NOVEL WEB Chapter 29: A Breakdown
My guards were waiting for me when I exited the Emperor’s office. They stood there looking bored, but quickly came to attention when I strolled into the antechamber. I made for the alcove, but stopped when I realized I didn’t know where I was going.
“Can you show me to my room?”
One of the guards placed a quick fist to his heart before stepping out in front of me, and then ducking into the transport alcove. I stepped in a moment later, followed by my other guard.
The first guard chose a green circle that was just beneath the top most one––the one Tessa had touched to get us to the top of the tower. So I figured my room was on the floor right below.
A moment later, a green light shimmered around us and the guard then stepped from the alcove. I followed closely behind as we traveled down a short corridor set with half a dozen doors on the right. The guard stopped at the door that was second to last. He palmed it open, and stepped aside. I hesitated a moment before I followed.
“I was told to inform you that dinner will be served in your room shortly. We will be out here if you discover need of anything else.”
I nodded, my body feeling a deep weariness in it. All the excitement and newness felt like it was taking a toll on me. I was glad of the Emperor’s insistence that I go straight to my room. “Thank you, and besides dinner, I don’t wish to be disturbed the rest of the night.”
“Of course, Highness.”
I received another fist to chest, but I mostly ignored it as I stumbled into my room. I heard the door swish close behind me. My mind was already forgetting the guard and our conversation as I took in the massive space before me.
I could probably fit four of my old bedrooms in this one. Not too far away before me was a sitting area with four overstuffed sky-blue cushions scattered around a low white stone table. On three sides of the sitting area were large white stone shelves sectioning off the seats and table from the rest of the room. Most of the shelf spaces were empty. I imagined they were left that way on purpose so I could fill them as I desired.
Beyond the lounge, sat the biggest bed I had ever seen. This thing made the king size bed I had at home look like a dwarf. I walked across the room to stand near it to make sure it was as big as my eyes were telling me. It was. I reached down and touched the shiny blue-black colored fabric of the cover. It felt soft to the touch. Like my fingers were touching clouds. Large and small silvery pillows that numbered in the dozens decorated the top half of the bed.
“Who the hell needs a bed this big, or that many freaking pillows?” I wondered out loud, even though I knew no one was there to answer me.
I shook my head as I walked around it, admiring the sheer size of it. I noticed the white stone nightstands on each side of the bed, and an electric blue dancing orb hovering just over each of the nightstands. I went to the closest orb to study it.
The light seemed to be contained in a semi-transparent orb. I could see the silver outline of the orb when I tilted my head just the right way. I reached out a hand expecting warmth the closer I got to the glowing blue, but it was cold. I stopped just short of actually touching the outside of the orb.
Then I steadied my nerves and let my finger touch the almost transparent housing of the blue light. The light disappeared, and the orb morphed to become a solid silver ball. Even then, it still hovered just over the white nightstand. I touched the orb again, and the silver faded, and the electric blue light flickered back to life once more.
“Okay, that’s cool!” I laughed in spite of my tiredness.
After touching it a few more times, I turned away from the orb lamp to see what else my room had in store. That’s when I saw an open door way directly across from the bed. I strolled over and peaked inside to find a large bathroom.
The first thing I noticed was the massive walk-in shower across the back wall. It was framed in what looked like glass. The inside had a delicate scrolling art in black across the white tiles.
Off to one side of the shower was a white counter with two shallow sinks spaced evenly apart. Elaborate arching silver faucets extended from the back of the sinks and into the bowls like the long graceful necks of swans.
On the other side of the sinks, near the back wall sat what passed for a porcelain throne in Ethia (which was less throne and more of a bidet). It had the same shiny white appearance of the sinks, so it almost seemed to blend into the white stone floor and wall.
Also along the back to the far left of the bathroom stood a waist high wall in the shape of a square that took up as much space as the shower. The short wall itself was decorated in the same black scrolling art as the shower. I peered over the edge to see it was full of clear water.
