Falling Over

I blinked blearily up at the phone screen that was being used as a flashlight. Who the hell was shining that shit in my eyes.

“Can you please point that somewhere else? It hurts,” I mumbled.

“O-oh, Uhh-m. Yeah! S-sorry!” the soft cute voice stuttered back at me.

I swear I’d just heard that voice. It wasn’t Brook, which means I didn’t know the girl behind it. I squinted up through the dancing after image of her phone and realised with a start that the girl who had found me was Madeline, the really cute girl who had been arguing with the hypernerds. With a roar that I was sure she could hear, my heart kicked into max gear and floored the accelerator.

Opening and closing my mouth like a fish, I tried to speak, and managed to stutter out, “Uh, it-it’s fine. Um, How can I do for you? I mean, h-how can I do you?”

“Y-you want to do me?” she asked with a squeaking intake of breath.

“No! No! I mean, what’s wrong? How come you’re um, here?” I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks flush dramatically. Thank god it was dark.

“Oh no reason, I was just here to get away from the noise and some people,” she mumbled.

“Oh okay,” I nodded, understanding completely the need to get away from the mess back there.

“Can I, can I sit here with you? I mean, not with you but like… I mean yeah I guess it’s with you but like not in a weird way,” she blurted, her rapidfire word delivery drawing out that hidden accent of hers again.

She was so cute. Like, seriously heart stoppingly cute. Adorable. Urgh, I felt like a creep thinking that. I always felt like a creep when I got interested in girls. I knew I was straight, but the thought of them doing anything with my gross guy body was just not something I was interested in. It was confusing, how could I be straight and grossed out by being in a straight romantic or sexual encounter at the same time?

“I can, I can go if you don’t want me here,” she gulped when I didn’t reply.

“No no no, you can stay! Sorry! I’m really drunk right now. Words are hard,” I blurted.

I really hoped that my awkwardness didn’t drive her away!

“Gosh, me too,” she said with a nervous giggle, dropping unceremoniously to the ground.

Oh dear. Really close! She’d sat really close to me! One of her thighs was pressed against mine as she leaned back against the shed and it felt so intensely dirty. A wave of goosebumps travelled up my strange new body, but I didn’t move away either. The way my mind and body was responding to that innocent contact was making the world spin faster I swear. I couldn’t find any words to give her, and we sat in silence for a few minutes as the world around us went slightly crazy.

“You’re really pretty!” she blurted after we’d been sitting in silence for what seemed like a very long time.

“I-I’m what?” I asked, my mind spinning at her words. Pretty? Me? What on earth was she talking about?

“Ah! I mean, you’re just… I was thinking…” she babbled, stumbling over her words before trailing off like a balloon with a hole in it. How was she even making that squealing sound?

“Uh, uhhhh. Thanks! Sorry. I’ve never been called pretty before,” I told her sincerely.

Why did I feel so good about being called pretty? Great even? Oh no! Was my mind turning girly as well?

“How have you not been called pretty before?” she said in disbelief, “You’re like, totally um… really nice looking!”

I shrugged, feeling another blush bloom on my cheeks, “Don’t know… You’re the first person.”

“Oh! My, my name is Maddy. Uh, nice to be your first! How, how are you?” she asked tentatively.

Even though I knew what she meant, her saying she was my first still caused my heart to bump in funny ways.

“He-hello nice to meet you. My name is…” I started to say, then slowed, shit. I couldn’t tell her my name was Coby!

What sort of name should I have? What name would a girl have? Quick! Think of something!

“Elsie May!” I squeaked without thinking, then corrected, “I mean, just Elsie! My middle name is May…”

Where did that name come from? It had just burst from my mouth!

“That’s a pretty name too… gosh, you’re… gosh!” she breathed, looking over at me.

I couldn’t see much of her in the darkness, but I could see her messy hair and the glint of some light in her eyes. Something stirred inside me, a warm bubbliness that made me smile. I saw an answering smile play across her lips in the darkness, and we stayed staring at each other for a long while. I’d never been this close to a girl and felt… oh dear… attraction like this? Like sure I liked girls, but it was always theoretical until now.

With the realisation that I was interested in her, so too did my anxiety rise to stop the fun. I felt my throat close up and my palms suddenly felt really sweaty. What do I do? Do I try and talk to her about something? What if I say something weird or creepy? I really don’t want her to leave!

“I Uh, heard… you arguing with those people earlier, about the Emergence ruins I mean. You know lots about them?” I asked quietly.

“Oh! Yes! I mean no! Well, sort of. If I’m right, then I know a bit about them, but if I’m wrong then I don’t know anything,” she said, her voice rising in excitement. I think I hit on a subject she’s passionate about, I thought with a smile.

