Either you or them

I remained frozen and standing in place, and after hearing that voice again, I had no choice but to obey.

The trees were behind me as I stood on that gentle slope, four meters high.

I stared intently into the bushes until I was shocked. I felt a strong grip grab my heart and squeeze it tightly. I had expected every scenario and scene except this...

I felt goosebumps run from my feet, up my legs, up my back, to my neck, up my face, and up to my eyelids.

A half-naked blonde girl was struggling and crying while another man tried to assault her..

What was this I was seeing?!

Suddenly, the voice inside my head spoke, and this time it was calmer. "Have you forgotten our promise, Kirian? Have you forgotten our covenant? Have you forgotten everything that happened between us so easily, Kirian? Have you forgotten our agreement to take revenge on them all? Have you forgotten our goal to blow up Capri and wipe everyone out? They didn't love us when we were young, so they won't love us when we're older. No more pain, no more submission."

I was surprised by what that strange voice said, and before I could respond, it added, "Isn't what you're seeing there painful? Wasn't our goal to wipe out the likes of that filth there so that the world would be a better place? What's presenting us with an old memory we haven't lived through but that played a role in our existence, isn't that right? You could say that what's happening before you now happened approximately 18 years ago, right?"

How does this thing know about what happened before?

Why does it involve itself in my life and speak as if it lived with me and drank from the same cup I did?

The voice added, "That blonde girl is truly beautiful, but judging by that man's actions, he seems to be a damned repressed man who has never met a woman in his life. His lust has crossed all boundaries. This is similar to that desperate incident, isn't it? That old incident, do you remember it? How do you feel when you witness the moment you appear in this world again after all these years? What do you want now?"

I felt a strong surge of blood surging from my heart, chilling my chest as it surged forcefully through my veins.

The voice added, "This is painful, wonderful, and just, isn't it? Or do you see it as something disgusting and shameful? Are you happy to stand by helplessly while you watch our mother's honor being violated right before your eyes? A situation that will produce another, sick, future version of you in this world, right? That girl looks like our mother, doesn't she? And what about the one assaulting the girl? He looks like your damned rapist father, right? He clearly looks like that bastard soldier. Sexual repression in soldiers is doubled, and the look of hunger in that man's eyes is like the one soldiers possess."

My face turned pale at what that voice said. I looked down at my hands, which were trembling.

I raised my eyes again to the girl and the man in the bush, and the voice came back again, saying, "How does it feel to relive the incident of your appearance in this world, but as a third party witness? That blonde is so weak and helpless, and that soldier is bullying her, isn't she? Are you going to let Kirian be reborn? Are you going to relive the pain? Or are you going to stop it, intervene, and prevent the birth and emergence of another Kirian?"

I felt a kind of submission and obedience. My body began to grow heavier, and my vision began to become blurry and hazy, but I still stood, maintaining my balance. However, I don't think my mental balance was the same.

The voice continued, "The problem between us, Kirian, is that I am you, and I feel what you feel, and I love doing what you do. But I disagree with one thing: the world wouldn't be beautiful without every fool paying the price for the pain they inflicted on others for no good reason. Everyone has to pay dearly, Kirian, and you're the only one who can avenge yourself. You have to. No one would do it for you, and you're capable of doing it. Everyone has to feel your anger and what you feel. Will you do it? Or will you let go and allow this bastard to get away with it again?"

I'm helpless..

I want to, but I'm helpless..

I don't know what to do..

I feel lost, weak, helpless, and afraid..

What should I do?..

What will happen if I do it?..

What will happen if I don't?..

I looked again at the man and the girl as I stood safely on the edge of the cliff. This girl looked like my mother, the one I'd only seen in pictures..

I looked around and suddenly found myself in an old, dilapidated, dark wooden house. The sounds of screaming and fighting were coming from outside, as if there were a war. The screams were accompanied by a huge fire raging outside this strange house.

I stepped back, tripped over something, and fell to my butt on the wooden floor.

I looked down and saw the body of a thin, dark-skinned man, covered in blood. His eyes were empty, and traces of blood on his face looked like tears. There were stab wounds on his body. He looked like he'd been fighting, and probably looked like someone defending his home.

I felt nauseous and panicked, and I quickly looked away until my eyes fell on the crying, desperate girl on the ground.

Her face quickly changed to that beautiful woman, the one calling me to give her a warm, motherly hug in my dreams, that hug kind that everyone in my elementary school received at the end of class except me.

I was prevented..

I looked closer and discovered a man on his knees behind the girl, laughing as she looked at me and cried.

The man seemed happy with what he was doing and laughing, but he didn't know that this act would leave behind a sick and deranged remnant like me.

No..

How could I believe this?..

Wait, it's real..

Yes, it's true..

It's very real, that's it!..

Is this permissible?..

Is this good?..

Or is it bad?..

Why does my mother have to endure this suffering?..

Is she happy with me and with this?..

Why is she crying and trying to push my father away from her?..

Why is she calling a strange man's name and looking at that dead body I stumbled over?..

Did she give birth to me because she loves me?

Did she leave me because she hates me?..

Does my mom hate me?..

Did I disappoint her with my existence?..

If I removed the danger from her, would she be happy?..

Would she be proud of me?..

Would she love me?..

Would she hug me tightly?..

Would she kiss me?..

Would she cook for me?..

Would she smile at me?..

