Even Zombies Have Fandoms

Chapter 51

Despite Muyoung’s denial, Seokjae still seemed unable to regain his spirits. He let out a faint sigh before speaking.

“It’s hard to explain in detail… but seeing you today reminded me of something that happened before.”

“Ah.”

“That person also said ‘sorry’ and left, just like you. Without asking for help. I wonder why.”

Seeing Seokjae frown as if it was painful to talk about, Muyoung could guess that this unknown “person” had probably died. Unintentionally, he had not only triggered Seokjae’s trauma but also caused him to have nightmares.

Muyoung was struck speechless with guilt.

“You won’t do that, right?”

Seokjae stared at Muyoung silently for a moment, then grabbed the back of his neck with one hand to fix his gaze on him before asking.

“You said you trusted me. If you trust someone, shouldn’t you cling to them in any situation? Right? Don’t make decisions on your own and leave. If you do-“

“Hyung. Please calm down for a moment.”

Muyoung hurriedly called out to him, noticing that the heartbeat he felt from their touching bodies was getting faster and faster. At the same time, he realized Seokjae’s breathing was becoming rough.

“…I’m sorry. I’m doing it again.”

Seokjae hesitated, then composed himself as if he had come to his senses, steadying his erratic breathing.

‘He keeps saying he’s crazy, is he really going crazy?’

It was a story he had brought up deliberately to gain Muyoung’s sympathy, but before he knew it, he had become immersed in his own emotions and ended up pressuring him. Was this a backlash from living unintentionally kindly after losing him?

He was aware that since reuniting with Muyoung, his original nature was slowly emerging. But he didn’t expect to act like an unbridled horse even towards Muyoung just from mentioning a bit about that time.

Seokjae, without even the composure to check what expression Muyoung was looking at him with, hurriedly embraced Muyoung, who was already buried in his arms, as if to crush him.

“I’ve always held back from showing this side of myself in front of the kids, but I guess I’m like this with you because I feel like you’ll accept me differently from them. Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Am I not pitiful? Take pity on me. As if responding to his plea mixed with desperation, Muyoung hugged him back and patted him.

“Would it help if I stay by your side?”

“Yes. I feel like I’ll have nightmares again if you’re not here.”

Unlike before, Muyoung had no choice but to allow this unusually close distance, seeing Seokjae’s reaction which was clearly relieved.

It was still a situation difficult to endure with a clear mind, but he thought he could admirably withstand this ordeal because he was a person, not a beast. His mental strength wasn’t so weak that he would faint from excitement at the sight of someone who needed comfort.

‘He probably won’t be checking my heartbeat while he’s feeling so anxious, right?’

And so, Muyoung’s iron wall of absolutely refusing to share the same bed completely crumbled, starting with this one permission.

“Then let’s sleep like this. Good night, hyung.”

“Thank you.”

Muyoung slowly closed his eyes after watching Seokjae close his with a faint, almost disappearing smile.

‘I wonder what I can do to help him from now on…’

It seemed that his state was more unstable than expected, so it would probably be best to accommodate his requests as much as possible in the future. Especially since it seemed that Muyoung was the only one here he could open up to.

Realizing that he had become the only person who knew Seokjae’s weak side, a sense of responsibility naturally arose.

‘Yes, I’ll take responsibility and become hyung’s sanctuary!’

After clenching his fist inwardly and making this resolution, he ran out of things to think about, and naturally, a blank space entered his mind. Following that, what filled this blank space was, of course, the presence of Seokjae holding him.

He had closed his eyes because he couldn’t just keep staring blankly alone, but with his vision cut off, Seokjae’s body scent and the sound of his pounding heart came to him more vividly. He wanted to at least untangle their intertwined legs, but even the slightest movement made Seokjae’s arms hold him more tightly, so wiggling his toes was the best he could do.

‘…I hate that I’m a bundle of desires.’

Although he wasn’t as dazed and giddy as before, he was disappointed in himself for feeling joy at the skinship with Seokjae in such a serious situation.

But Muyoung was a twenty-five-year-old man in his prime. Even with the clear purpose of psychological stability, it was unavoidable to feel excitement at having such intimate skinship with the first object of his affection.

