Eternally Yours

The door to Gracie’s swung open, and Hana hesitantly stepped inside. A dimly lit, smoke-hazed dive bar that seemed trapped in another era. Well-worn oak paneling covered the walls, complemented by a battered hardwood floor with a few boards that creaked underfoot. The air was thick with the mingled aromas of stale beer, fried food, and an ever-lingering hint of harsh cleaning products.

Her wandering eyes immediately landed on the group of nurses and doctors gathered around the corner tables. Hana felt her stomach twist into a nervous knot, but the bright smile and enthusiastic wave from Nurse Julie across the room put her somewhat at ease.

“Hana! Over here!” Julie called out cheerfully.

Taking a steadying breath, Hana wove through the crowded bar, mumbling apologies any time she accidentally bumped someone with her bag. The dim lighting, smoky air, and boisterous chatter made her feel even more out of place.

As she reached the high-top tables, she was relieved to see warm, familiar faces like the nurturing Nurse. Tee and the ever-friendly Dr. Rowan. But her breath caught in her throat when her eyes met the intense gaze of Nurse Clara.

“There you are, Shizumi,” Nurse Crystal said in a tone more biting than welcoming. “Fashionably late as always, I see.”

Before Hana could stammer out a reply, Nurse Tee pulled out the remaining chair with a good-natured grin. “Ignore her, we’re just glad you made it.”

Gracie, the bar’s maternal owner, was already making her way over with a fresh round of drinks. Though surrounded by her colleagues, Hana couldn’t shake the feeling that she stuck out like a wallflower at a party.

“We were starting to think you got lost again,” Dr. Rowan joked with a wink.

Just as Hana was about to respond to Rowan’s playful jab, the door swung open again. Dr. Lia entered, closely followed by a hesitant-looking Dr. Ren Jenkins.

“Well, well, look who decided to grace us lowly nurses with their presence,” Nurse Crystal snarked, though there was a hint of affection beneath her gruff exterior.

Lia scanned the group, raising an eyebrow at Rowan. “You sly dog, how did you manage to weasel your way into this nurses’ night out?”

Rowan flashed his signature bright grin. “What can I say? You ladies just can’t get enough of me.”

As the two doctors grabbed the remaining empty chairs, Hana couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Dr. Ren. Their eyes met briefly, and she quickly averted her gaze, feeling her cheeks flush slightly. She could have sworn she detected a softening in his typically cold demeanor when their eyes locked.

For his part, Ren felt an unexpected fluttering in his chest when he noticed Hana. He firmly pushed it down, reminding himself he was here for Rowan and Lia, not a semi-casual gathering of nurses. Still, he found himself pulling out the chair next to Hana’s without really thinking about it.

“You know, I’m actually quite curious how you managed to wrangle an invite, Rowan,” Lia said, sipping her wine. “This was supposed to be a nurses-only event.”

Ren leveled Rowan with a pointed stare, though there was a subtle glint of amusement in his eyes. “So, you just conveniently failed to mention this was a nurses’ night when you said we were meeting up for drinks?”

A sheepish grin spread across Rowan’s face as he slid a bottle of beer toward his friend. He knew he was caught red-handed but also that Ren’s stern exterior hid an understated sense of humor. “What can I say? Forgiveness, not permission, and all that.”

Ren let out a low chuckle, shaking his head as he accepted the peace-offering beer. Despite his reputation as the cold, all-business ER chief, he appreciated moments like these with Rowan and Lia that allowed him to let his guard down slightly.

Sensing the undercurrent of tension, Nurse Julie decided a subject change was in order. Putting on her biggest, brightest smile, she piped up with forced cheerfulness. “Okay, enough with the banter, you guys! We’re all here now, so we might as well make the most of it.” She gave an exaggerated shimmy in her seat, clearly trying too hard to inject some life into the gathering.

A wave of embarrassment washed over Hana watching Julie’s antics. Despite being around familiar faces, these kinds of social situations always made her anxious. Still, she managed a polite smile, silently wishing she could shrink into the background.

