Dungeons Are Bad Business

Alforde became a blur of motion, zipping across the office and bopping the hat so that Reginald went flying.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say,” the armorsoul chided, casting a nervous look over at Edukaiser, who’d tilted her helmet sideways.

“Can’t help it if it’s the truth,” Reginald said with a wide smile. Seeing where Alforde was looking, Reginald fixed his gaze on the other armorsoul and expression changed in an instant. to one of poorly hidden horror.

“You…you! I didn’t know it was you!” he veritably wailed. “After all these years our paths have finally crossed once again!”

Vee raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued, only to feel like a fool a moment later when the hat continued, “Wait, no, sorry. I think I mixed you up with a different armorsoul. I don’t actually have any idea who you are. My bad. My name is Reginald, it’s nice to meet you.”

Edukaiser harrumphed and folded her arms. “This city is full of jokers and fools, milady. It’s dirty and dilapidated, and the sooner we leave the happier I’ll be. Are you absolutely positive that you don’t want me to simply bring the young lord home by force?”

Vee’s mother didn’t answer, but that was mostly on account of the fact that she’d moved almost as fast as Alforde and was in the middle of squeezing Vee so hard that the [Dungeon Master] was nearly seeing stars. It would be wrong to call such a gesture, powered as it was by a mother’s love, a ‘death hug’, but no term fit better.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Emma whispered to her son, repeating the phrase over and over again.

Vee returned the hug as best he could – which was not all that much, on account of his arms being pinned to his sides – and for a moment he felt like a little boy again, getting a hug from his mother after falling and scraping his knee. A pair of tears formed in the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, and the [Dungeon Master] was grateful for his mom’s long hair which served to hide them from Alforde and Reginald. The armorsoul wouldn’t have said anything, but Vee’s hat was in a peculiar mood and would have teased him mercilessly.

“It’s good to see you too,” Vee said, wiggling one arm free to wrap around his mother’s waist. He was surprised at how small she seemed. “I’ve missed you.”

Emma pulled away and smiled, wiping a tear from her own face and chuckling at the remnants of the ones in Vee’s eyes.

“You’ve always had my heart, that’s for sure,” she said, touching his cheek after she finally let him go. “Can I sit down? There’s so much I want to talk about.”

“That’s a great idea,” Reginald said. “Sit down and let’s talk! I’ve got the starting topic! What in Gawain’s name is that full name?! Victorissimo?! Valencian?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally get why you go by Vee, like, totally get it. But! Come on! What sort of human being could ever think that name was okay? There’s got to be a story there.”

Edukaiser rolled her pauldrons, but Emma chuckled and held up her hand to pre-empt the armorsoul’s wrath.

“Not much of one, I’m afraid. Victorrisimo is my father-in-law’s name,” she explained. “I never met him, but by all accounts he was a great man and my husband wanted to honor his legacy.”

“I thought Vee had an older brother,” Reginald said. “Why didn’t he get the name?”

“In the Vales family the firstborn son is always named Emory,” Emma said with a shrug. “It’s been that way for generations. After that, Valencian was my choice.”

Reginald squinted. “You wanted to name your son …Valencian Vales? Did you like your last name so much you wanted to try and use it twice?”

“That’ll be enough,” Edukaiser said, stepping forward, her eyes blazing. “You’re rather mouthy, for a hat.”

“He’s a [Loudmouth],” Alforde offered, moving to stand between Reginald and Edukaiser. The hat’s ghosthetic was growling, and it was lifting its arms into a fighting pose.

“He just yatters, but it never really means anything.”

This explanation, simple as it was, seemed to mollify Edukaiser, who stepped back and muttered something rude just loud enough that Reginald was sure to hear it. She continued glaring at him while Vee led his mother over to the nearest chair so that they could catch up.

The pleasantries – how did she know he was here? How was her trip? What’d she think of the city – passed quickly. Vee vaguely remembered talking to some magazine people a while back, but hadn’t ever imagined that the article would find its way to his mother or that she’d drop everything to come and see him.

Even crazier was the fact that she’d been in town for a few days and had held off from coming to see him. That was definitely out of character.

When he asked about why she’d done such a thing, his mother gave him the slyest smile he’d ever seen and said, “Luna asked me not to. She said this circuit thing was really important to you and that you wouldn’t be able to focus on it properly if you knew I was around.”

Unable to properly believe his ears, Vee looked up at the ceiling and glared, directing a heartfelt, albeit internal Really?! at the powers that be that lay beyond it.

With all the people in Oar’s Crest, his mother had already somehow met Luna? Worse, they’d talked about him – oh Gawain, oh Piper, that couldn’t be good.

He was less sure of what to make about the fact that Luna had asked for a favor on his behalf. His stomach felt warm, which was strange but also somewhat comforting.

That’d been really sweet of her; he’d have to buy her some flowers before he saw her again and say thank you.

“It seems like there’s a bit of a…situation there,” Emma went on, her eyes sparkling. “You’ll have to tell me all about it. You know, she’s very pretty.”

