Dungeons Are Bad Business

Reginald’s assessment proved correct. The day’s first twenty adventurers took less than an hour, thanks in no small part to the seven in a row that didn’t manage to make it through the first room. A career in dungeon sports for those people didn’t seem like an especially wise choice in Vee’s opinion, but the [Dungeon Master] was glad they’d come to Crestheart all the same. Having adventurers that did no damage and required no reset time was something of a blessing, and Vee selfishly wished that more of his challengers would prove to be similar in the future.

Alas, the stretch of quick runs came to an end with the challenge of a level 18 [Axe Thrower], who made it far enough to pick a totem and decided to try her luck with the larger, draining totem. As a result, her progress slowed to a crawl, as she had to take frequent breaks. Vee was glad to see her lose her run to a series of [Frost Vent] traps followed by a barrage from his skeleton mages.

The pace picked back up again after that, and Vee fell into a familiar rhythm. He used [Boost Drops] twice when faced with adventurers who seemed capable of clearing all the Marked minions, but was disappointed when only one of them managed to do so. Losing a charge of [Boost Drops] wasn’t ideal, but neither was it devastating. They couldn’t all be perfectly efficient, and choosing to use one always constituted a risk.

He swept his hands over the dials, used [Walking Walls] as often as he needed to, and kept the challengers on their toes with well-timed activations of his traps and platform manipulations. To an outside observer, none of the things Vee was doing would have looked unusual. Quite the opposite in fact: they were all things that he’d done hundreds of times before.

However, with every repetition Vee felt weight being added to the growing sense of something greater happening in the ethereal around the dungeon. He paused and looked through the nearest window, activating [Third Sight] as he did so. Sure enough, there was a strange gray-blue fog of ectoplasm in the air.

It was thin and wispy, floating around the streets outside the dungeon and flickering in and out of existence every few seconds. A large mass congealed around the lobby, while smaller ones lingered outside Juniper’s flower shop and Thien’s other workshop.

Vee got up and walked over to the window. It was fine for him to leave the console for a moment, the adventurer in the dungeon was working on solving the disassembled key puzzle and having what could charitably be called a “hard time”. There were only a few pieces of ectoplasm, and Vee thought their connection points were painfully obvious, but as is often the case things that seem glaringly simple to their creator are obtuse to outsiders.

Holding his hand out the window, Vee grabbed some of the fog as it blew by. It was neither warm nor cold, but tingled against his skin ever so slightly. It wasn’t malicious, of that much Vee was sure, but he didn’t know what it was either.

Reaching down with his other hand, Vee touched the Expectation on his shoulder and whispered, “Something to do with you, maybe?”

The snake dragon quivered, but didn’t answer, and Vee let the matter drop. He’d keep an eye on it and see how it progressed. Maybe that would give him a better idea of what it was.

While he was standing at the window, Vee looked over across some of the nearby buildings in the direction of the spectator’s area. Due to the way the streets were arranged he couldn’t see the whole thing too well, but what was visible didn’t look empty.

He wondered how spectator’s were enjoying the experience. There hadn’t been enough time to get it really looking nice before the circuit, but Vee definitely wanted to make sure that it got expanded and improved once things were back to normal. His conversation with those old dungeon sports fans had convinced him that it was important for a dungeon to have a good spectator area, and he could use it as a launching pad for so many things.

With his curiosity satisfied for the moment, Vee returned to his console only to see that the adventurer was still struggling with the key.

“Go ahead and give him the hint,” Vee instructed Reginald. “Otherwise he’ll be here all day.”

The hat flapped his brim and activated his magnification crystal. “Adventurer! If you flip over that slab that you got the pieces off, you’ll find an image of the completed key.”

Thanks be to Gawain and Piper, the adventurer took Reginald’s suggestion and managed to assemble the key with the picture’s help. Vee made a mental note to add something to help adventurers find that image for themselves in future runs and returned to his work.

***

Down in his arena, Alforde was bored. Nobody had come by to challenge him yet today, and he was eager for his first bout. He paced back and forth, occasionally pausing to give Slammy a few test swings to keep his mind sharp.

He’d expected there to be far more challenges given the comparatively higher level of the out-of-town adventurers compared to the normal people he faced from Oar’s Crest, but apparently Vee’s redesign of the dungeon had been quite potent. A lot of adventurers got taken out by Mister Chills or the instant kill hallway, making Alforde’s days a bit too easy for the armorsoul’s liking.

Alforde rolled his pauldrons and shook his helmet from side to side. He had to stay vigilant! A strong challenger could appear at any moment!

Vee’s voice crackled through the crystal from up above. “Hey buddy! We’ve got the day’s first bout coming up. It’s a level 21 [Knuckle Philosopher] and he’s pretty strong, though I’ve got to warn you that he’s kind of obnoxious.”

‘Oh yeah? How so?”

His friend sighed, and Alforde could immediately visualize Vee’s frustrated expression.

“He has this whole monologue about how talking with his fists is the only way to really get to know somebody or have a conversation with them. It’s way too long and he says it before every fight too.”