Clara eyed Julie warily. “What did you have in mind? Nothing too wild, I hope.” Her tone made it clear she already dreaded the answer.

The mischievous glint in Julie’s eye should have been warning enough. “Oh, just a simple classic to break the ice...” Without hesitation, she snatched up an empty beer bottle and held it aloft. “Spin the bottle, anyone?”

Hana’s eyes went wide as saucers, her cheeks flushing crimson. She quickly took a large gulp of her drink, as if the alcohol could somehow insulate her from the crazy suggestion.

Audra, the perpetually innocent one, let out a high-pitched giggle of disbelief. “I don’t know, Nurse Julie. Isn’t that a little...juvenile?”

Julie responded with an exaggerated pout. “Oh, don’t be such a fuddy-duddy!” She playfully swatted Audra’s arm. “It’ll be fun, I promise!”

The table went silent for a beat as everyone processed Julie’s bold suggestion. A few sets of eyes glanced awkwardly around, silently weighing whether to indulge the bubbly nurse or shut her down.

Ever the voice of reason, Dr. Lia cleared her throat. “Julie, I’m not sure that’s entirely appropriate with colleagues present...” Her maternal tone made it clear she was leaning towards rejecting the juvenile game.

But before anyone could second her objection, Rowan let out a raucous laugh and began energetically clearing space on the table. “Oh, lighten up, Lia! We’re all friends here, nothing wrong with a little silly fun.” He rubbed his hands together and looked around with a mischievous grin. “Who wants to go first?”

Hana felt her heart start to race at the prospect. As much as she wanted to sink into the floor and disappear, she couldn’t deny the small flutter of excitement she felt. She snuck a furtive glance at Dr. Ren, wondering how he’d respond.

For his part, Ren rolled his eyes at Rowan’s antics but made no move to protest. A tiny smirk played at the corner of his mouth, betraying his amusement at seeing his normally unflappable colleague get flustered.

“Julie, start first, since you suggested it, right?” he said at last, sliding the empty beer bottle towards the center of the table with a casual shrug. “We’re long overdue to blow off some steam anyway.”

His assenting words seemed to settle the matter. With a defeated sigh, Lia waved her hand permissively as Julie let out an excited squeal. Suddenly all pretenses were dropped as the group leaned forward, the tension crackling with nervous energy and anticipation.

“Okay, no balking once that bottle stops spinning!” Julie warned with a devilish grin. She licked her lips and gave the bottle an authoritative spin to get the game started.

The bottle went whirring around and around on the table, a childish energy filling the air. Julie bit her lip in concentration, silently willing it to land on someone entertaining.

Finally, it started to wobble and lose momentum before clattering to a stop squarely pointing at the wide-eyed Audra. The poor nurse looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Ooh, this should be fun!” Julie rubbed her hands together eagerly. “Okay Audra, you’re up first. Is there...anyone you’ve had your eye on around the hospital lately?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Audra’s cheeks immediately flushed scarlet. She laughed nervously, fiddling with the condensation on her glass. “Oh gosh, umm...I don’t know if I should say...”

The reluctance only seemed to spur Julie on. “Oh, come now, don’t be shy! We’re all friends here.” She gestured around the table emphatically. “The rules are rules - either spill the juicy details or take a penalty drink!”

From the corner, Gracie materialized with a bottle of soju and a spare pint glass, setting it down in front of Audra. “One truth serum, coming right up!”

Hana watched the spectacle with rapt fascination, both dreading and eagerly awaiting Audra’s response. She could practically feel the poor girl’s embarrassment radiating outward.

Audra faltered under the sudden spotlight, her gaze flickering briefly towards Dr. Ren before dropping down to study the tabletop intently. “Well...I mean, there’s this one portable X-ray tech who’s kinda cute...” she mumbled almost inaudibly.

An excited murmur went around the table as Julie clapped her hands delightedly. “Oooh, do tell! Details, darling, details!”

Flustered, Audra seemed to teeter on the verge of clamming up entirely. Her hand inched unconsciously towards the soju bottle as if considering simply taking the penalty drink to avoid further prying.