Would she care for me?..

Would I even exist?..

But doesn't my nonexistence mean that none of what's happening now happened?..

Doesn't that mean that everything I've been through is connected to me?..

Doesn't that mean that everything they feel toward me, I have to feel toward them?..

Doesn't their hatred of me necessitate my hatred of them?..

Their torture of me necessitates my torture of them?..

Their killing of me necessitates my killing of them?..

Doesn't their attempt to erase me necessitate my erasure of them?..

The voice added quietly, "You know what? If I were you, I would gently open that waist bag, take out the knife inside, and go and kill that damned rapist soldier. I would cut him up piece by piece, I would burn him, I would fill his body with holes, I would gouge out his eyes and chop off his fingers and make a beautiful necklace out of them. Isn't that what you want too, Kirian? Think about it, this is our revenge, my friend. You don't have to stay peaceful forever. You don't deserve all the pain they caused you, and they don't deserve to be alive after all the pain they caused you."

His words are convincing, the gazelle will not survive even if he's defending wolves against their enemies..

Poor human beings..

Then he added in a serious tone "Remember, they stole the most important thing in life from us and made us miss it forever with no chance of getting it back. Come on, kirian, stick that knife in his heart, fill his body with holes! Make him drown in a red lake! Come on, kirian! Avenge our mother! Make an example of that soldier! Evil people won't stop until we use their evil on them or their comrades! Play with them like they did when you were young! Didn't you always love cutting off the limbs of small insects as a child and watching them struggle to death? Now you're grown up, you also have to take care of the big insects and watch them struggle to survive!"

I felt a surge of euphoria and extreme happiness. My cheeks hardened, and the corners of my lips lifted into a wide smile. My eyes were wide open, and my fingers unzipped my waist bag, unconsciously pulling out the sharp, shiny knife.

Life is fun..

That voice was right..

Preventing anything from happening again is the solution..

I promised revenge, I promised vengeance, and I must keep my promise..

A promise where I will live in peace after erasing all that is evil from existence..

Yes!..

Yes, that's right!..

I must hurry..

I must take revenge..

I must kill..

I must cut..

I must tear..

yes, I must!..

I will not wait any longer to taste his blood..

Does it taste different from my own?..

I jumped off that cliff without thinking about the consequences, the risks, or the injuries.

Julie was screaming, but I didn't care what she was saying.

I landed on the ground, then put all my focus and force on my right foot and rushed toward that bush, fully intent on seeing that bastard's entrails.

But as soon as he noticed and realized my presence, he turned his face towards me, his eyes wide open in surprise.

But it didn't take long for him to realize that my knife had pierced his big, fat belly.

The man screamed, let go of the girl, then grabbed my wrist, desperately trying to pull the knife out of his stomach.

HAHAHAHAHA!..

It was too late..

Blood began to seep from his stomach onto his shirt and my hand, dripping onto the ground..

It was very different from insects..

When I cut off their limbs or stepped on them with stones, their blood resembled pus.

They also didn't react, make sounds of pain, or make pleasurable pained facial expressions like humans do..

This was very enjoyable..

The more he tried to resist, the more I wanted to kill him..

I was overcome with ecstasy, leaving no room for the man to react.

I quickly tightened my grip on the knife's wooden handle and sent it into a deep, rapid sweep through the man's stomach, from side to side, until the entire contents of his stomach began to ooze out and fall to the ground through the mouth I had made in his stomach.

The contents of his stomach were a mixture of red, green, and brown.

It seemed the last thing he had eaten had been grass.

Was this bastard planning to go on a diet? That didn't matter now; I had gotten rid of his fat belly for him!..

I love doing good, HAHAHAHA!..

Be grateful that I return your goodness to you!..

The man staggered backward, like a drunk, his screams fading.

He fell to the ground, screaming softly and gasping, clutching his stomach in despair as he bled profusely.

The girl was hiding behind a tree, watching in fear.

I was so happy about that, but it was the moment I wanted to cry the most in my life..

I wish I had been able to save her like I had saved this girl..

I always wanted you, mom..

The man looked at me with a mixture of anger and fear. "A child... a little one... this is im-"

I threw myself at him and plunged my knife into his heart right before he could finish his sentence.

His body shook, his eyes rolled back, and he let out a sharp, loud gasp, a sound like a snort.

I pulled my knife out of his chest, sat on his waist, and began making numerous holes in his chest and neck, which quickly turned pale, bluish, but were stained red with his own red juice.

I continued stabbing the bastard's body until I lost all strength.

I sighed, stood up, and looked up at the cloudy sky.

Then I lowered my gaze to the girl standing behind a nearby tree.

She was staring at me in horror, clutching her clothes to her chest.

I was glad she was okay, but what was that hideous, terrified look on her face?..

Did she hate me?..

I saved her, right?..

Wait, I saved her..

Why does she hate me?..

Should I kill her too?..

I looked down at my red hands and realized what I'd done.

I looked back at the man's body to see the look of horror still lingering on his frozen, lifeless face.

I realized I'd killed someone.

I couldn't believe what I'd done, so I dropped the knife and held my half-bloodied face with my red hands, trying to comprehend what I'd done.

I began hyperventilating and hallucinating, everything around me blurring.

I lost my balance and fell unconscious to the ground.

The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was a tall, thin, white figure standing hidden behind a distant tree, staring at me.

To be continued..