Dungeons Are Bad Business

Volume 2 Chapter 120:



One of Alforde’s favorite things to read about was desperate last stands. He loved the hopeless beauty of defiance in the face of certain defeat, the way people with no chance of winning would stand their ground and scream defiance until the bitter end. It was romantic in the truest sense of the word, and the armorsoul had always hoped that if he ever found himself in such a situation that he’d have the grace and inner strength to accept his circumstances with the same spirit as his favorite characters.

Of course, standing in his arena and facing Matthew Cracklelance was nothing at all like any of those stories, and Alforde felt a little silly for even thinking of them as he met the big adventurer’s eyes. No matter how bad the battle went it’d be over in less than ten minutes, and at the end of the day he would walk upstairs like he always did to help Vee count their earnings. This bout had no real consequences, other than some marks on a piece of paper and the loss of a trinket from the treasure chest behind him.

Still, Alforde couldn’t help but imagine that the looming sense of dread in the back of his helmet was the shadow of the same feeling. An overwhelming knowledge that defeat was imminent, that nothing he did would be enough to eke out a victory.

In a way, that was freeing. He didn’t need to worry about making any mistakes: they’d all simply be overlooked as a gap in strength and talent. A footnote barely worth noticing, let alone mentioning or dwelling on for any significant period of time.

Tightening his gauntlet around Slammy, Alforde rolled his pauldrons and gave the adventurer a polite nod.

“Welcome to my arena,” he said quietly. There was no point in bothering with bluster, bravado, or bragging like he did with some challengers. Both he and Matthew Cracklelance knew the outcome of the fight that was about to happen; it was just a matter now of going through the motions.

A traitorous thought ran through Alforde’s helmet. Given such a situation, did it even make sense for him to try and win? Wouldn’t it be better and faster for him to simply roll over and quit?

No, that wasn’t right. He could hear that voice in his helmet even though it didn’t speak. A champion doesn’t worry about the outcome, only the process to obtain it.

He had to remember that despite not looking like it, there was value in doing his best here. Fighting strong opponents was the best way to improve his skills, and while he was sure to lose that didn’t mean he couldn’t learn from the experience.

Matthew tilted his head from one side to the other and brought up his weapon. Alforde was pleased to see that it was a hammer, albeit a small one with a comparatively large stone head that was covered in white runes. The hammer crackled with power, and a ton of tiny green bolts arced up and down its handle.

“It’s been a while since I’ve gone up against another hammer user,” the adventurer said. “Your weapon sure looks impressive. What’s it made out of?”

“Frostnickel from a forge here in town,” Alforde said.

“I like that. It’s a good [Dungeon Champion] that uses local products. Too many of you guys are obsessed with master-grade stuff, and as good as those weapons are, they really don’t make that big of a difference.”

The armorsoul shrugged. “I wouldn’t know anything about that. How about yours? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that.”

“It’s Bolteorite, a lightning infused stone that’s only found in the mountains near my homeland,” Matthew said. “Came from a fallen star and was crafted into a weapon by an old |King of the Sky|.”

Alforde huffed. As far as he was concerned, there were far too many adventurers running around with fallen star weapons and armor with provenances from |Kings| of various flavors. When everyone had a weapon that could star in its own legend, didn’t that kind of mean that nobody did?

Alas, there wasn’t time to ponder that properly, because the adventurer went ahead and settled into a fighting stance.

“Look, I’m not trying to be rude here, but let’s go ahead and get this over with,” Matthew said. “I’m sure we’ve both got better things to do with our time.”

He was still smiling, but there was something patronizing in the expression now that made Alforde angry.

It wasn’t going to change the outcome of the fight by any means, but Alforde went ahead and held nothing back. He summoned Shadowforde right away, and activated before his Reflection hit the stage.

Matthew looked back and forth with one eyebrow raised. He casually ducked beneath a large chunk of ice that flew toward his head and batted a smaller one away with his hammer.

“Oho!” he called. “I didn’t realized you had a domain too! That makes this a little bit interesting! Let me show you mine! !”

Instead of creating a zone like Alforde’s domain, Matthew’s instead affected his body. His muscles bulged against his clothes, his hair turned white, and his eyes glowed with power.

Crouching down and letting out a roar that would have sent any great beast running for the hills, the adventurer leapt forward and drove his hammer into Alforde’s cuirass like it was a spear.

It’d happened so fast that Alforde hadn’t even started getting ready for it, and the impact blew him from one side of the stage to another.

He didn’t even have time to land before the [Thunderlord] delivered a second strike to his helmet, and the next thing Alforde knew he was bouncing off the ground outside the stage.

It might have been the fastest stock he’d ever lost, which forced the [Dungeon Champion] to reconsider the value in fighting such a strong opponent. If he couldn’t even process what was happening to him, was there really much to be gained in terms of learning from the battle beyond useless platitudes like ‘Don’t Get Hit’?

He shook the thought out of his helmet and got back onto the stage. His domain still raged, and Alforde did what he could to bolster the storm further. Frost spread from his boots, covering half the stage in a thick layer of ice.

Giving Shadowforde a nod, the [Dungeon Champion] launched an attack from two directions, hoping that at least one of his blows would make it through the man’s guard. He swung and thrust and jabbed and jostled, only for his blows to all be swatted away.

