Dulce Lacrimae

Aniela laid in her hurricane of a nest. You can't tell there's a bed under the piles of papers, dead flowers and animal remains. Under her bed, were millions of jars and notebooks. Ever since primary school, she was the only person that went through the door. The papers that once were cut out to stick in the wall were now clearly ripped out, half being scattered on the floor. The floor wasn't visible since third year. Aniela spent all her time perfecting her ritual of waking up in her papers, finding a new photo of her mother, sticking it on top of the other photos of her mother, as her wall was already covered. The photos started repeating as well. One of the photos had a ripped-up note stuck to the back with “Because peace is all I’ve got, In soul of mine” being the only thing readable. The other walls and ceiling were only things from her book and other spells. Drawing on the left wall were the red circles she learned from her book. After her daily ritual, she'd start studying her book and learning more about necromancy. Her mother lovingly guided her through the steps, telling her that one day, they will finally be together. In the middle of the day she would eat something from their fridge, preferably after her dad went out after five in the evening to work and later night shift. Then she would go out to get something for her book. And in the middle of the night, she'd lay in her papers and continue studying her book. Until she fell asleep.

The only thing that interrupted this cycle was school, which she started considering not going to. Beside her was the useless Nokia, gathering dust.

She hasn't seen Federov since the incident.

Aniela walked uselessly to school in her unclean school uniform. She didn't see the point of going, as she rather stay at home with her book. And her mother. While she walked through the halls filled with tired students, she felt a yank on her arm. It was Nadia.

"Hiiii, why haven't you answered any of my texts? Darla also said you've been ignoring her. What's up? You ok?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure? You look, lifeless. No offence."

Aniela just stared at her.

"Don't pull a John on me Aniela. Come on, remember how angry we got at him? Now he's finishing school and planning where to go to college. Did I tell you he got a girlfriend? She'll be disappointed." Nadia chuckled but immediately stopped with seeing Aniela's eyes piercing through her.

"Eh, we should probably go to class. See you, later?"

Aniela shrugged and walked away. She didn't care about being like John. She cared about her mother.

Aniela walked out of school and walked to the school's bike rack, getting ready to go home. As she was about to get on, she heard sudden yells of Nadia desperation.

"Hey! Hey! Wait!"

Nadia ran up to her, with Darla following behind.

"Where were you? Couldn't find you during break."

"I was on my bench."

"Your bench?"

"Yeah, the one at the steps." Aniela pointed at her old, yellowed bench.

"Why didn't you hang out with us?"

Darla asked softly.

"Didn't feel like it."

"Oh? Did we do something wrong? You've been avoiding us lately."

"No. I just think hanging out with you is a waste of time."

"What!" Nadia yelled angrily. "Oh, so now it's a waste of time? What happened with little miss loneliness?"

"Nadia, calm down-"

"No!" The black-haired girl interrupted Darla. "She thinks she can just piss off, like John as if we don't matter. And tells us we are a waste of time? When she was so sad couple years ago about having no friends?"

"Nadia-"

"No! No l'm not going to be nice! All of my friends think they can just leave me whenever they want! And I'm done with being treated like this!"

"Nadia, please-"

"What? You think I'm a waste of time as well? Everyone thinks I'm a waste of time! Maybe I should just kill myself!"

"Nadia! Don't say that!"

The enraged girl tried to keep in her tears.

"I bet you don't have a problem with that Aniela!" She turned to see that Aniela was long gone with her bike.

"I tried to tell you." Darla sighed and hugged her sobbing friend.

Aniela was home alone until she heard a knock on her door. She jumped up surprised, as she never was interrupted on her nights alone. She walked up to the old brown door, and behind it found Darla.

"Darla. How do you know where I live?"

The hazel haired girl smiled weakly. "After hacking the school system. They keep everyone's addresses." Her smile dropped. "Aniela listen, we need to talk. Can I come in?"

"No."

"Oh! Ok well, you made Nadia very upset. You've left us alone, as if we are worth nothing. But I feel like there is more going on. What's wrong Aniela?"

"There's nothing wrong."

The older girl's brow furrowed.

"Nothing? Are you sure? You do realise how lifeless you have gotten?

And that your clothes are dirty? This isn't like you Aniela." Aniela just shrugged.

"Is it that Russian man? Is he doing something to you?"

"No? I haven't seen him a while either."