Edukaiser harrumphed once more and Vee looked over at the elder armorsoul.

“She’s a [Witch].”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh my goodness. Not this again, Edukaiser. You examined her yourself and found no issues. Surely that’s enough to be convinced that she’s nothing to be concerned about. With the way you’ve been acting since we arrived, I’m surprised you’re not finding a thousand things wrong with Vee’s friend Reginald over there.”

“Oh, but I have,” Edukaiser said, her voice flat and emotionless. “Though greatly diminished, I can feel the remnant of a [Wizard]’s influence on him, and his foolish grin and mannerisms remind me far too much of a [Herald of–”

“-- that’ll be quite enough of that,” Reginald interrupted, his voice unusually sharp. He was frowning now, all his previous good humor gone, and there was a gravity in both his voice and expression that Vee didn’t recognize. “I have been many things and will undoubtedly be many others, but we’re not here to talk about me. It would be best to drop it.”

Those last two words had been said with the strange skill-tone Reginald rarely used, and its presence lingered like a threat in the air. Edukaiser regarded the hat warily for a moment, and Vee thought the office might have grown a bit colder, but eventually bowed her helmet.

“Indeed. Forgive my poor manners.”

Awkward silence followed but didn’t stay for long; Emma cut back into the conversation smoothly, the same way Vee had seen her do dozens of times at parties and otherwise tense dinners of years past. “Well, with all that settled, why don’t we go get a bite to eat? I don’t know about you, but I’m quite hungry. That spectator’s arena you’ve got set up leaves much to be desired in the way of food and refreshment.”

“I know, I know,” Vee said, running a hand through his hair. “I wanted to get some local [Chefs] to set up some booths or something but didn’t get around to it. There was simply too much to do.”

“You had a decent number of watchers from what I saw,” Emma went on. “With a bit of proper work and organization I could see something great blooming there.”

She stood up with a [Warm Smile] and held out her hand. “Come on, let’s go. I’m sure that you have a favorite restaurant, right? I’d like to try it.”

Vee blinked slowly. Favorite restaurant?

He nodded and got up. “Sure. It’s got kind of a strange name, but the food is good.”

“A strange name?”

“Yeah, it’s called the Grinning Pig.”

The restaurant was busy, but Vee and company had no trouble getting a table. A few loudly dressed kitrekins eating at one table in the corner kept fixing Edukaiser with dirty looks, but they didn’t cause any trouble and there were no other issues with the service or the food.

Vee hadn’t expected his mother to like her meal, which was decidedly more…simple than even the most rushed lunch he’d had back home, and was surprised by the genuine enthusiasm with which she devoured her chicken drenched in gravy with mashed potatoes.

“Don’t look so shocked,” Emma said with a smirk as she mopped up the last traces with a bit of roll. “Food is rarely the type of thing your father expects. This type of meal is what kept me going for years while I was on the road.”

She looked around, taking in all the details of the restaurant before wiping her mouth clean and sighing with content.

“Heck, I can see why you like this place,” she said. “It’s definitely cozy and the food is made with love.”

Vee breathed a sigh of internal relief, and waved Big Simon, who was looking somewhat haggard, over to handle the bill. Before he could reach into his pocket though, Emma set four gleaming gold fleurs down on the table.

“That’s far too much,” the ginger kitrekin said, his mouth and eyes oddly tight.

“Not at all. Consider it my heartfelt appreciation for a delicious meal,” Emma said. “I’m sure my son’s been coming here often and it soothes my soul to know that he’s been eating well.”

The compliment softened big Simon’s expression, and while he continued to glare at Edukaiser until they left, he sounded more like himself when he wished Vee well until his next visit.

“What was that all about?” the [Dungeon Master] asked Edukaiser once they were a short distance away from the restaurant. “Why did all those kitrekins look so pissed off?”

Edukaiser shrugged. “I suspect it had something to do with that mud golem [Summoner]. He wore a similarly loud shirt.”

Vee raised an eyebrow and the armorsoul continued, “Shortly after arriving in this city your mother and I were accosted by a mud golem [Summoner]. After meeting your [Witch] friends, I agreed to help capture the insolent fool so that he couldn’t cause further problems.”

“Did you succeed?” Alforde asked. “Holly and Luna have been after him forever.”

Edukaiser cocked her helmet to the side.

“What do you think?”

They fell silent as they walked, until Emma looped her arm through Vee’s.

“With our bellies full for the moment, there’s just one thing left to do,” she said. “Let’s see where you’ve been staying,” Emma said.

Vee gulped, the images of dirty dishes, discarded clothes, and a bathroom that was overdue for a cleaning flashing through his mind.

“Uh…sure,” he said. “It’s this way, come on.”

Alas, even [Stiffen Spine] couldn’t shake the sense of dread that dominated Vee’s thoughts.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: G-h-o-s-t M-a-e-s-t-r-o? (Locksmagister University), Level 33

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 7

Might: 15

Wit: 41

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 29

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47 (+1)

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9