DXD^FUCKER

[I can't believe you only lasted for 30 seconds! Now get up for round 6 my Mast-]

Smack~! Slapping that bitch, aka my alarm, I say...

"It was my first time, and it felt better than they said it would!"

Damn that was a horrible and good memory from my life zero!

Well it is time for the 1st day back from summer break, and I need to be there on time to listen to those jerks!

They will tell me about fake romance encounter stories, about hooking up with hot girls every-night, having unprotected sex, while not calling back after...

Wait, I think that was the opening of the anime, and it was my line?!

"Haha, I almost forgot about the boys' love books. Will they bring that up or be smart and hide in shame?"

-

Sitting at the family table, my parents looked very happy, more than normal.

Then they took turns shooting arrows in my chest.

My Mom is giving me a creepy smile and says...

"Sweet Son, I just want you to know... I'm not like those other mothers, and don't mind you finding a non-Japanese Wife. Good luck honey."

And the reliable Master Roshi without a clue...

"And knock um' up fast, so they can't leave you!"

I stare at him, like he is a perverted idiot...

Oh... Wait he is, then I turn to my Mom and asked

"Mom, why in the Hell did you marry him?!"

She then put her fork to the side and said to me.

"Dear, I know you won't understand this now, but in the future you will. Your Mom doesn't have a very good resistance to alcohol, and well your Dad's advice actually works."

My Mom hangs her face in defeat, and my Dad looks smug as fuck.

Now I know where my drinking problem came from... Mom.

-

After leaving the depressing breakfast-table, I hiked to school...

As expected, my two Moe-tard friends caught up with me.

So the two transparent scums jabbered on-and-on about all the girls the two banged, and never called back. (They only dated Rosy Palm and her 5 Sisters.)

Then with their proud and fake faces, they asked me what I did on vacation.

I thought about it a bit, and said.

"Oh, Nothing much, got drunk with two hot women, and they both kissed me. Then I met a drop dead gorgeous foreigner girl in my store, and then she was willing to meet my parents. My Mom told her to come to our home. So compared to you two super studs, I didn't do too well, sigh..."

I look up to the blue sky at 45° sadly.

Issei just awkwardly laughed, and Motohama looked like, no he is crying?

Nice there is justice in this cruel world!

-

After a lot of Perverted Trio shenanigans, we pass the front gate...

I saw some girls using umbrellas to protect their skin from the sun.

A few boys are trying to get skirt flip moments, when the wind blows.

Dingle Tingle~! Oh these guys are picking up coins off the ground, to look up skirts, damn... John Candy did that in the movie [Splash], it seems to be working though?

Smack~! Oh, Spoke too soon... Issei just got kicked in the face, ouch!

A strict voice breaks me from my Highschool moment...

"Mr. Tanaka, over here please."

I looked over to see Sona standing guard at the gates, for the late kids as normal, but what startles me a bit is who is standing next to her.

Tsubaki Shinra, was standing there with an elegant demeanor, and her long hair gently swaying in the wind was giving me an urge to run my fingers through it!

Her pair of dual-colored bespectacled eyes show humiliation that make her seem lovely, compared to her normal ice block stare.

But all of this is ruined by the gaudy white hospital face mask she is wearing.

Both my eye and the corner of my lips twitched, holding back a smile the best I could...

No, I did really try!

"Pfft~!"

But Tsubaki saw my surprise and amusement, and yup, welcome back the glaring VP!

I honestly forgot about this mask shit, oops!

In a good mood, I asked Sona.

"Yes President, how may I assist you? Do you need me to escort Miss Shinra to the clinic, or maybe the hospital?"

Fuck, my smile went from normal to... Go ahead, I know you want to punch me.

She firmly tells me.

"No Mr. Tanaka, she is perfectly fine, this is just a precaution for her. What I wanted to say is, please come to my office after school, before your Swim Club. Thank you. Now quickly get to the homeroom."

Sona is pissed about something?!