“Whips his shirt off like he’s a [Treasure Hunter] before every fight too,” Reginald added darkly. “Adds an extra minute or so to each room. Knock him out quickly so that he shuts up and goes away, okay?”

Alforde chuckled. “I’ll do my best!”

He planted himself firmly at the edge of his stage, and held Slammy vertically beside him. He summoned his frost cape and activated the small [Frost Vent] trap he’d secretly installed beneath his stage. The cold didn’t bother him and the trap provided more than enough breeze to set his cape fluttering dramatically.

The armorsoul giggled quietly. It was a cool look and he knew it. Now to wait for his foe to arrive!

Sure enough, the man entered a moment later. He was wearing, oddly, a gray suit with a dark red shirt, and while his hair was messy on account of all the fighting in the dungeon it had clearly been slicked back originally.

Before Aforde could launch into his welcome speech – which he’d been practicing so diligently! – the man dramatically spun around and struck a fighting pose with his hands balled into fists and held at the ready.

“I see that fate has brought us together beneath these moons,” he said dramatically. “Brought us together to let us compare our strength. To battle and see which of us…you or me…is the stronger.”

Alforde blinked. He blinked a few more times, trying to process what he’d just heard. There was some, uh, or actually a lot, to unpack. And some finicky bits too. Like using the word ‘stronger’ right after using the word ‘strength’. That was a no-no in Alforde’s book; would it be rude if he suggested a different word to the poor fellow? He was clearly trying so very hard.

“Indeed,” the man continued, clearly oblivious to the raging battle inside Alforde’s mind about the potential differences between ‘mightier’ and ‘greater’. “Indeed beneath this moon I sense a kinship betwixt us! We are brothers, you and I, and I will prove it to you with these fists of mine!”

Bemused, Alforde looked up at the ceiling, making sure that Vee hadn’t secretly installed some sort of mobile or decoration that could be mistaken for the moon. When he saw that there was not, he held up one of his gauntlets and asked, “Why do you keep talking about the moon?”

“We’re underground,” he added helpfully a moment later. “And I’m pretty sure we’re not related, either. We can go ahead and fight though! That’s why we’re both here after all.”

The man visibly deflated, and started muttering awkwardly about the differences between butterflies and ducks or something similarly nonsensical, which gave Alforde enough time to go ahead and give his speech. It definitely wasn’t polite to extoll one’s own accomplishments too much – Edukaiser had drilled that into him almost literally when he’d been freshly forged – but he couldn’t deny that his speech was much more thought out and coherent. It had gone through the rarest of all crucibles: two rounds of extensive editing.

As soon as he tossed the man his SSB – the pill that would keep him from getting injured during the bout – the adventurer ripped off his shirt like he was being paid to do so and assumed a different fighting pose.

“[Brawling Beast Stance]!” he shouted, causing competing blue and yellow auras to hover above his skin.

A second later he seemed to change his mind.

“[Burning Fist Stance]!”

The color changed to a deep red, and heat started rolling in waves off his body.

“Show me the strength of your soul,” the adventurer cried in an oddly baritone voice. “Show me your might!”

Alforde stepped back and brought Slammy into ready position. This was definitely going to be one of the weirder challengers he’d ever fought, but the armorsoul didn’t dare underestimate the challenge he faced.

The [Dungeon Champion] swung his hammer with all his strength and it met the man’s fist, which was rushing toward his helmet. Through the power of the SSB the blow was transformed into nothing more than a battle of force instead of a cause of critical injury, and from there Alforde launched a [Combo Attack] intended to throw the man off the platform.

However, while his blows landed they did barely anything to his opponent, who simply grunted and rushed in closer to grab Alforde in a bear hug.

A second later the armorsoul was flying, and when he looked down the adventurer was grinning, the red aura around his body bigger and brighter than it’d been a second before.

Something held Alforde’s limbs in place, an invisible force that prevented him from moving, and when he got close to landing the adventurer grabbed him like he weighed no more than a bag of rice and slammed him around the arena until the armorsoul finally wiggled free.

“Let us converse with our fists!” the adventurer cried. “For that is the best way to get to know each other!”

Alforde retreated, stopping a safe distance away from the edge of the stage and readying himself for the next clash.

“You know, if you’re just looking for friends there are other adventurers in town you can talk to,” he said. “No fists required! You just have to like, talk to them. WIth words.”

He activated [Unstoppable Charge] and raced toward the [Knuckle Philosopher], raising his hammer to strike a mighty blow.

The combatants met again, and this time Alforde’s strength was greater. A well-timed [Pauldron Smash] sent the adventurer flying.

“Take that!” the armorsoul yelled, feeling immense satisfaction in scoring the first point of their bout.

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged from last chapter):

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged From Last Chapter):

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: G-h-o-s-t M-a-e-s-t-r-o? (Locksmagister University), Level 33

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 7

Might: 15

Wit: 41

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 18

Devious Mind: 29

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald (Unchanged):

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 14

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47 (+1)

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9