The raucous laughter and joking banter swirled around Hana, but she only half-registered it. The alcohol had unlocked a warm, floaty sensation that made her feel delightfully untethered from her usual anxieties. She closed her eyes, letting the familiar dive bar ambiance just wash over her.

Suddenly, the noise level spiked as excited exclamations and hoots pulled Hana’s mind back into focus. Her eyes blinked open to find the empty beer bottle pointing squarely at her. The realization landed like a lead weight in her stomach, the pleasant buzz instantly sharpening into prickly queasiness.

“Well, well, looks like it’s Nurse Shizumi’s turn in the hot seat,” came the unmistakably crisp voice of Nurse Clara.

Hana felt her throat constrict as she made eye contact with the other woman. Clara’s expression was iced with her trademark look of faint disdain and scrutiny that never failed to make Hana feel incredibly small.

From the moment she started working at the hospital, Hana could sense the intense perfectionist in Clara looked at her as a timid underachiever - a frustrating burden to be tolerated. The fact that their personalities were like oil and water only amplified the tension between them.

As Clara’s piercing eyes bore into her, Hana felt her defenses rising like a weight on her chest. She knew whatever question was coming, it would be laced with that subtle undercurrent of judgment that seemed to constantly flow from the other nurse.

A hush fell over the group as all eyes turned to Hana expectantly. She swallowed hard, trying to subtly wipe her clammy palms on her scrubs as her mind raced. What kind of humiliating or awkward question did Clara have in store for her? The anticipation made her want to run from the bar.

Clara’s ruby-painted lips curled into the semblance of a smile, though her eyes remained flat and appraising. “Okay, Nurse Shizumi...let’s see...”

Hana’s lungs strained against the pause as she braced herself.

The seemingly innocuous question hit Hana like a freight train, the words reverberating through her mind. “It’s an admirable sentiment but what made you believe you could be a good nurse?”

Clara’s tone was light, almost nonchalant, but the undercurrent of judgment was unmistakable. To the others, it may have sounded like an honest, probing inquiry. But for Hana, those words dredged up a whirlpool of repressed memories and self-doubt.

She was instantly transported back to that searing final argument with her mother before leaving home.

The disdainful curl of her lips as she sneered, “You think you have what it takes? It's an admirable sentiment but don’t be delusional, Hana.” The biting dismissal of her life’s ambition with such callous ease.

Hana’s throat constricted as the weight of that exchange threatened to drown her anew. She could taste the sting of humiliation and hurt as freshly as if it were happening all over again. Her cheeks flushed, mouth working soundlessly as she desperately tried to summon a response - any response - to Clara’s arid challenge.

But all eyes were now boringly judging her silent stiffness. The pressure built in her chest, ratcheting up her pulse until she could practically hear the blood pounding in her ears. Tears stung the corners of her eyes as the familiar tendrils of a panic attack began constricting her lungs.

With a strangled murmur of “Excuse me,” she burst up from her chair, nearly upending it in her haste. She didn’t dare make eye contact with anyone as she barreled through the crowd, desperate to escape the suddenly suffocating confines of the bar.

“H-Hana! Where ya goin’?” Julie hiccuped, pushing herself up from the table with some effort. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes glazed over from one too many drinks.

The other nurses and doctors turned toward the commotion Julie was creating. Ren furrowed his brow with concern, watching it all from the bar afar.

“Jules, leave her be,” Tee said in a low tone, trying to grab Julie’s arm to stop her from stumbling after Hana. But she had already pushed past him clumsily.

“Hanaaaaa!” Julie sang out again, weaving her way toward the exit. “Don’t go, the fun’s just...just gettin’ started!” Hana didn’t even turn around at the calls.

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air, only broken when Lia cleared her throat softly. “Maybe the drinking was a bit much for poor Hana tonight,” she said, shooting Clara a meaningful look.

Clara simply shrugged indifferently and took a sip of her drink, unperturbed by the sudden tension. The other nurses exchanged glances, silently wondering if they should go check on their friend or give her some space.

