Gacha Gacha Hero

The Rogue Philosopher pushed open the door to her house and shuffled inside. Her husband The Former Ferrier walked in behind her with a basket in his hands.

“Well that was unexpected.” she said.

“You really had no idea?” he asked her. “None at all?”

“I assumed I wasn’t getting enough exercise and was putting on weight.”

The husband rubbed the back of his neck. “Hmmm, but your diet didn’t really change. And you never noticed any missing days these past months?”

“I had assumed that I was only getting gentle visits from the moons. I considered it a blessing.”

“It was a blessing all right.”

The husband lifted his basket up and put it on the table. A newborn baby, warm and soft as cornbread fresh from the oven, was swaddled inside the basket.

“I certainly never expected to find out that I was pregnant.” said the Rogue Philosopher.

The Former Ferrier chuckled to himself. “I don't think I shall forget the Barber’s face when he realized you were quickening right there in the chair in front of him. And then the face of the midwife. She asked you for one big push and then that was it. She came right out.”

The wife untied her hair and loosened her bodice. “I barely had time to be nervous. This morning I had a stomach ache. At lunch I was pregnant. And now we have a daughter just in time for an early supper.”

She leaned over and lifted the bundle out of the basket.

“She’s not very big, but also not very little.”

She ran a hand over the baby’s downy hair.

“I think she’s just the right size.” her husband said.

“I wonder if she’s hungry?”

“Wah-” the baby suddenly cried, then stopped.

“I think that’s a yes.” the Former Ferrier said.

The Rogue Philosopher adjusted her bodice again.

“What a quiet baby.” she said.

“She’s not fussing at all is she?” her husband observed.

“No. She seems fairly content.”

The two of them watched the baby for a moment.

“Oh no. I’ve thought of something terrible.” said the wife.

“What is it my love?” said her husband.

“We don’t have a name for her.”

“To be honest we haven’t had a lot of time to prepare one.”

“What do we call her? What do we call our daughter? We have to think of something. We can’t have a baby with no name. What will the neighbors think?”

“Alright dear, rest a second. We’ll think of something. We can call her…”

“...”

“... eh, not a lot comes to mind does it?”

“No.”

The wife and husband stared down at the roundly flat face of their newborn daughter.

“Let’s see she’s very…” The husband trailed off.

“She has a…”

“Nothing comes to mind does it?”

“This is ridiculous. It’s an impossible task. I’ve never had to name an entire human being in one day. It can’t be done!” The Rogue Philosopher had tears at the corners of her eyes.

“Don’t worry. We will come up with something.”

“This is important. We can’t give our baby a stupid name.”

The Former Ferrier shrugged. “I mean, we certainly can. There are plenty of people that have done it already.”

The wife punched her husband in the arm. The husband had the decency to look ashamed.