Book 2 – Chapter 32c
Toshi's right eye kept twitching.
The rest of the group had started taking turns at the karaoke machine. They weren't bad. Toshi had never been a music snob, but for some reason, their tone-deaf performance was killing him. He could sense every single off-key note. It was driving him insane, and he knew this wasn't him. As he tried to strike up a conversation with Abi, a rather nervous-looking balding man wearing a nice suit walked up. He forced a smile as he wiped at his forehead with a tissue to remove the sweat, "Welcome to my club. I trust everything is meeting expectations?"
Abi nodded and nodded her head, "Oh, yeah. Love the flyer by the way." She gave a thumbs up.
The owner looked confused for a second, then shrugged it off, "Just wanted to announce that there was a contest. We have several prizes for the best performance of the evening, Fifty thousand yen for the top performer."
Toshi's eye twitched again, more violently this time. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. The room seemed to sway slightly, and the cacophony of singing voices only intensified the sensation. He glanced at the karaoke machine, its screen flashing lyrics that seemed to blur and shift. Abruptly everything snapped back into place.
Abi, oblivious to Toshi's discomfort, eagerly responded to the owner, "A contest? That's awesome! What do you think, Toshi? You should give it a try!"
Toshi forced a smile, trying to mask his unease, He was going to refuse when his mouth moved on its own, "Sure, why not?" He replied, with unexpected enthusiasm. Abruptly he stopped and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out where this was coming from.
The owner, looking visibly relieved clapped his hands. "Great! The contest will start in a half hour! Feel free to practice until then." He gave them a nervous smile before hurrying off to attend to other guests.
Abi walked up with Toshi to the machine and started to flip through the song lists, "Hey, how about this one? It's a duet?"
Toshi looked over her shoulder and frowned, "Uh... I don't know that one." He reached over to start scrolling through the options. None of the titles made sense. It was like he was having sudden onset dyslexia. He frowned deeper, "I don't know any of these."
Abi rolled her eyes, "You don't need to. They have the words on the screen. Nobody is good at singing, and that's the point. Tou have fun sucking at singing along with everyone else." She flipped along, "Ah here. A duet from one of my favorite artists..."
"Honey Whitefox."
They spent the next hour practicing, Abi's excitement infectious despite Toshi's growing unease. He didn't do well, as he couldn't concentrate. The other members of the party were engrossed in their own performances, oblivious to Toshi's distress, except for Ruri. She seemed to be having fun. She took to the stage herself and wasn't half bad. For some reason, the fact people could pay attention to her was causing a knot to form in Toshi's stomach. He felt like it was some sort of bad omen. Still, she managed to keep one eye on him at all times.
Meiko in turn kept an eye on Ruri. This helped to calm him down somewhat. For a moment, he felt this strange attraction towards her. He still felt strongly about Naora, but on another level he found her submissive side repulsive. It was disturbing because it was clear to Toshi that these preferences were not his own.
Finally, the contest began. The owner took the stage, his nervous smile plastered on his face. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our karaoke contest! Let's give it up for our first performers! As per the contest, the song will be selected at random.
One by one, contestants took the stage. The performances ranged from impressive to cringe-worthy, but the crowd cheered for everyone. Toshi's anxiety grew with each performance, his eye twitching from time to time.
When his turn came, Abi dragged Toshi to the stage and then backed off. The spotlight felt blinding, and the microphone seemed to amplify his heartbeat. He glanced at Abi, who gave him an encouraging smile, applauding as she backed away.
Toshi froze.
Seconds ticked by.
The owner's sweat cranked up to eleven.
Toshi suddenly turned to the technician off-stage and stepped over to him. Toshi pulled out his phone, "Hey, can you play..." He flicked his finger along the screen a few times then paused. Toshi handed the phone to the guy handling the equipment, "This one?"
The guy looked at the phone, squinted, then up at Toshi, "Uhhh... sure. But I can't put any words up on the monitor. I don't have this one on file."
Toshi just nodded, "Don't worry. I got it memorized. That version is the music without the vocals. I'll be fine."
The guy shrugged, plugged in the aux jack, and cued it up with a five-second delay. He gave Toshi a two-finger salute to indicate he should start.
A song that Toshi had reproduced from his original world started to play.
Single notes from a piano started, then slowly the chords became more complex as Toshi looked to where Ruri was sitting in the crowd.
"When I was... a young boy... my father took me into the city... to see a marching band."
"He said 'Son, when... you grow up... would you be the savior... of the broken... the beaten... and the damned?"
"Will you... defeat them... your demons... and all the non-believers... the plans that they have made?"