“Well, I’m doing a BA in Classics. I know, I know, jobs don’t exist and all that, but I just really like history, and that whole time period in particular!” she exclaimed, beginning to ramble, “Like this was civilisation rising up for the first time and really getting started! There’s so much to be fascinated about! The cultures of europe all clashing and mixing, their ideologies merging and changing! Gosh, and don’t get me started on architecture! They built some amazing things back then!”

Wow. I was seriously impressed. I wish I was studying my passion like her, regardless of what other people thought. She was seriously brave. I could only imagine what my parents would say if I tried to take a BA in anything. They’d lock me in my room. Maybe her parents were cooler than mine? Probably. You can’t get parents who are less cool than mine that’s for sure.

“Wow, that’s so cool!” I told her with a grin, “So you think the new ruins are from crete?”

“Yeah! They have a lot of similarities in their floor planning! It’s almost like they are an evolution of the architecture of ancient crete. Like imagine if they were the ones who conquered the world or something and their culture won over the others. That’s what our buildings would look like!” she told me excitedly, leaning closer to me.

“An evolution? Like Pokemon?” I joked.

“Well, I guess, if you were to be infinitely simplistic about it, but it is more similar to the way-” she started, but I cut her off with a hand on her forearm.

“No no, I was joking, I was joking! I get what you mean!” I giggled.

Wait, giggled? That was meant to be a chuckle! A manly chuckle!

“O-oh! Right,” she said, and I swear I could make out a blush in the dim lighting.

“I think you should keep looking into it! I wish I could follow my passion the way you do!” I implored enthusiastically.

“I will! I’m going to!” she grinned, then frowned, “Why? What’s your passion?”

“A-ahhhh, I’m studying finance,” I sighed. God I hated finance, it was so fucking dull and I was only just scraping through, though I told my parents I was doing far better than that.

“But it’s not what you want to do?” she asked in confusion.

I nodded sadly, “Yeah, my parents…”

“Oh. Yeah I see,” she said, looking down at the hand I had still resting on her forearm, “What is it that you want to do?”

As she asked this, she leaned further into me, her shoulder resting against mine. It felt almost hot, the way it burned my nerves, but I didn’t pull away. The strange buzzing I’d felt previously surged within me, like I was sitting in the passenger seat of an idling truck.

“I-I uhm, I want to…” I mumbled, trying to put words to dreams I’d only half voiced in my mind, “I like clothing, and making stuff. I’d like to me a fashion d-designer. Or maybe a costume designer for movies.”

“Wow! That’s amazing! Gosh you should change, your parents can’t legally stop you!” she told me with a serious frown.

“I can’t… I’m too clumsy, and I always have terrible luck with things when I try to do anything practical. That’s not even counting the stuff my parents can do to me, like kick me out of the house or withdraw their financial support altogether,” I said, trailing off to a whisper as the hopelessness of my dreams edged in closer in my mind.

But wait, I was a girl now! Maybe my terrible luck was gone?

“I think you should change your major and just not tell anyone!” she bubbled, her face lighting up with a mischievous grin, “If you intercept any letters and stuff, your parents won’t even have to know! They’ll just see you going to uni!”

“No that’s too risky, I’d-” I started, then stopped when I realised something again. My parents wouldn’t even recognise me the way I am now. Shit, what was I going to do? I felt my whole body tense up in anxiety. The blood drained from my face and I felt my heart thudding as it pushed unwanted adrenaline through my system.

Thinking her idea had scared me or something, Maddy awkwardly put an arm around me, “Hey, you don’t have to! It was only an idea I’m sorry!”

Her one armed side embrace seemed to have a calming effect, and I leaned in to her and put my head on her shoulder. Doing so caused my still alcohol addled brain to dance a merry swirling jig on top of my sense of balance, and I fell head first into her lap.

“I’m sorry!” I exclaimed, my voice muffled as I tried to wriggle my way back off her.

She giggled nervously, “Yo-you’re okay. You’re still drunk and so am I!”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” I laughed, finally getting myself to face upwards at her.

“I have a pretty girl in my lap,” she said dreamily to the sky.

“A wha- Oh! Yeah... me, right,” I mumbled, blushing yet again.

“Oh my god! I said that out loud! D-damn! I hate being drunk! I say the dumbest things!” she exclaimed.

She was adorable. I wished I was still a guy so this would be more than some weird spontaneous friendship thing. Not that she’d have reacted the same. She probably would have turned around and run the other way if she’d found Coby the lanky nerd behind the shed alone. As a guy I was ugly and gross. Not really someone you wanted to see alone in a dark corner.

