so it’s as bright as day. It lets people gamble longer without getting tired. I don’t really understand it.” Vance shrugged.

The three of them laid back down.

The first bright stars began to twinkle in the sky overhead.

“It’s odd.” Privati said. “I thought we were going to get into trouble. Or at least more trouble.”

“If you thought today was trouble you haven’t seen anything yet.” Vance said.

Privati sighed. “No. I mean when we got back. I expected the maids or the manservants to say something, anything. But they all just went back to their chores. Even the bouncers at the entrance let us back in without telling Aunt House.”

Bede blinked. “You’re right. We weren’t supposed to go out. I thought they would yell at us. But they all looked kind of embarrassed instead.”

“Isn’t it great.” Vance said.

“What do you mean?” asked Privati.

“If you break one rule you get punished.” Vance said. “But if you break every rule then people don’t know where to start. It’s like my mother always says, if you’re going to break a law, keep going and break a few more. If you become a big enough criminal eventually no one person will have the authority to stop you.”

“That sounds crazy.” said Bede.

Vance itched his nose. “My mother said it’s called politics. Don’t worry, you two will get used to it very soon.”

“Will we?” Bede’s eyes went wide.

“I’m the son of the City Judge and you two are the wards of the richest woman in the city, by the moons, maybe the richest woman in the whole Kingdom. We might only be children but everyone gives us the same respect that they give our parents.”

“It’s like they’re afraid not to.” Privati said.

Vance nodded. “That’s exactly it. Welcome to my world. A world of doing whatever you want and facing zero consequences.” Vance smiled.

As night fell the three of them stared up at the stars and the space between.