Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“So did you still want to go to the Guild?” Anton asked. They had rounded a corner and the building was right in front of them. The big ‘Adventurer's Guild’ sign was a big giveaway.

“Sure, why not? Let’s live dangerously.” Kelsey said and entered the building.

Anton explained the main areas as Kelsey paused at the entryway to look around.

“The main counter is on the right,” he said pointing. “That’s for registration, banking and general Guild business. Right in front of us the guild store.”

The store was separated from the main open area by a large, wide counter, and a half-height gate. Sellers went to the counter, while buyers could go through and browse the merchandise under the watchful eye of the on-duty shopkeeper.

“They buy dungeon stuff, and they sell equipment,” he said. Kelsey grinned at him.

“I’m familiar with the stuff,” she said brightly.

“Right,” he said awkwardly. “Over on the left is the job board and the bar.”

It was a little early in the afternoon for drinking, especially with how the town was right now, but there were a few determined drinkers sitting at tables. Kelsey glanced at them but turned her attention to the other side.

“You can introduce us, right?” she asked Anton, indicating the woman behind the registration desk.

“Sure,” Anton said warily and they made their way over. “Ms Mal, this is Kelsey. She’s… a traveller from the north.”

The woman smiled at Anton. She looked to be in her late thirties and had dark hair bound in a tight bun. “Come on Anton, you’re not a kid anymore. It’s just Liat.”

“Uh, sure,” Anton said, “Kelsey, this is Liat Mal, the Administrator that runs this place.”

“Pleased to meetcha,” Kelsey said, remembering to hold out her hand properly.

Liat returned the greeting and then said “You picked an interesting time to visit our town, Kelsey. Will you be staying long?”

“Oh, a few weeks at least, I think,” Kelsey replied. “I had some questions about how your guild operates.”

“Were you thinking of signing up?” As she spoke, Liat pulled some papers from below the desk and placed them on the desk.

“Maybe. What would be involved with that?”

“There are no real requirements for signing, but if you want access to the dungeon, you’ll need to be tested to make sure you’re capable.”

“Oh, you control access to the dungeon? I didn’t think it was fenced off.”

Liat grimaced. “Well, perhaps control is a bit strong. Under the laws of the Kingdom, dungeons belong to the crown, and while they can be administrated by the local nobility, they can’t be owned by anyone. If we were to build something to control access, it would be seen as encroaching on the King’s privileges.”

“Ah, I see,” Kelsey said, nodding.

“Nevertheless, since the guild exists to manage the risks posed by the dungeon, the Baron has granted us certain rights with regard to it. The gate guards on that side won’t let you out if they think you’re going to the dungeon without a pass, and under normal circumstances, there are patrols that pick up people trying to sneak in.”

She frowned at Anton. “Anton should have been able to tell you all this,” she said.

“Well, I wanted a second source,” Kelsey explained. “I mean, he didn’t even know the name of the dungeon.”

“I know it!” Anton protested. “It just slipped my memory at the time,”

“We call it the Dungeon of the Endless Battle, after the fighting skeletons at the entrance,” Liat said. She looked at Anton. “I hope you’ll forgive his lapse, he’s had a hard time recently. We all have.”

“Of course,” Kelsey said. “So you test people for competence?”

“We evaluate applicants based on their Path and Level, and test their skill in fighting, evasion and trap detection.”

“I see,” Kelsey said evenly. “And are there any other benefits to joining?”

“The dungeon is the main one,” Liat admitted. “There’s the shop and the bar, which are only available to members. We try to make the prices a bit better than what you’d get on the street.”

“Oh yeah! Mind if I check out what dungeon loot sells for?”

“Be my guest,” Liat said, gesturing towards the shop counter. “Oh, Anton?” She called, as he was about to follow Kelsey. “We’ve actually got something to discuss.”

“Yes ma’am,” Anton said, glancing over his shoulder at Kelsey.

“Your parents,” Liat said heavily. Anton looked stricken and turned back to face her. “They had an account here with us. Naturally, you were listed as one of the beneficiaries. The only beneficiary, now.”

“Right. I… uh… I should…” Anton looked lost.

“You don’t have to do anything now,” Liat reassured him. “It’s all been handled, the money has been transferred to your account already. You’ll have inherited the house as well.”

