Falling into the Abyss

Ethan held onto Samuel’s body, which was gradually turning cold, and his heart was filled with a type of hollow pain.

Yet again, he lost someone important to him.

His ties to this world were shrinking, and these bonds were breaking off one by one, making him feel as if he was in a dream.

The sound of burning fire, explosions, the slithering sound of the humanoid worms approaching him, and the screams of the Lord Grace’s Association’s believers all became meaningless echoes in his ears. It was as if he was separated by a thick layer of cotton, and nothing could attract his attention.

He felt very sad.

He didn’t even know why Samuel entered the Forbidden City. Although they were friends, he knew almost nothing about Samuel.

He never asked Samuel any questions about his childhood life, his boxing experiences, what music he liked to listen to, or who he admired most. Similarly, Samuel did not ask him these questions either. This seems to be an unwritten rule in the Forbidden City. People would not get to know each other and become friends like ordinary people outside the city, as if they were afraid to connect life inside the city to life outside the city. Ethan also always thought that such things were personal, it was impolite to ask, and that they would always have a chance to get to know each other in the future.

As a result, though they lived together in the city, had gone through life and death together, and had experienced despair and pain together, he still knew nothing about him in the end.

Ethan gently placed Samuel on the ground. In the midst of the crowd running around him, the hot air blew against his hair. He closed Samuel’s eyes gently and wiped the dirt off his cheek with pity. This Omega had it tough all his life. He didn’t want to bow to anyone or yield to fate. No Alpha had ever dominated his destiny, and no one had ever seen his inner despair and vulnerability. Even Ethan never saw it. Therefore, he never realized Samuel’s heart was eroded by hatred and pain and didn’t see his soul slowly fragment.

Ethan leaned down and printed a kiss on Samuel’s forehead. Then, he slowly stood up. He saw Little Rafael gently cuddle up to Samuel with some attachment. Its body curled up, surrounding Samuel’s body as it protected him like a wall. Ethan didn’t know whether it was the male giant worm’s natural desire to protect the giant worm queen who was about to be born from Samuel’s corpse, or Schneider’s soul, which continued its life in the worm’s body, was taking care of his former lover tenderly and sadly.

Tanisiel stood, looking at him through the hazy smoke, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Ethan grabbed the hand and murmured, “You’re all I have.”

Tanisiel did not speak but pressed his hand down slightly on his shoulder.

When Chen Zeng died, the over 1000 men who gathered fell apart. They rushed about like headless flies into the ruins of the city, into the black tide of the humanoid worms. Some of them were paralyzed in despair and kept on chanting their prayers, praying for God’s forgiveness. Ethan looked at all of them and felt very tired. Now, in this universe, apart from Tanisiel, there was nothing he missed.

He turned and left the city in a daze. Behind him, Little Rafael let out a long cry, as if to say goodbye to him. He was about to take the newly born queen underground and create their new kingdom in the depths of the earth.

Countless humanoid worms wriggled beside him and Tanisiel. They seemed to be floating in a black ocean and were unconsciously rushed to the other side of the unknown. He arrived at a tall sand dune. At his feet, countless bloated black insects were worshiping him. The sky was dark, and only a golden dawn appeared on the distant horizon.

Ethan looked at the barren planet and the countless insects crawling at his feet and suddenly did not know where he was.

“Come with me,” Tanisiel said, “I have a spaceship. Let’s get out of here and go to Moania.”

Moania, the distant paradise without any scruples of secularism.

Could he really go there? Could he really forget what happened here and go there with Tanisiel? He looked back, green eyes filled with a trace of hesitation. The priest lifted his hand from his shoulder and placed his palm on the back of his head, gently rubbing it. He tilted his forehead forward slightly until it was resting against Ethan’s and said, “Let the Earth Union and the gods of Disorder scram, and we can live together there.”

Could he really do that?

Could he really be happy?

“But……I’m a monster……” Ethan closed his eyes, and his voice trembled.

“Being a monster is subjective. In my opinion, they are the ones who are monsters.”