His Reflection didn’t fare much better, but Alforde thought that if they could just keep up the pressure eventually they’d–

“[Bolt Burst]!”

A green sphere erupted from the adventurer’s chest, knocking Alforde and Shadowforde away. Before the [Dungeon Champion] had time to recover, Matthew was right in front of him.

“[Combination Attack Six]!”

A flurry of hammer strikes, combined with electrically charged punches and kicks peppered Alforde and drove him backwards. He activated [Give No Ground], but his skill was rapidly overwhelmed and he went flying over the edge once again.

Two stocks gone in less than a minute. That might not have been a record, but it certainly felt like one.

Alforde clapped his helmet to clear his thoughts and warily climbed back up. His domain raged with fury, but it didn’t seem to bother or slow Matthew in any meaningful way. The adventurer’s face was calm.

“Are your fights always like this?” Alforde asked before getting back into his fighting stance.

The adventurer shook his head. “Not when I’m up against a [Dungeon Champion] closer to my own level.”

Though there was clearly no insult intended in the statement, Alforde found himself offended all the same. It was irrational, he knew, but he still launched his next attack with all the fury he could muster. Shadowforde mirrored him, as was appropriate, and the two of them almost – almost – managed to land a blow against their foe.

Another strike from the [Thunderlord] sent Alforde reeling, and the armorsoul found himself at a loss for what to do. None of his attacks worked, and he was against an opponent who was faster, stronger, and more experienced than he was. There was no simple tactic he could employ to turn the tables, no new skill he could call upon nor previously set up but unmentioned trick waiting to be deployed.

He’d been weighed and measured, and like all those characters he’d read about, had been found wanting.

Alforde hit the ground outside the stage twice more.

Sometimes you just lost and there was nothing you could do about it except try to come up with a way to prevent it from happening in the future.

To be a champion is to refuse to believe that defeat is final.

“The big guy is probably going to be feeling pretty crummy after that one,” Reginald said as the adventurer took his treasure and left the dungeon. “It’s been a long time since he looked that helpless against a challenger.”

“Agreed,” Vee said. “Hopefully he doesn’t beat himself up too bad about it; it wasn’t his fault by any means and he put up as good a fight as we could have expected him to.”

“I wonder if he’ll see it that way,” the [Majordomo] said. “He’s probably going to spend the rest of the day moping about things he could have done better and trying to come up with new plans for the future.”

“Probably,” said Vee. “If we’re lucky he’ll get one more match today that he can win, and then we won’t have to worry about him being upset afterwards.”

Reginald pointed to the tiny stack of applications left. “There’s only five or six challengers left. I don’t think there’s a great chance of that happening, do you?”

Vee leafed through them and winced. The prospects for another champion bout happening weren’t great. The strongest adventurer remaining was only level 17 in their primary class – [Sabotage Slinger] – and the rest were all three or four levels lower.

“If it doesn’t work out I’ll just get him some new books to read,” Vee said with a shrug. “That’ll make him happy.”

“You’d best start thinking about those books,” Reginald said as the day’s – and the circuit, as far as Crestheart was concerned – last run came to a somewhat disappointing close. The level thirteen [Sparkling Archer] proved to be no match for Nock, and was completely overwhelmed by the weaponsoul’s harrying on the second floor.

“I’ll let him pick,” Vee answered. “He’s got a list of books to read later that he’s been keeping since I was a kid. I’m sure he’ll be able to find a few of them in the local bookstore.”

One of Reginald’s yellow spirit arms reached over and clapped Vee on the shoulder. “We did it, boss. All in all, I’d say that was an extremely successful circuit initiation. Now we just have to do it again and again and again.”

Vee nodded, but before he could respond he was interrupted by a notification.

[Congratulations, Crestheart is now a Level 4 Dungeon!]

[Your dungeon aura skills are now more powerful!]

[Passive shard of chaos drop rate has been doubled!]

[+1% chance of passive minion skills activating!]

[You may now choose one of the following perks to make your dungeon more powerful!]

[OPTION ONE: Miniboss Buff Aura]

This activatable buff will empower your dungeon minibosses. Estimated buff value is 5% to a miniboss’ primary stat multiplied by the total number of minibosses in your dungeon. Limit of one buffable entity per dungeon floor. Selecting this option will increase your chances of being offered passive aura perks with additional dungeon levels.

[OPTION TWO: Stone Golem summoning basin]

This crystal powered artifact will generate one basic stone golem every day. Original crystal will deplete over time, but can be swapped out for more powerful versions which will increase the daily rate of golem generation. Selecting this option will increase your chances of being offered additional artifact perks with further dungeon levels.

[OPTION THREE: Minion Purchase Discount]

Save 10% on all future purchases of Union-sanctioned minions. Selecting this option will increase your chances of additional discount perks with further dungeon levels.

[Please note, all perk deliveries are subject to delivery conditions, and may not arrive for some time after being selected.]

Vee rubbed his chin and dismissed the notification. He’d think about the choice later.

For now, he was going to go ahead and take a bit of a break from all things dungeon related.

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged):

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged):

Vee Vales

Primary Class: G-h-o-s-t M-a-e-s-t-r-o? (Locksmagister University), Level 33

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 7

Might: 15

Wit: 41

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 29

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47 (+1)

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9


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