Those thoughts brought me to a question, who was she seeing in her lap? I had no idea what I looked like anymore. I hadn’t had a chance to look at myself in a mirror or selfie camera. She said I was pretty? I was having trouble grasping at all the thoughts that needed to be addressed.

Closing my eyes, I tried to think clearly. I’d emerged, that much was certain, and I was at least human enough to seem like a regular girl to Maddy. That was a relief at least, because I’d heard of people with unmistakably inhuman features, from catgirls, to people with scales, and even entire animal or beast transformations. Those people always got the worst of the bigotry.

Oh shit, did I have powers now? That would be a mixed blessing for sure… but the real, immediate problem, was that I didn’t know what to do right now. My parents would never let a random girl into their house, and they’d be even less inclined to allow me in if they realised I’d emerged into a girl. That was like some sort of cocktail of bigotry I really didn’t want to see them bring to light. Dad wouldn’t even know where to start being outraged.

I need somewhere to go while I figure this out, which means I need to find Brook. Sadly, Maddy’s lap is really cozy and safe. I’d like to stay here a while longer. She was a great person, this girl I’d just met. I wished… well I wished she’d met me as a guy and we’d gotten along like we were now. Instead I was stuck as a girl where I was off the menu.

“Maddy?” I asked softly.

“Hmmm?” she mumbled sleepily.

“I need to go and find my friend and go home,” I whispered sadly.

“Okay that’s fine, I should do the same thing,” she sighed, looking down at me.

“I guess I should, um… get out of your lap now,” I giggled.

“Only if you want to,” she giggled right back.

What does that mean? Of course I want to stay in her lap! She’s so flipping cute!

“Okay… I hope my balance is back, here goes!” I grunted, sitting back up.

My balance was indeed back, and I was able to stand all the way up, albeit with a little wobble to my step.

“You did it!” Maddy laughed, trying to clap her hands but missing.

“Yeah! Do you want a hand up?” I asked, trying to be a gentleman, or was it gentlelady?

She nodded, her head dipping up and down a little drunkenly, but not as bad as she would have been before. I offered my hands to her with a grin, and she took them, and we worked together to get her upright as well.

Standing there, we stared into each other’s eyes in the darkness. We were the same height, which elicited a strange feeling within me, an affinity with her that I couldn’t put a word to. I shifted slightly, and realised her hands were still held in mine with a start. I looked down at our clasped hands, and she followed my gaze, her eyes widening slightly.

Dropping them like I’d been shocked, I coughed and looked down at my shuffling feet, “It was really nice to meet you Maddy, I um- I enjoyed talking to you.”

“Y-you too! I mean me too! I mean, I liked meeting and talking to you,” she said, biting her lip, “Um, I suppose we might not see each other again…”

Oh gosh, that lip bite. It did strange wondrous things to my new body.

“I hope we do… you seem cool,” I said nervously.

Is this the part where I ask for her number? Shit how does this work?

“Can I add you on facebook or something?” she blurted, before I could get the courage to say anything.

“Uh-uhm,” I stammered, stalling for time. Fuck. My facebook was old, unused, and in my guy name.

“What about phone number?” I asked, pulling my phone out of my now baggy jeans and sifting through my contacts for my own number.

“Yeah! That works,” she grinned.

We exchanged numbers, and when we were done she clutched her phone to her chest with a sunrise smile. What a cool person, even to have as just a friend. I had no idea how my life was going to turn out tonight, but I was optimistic, having just met such a great person.

“Um, I guess I’d better get going,” I mumbled sadly.

She nodded, “Yeah, I guess so.”

We then both turned and walked back towards the party, which seemed to be in superposition between winding down and utter chaos. We gave each other awkward little waves, then went our separate ways. I turned after I had taken a few dozen steps to look back, and found her doing the same. Looking down, I blushed and tried to hide my smile, although I couldn’t figure out why I was reacting like this. I turned back and headed towards the room I figured I’d find Brook in, the kitchen. She loved her free alcohol.

As I walked, I noticed a rising sensation within me, and realised the buzzing feeling within me was growing, as though I had a thousand hummingbirds beating their wings in chorus within me. I slowed as the buzzing rose to a shuddering crescendo that permeated my entire body. Then I shook with a violent snap of energy within me and the buzzing stopped. It was like my body had become focused and cohesive. Organised and chaotic at the same time. I stumbled, my balance failing me in the moment.

Instead of falling, something odd happened. I almost stumbled into someone, only to twirl out of their way in a flourish that was almost a dance move. When I came to a stop, I was breathing hard and staring at the person I had almost hit. Oh, no way, it was Brook! She stared at me, then at the hand I had on her soft forearm for balance, her eyes wide in surprise, and was that wonder? Why was she looking at me with that look?

“B-brook?” I asked tentatively.