The pool of water was deeper than the waist wall. It looked like it went down several feet below floor level. There were steps in and down into the pool, and then a step that ran all around the square bath. I reached down to try the water. It was warm to the touch, and then to my surprise the water began to bubble. I pulled my hand away and the bubbling stopped. I paused a moment, and stuck my hand back in––more bubbles.
“Well, isn’t that nice. My very own hot tub,” I chuckled.
I decided to go ahead and try it. Goodness knows, I needed to relax. That wasn’t really something I’d been able to do successfully in the last few weeks. I could use a drink too, but I wasn’t even sure Ethia had libations. I certainly wasn’t served anything like that when I was on Vang’s ship. So I just settled for the hot tub.
I quickly took my clothes off and slipped into the warm water, letting the bubbles tickle my skin as I found a comfortable place to relax. It wasn’t long before I started to feel much of the tension I’d been holding on for the last two weeks to melt away. I found myself sighing with relief. This was exactly what I needed. I just wished Anna was here with me. She would love this.
The thought of her hit me hard. The sadness I had been pushing away for weeks now felt like a crushing weight sitting on top of my chest. God I missed her. I ached for her. I missed her smile, her touch, her voice. I missed everything about her, and it fucking pissed me off that I might never see her again. And just like that, my relaxing moment was ruined.
I abruptly stood up and marched out of the bath. I quickly scanned the bathroom for something to dry off with and spied a cubby that appeared to be full of folded navy fabric. I went over and pulled out what ended up being a body length thin cloth that absorbed the water as soon as the silky fabric touched my skin.
After I was dry, I wrapped another dry towel around my waist. I then went back into my room to smell something delicious. I looked around and saw a tray of food on the low white table in the lounge area. Someone must have dropped off the food while I was in the bath.
Between my exhaustion and sudden sour mood, I wasn’t in the mood to eat. Despite of my protesting stomach, I ignored the tantalizing aromas and went directly to the bed. I flopped down on the behemoth and did something I had been trying my best not to do since I left Earth––let my emotions have free reign.
I picked up a pillow and scream into it. The frustration and sadness had just become too much. I missed my parents, Emmaline, Eric, Anna, and all my friends. I missed my room, my job, my whole life back on Earth. I had had my whole life in front of me. I had had so many plans and things I wanted to do, and now… now all of it was gone. Just like that.
I had tried to put a brave face on. I had tried to push it all away because I had been too overwhelmed and too busy. I told myself that didn’t have time to be sad or upset. That I didn’t have time to feel the loss of everything I had ever known. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. But even though I tried to ignore it, I knew it was still there, waiting, building, eating me up. And it refused to be ignored any longer.
All I could do was hold on as my body let go of the frustration and sadness that I had bottled up. And when I was done screaming, I started crying. The gut wrenching kind that made me feel like something inside might break loose and never go back to the way it was.
I might have been at it for hours, I don’t know, but I definitely felt better afterwards. Like I had expelled a great demon from the darkest depths, but it left me feeling like a raw gapping wound. My heart was still heavy and full of sorrow, and I realized that maybe it would be for a long time to come.
I lay there wondering what this new life would be like? A life I didn’t ask for. A life I didn’t even think I wanted. Meeting my birth father had helped put things in perspective, but I was still unsettled. I still felt so much uncertainty and like I was perpetually stumbling in the dark.
I had gone from a life that I knew inside and out. I had everything lined up for me. I knew all the players. I knew all the things I loved and all the things I wanted. Now… now, I felt like I knew nothing at all. That my life was a big empty. That I was starting from scratch, and I didn’t even know what I was using to scratch a life together with.
There certainly were expectations that others were hoping I would fulfill. There were things I was expected to do. Things I needed to learn. But that didn’t really fill the void inside me. I wanted, craved more, but I wasn’t exactly sure what the more might be.
My last thoughts as I drifted off to sleep was of the last memory I had of all the people I loved in one room––or more correctly, my parents’ backyard. It was my twenty-fifth birthday almost four months ago. There was barbecue, cold beers, singing, laughing, and all the things I was familiar with. The warmth of the memory was like a balm to my soul as I allowed myself to fall into the first relaxing sleep I’d had in weeks.