‘No matter how shamelessly I want to enjoy it, there should be a limit. Fan feelings really are unstoppable, popping up at the most inappropriate times. I should control myself.’

However, Muyoung was completely unaware that the emotions he felt today had crossed over into a realm that could no longer be treated as mere fan feelings. Despite it being the beginning of a new desire, not the agape-like worship or paternal love he had felt for Seokjae until now.

Due to Gwanghun’s mistaken teaching that quasi-romance was typical fan behavior, Muyoung sincerely thought that imagining kissing Seokjae was something that could happen if fan feelings became excessive.

* * *

The thick eyelashes trembled, and the tightly closed eyelids opened. The black eyes revealed beneath quickly focused on the person lying in front of him, as if they had already determined their destination.

Blink, blink.

Only then did Seokjae quickly regain focus by closing and opening his eyes. And thanks to sharing a blanket, he pulled Muyoung, who felt unusually warm, tightly into his arms.

“Did you sleep well?”

“…Yes.”

Muyoung, who had become more accustomed to this than at first due to being held for several hours, went limp like a wet rag.

‘Finally, freedom…’

While Seokjae was asleep, Muyoung had tried to create some distance for his peace of mind, but the moment there was a gap, Seokjae immediately bound his whole body with his arms and legs, making it difficult to even wiggle a finger, let alone create distance.

He held Muyoung so tightly that even if he moved away a little, it was as if Muyoung might go somewhere, crushing not only his clothes but even his cheek against Seokjae’s hard body. There was nothing he could do.

Wondering if Seokjae wasn’t in deep sleep yet, Muyoung tried several times over time, but by about the third attempt, he wanted to give himself a flick on the forehead for not giving up and accepting his fate earlier. This was because of an accident where Seokjae’s lips touched his forehead while he was squirming.

How much he had sweated to change that position. After that, Muyoung quietly accepted his fate of becoming a body pillow, lest an even bigger disaster occur. So Muyoung remained nestled in Seokjae’s arms, motionless like someone in a sleeping bag, until Seokjae woke up.

‘Hyung’s lips are soft… No. Don’t think about it, Kang Muyoung!’

Seokjae got up from the bed and turned on the lights in the room. Muyoung, who was watching him while hugging the blanket, naturally recalled the sensation and covered his face with both hands, making a small groaning sound so that Seokjae couldn’t hear.

‘Of all things, not being able to feel pain…’

For the first time since becoming a zombie, Muyoung thought that not being able to feel pain wasn’t always a good thing.

If only some muscle had been sore, or his thighs wrapped around Seokjae’s thick legs had been tingling, he would have been focused on enduring that. But Muyoung, unable to feel pain, had to deal with Seokjae and his touch with a clear mind.

Moreover, while he could manage the sense of touch by clenching his fist and staying still, as Seokjae also didn’t move, there was no way to block his improved sense of smell and hearing. Even now, although Seokjae had let go of him, the sound of his heartbeat was still pounding in his ears like an auditory hallucination.

‘Maybe it’s because I was held for too long. Somehow, I feel a bit empty.’

Muyoung, who had been stroking his ear where he still felt the resonance, soon rubbed his newly freed arm as if feeling a chill.

Seokjae, who had been quietly observing Muyoung, tilted his head slightly to the side.

‘I wondered why he was so adamant about not sharing a room, but maybe he can’t sleep with that body?’

In fact, Seokjae had intended to wait until Muyoung fell asleep first, anxious that he might go somewhere again while he was asleep. However, Muyoung didn’t fall asleep easily, and Seokjae also stayed up all night trying to hold onto him as he kept fidgeting and trying to break free.

His physical condition wasn’t so poor that he would feel tired from not sleeping for just one day, and thanks to the short nap he had taken earlier, although it didn’t end well, he was feeling fine. But unlike himself, Muyoung’s condition, as seen under the light, didn’t look very good.

‘Or maybe not. Seeing how tired he looks, he might just not have slept.’

His complexion actually seemed to have more color than before, but in contrast, his round eyes looked more relaxed than usual, appearing a bit tired.