“What’s left of it…” Anton muttered.

“Well, there’s plenty of funds now to get it repaired. You and Aris can—” She broke off, as Anton just looked more upset. She glanced over at Kelsey, carefully examining a sheet of prices across the room. “Whatever you decide. I know your parents would have wanted this to be the start of something new for you.”

“Thanks,” Anton said. “Really, I — I just can’t… Thanks.” He turned away and went over to Kelsey.

“I can’t believe this! They’re buying bones at 5 copper for ten pounds!”

“Makes good fertiliser,” the shopkeeper said, unamused by Kelsey’s antics. “Already dried out and cleaned.”

“Can we go now?” Anton asked wearily. Kelsey looked at him closely.

“Yeah sure. Can I keep this?” she asked the shopkeeper, who nodded dourly. “C’mon, let’s go.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent wandering around the few shops that were open for business. Kelsey bought a few things, each of which disappeared into nothingness as soon as they found a place where they were unobserved.

“Buying things is fine,” she explained. “After the deal is done, I’ve got the thing, they’ve got the money, there’s nothing to be enforced. It’s only when there’s a continuing obligation that I need to worry.”

“Is that the reason I’m here? You need me to make deals for you?”

Kelsey stopped him and put both hands on his shoulders so he was forced to look down at her. “You’ve been a big help today, Anton, I don’t want you to think any differently. Everyone treats me better because you’re around.”

She looked down. “I’m sorry about your family. I’d change that if I could. But I’m really glad it was you that staggered into my cave last night. I’m glad you chose to live.”

“I…” Anton didn’t know what to say. At that moment, he had wanted to live. Just for an hour or even a minute more. Saying he regretted it now seemed churlish.

“And now,” Kelsey said. “I think we should invite your girlfriend to dinner at the inn.”

Anton definitely regretted it.

Dinner was in their private room. Anton hadn’t known that the White Selkie had private dining rooms, but rich merchants apparently liked to conduct some of their business in private. Kelsey — technically Anton — had asked for the best suite, so it came with the additional room.

Kelsey had expressed a preference for the common area — she liked to people watch, she said — but for this meal, she had opted for the private room.

“This is going to get ugly,” she said, just before Aris was due to arrive.

“This was your idea,” Anton said glumly.

“Leaving it until later would just make it worse. We’ll give her a good meal, good wine — not too much wine — and put her in a good mood before you drop the — before you tell her.”

“Right,” Anton said. Was this what it felt like before the execution?

The first part did go well. The food and wine were as excellent as advertised. Neither Kelsey nor Anton could really detect any sign of Aris’s mood improving though. Finally, Aris took the initiative to say something.

“So is this where you tell me you’re leaving me for some rich outlander?” she asked challengingly.

“No! Well…” Anton trailed off. Despite rehearsing for this, he couldn’t find the words he needed.

Kelsey saw him struggling and decided to step in. “Let’s start with this. I’m a dungeon.”

Aris blinked. “What?”

“The dungeon, in fact, the one up the hill. Circumstances aligned, and I was able to form a Dungeon Avatar, which is a body that I can wander around with while still remaining a dungeon.”

Aris blinked again, and then looked at Anton. “What is she talking about?”

Anton waved vaguely at Kelsey. “It’s… true.”

“I’ve never heard of our dungeon… or any dungeon having an Avatar thing,” Aris said suspiciously.

“Well, it’s not easy to do let me tell you. You need to be at a fairly high level, and you need to convince… well let’s just say it’s hard. I didn’t have one until last night.”

“And Anton had something to do with it,” Aris said. It wasn’t a question.

“Not directly, but he was involved in the circumstances. What he needs to tell you is that I saved his life.”

“What? But he’s fine!” She looked at Anton for confirmation, but he just sighed.

“I got injured on the wall. Lost my sword, saw my parents… I ran. The Elitrans… that damned Courl… they found me. Chased me through the town, out into the hills. I thought I might lose them in the dungeon, but…”

“He’d lost a lot of blood,” Kelsey continued for him. “Stopped moving and they caught him up.”

“But you saved him,” Aris said. “A dungeon, saving people.”