"Because one day... I'll leave you... a phantom... to lead you... as I go..."
"To join the black parade."
The music paused. Up until this point it had been slow and somewhat poignant. Now the rest of the 'band' joined in as the real hard-core rock started. The crowd was utterly absorbed by Toshi's performance as something became blindingly obvious.
This wasn't an amateur.
Toshi dug deep, letting lose something he had a hard time understanding, much less reaching. He was not just in touch with his creative side, but original Toshi's as well, for in that moment, he finally felt in synch with himself.
He wasn't singing.
Honey Whitefox was singing.
"Sometimes I get the feeling, he's watching over me."
"And other times I feel like I should go."
"but through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the street..."
"So when I'm gone, I want you all to know..."
Toshi paused as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see the original owner of his body standing there. It was obvious from the lack of everyone else's reaction that nobody else could see him. Dressed up in his platinum wig, a silver star over one eye, and a smile, Honey Whitefox leaned into the mike.
"To Carry On! Just Carry On!"
"And though I'm dead and gone believe me!"
"My memory will carry on! So carry on!"
"Our heart can't contain it!"
"tho' this anthem won't explain it!"
Sometimes in your life, you have that moment where everything clicks. Toshi was finally understanding why he was having such a hard time living this life he had taken over. He was a cold and logical person. A long time ago he had given up his childhood and moved on, coming to embody all that the left half of the human brain entails.
However, Honey Whitefox was a vibrant and creative soul. He may have had his problems, but he was the sort to live in the right side of his mis. Since Toshi spent all his life trying to wall that part of himself off, he had cut off access to the original Toshi as well. This was quite possibly the first time since he arrived that the new Toshi was truly communicating with the old.
"You sent your world reeling... with decimated dreams!"
"Your misery and loss will kill us all."
"So paint it black and take it back!"
"Just shout it loud and clear!"
"Defiant to the end, please hear the call!"
"To carry on... just carry on..."
As Honey kept singing, Toshi realized all the problems he had been having were because he was trying to fight against... being. He always HAD to think everything through. He HAD to analyze, organize, categorize, and put everything in a box. The Honey Whitefox wasn't trying to take over. He was trying to give him something.
Something Toshi had lost a long time ago.
"On and on carry through your fears!"
Honey Whitefox pointed and panned his finger across the crowd.
"Disappointed faces of your peers!"
He hooked a thumb at his chest.
"Well take a look at me! 'Cause I could not give ahhhhhh-"
It made no sense. He knew on some level, this was just playing out in his head. Yet somehow he leaned into the mike to sing a duet with himself, belting out with all the emotions he had been bottling up. He let all of his tension go and got lost in the music, discovering why this young soul loved to sing so much.
"Do or die! You'll never make us!
"Because the world... will never take our heart!"
"Go and try, you'll never break us!"
"We want it all, we wanna play this part!"
"We won't explain, or say we're sorry!"
"We're unashamed! We're gonna show our scars!"
Both stabbed a finger toward Ruri.
"We'll give a cheer for all the Broken!"
Both put a hand to their ear in perfect harmony
"Listen here! Because it's who we are!"
They both clutched their chests as they stared into the spotlight and Honey took over.
"Not a man, I'm not a hero!"
"Just a boy, who had to sing this song!"
Both looked at Ruri as they resumed their duet.
"But for you, I'll be a hero!"
"I."
"Just."
"Care."
Toshi reached deep and took over the song as he looked Honey Whitefox in the eye.
"I'll Carry On! I'll Carry On!"
"And though you're dead and gone believe me!"
"Your memory will carry on! I'll carry on!"
"You're broken but not defeated!"
"I'll just have to keep marching on!"
Honey Whitefox smiled back and nodded. He seemed to be fading as the song drew to a close. Toshi took the lead with Honey Whitefox singing backup. Toshi pounded his chest as he shouted defiantly at the world, as if challenging fate itself.
"Do or die, you'll never take her! (carry on...)"
"Because the world, will never take my heart! (carry on...)"
"Go and try! You'll never break me! (carry on...)"
"I want it all! I wanna play this part! (carry on...)"
"Do or die, I'll never give up! (I'll carry on...)"
"Because the world, will never take my heart! (You'll carry on...)"
"Go and try! You'll never break me! (Just carry on...)"
As the song came to an end, Toshi found himself alone on the stage.
"I Want It All..."
His words echoed to the far corners in the silence of the room.
Everyone sat transfixed by the raw emotion of his performance.
Toshi reached up to grasp for the light that shone down on him.
A spotlight so far away that cocooned him in a halo of warmth.
"I want to play..."
"This..."
"Part."
Then everything went white.