Dirty Switch

Stanford University.
He had definitely read about it in a book.
Just like Seo Baekhan said, it was a globally renowned school for genetics and biology. And, uh… where exactly was it again? Its location, the location was…

America.
He couldn’t immediately recall which state, but in any case, Seo Baekhan was going off to study in a place so far away, it required a long flight and even flipped the time zone upside down.
Joo Taehyun’s shoulders slumped without him realizing.

He had expected to see Seo Baekhan again at events like this. After all, he seemed to know a lot of people and showed interest in various gatherings.
Besides, what was it—something about a group for descendants of independence fighters? Yeah, he had said he was planning to create that too. He’d even told Joo Taehyun that he had to join, so Taehyun had assumed they’d be seeing each other frequently because of that.
But if he went all the way to America to study… how many years would it be until they met again? Even if he came back during breaks, they might only exchange a greeting once or twice a year.

“Do you know anyone there?”
“Not personally, but the Korean community’s pretty tight-knit. Everyone kind of knows everyone.”
“Yeah. So try not to be too prickly over there, alright, kid?”

“…I’ll try my best.”
“I’m saying this because you don’t seem to know how to act civil toward people you don’t like. That worries me.”
“Yes. I know who you’re referring to. I’ll be careful.”

“…Who?”
That one caught him completely off guard. When he tried to sneak in a question, three pairs of eyes turned toward Joo Taehyun. He shrank a little, thinking maybe he’d interrupted something he shouldn’t have—but then relaxed when he saw the warm expressions his brothers gave him. And as for Seo Baekhan… he wore an unreadable expression.
“Mm, our baby doesn’t need to know just yet.”

“What is it?”
“There’s someone Baekhan-hyung really hates, and that guy just so happens to be near the school he’s going to.”
“Really?”
“You’re treating Taehyun like such a baby.”

“Hey, our baby is a baby, for real.”
It felt—perhaps it was just his imagination—but it felt like they didn’t want to go into the deeper details.
In any case, Joo Taehyun still wanted to get closer to Seo Baekhan.

He wanted to hear about other people’s lives from his perspective, to realize and feel new things.
He wanted to sneak glances at the way Seo Baekhan’s smile grew more vivid whenever he talked about what he really wanted to do.
Thinking that there might not be another moment like this made Joo Taehyun a little—no, a lot—upset, but he tried not to show it. Seo Baekhan’s compliment earlier, about how good he was at managing his expressions, kept echoing in his head.

Even as Seo Baekhan talked about his hopes for graduate school, Joo Taehyun just nodded calmly, pretending it was no big deal.
“Your parents must be pretty sad, sending such an amazing son so far away.”
“I’ll probably have to come back even during the semester if something comes up, so it won’t be that bad.”

“Still, don’t push yourself too hard. Take it easy when you can.”
“Yeah, you’re still young, Baekhan. And yet you’re already miles ahead of people your age.”
Even as they said that, Joo Gukwon and Joo Sangwoo both smiled fondly and gave Seo Baekhan’s shoulder a reassuring pat.

“The elders have high expectations for you. You know that, right?”
They told him to take it easy, yet their expectations were sky-high. A contradictory kind of encouragement. But Seo Baekhan seemed completely unfazed, like he was used to hearing this kind of thing. He even squinted and smiled playfully.
“I know. Thank you.”

No, it wasn’t just that he wasn’t fazed—his expression was so composed, so relaxed, that it almost felt arrogant. Like if people weren’t saying those things to him, that would be the real problem.
Joo Taehyun glanced down at his own tailcoat.
It was a custom-made piece his parents had carefully selected for him.

Despite their busy schedules, they had visited the tailor shop themselves just to choose the fabric. The coat went through dozens of fittings. Even when it was almost done, they had it remade several times because they thought it could still be better.
His brothers, who brought him to the music hall today, held his hand the whole time. Like they were tending a baby who’d cry unless you fed him snacks nonstop, they kept offering him treats. They introduced him to people, explained his awkwardness for him, and even asked others to look after his future on his behalf. Even when they briefly stepped away for important duties, they worried whether he could manage on his own. They gently told him not to pay attention to what others said.
But that kind of heavy expectation and solemn advice—like the ones Joo Gukwon and Joo Sangwoo had given to Seo Baekhan—Joo Taehyun had never once received something like that.

“We’ll get going first. Let’s meet again, Baekhan.”
“Take care of yourself while studying!”
“Okay. See you next time.”

Bowing politely to his brothers, Seo Baekhan then waved at Joo Taehyun and mouthed something.
Unfortunately, Joo Taehyun had °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° never carried on a conversation like that—mouthing words from a distance—so he couldn’t figure out what Baekhan had said.
Bye?

It didn’t seem like that.
See you again?
Didn’t look like that long of a sentence either…

While he stood there lost in thought, unsure, his older brothers came up and grabbed both his hands. And since Seo Baekhan turned away slowly enough not to appear rude, Joo Taehyun completely missed the chance to say goodbye.
“Wow, our baby’s hands are freezing.”
“They’re not… it’s hot today…”

“Exactly. That’s the problem—your hands are cold even when it’s this warm. And you’re sweating too.”
When he finally looked back, Seo Baekhan was already mingling with other people. So many surrounded him that Joo Taehyun could only make out the top of his head and his brow line. And even that was only possible because Seo Baekhan was so tall.
He should’ve asked for his number.

Even if he was going to the States, they could still message each other.
“…Hey, hyung. You know…”
“Hmm? What is it?”

“…No, never mind.”
“What? Come on.”
“It’s nothing.”

“Ugh, now you’ve got me curious. Just tell me.”
“…Do you know Baekhan-hyung’s number? Could you give it to me?”
“…Hmm? Seo Baekhan? Why?”

“I… want to be friends with him.”
“…Friends? With Baekhan?”
Would it feel like this to shove a balloon inside your chest? So jittery it could pop at any second, it made him want to blurt it all out to someone—anyone.

But the worst part was, even he didn’t fully understand what this feeling was.
Hyung, my chest feels tingly, right around here. But it also feels like something’s poking me—like little needles. And my whole insides feel hot, like I just drank something boiling. It’s uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do. Maybe if I ran really fast, it’d go away?
…But if he said that, his brothers would just laugh and call him cute.

So instead, Joo Taehyun quietly kept his facial muscles in check.
What was it Seo Baekhan said he liked about me again? Trying to remember wasn’t easy. What kind of face did I make back then? What kind of face do I want to have in front of others? He had never really asked himself that before, so Joo Taehyun sank into deep thought.
"Because I don’t like what’s obvious and easy."

At least one thing was certain: Joo Taehyun wanted to be like Seo Baekhan.
He wanted to be someone who shined from within, with convictions just as firm.