Chapter 31: Ghostly Sexy Adventurer Mercenaries
"I feel bad about how we just ditched Hamlord without helping out. We should go back and help them," Gabi, a girl Harvard seemed to ignore no matter what she wore, intently watched Hamlord get surrounded by Loonie and his powerful goons.
Harvard was extremely good at dodging the mercenaries incoming attacks, but was losing Vitality just fast enough that he stood a chance of dying. This was because they had him trapped like a girl with thick pink handcuffs on her wrists in a small circle with many women around him. "Kite Thunder," Gabi said with a dagger clutched between her hand. "we should go back and make sure Hamlord dies a miserable death! He's growing too strong! Soon, he'll be an unstoppable force that no one can conquer! He already killed 5 Ghost Adventurers!"
"Nah, too much effort," Kite Thunder replied and shook his head. "Besides, he's the father of Candy Kid. That kid is already level 50. I'm not messing with him."
"Oh, so you're a coward now Kite Thunder? I'd attack him myself, but I stubbed my toe at the candy store." Gabi recalled how Harvard had cut her in line the other day and frowned. She tried to ask him to go back to her hotel room to help her wrap her toe up, but he said he refused the quest! She wasn't offering him a quest, she was trying to get him to pay for his misdeed! "It's a shame you're such a coward. That loser deserves to die."
'Why do they all want to kill me!' Harvard's second biggest problem at the moment the was long range damage dealers firing from bows, or tossing spears, or rocks.. But his real biggest problem was the beautiful and curvy bouncing bodacious women that attacked him from just far away enough that he had a full frontal shot of their gorgeous bodies. They all wore a variation some type of pink skirt with black leather short warrior skirts with white stockings on their legs. When they attacked, it felt like he was fighting an army of poorly managed models on a runway show! He had trouble hitting girls when they looked so attractive and had no idea how to use their weapons! They needed some training, and he smacked away a sword and nodded his head. "I-I have a real duty to complete this Quest! Anyone that gets in my way shall perish that really deserves it!!"
Swoosh!
[You have incapacitated Sexy Adventurer Number 5 (NPC)]
[You have incapacitated Sexy Adventurer Number 6 (NPC)]
Harvard had to admit the naming convention for mercenary NPCs was a little bit strange, but he enjoyed attacking them.
Slash! He cut through their armor a little bit and revealed all their unimportant parts like their legs, arms, and thighs because obviously attacking the more bouncy areas wouldn't do damage!
Plop!
One after another Sexy Adventurers started to fall onto the floor with their grey armor falling off their bodies! A few started to shiver in fear while Harvard ran passed them and nearly blew off their remaining clothes. Luckily, they only had on short t-shirts underneath, so they weren't cold from the breeze.
"He's too fast! He's taking out all our long range DPS!" The woman next to Opal, Grenda, pulled out a cheap looking bow and put an expensive looking gold arrow on it. It seemed kind of backwards, like shouldn't the bow be more expensive than the arrow?
Harvard and her made eye contact and sparks flew because Hamlord punched a tank in the throat and sparks flew out of his mouth. He then kicked him three times in the gut, jumped in the air, and slammed his head into the ground while dodging ten arrows!
Swoosh!
'Hah, you may be fast for a Class 1, but I'm about to show you how fast of a girl I am when I meet a new man!' Grenda pulled back her bow and felt the string of the bow start to break. She then fired the arrow, and the bow broke. "Hoho! That one use bow will eventually make a killing on the market! Now die, Harvard!"
Boom!
Harvard grabbed a Phantom tanks neck and gently moved him over before an arrow went through ihs head and he died.
[Grenda has killed a member of her own party by accident!]
[She has been cursed by his evil spirit! Her stats have decreased by 10 percent!]
'Ouch,' Harvard almost got hit by the arrow, but luckily the man had a fat head, so it stopped an inch before his face. 'Now, all that leaves is 10 more mercenaries and Loonie's Guild!'
"I'm out of here!"
"Screw you, Grenda! You killed my husband with that golden arrow! Make a more expensive bow!!"
"He was also my brother you cheap woman! I hope he cheats on you more than he already is!" Another NPC slammed her silver sword down onto the floor and turned around while fixing her torn dress. She took a pause then clutched at a card in her pocket that her phone number on it. Luckily, it hadn't fallen out of the pants that had got cut in half and fallen to her feet. "Please call me sometime if you need a free massage, okay?" She said and then bolted with her pants dragging behind her.