“Oh, well, killing the Elitrans, that was all in a day's work,” Kelsey said lightly. “But then I was left with this guy. He might have been dying, but there was no telling how long that was going to take. He wasn’t going to be wandering into any traps, and I couldn’t give orders to my monsters as long as there was someone alive on the floor.”

“Wait, but you—” Anton said remembering her orders to the Lazybones.

“An Avatar is an exception,” Kelsey said, grinning. “I can give orders to any monsters my Avatar can see, regardless of whether the level is locked or they’re outside of the dungeon.”

Kelsey’s grin grew wider. “And there was a mystery going on! No delvers for a while, and then these guys… Someone wanted to know what was going on. Someone with the key that let me unlock this little feature that would solve the problem!”

“So why didn’t you kill him?” Aris asked. “Isn’t that what a dungeon would do?”

“I needed a guide.” Kelsey shrugged. “So I healed him, but not for free.”

“When I agreed,” Anton said slowly. “It put a geas on me. I have to stay with her, take her where she wants to go.” He’d planned to leave it at that, but to his surprise, the rest of his contract forced its way out of his mouth. “Advise her on what she needs to know.”

“I don’t understand,” Aris said.

Kelsey started to speak, but Anton stopped her. He owed it to Aris to explain. “The geas means that I can’t stay for more than a minute in a different room from Kelsey. I’m going to be following her around for the rest of my life.”

“No,” Aris breathed, horrified. “This can’t be happening.” She turned to Kelsey. “Why did you do this to us?”

“Would you prefer him to be dead? Because that was his other choice.”

“You could have saved him! You didn’t have to take him!”

She got up and took a swing at Kelsey, who took the clumsy blow without flinching.

“And why should I?” Kelsey replied coldly, standing as well. “I’m a dungeon. Killing people is what I do every day.”

“I… you…” Aris fought for words. Then she glanced at Anton and burst into tears. “Why don’t you kill me then?” she cried and started to run from the room.

Kelsey was in the way, suddenly. Moving quickly, she intercepted Aris before she got to the door, gripping her by the shoulders.

“Is that it then?” Kelsey asked, keeping her voice quiet, but speaking with intensity. “You’re just going to give up on him?”

“No! I can’t… I—” Aris struggled, but Kelsey’s grip was unbreakable.

“You kids…” she said, half exasperated, half amused. “You love him, don’t you? I know he loves you.”

Aris just broke down into unintelligible sobs. “Here,” Kelsey said. Without apparent effort, she moved Aris over to Anton. “Give your girlfriend a hug.”

Anton did as instructed and enfolded Aris in his arms. She clung to him, still crying. He gave Kelsey a frustrated glare from over his girlfriend’s head.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Kelsey stated firmly. “You two are going to sleep in that bed tonight. You’re just going to sleep, because you’re such shy prudes, but that’s a start.”

“But—”

“Don’t even start. Aris’s parents aren’t going to be expecting her back tonight, and I’ve seen far more intimate moments than two people hugging.”

Anton tried to come up with an argument, but all he could find was “Where are you going to sleep?”

“Oh, I don’t sleep. I’ll just sit this body and focus on my other projects until morning. Now get on that bed before I put you there.”

“Aris?” He looked down at her. She’d stopped sobbing, and had moved on to looking embarrassed. “Is this alright?” he asked.

“My parents did say something about us being almost married already,” she admitted.

“I knew this whole country couldn’t be as uptight as you two,” Kelsey muttered, loud enough to be clearly heard. “Place would have died out.”

Aris turned around to glare at Kelsey again. “And you’re just going to stare at us all night?” she asked.

“Not at you. I can’t turn off the perceptions of this body, but I can focus on other things. Work on my projects.”

“Projects? What sort of projects?” Anton asked. “A better kind of trap?”

“Right now, I’m mostly working on semiconductors,” Kelsey replied airily. Aris and Anton looked at each other.

“What’s a semiconductor?” Anton asked.

“That is the question isn’t it?” Kelsey said, suddenly more animated. “I mean, knowing it’s silicon doped with impurities is all very well. But what impurities? How do you dope it? The whole thing has been a right pain, let me tell you.”

“I didn’t understand anything you just said,” Anton said cautiously.

Kelsey waved in dismissal. “Yeah, it would take too long to explain. Years. You two focus on your own problems.”

“Alright,” Anton said. “Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.”