"Oh. Is it your father? Did he start bullying you?"

"No. We still avoid each other."

"Do you have food to eat? You lost a lot of weight, and you were always skinny. It's unhealthy."

"I eat every day."

"Then what is it Aniela? Is it your mother?"

Aniela suddenly shifted. This whole time she acted so stoic, but Darla finally caught some emotion in her.

"It is, isn't it? It happened 6 years ago Aniela! Didn't you and your dad talk about it? You need a therapist; this is ruining you."

"I am not getting over it!" Aniela snapped, which made the other girl step back. "Everyone acts as if nothing now can be done. That she's fully gone. But it's not true. I know how to bring her back!"

"And how do you know? Don't you see you are being delusional?"

"My book tells me! My mother tells me! Everyday I get a step closer to bringing her back. And you don't have time to waste on people like you."

"Aniela, that book is lying to you! I know you and Nadia believe in witchcraft, but it isn't really true."

"It's not witchcraft! It's real! It's really real! Look at it!” Aniela grabs her book and showed it to Darla.

Darla’s face expression scrunched to confusion. “Wait, Aniela- “

But Aniela didn’t care. She slammed the door in her face.

It's been a month since Aniela last spoke to Darla. But did Aniela know that? Did Aniela even remember about her friends? The girl sat at her fifth candle and read the new chapter of her book. Her room was covered in smoke. After preparing for months, she was finally ready to take some action. Her book told her exactly what she needed to get. The voices encouraged her, and her mother sweetly complimented on how brave and smart she was being.

"You are doing well Aniela."

Aniela threw out everything from her back and put in big sheets of cloth she bought in Tesco. She also put in a medium shovel. She took her bag and headed to her bike.

She drove on her little bike to the cemetery of Glenfallen, with the little stone church. She parked her bike beside the plain stone wall of the church and started walking to the graves. She took out her shovel and put down her bag. She went to her mother's grave, with fresh flowers and lanterns decorating her grave. One thing Aniela and her father agreed on, was in keeping her mother's resting place clean and honoured. She started digging at the side of the slab. After few painful minutes, she started digging more to the centre of the grave to get to her mother's casket.

After 15 minutes, her shovel hit something hard. She started digging away at this spot and dug enough to see a good bit of the side of the casket. That's when she grabbed her secret weapon: her father's Swiss knife. She apologised to her mother and then started cutting a hole into her mother's casket. It wasn't an easy task, cutting a hole in a thin piece of wood, but after an hour of hard work, she cut her hole. Then she grabbed the pieces of cloth and put it on her leg. She reached through the hole and started grabbing for anything that was resembling human remains. She started taking out bones, with still little pieces of flesh and clothing and after looking down at her mother for five minutes, she put the bones on the cloth. She did this until she was satisfied with the amount. She could tell exactly each bone apart, and what its name was and function. She rolled up the cloth and was going to put it in her bag.

"Aniela."

She froze. She knew that voice. She put the rolled-up cloth into the bag and turned to see Federov look down at her with disappointment.

"You've been avoiding me, to do things like this?"

"You wouldn't understand Federov."

"You are right. I don't understand. Aniela, you are sick." His voice was sharp yet gentle, it cut perfect through Aniela's soul.

"I'm not sick."

She put the wood inside the casket and started putting all the dirt back in place.

"You've gone insane. What are you doing here, digging up bodies? And your own mothers at that."

"It's, it's going to be worth it. I promise." She quickly was shoving the soil into the dug whole, fast as if a bomb was ticking at her head.

"Worth what? Aniela, nothing is worth the lunacy you are going through. You don't really believe you'll bring your mother back, do you?"

She froze and turned to Federov.

"Of course, I believe I can." She snapped at him.

"I can see that. But think critically for a minute. Do you really trust that book?"

"Yes." She went back to covering the hole.

Federov overlooked her work, his face tired, angry, worried. Yet he said nothing. He just watched as she finished covering the hole and rushed to her bike with her bag.

Aniela tried not to think about what Federov said to her. No, she can do it.

What the book is saying is the truth. It's the truth, it's the truth, it's the truth, it's the truth, it's the truth!

She reached her house and put her bike away. Then she went to the little slab in the field. She moved the jars away so she could fit the remains. Her mother is safe. The plan is going smoothly. This is going to work. It's has to. "Well done, sweetie."