Empathic capacity of a teaspoon (HP Self-insert

After breakfast I walked to the door and opened it, everything suddenly became so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

I left.

I heard dad say “Isn't this the first time he actually left the house?"

“He's the only one in this house who is actually mature, I trust him to be responsible."

“Mother why must you hurt us this way." Three guesses on who that was.

Now that I was outside, I actually couldn't think of anything to do. It's not like there were monsters lurking behind every corner and a labyrinth of doom in every forest.

This was rural England for Christ's sake. The only thing exciting about this place was the fact that it wasn't exciting.

Suddenly hearing a noise I turned towards our garden

I followed the sound, my feet stealthily eating up ground and what I saw would forever be branded into my mind.

Two garden gnomes copulating.

Two disgusting potato-like beings with giant heads humping at each other without abandon, it was one of the most horrifying things I’d ever witnessed.

I pulled a knife out of my pocket, a knife I had liberated from the kitchen just for the occasion of going outside, a knife I always carried with me, expect when bathing of course.

“It's time to shank some bitches."

I walked over to the gnomes and was about to stab the things to death when I thought about the windows facing the garden, I could only imagine how my family would react if they saw me go knifey knifey on these creatures.

I picked the two up, they had been so consumed by their... work they hadn't noticed me sneaking up on them.

I spun them around and threw them as far as I could.

I looked at the window seeing mum looking at me approvingly. I started my first genocide.

After I had thrown the gnomes in one direction, I went inside and told mum I would go and throw the gnomes even further away so they wouldn't just stumble back.

I hadn't thrown the things particularly far and they were still stumbling around like a bunch of drunk tourists at an Oktoberfest. The two love birds were at it again.....

I went over to them and hacked off their heads, I watched detached as their green blood spilled onto the ground.

The others finally noticing what I was doing tried to stumble away to safety, I chased them all down.

After killing the last one I noticed that I had moved quite a way from the house, I was almost standing in the forest now.

I was bored and lunch wouldn't be for a few hours so I went into the forest to explore a bit.

I had a fairly good sense of direction so I wasn't scared of getting lost.

-/-

I was picking up a particularly interesting stone when I felt something magical sneaking up one me.

Throwing myself forward I made it just in time to avoid getting bludgeoned, if the sound of something hitting the ground behind me was indeed a club as I thought it was.

I turned around swiftly just to see something I immediately identified as a red cap running towards me, stone club raised and face drawn in a hateful grimace

“Fuego"

I held the ball of fire before the red cap, effectively stopping its charge, I couldn't throw the damn thing or in any way manipulate it but the red cap didn't know that.

I drew the knife just in time before the fire flickered away, I wouldn't be able to use any more magic for the time being.

It roared, Red caps were 3-foot tall dwarves but I was intimidated anyway, looking into its eyes I saw that it knew it had been tricked.

With a rage filled shriek it ran towards me and tried to club me to death, I dodged, the thing may have been strong but it was slow as well.

As it was raising its club I suddenly took a quick step forward and stuck my knife in its chest. The things skin was leathery, so I only managed to force it in half-way.

The red cap dropped it's weapon and reared back making me lose my grip on the knife.

I saw that the knife was sticking out of its stomach, not it's chest as I’d thought.

From its hateful scream it was well and truly enraged now.

“Fuck."

I cursed as I stumbled away from its charge, it was much faster now that it dropped the heavy looking club.

I was able to dodge a few more strikes from its clawed hands, the monster was getting noticeably slower but I stumbled on something and fell on my back arms flailing.

Me flailing my arms was a terrible mistake on my part, I should have just fallen down and used them to defend myself.

This I realised just as the thing arms wrapped themselves around my throat and started squeezing, the sickening sound of my right arm snapping precluding this did not help my hopes of actually surviving.

I tried defending myself but my dominant right arm was broken, so I only managed to slap it's face weakly with my left arm. It then proceeded to fucking bite me.

It hurt like hell but I grabbed it's tongue and created a flame desperately willing it bigger and stronger. The flame felt four times smaller than normal because I couldn't use my gesture or incantation. But I felt it grow, fueled by my desperation.

The red cap let go of my neck and stumbled back shrieking fire gushing out of its mouth. The voice of a wounded animal made the birds in the tree above, which in my imagination had been gleefully watching the fight before, fly off squawking loudly.

I forced myself to my feet and ran like a madman towards the things club, it was the only weapon in my sight at the moment.

The club weighed heavily in my one hand as I ran towards the still shrieking red cap clutching its tongue rolling on the floor.

I raised the club and smashed it into the things face.

I didn't stop until it wasn't moving anymore.