The cool night air hit her like a shockwave as she burst through the exit, but it did little to calm the spiraling panic gripping her chest. Gasping desperately, Hana finally crumpled to the filthy pavement in the alley, bracing her hands against the ground as she fought for control.

Her body heaved with ragged sobs, panic, and alcohol intermingling into a vicious cyclone of emotion. Distantly, she registered the sounds of raucous chatter still spilling out from the bar’s open door - a stark contrast to her anguished isolation just feet away.

A heavy silence blanketed the group after Hana’s abrupt exit. Ren’s jaw clenched as he watched Julie carelessly call after her, too inebriated to read the situation. When Julie turned back with that oblivious look, he couldn’t stop himself from shaking his head in dismay.

His eyes were drawn to Hana’s abandoned purse hanging off the edge of her chair. Without a second thought, Ren rose from his seat and started making his way over to it. As he reached across the table, his gaze happened to meet with Clara’s. She flashed him what she probably thought was a coy, flirtatious smile. But Ren’s expression remained unreadable as he straightened back up, Hana’s bag in hand.

“Ren? You off already too?” Lia called out, ever the mother hen.

He paused briefly, letting his eyes roam over the group before responding in an even tone. “Yeah, I’m calling it a night.”

With a curt nod, he turned and started heading for the exit. But as he pushed through the door, his steps slowed at the faint sound of muffled whimpering coming from the alley. Ren felt his chest tighten as he followed the sound around the corner.

There Hana, crumpled against the grimy exterior wall. Her shoulders shook with stifled sobs as she gasped for air in wracking spasms. She could feel the contents of her stomach threaten to come back out. The sight of her in such a fragile, vulnerable state instinctively triggered his protective instincts.

Without a word, Ren shrugged off his suit jacket and gently draped it around Hana’s shuddering frame. “You’ll catch a cold,” he said gruffly, trying to temper the unexpected swell of tenderness. “We already don’t have enough hands at the ER.”

Hana looked up at him with glassy, bloodshot eyes, taken aback by his sudden appearance, “I’m s-sorry, I...I just...” She broke off, needing to gasp a shuddering breath.

But Ren simply held up a hand to stop her apology. “Let’s go,” he stated firmly, extending his other hand to pull her up from the ground. His voice softened ever so slightly. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

Hana stared at Ren’s outstretched hand as if it were a foreign object. Her brow furrowed in confusion, and she glanced down at her trembling gloved hands, then back up at the jacket now draped over her shoulders. When her eyes finally met his again, something seemed to shatter behind them.

“I...I can’t...I’m not fit…,” she choked out between ragged sobs that wracked her small frame anew. Fat tears spilled down her blotchy cheeks as she shook her head adamantly. “Mira...I have to...to save Mira!”

Ren’s stoic expression faltered as Hana abruptly broke down into another fit of hysterics. He was at a complete loss for what sparked this tempest of emotions from the normally reserved nurse. His hand remained extended, hanging there awkwardly between them.

“Hana...” he began, trying to keep his voice measured and soothing. “Just take a breath. What are you talking about?”

But she seemed unable or unwilling to heed his words. “I can’t...I can’t quit! If I’m not a nurse, how will I...” She trailed off into unintelligible murmurs punctuated by heaving gasps for air.

Ren felt increasingly out of his depth. He had hoped a few gruff words would be enough to ground Hana, but she appeared to be spiraling deeper into some sort of delirious state. Awkwardly, he crouched down in front of her, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder.

“Hana, listen to me,” he tried again more intently. “Whatever you’re going on about, just focus on calming down right now, okay?”

When she continued rambling and crying, Ren couldn’t stifle the slightly bemused chuckle that escaped his lips. Despite the uncomfortable situation, he found her frantic babbling...oddly endearing somehow. Cute

“You’re starting to worry me with all these hysterics,” he said, the faintest hint of gentle teasing entering his tone in hopes of snapping her out of it.

“What am I going to do with you, Shizumi?”