The year he spent in sleep was like a flick of a finger. When Ethan was awoken by the mainframe, he was not even sure whether he had just fallen asleep or woken up. He was slowly awoken by the mainframe’s gentle voice, and a mechanical arm extended to massage his limbs that had not been used for a year, making him sigh comfortably. He put on his bathrobe and saw that the sleeping capsule next to him was empty. An ominous fear suddenly caused a chill to spread all over him. He ran out of the sleeping capsule in a panic and barefoot, not taking the time to put on his shoes.

He yelled Tanisiel’s name in the empty corridor, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He felt helpless and afraid, not appearing like the man who was feared by the entire Earth Union at all. His hands and feet were cold and shaking as he looked from room to room. Just when he was aware that he had entered the lounge, he heard a familiar voice, “Ethan? What’s the matter with you?”

He turned his head and saw Tanisiel, who seemed to have just taken a bath, with a bath towel around his neck and a cup of coffee in his hand.

Ethan suddenly experienced the entire process of reincarnation, from death to rebirth. He rushed over and hugged the priest, nearly knocking the coffee cup out of his hands. The priest held his body in a hurry and looked at Ethan, who suddenly threw himself into his arms with such enthusiasm. However, he seemed to understand something and gently rubbed Ethan’s hair. “Alright, aren’t I here?”

Ethan sniffed him, waiting for his disobedient heartbeat to gradually ease down. His body was still shaking, and he didn’t know if it was because of the cold. He forced himself to let go of the priest, but Tanisiel refused to let him go. “Why are you shaking? Is it cold?” It seemed that Tanisiel wanted to warm Ethan with his own body temperature, and his gentle touches made Ethan sigh contentedly.

“I’m fine,” Ethan whispered.

Tanisiel let him go, taking off his robe and placing it on Ethan’s shoulder before asking him, “Do you feel uncomfortable?”

Ethan shook his head.

“Hungry?”

“I don’t seem to feel hungry anymore……”

“You might not be hungry, but do you want to eat raw meat?”

“It doesn’t matter. I already guessed that it would happen, so I’ve got some on the ship.” Tanisiel shrugged unconcernedly, and suddenly, with an air of grace, he made a gentleman’s salute to Ethan with one hand in front and the other in the back. “So, Mr. Eldridge, would you like to have dinner with me?”

Ethan couldn’t help laughing. He sniggered, unable to remember the last time he laughed in this way.

For the next few days, Ethan experienced the happiest time of his life.

They were the only two in the spaceship, and they were just like lovers who had just fallen in love. They cooked together, watched movies together, and gazed at the vast starry space outside. He told the priest about his childhood, treated his memories of being locked in the closet by his father as a joke, and hummed his mother’s favorite tune. Tanisiel would hold him from behind, chin on his shoulder, and listen carefully, occasionally touching his arm as if pitying him.

The ship landed at the port in Moania. It was a very primitive and beautiful planet and was strikingly similar to Earth in its early years. It was covered with lush plants everywhere, and the water was still an unpolluted indigo. People there were still on wheels, and strange-looking animals often appeared in the roadside forest.

Tanisiel took him to the seaside, where there was a small house with a red roof. In the distance, the peacock blue sea swayed its plain white skirt, and the seagulls were flying and singing in the sky. In the distance, where the edge of the sea sat, a huge red sun was slowly sinking, and the purple clouds in the sky rolled forward like gossamer, forming an extremely beautiful sight.

Ethan stood in front of the hut in a daze.

“This is our new home,” Tanisiel said with a smile, “Do you like it?”

Ethan didn’t move, as if he was stunned. After a long time, he finally murmured, “I like…”

Tanisiel took the lead and opened the snow-white door. He looked back at Ethan, and his smile was as moving as the sunset. “Come.”

But Ethan shook his head.

Tanisiel was stunned. “What’s the matter?”

Ethan looked at him with an absent-minded look, as if he had lost his soul.

Tanisiel frowned slightly. “Don’t you like it?”

“I like it…” Ethan’s voice was filled with despair for some reason, “But…it’s not real…”

Tanisiel’s expression became a little stiff at this moment. He blinked in confusion and looked at Ethan.

“Did you know that when I was younger, I once imagined that I had a house built on the seashore, just like this one, and it also had a red roof and white walls.