Did I slip up somewhere?

You have to be careful, future me... I may have fucked us up?!

(That makes 2 future Mat's wanting to slap past Mat.)

-

As I was about to enter the homeroom class, I saw...

Yup my buddy Kiba, with group girls circling him in a mating pattern.

So I say...

"Yo, Prince of Kuoh, hope your summer was good, looks like you got a lot of sun there!"

I gave him a thumbs-up as I went to class.

Fun fact my buddy told me about D×D Devils, they don't sunburn!

-

After a relaxing day of sleeping in classes, I now find myself in front of Sona's room... with a tingle in my danger sense stuff again, just kidding.

It feels like a quest warning... Like if I'm not careful, I will trigger some side-quest flags.

Tap Tap~! I knocked twice, then entered, and said...

"I have come!"

I think Issei is giving me a thumbs-up somewhere now?!

What I saw is all of Sona's Peerage standing at the back window, behind Sona's desk, where she is currently sitting with a chessboard ready to go?

I noticed that Tsubaki is still wearing the mask, so this shouldn't have anything to do with that damn letter.

Sona points to the chair in front of the chess table, and moves to sit there...

So I sat across from her, and I asked.

"And what is this formal atmosphere for, may I ask?"

Sona, with a grin says to me.

"My Qu... Tsubaki has taken a blow to her dignity, ever since your game with her in spring, and I want to regain it by beating you in a game. You did say anyone can be her proxy, right?"

Holy fuck she did a perfect evil villain smile... I bow down to her in my head!

I smiled back at her and said...

"Sure you start!"

Tap~! She then moved a pawn forward, and sat back with a smile.

I looked at the board and said.

"I concede, now she has her dignity back... I will be going!"

I then stood up... I think there is some stupid gimmick about marrying her if you beat her or something, I think? (This rule only applies to Devils.)

Yup, land mine avoided!

Sona raised her voice, unintentionally.

"Stop right there!!! That doesn't count, come and restart a new game!"

I shake my head, and calmly go around the landmine.

"Nope, no reason to. I don't care that you're better than me, I know for a fact you're good. I can tell by the way you look at the board."

Well that and it was your backstory in the light novel and wiki, I think my friend said?

Sona said, like a Devil.

"Then lets bet on it?''

Why is she smiling, and why does Tsubaki look like she just ate a hot pile of Precious poop?!

"If I win you will join the Student Council, and if you win... Tsubaki Shinra will perform any reasonable request that doesn't sully her dignity as a woman!?"

Sona is smiling, and Tsubaki wants to cry?

A full minute later... looking between the chess board and Tsubaki, I then said.

"My request would be that during my next week's swim practice, Tsubaki will be my towel wiper to dry me off when I get out of the pool, but the crucial deal breaking point is... Tsubaki must wear a white string bikini! Non-negotiable!"

Take that Sona, now you won't do that deal!

Sona with a winner's smile tells me firmly.

"Deal!"

Fuck, was that a half second!

Sona said, while pointing to the white pieces...

"You first this time."

Even though Tsubaki is cold on the outside, I have to admit her crumpled defeated look is super adorable!

Why am I so excited?!

Do I like Tsubaki?

Tap~! I moved my white Pawn 2 spaces, to set up my trap!

-

A short while later...

I wave to the Peerage and say smugly.

"Great game! Don't worry, I will defeat everyone in 9 moves, because their expressions are funny. And dearest Tsubaki remember, white string bikini! Looking forward to seeing you, haha..."

-

After Tsubaki's natural predator left the room, she asked her King.

"Do you think he is the one?"

Sona replied with...

"I'm 70% sure. He toyed with me. Matsuda could have beaten me in 8 moves, but he just went to hit 9, to save face. It is too bad he isn't a Devil. Oh, And don't be mad at Matsuda, I'm confident he actually likes you, he is just shy."

Tsubaki looked confused about Sona's words.

+-+-+--------------------------------+-+-+

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