'That's kind of funny,' Harvard tried to get serious, and turned to Loonie and then turned at Grenda. She looked at him and tried to pull out a chipped silver sword while Loonie seemed to grow bigger in Harvard's vision.
'Wow, he will be a tough opponent. I can see his confidence!'
Loonie trembled in disbelief at Harvard. He thought he'd be like a fairly difficult C quest, but killing him had to be at least an A Quest! His guild could only complete a B quest at most! What the hell was he supposed to do?
"I still have my traps," Loonie looked down at his foot. He stepped on a bear trap. "Ouch, I forgot I was standing here so he would fall for my trap."
"Ah! I'll kill you!" Grenda rushed towards Harvard with a cheap looking sword. She had this thing about one use items! "My husband worked hard to kidnap Opal! It's only fair that you stay still and die!"
Swoosh!
[You have successfully stolen Grenda's one use sword.]
[You have successfully stolen her silver leg armor.]
[You have successfully stolen her silver eye contacts!!]
"Ah!" I can't see now!" Grenda fell down on her knees and started to beg in front of Harvard. "Please! Don't kill me! I give really cheap massages on Wednesdays! You can come anytime! 10% off at the auction house! You want to marry my sister?"
"Return Opal back to Count Silvester! Give me your gloves too!"
"Yes! Thank you! Spank me if you want, but don't punish me anymore!" Grenda slightly tilted up her butt, which just had on single use black stockings with a mark that said tear here. "I-I just want to live! Please!"
[Quest Complete: Silvia's hot sister has been kidnapped!]
[You saved Opal from the hands of Grenda and her evil husband, the Blood Singing Noble! She has offered you a noble title, and you had no choice but to accept! She says she will be willing to give you cheap massages every Wednesday! However, only a 5 percent discount!]
[Reward: You've gained a Noble Title in Central City and will now be able to accept rare quests, Count Silver's Gratitude, and a discount at all Tavern Fist Bar Chains across the planet!]
'He-he offered me a different reward. What-what happened to the real reward?'
[You have slapped Grenda's butt!]
'Hmmm, no rewards in there right now," Harvard sighed and turned to face Loonie's guild.
A large crowd of bystanders had shown up to watch and a dust weed rolled by like in a western movie except it was a white dust weed. Harvard smiled and pointed at May Tape in the window.
"She's mine! We pushed the beds together! We made the beds bounce together!"
"Hoho, you may have defeated them, but how are you going to get her?" Loonie stood in the center of a field of traps, there was no way Harvard could get through and fight him! He held tightly to his silver sword and slightly shivered. There might have also been some pee, but he could still win!
"We do what we do against bosses," Loonie cleared his throat. "Coyote, you chase after him, and Bugs use your arrows to keep him in one place. I'll put traps around him and then he won't be able to move unless he can jump over 20 meters."
"Let's do it!" Coyote had on a set of brown furry armor for a Fur Tank. He had a really muscular frame, but was really fast. "I'll keep him occupied!"
"Like hell I'd let you surround me!" Harvard jumped into the air.
He could see Loonie's eyes shinning, but he had Ultimate Tracking! He could see dozens of boxes appearing over the traps!
[You've detected a stun mine]
[Level 30]
[Step on this and you'll be frozen on place.
And
[You've detected a hidden spear]
[Level 28]
[Step on this and a spear will shoot you in the gut.]
And
[You've detected a hidden treasure chest]
[Loonie's property]
[Contains information about his mother that he wants to keep secret!]
'Why would he put that there in his yard! His mother wouldn't be happy with him!' Harvard stepped on the hidden treasure chest which had an obvious 'X' on it and then jumped again over to the hidden lunch!
Loonie looked on in disbelief! Who betrayed him! Who told him the path?
"Coyote! Go fight him!" Loonie coughed. "You know the traps here better than anyone."
"But I always go out the back," Loonie watched Harvard dodge dozens of flying arrows and shook his head. "Come on, man. What if I fall into the frozen lake trap?"
They made eye contact and there was a slight pause for silence. Maybe to mourn his death, maybe for understanding. Coyote then yelled and jumped right onto an exploding mine!
Boom!
Harvard shot back and crashed into the green picket fence around the property and then fell down onto the grass.
-100, -300, - 500, - 200
He got hit in the ass with an arrow and screamed and jumped back up! Did he just kill his tank so he'd take damage!
"We got him right where we want him!" Loonie ran forward! "Charge!"