Tanisiel was more confused. “Isn’t this great, then?”

“All this is what I want……what I imagined…….but……” Ethan closed his eyes in agony and despair. “Moania has no seagulls.”

After he said that, all of a sudden, all the sounds from the sky and the earth went silent.

In front of him, Tanisiel suddenly stopped moving. He seemed to have become a doll and looked at him with a sort of dull look in his eyes.

Then, everything began to melt.

Tanisiel, his Tanisiel, melted like a wax figure in front of him into a pool of indistinguishable flesh-colored matter. And the house, seemingly built by frost, suddenly shattered and collapsed.

Everything between the sky and earth became as false as the setting of a movie. Ethan felt that it was hard to breathe. He covered his throat with his hands and struggled to stabilize his breathing.

How could it be, how could it be? For so many days, the vivid times of them leaning on each other, the carefree talks and laughter, clearly felt so real.

He turned around and saw everything.

In the misty fog, a huge and ugly monster seemed to support the whole world. Where a head should have been, a very terrifying hideous red tentacle waved in the sky.

Nyarlathotep, whom he had been searching for for a long time, finally appeared.

“My stupid child,” an old and sinister voice resounded in his mind, “Didn’t you like the dream I weaved for you?”

Everything in that illusion was something he had dreamed about previously. It was made up of the wishes buried in his subconscious mind, and everything he saw happened in his head. He spent a year in his consciousness.

At this moment, Ethan was facing too large of a setback. There wasn’t anything more cruel than making Ethan’s dreams come true, making him feel happy, and then telling him that everything was fake. He lost the courage to fight with his so-called “biological father.”

He slumped to the ground, black tears sliding down and forming tear tracks across his face. “Why…why…”

“I wanted to make it easier for you to stay here forever with the people you love.” The voice asked, “Why struggle?”

“Why……I planned to promise you……why!!” Ethan yelled unwillingly. He wanted to release his tentacles, but he found that he couldn’t move.

The voice said in his mind, “Silly boy, do you think everything will be fine if you agree? There is still hope in your heart. Under such circumstances, if you let the core of the universe descend upon you, your spirit will be torn to pieces, and your death will be extremely painful. Therefore, I wanted to weave a beautiful dream for you, so that your spirit could hibernate here forever and live the life you dreamed of. You could be with the people you wanted, while at the same time, the core of the universe would occupy your body.”

He seemed to be disappointed with his child, but this turned Ethan’s original despair into anger. He struggled to stand up and yelled at the huge ancient god, “You bastard!!! You took Tanisiel away!!! You give him back to me!!!”

Ethan faced the silence of the Crawling Chaos, who acted as if he did not hear Ethan’s shout.

Ethan clenched his fist and said, “As long as you let him come back, I’m willing to accept the core of the universe!”

A sigh came from the distant sky.

A sigh crossing time and space.

“My poor child. Tanisiel is not in my hands. He’s disappeared into the universe, and there’s nothing I can do. Your only chance to meet him again is after the fall of Azathoth. But at that time, you will no longer be able to feel his existence.”

Ethan was stunned, but he refused to believe it. He knew that Nyarlathotep was the god of trickery, and he did not believe his words.

“You lied to me! I saw it! I saw those hands take Tanisiel away!!!!”

“If I had him in my hands, would it be necessary to deceive you with those illusions?” The giant figure began to fade away, but his regretful voice still shook Ethan.

“My child, you have rejected the path of hope that I gave you. Now, there is only despair left. What’s the point of living like this if you don’t care about this world anymore?”

As the sound dissipated, Ethan opened his eyes.

He was still standing on the sand dune. At his feet, countless bloated black insects were worshipping him. The sky was dark, and only a golden dawn appeared on the distant horizon.

Time had not passed.

He turned his head. There was no Tanisiel behind him.

Tanisiel would never be there again.

At last, he had nothing.

The author has something to say:

Finally, I temporarily finished my homework. I hope I won’t be too sick this week……

So, there are about 10000 words to the end of the novel~ thank you for supporting me all the time. Although this novel is very cold, I don’t feel cold with all of you. I’d like to dedicate my heart to you guys again~~~